Chapter Fifteen

"You never smile anymore." Benjamin stated as he and Leah sat on the back porch one afternoon. Two weeks it had been since Chase had ridden away. Two weeks since Leah had felt much of anything other than a dull numbness.

"Don't I?" she asked as she sat her sewing in her lap. "I hadn't realized...."

"You really love that man don't you?" Leah stared at Benjamin's soft face with surprise. This was the first time he had mentioned Chase since Chase had left. Leah felt that lump of emotion enter her throat and her eyes instantly went misty as she thought of her Indian.

She quickly looked away from Benjamin and breathed deep to stem off the tears.

"I love you too, Benjamin." she replied. "You must be thirsty, I'll go get you some lemonade." She stood quickly and was startled when he grabbed her arm tightly in his hand to stop her exit from the porch.

"You are not going to walk away from me right now." he stated with more authority in his voice than he had ever used before with her.

"What do you want from, Benjamin? I gave him up didn't I? I learned just last week that I'm not...." her voice broke. "I'm not carrying his child. What more do I need to do for you?"

Benjamin sighed and released his hold on her arm.

"You can get me that lemonade." he replied gently as he laid his arm back over his lap. Leah lifted her skirts and quickly walked over the threshold and into the house.

Benjamin stared off over the hills and plains. What had he done? What he had always loved the most about Leah was that she was the complete opposite of him. He was calm, grounded, unexcitable, and most would say boring. Leah was wild, temperamental, headstrong and fierce. She loved with passion and always had a spark in her eyes and the most beautiful smile in the world.... Or at least that had been Leah. That had been Leah before the accident... Before Chase had left.

Now this new Leah rarely spoke. He had yet to see her smile or to see that spark in her eyes. She didn't argue, she didn't voice her opinions. She simply did whatever was asked of her and kept her eye glued to the floor. She was a shell of the Leah he loved. A ghost of her former self and Benjamin's heart broke every single time he looked at her.

But how could he let her go? How could he tell her to leave him and find that other man? Benjamin loved her so much. She made him feel young and she made him feel alive.....Benjamin shook his head because that wasn't entirely true. At least not anymore. Nowadays he felt like a burden. As if he was simply a responsibility that lay heavy on Leah's delicate shoulders and that was not what he wanted to be.

The only question now was what exactly he was going to do about it.

Benjamin saw Chance walking between the barns and whistled to get the mans attention. He motioned for Chance to come to him and Chance jogged across the yard to the porch steps. He pulled off his hat and swiped his shirt sleeve across his sweat slicked forehead.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about something.. But it's something that your family is not going to be very open about hearing." Benjamin replied as he rubbed his hands across the wooden arm rests of his wheelchair.

"Something tells me this has to do with Leah." Chance replied as he sat down sideways on the steps and laid his hat across his knees.

"Yes it does." Benjamin replied. "I don't know if her staying here was such a good thing."

"So you've noticed it too." Chance stated as he sighed and looked at the barn.

"Yes." Benjamin admitted sadly. "It's as if her light...."

"Has gone out." Chance finished. "I didn't expect her to act this way. I knew she loved him but I thought she'd cry for a while, maybe get mad and throw tantrums with all of us and then slowly start to adjust but it's like she's just turned herself off."

"Exactly. I can't live with myself knowing that I have done that to her. Can you?"

"We did not do it. That Indian is the one who left."

"Can you truly blame him?" Benjamin asked incredulously. "As much as I have been raised to see his kind as savages, he is the only one who was truly thinking of Leah's heart and well being that day. I was thinking of my own wants and desires. You were thinking of what your parents wanted just the same as your parents were. No one stopped to look at what Leah wanted.

"From what little I've gathered Chase is a good man if you ignore the fact that he is an outlaw. He kept Leah safe. He protected her and by his actions that day I know that he truly loved her. He did not fight and protest, instead he left, protecting her from her parents anger and her own inner turmoil."

"He saved my life too." Chance admitted. "And he covered for me. Leah wasn't shot while trying to escape."

"She wasn't?" Benjamin asked with a raised brow. "I sense a story, please tell."

"Apparently a man attempted to rape Leah. Chase got there just in time and killed the man. When I came upon the scene all I saw was a savage holding my bruised and mud covered sister. I pulled my gun of course and demanded he get away from her. And then much to my shock and horror she defended him! She admitted that she was with him because she wanted to be! I saw red and I tried to shoot him, Leah being who Leah is, jumped in front of the bullet."

"You shot Leah?" Benjamin demanded with shock. Chance spit into the dust and lowered his head with shame.

"Yes." Approaching footsteps had them ending their conversation and Leah walked back out onto the porch with a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses.

"You don't have to stop talking on my account." she stated as she sat the glasses on the small table and filled them. She handed one to Benjamin and the other to her brother. "I guess I should have brought three." she added with a sigh as she sat down. When both Benjamin and Chance remained silent she looked at them questioningly.

"What's going on?"

"You aren't happy." Chance stated simply. Leah shifted in the seat and forced a smile to her face.

"Of course I am."

"You never have been a good liar." Chance countered as he took a sip of lemonade.

"I'm happy enough. I made my choices and I won't waste time regretting them and wishing for what could have been."

"You mean what should have been." Benjamin spoke up. "You shouldn't have stayed here. You should have left with the man you truly love."

Leah stared at both of them with complete shock and then suddenly somewhere inside of her she felt a smoking ember suddenly spark back to life. Her temper surged and the fire of it flashed in her green eyes. The first real emotion that either Chance or Benjamin had seen in them in two long weeks.

"Are you kidding me?!" she exclaimed loudly as she stood up and clenched her fists. "Don't go with him, Leah. He's dangerous, Leah. You don't really love him, Leah. You have to stay here, Leah. That's what's right, Leah!!!!! Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't that the general consensus of the men on this porch just two weeks ago?!"

"Yes it was." Chance replied, smiling at the sudden spark of life in his sister.

"And now that Chase is gone and I have no idea how to find him you change your minds?!"

"Yes." Benjamin said. He took Leah's clenched fist between his hands and looked up at her calmly. "I love you and yes back then I didn't think you really loved Chase but I was wrong. The second you stepped back into the house after seeing him off I recognized that the spark of life in you had gone out."

"Spark of life.... Are you a complete idiot?!" Leah demanded yanking her hand away. "You and my family forced me to push the love of my life away, my soul mate, because you think he's no good and I owe you my loyalty because of your condition," Leah nodded toward his wheelchair. "and all you can say is that you noticed my spark for life had gone out??? My heart was ripped out that day! I died inside that day and none of you said a word! You let me go for two weeks and you never said a word!"

"Would it do any good to say we're sorry?" Chance asked and Leah shook her head.

"No." she snapped as she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Find your man." Benjamin replied.

"I'll go with you. Chase would probably come back and kill us all if I didn't and something happened to you."

"But mother already has the wedding all planned. She sent out the invitations the day after Chase left!" Leah reminded them and Benjamin smiled up at her.

"And since when has going against your parents ever bothered you?" Leah felt the first real smile in weeks come to her lips but then she frowned.

"But what about you? I made a promise to you...."

"And I do love you, Leah. I love you enough to see how miserable you are and want you to be happy. I'll be just fine, I promise."

"Thank you, Benjamin." Leah said as a tear escaped her eye. She bent and kissed his cheek and he nodded.

"Just don't' forget about me, okay? Send me a letter now and then to let me know how you are."

"Of course." Leah promised. She looked at Chance.

"I have no idea where he is."

"Shouldn't be too hard to find an Indian with a broken heart. We'll just have to follow the trail of trashed saloons and shot up towns."

"He's not like that." Leah snapped and Chance's smile grew broader.

"It's good to see that you're getting back to being yourself."

"When are we going to leave?"

"I say we go tonight once mama and daddy are in bed." Chance replied with a shrug.

"They'll never forgive you for helping me." she warned her brother and he snorted as he stood up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"I figure it's about time I give 'em something to be mad at me about. I can't let you get all the attention."

***

"Where is my son and daughter?!" Paul bellowed as he stood before Benjamin in the dining room the next morning. As Benjamin had expected Paul had reacted by blowing up with rage as soon as Chance and Leah had not come to breakfast and he had realized they were gone.

"I don't know." Benjamin replied truthfully. "They left in the night according to that note." he added, nodding toward the note that had been crumpled by Paul's angry hands and tossed carelessly into the dusty corner.

"I know what the damn letter said!" Paul exclaimed as he raked his hand roughly through his dark hair. "What I don't know is why they left and where they went!"

"And you think I do?" Benjamin asked calmly.

"Yes I do! You are much too calm and not nearly sad or worried enough that your fiancee has run off a week before your wedding!" Paul bellowed and Sarah sniffed in the corner. Ben shrugged.

"I would think that it should be obvious where she went." he replied. Paul began pacing the kitchen and shoving the chairs as he passed them.

"What are you talking about?!" he snapped.

"The Indian." Sarah whispered.

"That's right." Benjamin stated with a grin as he relaxed back against his chair.

"Why in the world would she run off to be with that man when she's supposed to marry you in a week and why the hell are you so damn okay with it?" Paul practically snarled as he slammed his fist on the counter.

"Because she's in love with Chase and Benjamin is in love with her." Sarah spoke up with the tiniest hint of a smile playing across her lips.

"Don't tell me you are okay with this?!" Paul demanded of his wife and she shrugged one dainty shoulder.

"It's Leah's life. Do I think that being with Chase will cause her pain? Yes I do. But I also think that it's her choice to make, darling. I've seen how numb she's acted since coming back to us and I hate it."

"Come on now, Sarah! She was just throwing a temper tantrum like she always does when she doesn't get her way." Paul replied with a scoff.

"No she wasn't. That was the problem. If she had been kicking and screaming I wouldn't have worried about her but she was just so... Resigned." Sarah said with a sad shrug. "I hated seeing my spirited baby girl like that and know that we did it to her! Could you live with yourself forever knowing you did that to her? Knowing that you caused that change?"

Paul paused for a moment as her question sunk in and then he shook his head roughly and headed for the door. He slammed his hat onto his head and looked back at Benjamin and Sarah.

"I have animals to feed." he grumbled. "But mark my words, that Indian coming into our daughters life is going to cause nothing but pain for this family."

***

"So where exactly do you think we should head to, little sister?" Chance asked Leah around noon as the sun beat down on them. Leah tied her bonnet tighter, thankful for the ruffles that helped provide her face with shade.

"I don't know." she replied as she bit her lip. "I'm trying to think like him but that's something that's very hard to do."

"I know if I was heart broke I'd head for the nearest town, saloon and brothel." Chance replied as he pulled his canteen from his saddlebags. He took a drink and nearly spit it back out as he fought back laughter at the look of horror on Leah's face.

"Not Chase." she replied, shaking her head passionately. "He wouldn't have done something like that."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Chance warned. He didn't want his sister to be entirely heartbroken if they found Chase in the arms of the nearest warm woman. It was only a natural reaction for a man when his heart had been stomped on.

"Chase wouldn't do that." Leah repeated and she hoped she was right. While she knew she couldn't be angry with him if he had sought comfort in another woman's arms, she just couldn't see Chase doing that. They had had many talks about his beliefs in life mates and the commitment that was made to one.

Chase's father had found his life mate in Chase's mother and even after her death he had not ever allowed another woman into his heart or his bed.

"Okay then, if we're not looking at brothels then what about saloons?"

"Chase doesn't drink." Leah replied. "He says his body doesn't take alcohol well. It turns him violent."

"A heart broke man might want to get a little violent."

"No, not Chase."

"You seem to have a lot of faith in him. You put him on a pedestal, Leah, and he's bound to let you down eventually." Chance warned and Leah just smiled.

"Not Chase." she replied with such certainty that Chance found himself believing her. He sighed and looked over the horizon.

"Okay then. No brothels and no saloons. What town should we head to?" he asked. Leah thought for a moment and then just shook her head again.

"No towns either. Chase isn't the town type." she replied. Chance grumbled and stopped his horse.

"Then where in the hell are we going?" he demanded and Leah sighed.

"I don't know." she replied, feeling more than a little hopeless. How did one go about finding a rootless Indian outlaw when one had no idea where said Indian would go? Then suddenly memories of the time she and Chase has spent together at camp came rushing back to her. She thought of their little valley with the sparkling pool of water and the tree.

"If you get me to where the camp used to be then I can get us to where I'm thinking he might be at." she said matter of factly and Chance nodded.

"Alrighty. Here's hoping you're right."

Leah followed behind her brother and prayed that she was right. She could be wrong. There was no guarantee that he'd go to 'their' place. But if he wasn't there then Leah would be completely hopeless and have no idea where to find him. She crossed her fingers and felt a thrill of nervous excitement and anticipation in her stomach at the thought of seeing her soul mate again.