Hey just a note before y'alls read this vent!
I wrote it super late Tuesday night but didn't post it until today!! So if anything says "today" or "this afternoon" {too lazy to go and check} just know it's referring to Tuesday the third. That's all.
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I stared up at the ceiling. My eyes were blank, my facial expression was a void of nothing. I looked so distant because I was. Patty and I were having a very involved discussion about some terms she wanted to be sure I followed when I talked to my therapist. I almost didn't even see the ceiling anymore because I was so involved in my conversation.

Movement snapped me from my sort of daze. I looked to the side to see my therapist peering down at me. "You look comfy," she commented, "Come down to my office."

I slowly sat up before standing up. I'd been laying on the floor for an hour so it took me a little bit to reach her office. Once I did I casually brought up Patty in a subtle way, and we talked about her.

I ended up spilling a secret I'd promised to keep with Patty, which really angered her. She started yelling at me and calling me a snitch, saying I was worthless and couldn't even keep a secret. I hid in my coat and shut my eyes tight, but that only made her stronger. Why wouldn't she shut up?

The insults continued. They were all specifically said in ways that would really bother me, because she knows my weaknesses. I put my hands to my face to hide and whimpered, "I'm just a snitch... I can't even keep a secret for a fucking week..."

My therapist disagreed with me, telling me I did the right thing to not keep it a secret because it was unsafe. I didn't really say anything as Patty continued to insult me and yell at me, making me feel awful. In that moment I was so miserable I wanted to die just to make it end...

To try and distract me my therapist made me drink water and refused to let the conversation get quiet for long. But by this time my appointment time had come to a close. She asked if I wanted to go to my last class of the day and I said I wanted to but I wasn't sure if I'd be okay because of Patty, and she agreed.

She made me sit with the school counselor in her office for the rest of the school day, where I built a castle out of chairs and laid on the floor using my bag as a pillow. It was actually a nice distraction that I'm surprised worked. The school counselor was also talking with me about casual stuff for most of the time and it actually made Patty kinda shut up for the hour.

But... Patty's still angry with me because I defied her, and I'm defying her right now. I'll be defying her a third time at the next thing I type.

For every 15 minutes I was in the counseling office she wanted me to cut myself 5 times. I was in the counseling office for 3 hours today. That would've been 60 cuts. I've done 0 of those 60 and she's quite furious with me for it.

So... I guess I better start getting ready for metaphorical and literal headaches due to Patty. It looks like this won't be a very easy path for me anymore.

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Word count: 595