"Shh, no Lloyd, please don't say that, you- you can't think like that-" Cole felt a tear of his own creep down his cheek as his heart shattered 

"B-But it's all true! It's all of my fault, because of me, how many more Harumi's are out there?" Lloyd choked out between sobs, head buried into Cole's shoulder, green energy still spiraling around them.

Kai was still frozen, unsure of what to do, he felt an immense wave of guilt and sorrow wash over him. How had no one seen this coming? How have we let him down so badly? Why didn't he tell us? He's our little brother, and he thinks we- that we- that we don't even care about him! 

How could he hate himself that much?

In some distant corner of his mind he felt himself turn around and walk out of the room, in search for the others, who were most likely in the living cabin of the airship eating dinner, he hadn't noticed the light being swallowed outside as the sun sank below the clouds. 

On automatic he made it to the room and opened the door. The other ninja looked up, about to make some kind of snarky comment of some sorts until they saw his expression, one of pain and self-loathing.

"Kai, you good? You're looking a little-" 

"How did none of us notice how badly Lloyd has been doing?" Kai cut across Jay, his hand rubbing at his eyes. 

"Is this about Harumi? We thought it would be best if we just gave him space, y'know, to process everything," Nya respond, lowering her chopsticks, concern etched across her face. "Kai? What's happened? You're kinda scaring me-"

"He's- he thinks we are 'putting up with him' because he's the Green Ninja and that- he things so low of himself, he thinks everything his fault, he hates himself, where did we- where did I go wrong?"

Nya had stood up and gave her brother a big hug, trying to calm him down from his hysterics.

"Kai, where is Lloyd now?" Zane asked, rising from his seat, followed by Jay."

"He's with Cole, he's- it's really bad. I've let him down so badly, I-" Kai collapsed onto his sister's shoulder, tears squeezing through his shut eyes, breaths rattling though his lungs.

"No, this is all of our faults, we need to go see him," Jay marched over to the door, only for it to open in front of him, Cole stepping though, looking tired and upset."

"How-how is-" 

"He's cried himself to sleep, I carried him back to his room. " Cole sat down, his elbows on his knees, face in his hands.

"We've let him down so badly, we knew he wasn't doing well, we all knew how much he cared for Harumi and yet no one did anything. Why didn't we do anything?"

-----------------------------------------

A couple of days had passed and Lloyd seemed quite content to pretend that nothing had happened, as though his outburst never occurred and that he was fine. Of course the other ninja strongly disagreed with this yet what could they do about it if Lloyd refused to acknowledge what had happened?

They had taken to making sure he was never alone, and that someone was always keeping an eye at him. They each kept pushing the point however, telling him that 'they were there for him' or 'you can tell us anything'. He had heard it all before, and he wasn't going to start believing it now.  Besides, he was fine. He could keep going how he had all of these years, suffering in silence. It was no big deal. Except it was a big deal, a huge deal. His guilt and anxiety had begun to affect his appearance as well as his performance. He could no longer go to sleep without having nightmares from his father throwing him through all of those walls in Kryptarium, or the bounty smashing into tiny fragments all over the city, however in his dreams he had found the ninja in the wreckage, only... No, keep it hidden, this is not the time to be thinking about such things, Lloyd said to himself as he felt himself begin to spiral as he sat in silence in the company of Nya who was working on some controls down in the depths of the bounty.

He pretended not to notice how his reflection showed someone unfamiliar to him, someone who's eyes were missing their green glow and face missing all signs of life and excitement, as there once was, in the past, Before... Stop it. 

He also pretended not to notice the looks of pity that Nya frequently threw in his direction when she thought he wasn't aware. He was. Deep down, he also resented himself for wanting the pity, for wanting the attention and love of the ninja that he didn't think he deserved. He couldn't be think that way, for he is no longer the child he once was, thanks to the Tomorrow's Tea. His childhood was gone. Gone where the days where he had an inkling of hope that the Ninja's still liked him, where he always had their attention, whether it was being entertained by Jay through their collection of Starfarer comics. or whether it was beating Cole at video game high scores, not that that was difficult. Gone where the days where Zane sat him down in front of the kitchen sink, cleaning his scraped knee and gone where the days where Kai and himself used to prank the others all the time, resulting in Nya pranking them back. Now he was considered an adult, he was supposed to instantly grow up, leave all of those things behind and start acting one. It's like they had forgotten he still practically had the mind of a thirteen year old despite having the body of someone in their late teen years.