This chapter made me cry, and is depressing. 

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Walking into school the next morning felt different. He wasn’t talking about the pain in his arse, but it was a feeling in his gut, - or maybe the looks on everyone’s face. A sudden feeling of sadness washed over him. It was in the air; everyone was so silent. What was going on?

A woman then approached Niall, and she was crying. Tears were running down her face; her face was blotchy.

“Are you Niall Horan?” She asked, her voice cracking slightly. Niall gave her a nod. “May I talk to you alone for a minute?” He nodded again, and followed the woman. He noticed students giving them, - or the woman, sympathy looks. Students, and even some teachers, were crying and approaching the lady. What was going on? He asked himself again.

They came to a door, and Niall followed her inside. He sat across from her, and just watched her collect herself before speaking. “You may not know me, but you knew my son. It wasn’t in good terms, but that’s why I’m here today. I don’t know if you heard, but my son, Josh, killed himself last night. He had schizophrenia, and it got so bad…” She trailed off.

Niall’s heart had fastened, and he could feel tears spring to his eyes. Sure Josh bullied him, but he had a mental illness. That explains why he did it. He was told to do it.

“I didn’t know he was bullying you, but he wrote you a letter. I wanted to give it to you personally, and I want to say I’m sorry for the actions my son has done to you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him.”

Niall slowly took the note from her out stretched hand, and held it close to his chest. “His showing is Wednesday, I would like if you came.”

Niall could only nod. He was speechless. Sure he only knew Josh on bad terms, but this was someone he had gone to school with for years. Almost all his life. He never knew Josh had a mental illness; He was sure no one knew.

A tear fell from his eye, and he quickly wiped it away. Josh’s mum started sobbing, and Niall quickly stood and sat next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she fell into his embrace. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t need too.

“I forgive him…” Niall mumbled, and held on tighter when the woman began sobbing harder.

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“Dear Niall.

Wow, that sounded lame, didn’t it? I guess it doesn’t really matter how I start this off, because I saved your letter for last. This will be my last letter to anyone. I could say sorry a million times and it would never make up for how I treated you. So I won’t say sorry, I’ll give you an explanation. You have probably wondered why I chose you as my target, when I had no reason. I have schizophrenia, and the voices in my head told me to do it. They had me believe you were out to get me. I thought you were going to hurt me, I seen things that weren’t even there. That day in the park, they told me you had a gun. I attacked you before you could attack me. I seen the gun, but it was only your phone.

I’m the problem child in the family. My older sister was ashamed of me; my family is ashamed of me. I don’t know what pushed me over the edge; the voices or my family hating me. They may not hate me, but I’ve caused them enough stress and worry.

I’m getting off track. Niall, I wish we could have been friends. I wish I didn’t make everyone stay away from you. I did it for my own satisfaction, and I can’t do anything about it. I can say go out and make friends, but you already did that.  Are you and Harry dating? I hope so. You aren’t a faggot, by the way. I’m ashamed for ever calling you that. I messed up, a lot. I hope he treats you good. You deserve some happiness in your life.

I hope you get this letter. I hope I answered every unknown question you had. I’m sorry, Niall. There, I said it. This probably would have been better in person, but I won’t ever see you again.

Goodbye, Niall. Maybe we will see each other in the afterlife.

-         Josh.”

Niall reread the letter, again and again. He hasn’t stopped reading it since he received it. It was only first period, 20 minutes after he received the letter. He was waiting for the principal to come on the speaker, apparently he had a speech. It was still so quiet in the school, and he could almost hear his brain rattling.

“Hello, class. This is Mr. Burns speaking. Many of you have heard the tragic accident involving Josh Peterson. If not, Josh took his life last night.” He went on and explained everything that happened, and why he took his life. Most likely reading off a cue card.

Students around him hugged their friends close, and cried into each others shoulders. He felt arms wrap around his waist, and he leaned into them. It was Harry. He always forgot they had 1st period together.

“Are you okay?” Harry whispered into his ear. Niall simply shrugged, was he okay? His bully had killed himself. Shouldn’t he be happy? No, of course not. Suicide is never a good thing, no matter who it happens too. Harry noticed the letter resting on the table, and silently picked it up.

He squeezed Niall tighter, and laid the note back down on the table. “Everything will be alright.”

--

The last 2 days were the same. Everyone was still grieving over the loss of their dear friend. Niall had been approached by Josh’s friends, Tay, and Jay, and a kid named Franklin. He had dark skin, and was really tall for his age. They had apologized to Niall, and then made a vow to never hurt him, and instead look out for him if he needed them. They said it was what Josh would have wanted.

It was the day of the showing, and most students were going to be there, if not all. Niall was dressed in dark dress pants, and a white button up shirt. He had to leave early to pick his friends up. Niall sighed, and slowly made his way out to his car.

He wasn’t in the mood today, or any days this week. He had never had someone close to him take their own life, and he wasn’t afraid to admit he had fallen in mild depression. But it was normal to be depressed after a death. Everyone in school was depressed; it was natural.

He parked outside Harry’s house, and honked once. It took a minute, but all the boys piled out and into his car. Nobody spoke a word on the way there.

--

Like he suspected, it was packed at the showing. It wasn’t his actual funeral, but almost everyone in town had shown up. He seen his mum who was huddled around probably family. He recognized people from school, and even teachers. There were a lot of people. He got out on shaky legs, and instantly met Harry at his side, who wrapped his arm around him.

“Niall!” He heard his name being called. He looked around, and spotted Josh’s mum heading towards them. “Niall, I’m so glad you came.” She pulled him into a hug, and Niall felt his shoulder getting wet; not that he minded. He hugged her back, and held onto her tightly.

“I wouldn’t have missed it.” He whispered to her. She pulled back, and gave him a small smile. “I’ll see you later, alright?”

Niall nodded, and watched her walk off. “Let’s go find a seat.” Louis suggested. They all nodded, and walked off.

The showing seemed to pass awfully slowly. More tears were shed, and people walked up to give a speech. Josh’s mum was only up there for a minute, before she had to be pulled away because she was crying so hard. Niall didn’t realize how much this would affect the people around him. But it did, and it affected him as well. 

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Was anyone suspecting that? I cried, I won't lie. 

Random question, what do you guys think of long distance relationships? I was talking to my friend about it early, and I'm honestly curious on your thoughts.

I hope you liked this chapter! I've been planning it out, but it didn't go as well as I thought. I have a huge migrane. Sorry. :(

Song on the side is What hurts the most by Rascal Flats. I was listening to it while typing this out.

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