Author: evo_eevee

Genre: Fantasy, action-adventure

Review based on the first eight chapters. We were asked to focus on the plot, the scenes, passion and emotions.

Review might contain spoilers (Sorry!)

From the first paragraph writer establishes trust that she knows her characters well, whether she is writing Macey's or Connor's point of view or introducing minor characters.

The most impressive thing is how vividly she delivers minor characters, from their physical appearance to the way they talk. Despite the incredible imagery of the new world we, as readers, enter, I think that characters are those that truly bring the world to life.

However, there are some problematic details, but they truly are details.
Connor has a quite straightforward characterization. He is a son of the well-known family who grew up in the shadow of his brother's success. He has to live up to impossibly high standards but still break away from them and find his own place.

Macey, on the other hand, gets little general description. As with plot (that will be further explained in the review), most we get about Macey's life comes from the summary. In the story she presents two opposing personalities, one that's timid, respectful, not completely confident in her magic, and the other that is rude, reckless and even aggressive.

She gets more relatable as the chapters progress and we get to sense her behind her behavior, but in the beginning chapters she feels inconsistent. I came to the conclusion, which can be wrong, that that's due to the fact that Macey is most human-like character, built on contradictions and that her true personality lies somewhere in between two extremes she presents.

To be honest, I was taken aback by her hatred for Connor that resulted in her attack on him, based solely on his last name. Sure, he is arrogant and provokes her at every turn, but attack seemed as going too far for someone who was living her dream by attending Grendilton.

Macey did warm my heart by the end of chapter eight, but it was much harder than maybe writer
intended.

Summary presents two plot lines: Macey's and Connor's conflict and uncovering of great secrets at the Grendilton Institute. However, plot seems slightly unfocused in the story.

First two chapters are dedicated to Macey's and Connor's perspectives and building their status quo before we get to the point of their meeting. It was done wonderfully and as the story progresses primary focus is put on their relationship and conflict that arises from it.

Then, Chapter 7 happens. Library scene is nice and finally Connor and Macey are put in the confined space forced to spend time together.

Because of the meticulous build up of their animosity towards each other and heavy accent on their opposing personalities, their conversation comes almost out of nowhere, undermining everything that was done to that point in the story.

They resolve the main thing that was presented as a plot: they don't understand each other.

It comes to the brink of breaking their characters, especially taking into account that everything is still happening within the same day at school. And this is not about the talk they had but the position of the talk within the story.

It feels like a rushed scene which serves only the purpose of closing the conflict from previous chapters and clearing the path for the other plotline. That's what shakes the focus of the story.

Having at least two parallel main plotlines is almost a requirement for novels - one is personal and one is general. They heavily depend on each other. Uncovering the secrets of Grendilton could still be considered overarching plotline as the success of its resolution depends on personal one - Connor's and Macey's ability to work together.

Personally, I miss clues and feeling of anticipation of the overarching plotline. As much as I absolutely enjoyed the exploring Grendilton with characters and sitting in the classes with them, there is not much that points to the fact that there will be some great adventure behind it. I
wouldn't expect it if I didn't read it in the summary.

Side note: We, as readers, get a bit lost in the description of the Grendilton that we forget how important Grendilton really is, for the main characters and their futures.
I know that the writer knows her plot, but I would just wish for her to intertwine them more.

Currently (again, I read just eight chapters) they feel seperated. I love that there is a strong focus on characters' relationships with each other rather than one main character's adventure.

Overall, dialogue is actually amazing. Bringing different accents and languages seems like an easy way to create unique speech characterization but translating those Delivering information through dialogue is a risky thing to do especially when the main character(s) are part of the new world as all the information foreign to readers is common to them. Writer needs to be very precise when dosing information given through dialogue. If too much information is given than it becomes "info-dumping" and essentially, creates unnatural pauses.

In Chapter 2, Connor explaining the difference between Adornments and Advanced Guards classes is done masterfully. Dialogue (more of a monologue) is used perfectly to explain world-building information and deepen his characterization.

Readers get to understand a bit about the school but also see Connor as someone who not only has a deeper understanding of Grendilton-related things but likes to show-off his "superiority".

On the other hand, professors (by the end of chapter 8) mostly serve as pawns for world-building. Although they are very well described and brought to life vividly through their
other interactions, they tend to explain magic system that should be known to the characters attending such a prestigious institution. There is nothing exceptionally wrong with that, but it confuses as to what level of magic are they on.

Grendilton is a magical version of college and they are taught the basics like they are still "newbies" to the magic. (I know there is a reasoning behind it like "introductory" classes, but if magic is something they are born with and went their whole life to schools to prepare them for institutions like Grendilton, then magic is like native language to them. They are expected to know all the basics.)

Scenes are chronological and mostly are used to deliver greater understanding of characters and the world they inhabit. While they are interesting on their own, they struggle to create a feeling of plot moving forward.

Vivid imagery creates wonderful atmosphere and it's a joy to walk through Grendilton, whether from Macey's or Connor's point of view. Minor characters, as mentioned before, feel fleshed out and create well anchored world.

Stakes are introduced early on in the first and second chapter. Grendilton is Macey's dream since she was seven and it is Connor's legacy. They both need to succeed.

However, importance is lost at times as it becomes a story about their animosity/rivalry (depending on point of view). They seem ready to sacrifice a lot of hard work because of the person they don't know. Strength of their conflict doesn't match level of importance Grendilton has for them.

Either Grendilton has to be less important or their conflict has to be built over a longer period of
in-story time.

Descriptions and dialogue create palpable atmosphere completely immersing readers into the story setting.

With every description of Grendilton, there is a heavy feeling of grandeur and historicity. Even without picturing the sights, choice of words and phrases deliver such perception.

It is obvious that the writer spent a lot of time creating the world. It often engages more senses than just sight, delivering a feeling of a real, well-rounded place.

There is very little to tell about mechanics that wasn't pointed out by commentators.

In short, there are missing commas ("...my brother Michael..."), missing apostrophes to mark possession (Maceys) and tendency to overuse begin/began/was beginning to.

Having two alternating points of view, brings good dynamic to the story and despite describing the same day at school, they don't fall into the trap of repetition.
Writer did a very good job creating two different voices, not limited to their way of thinking but also experiencing the new setting around them.

However, every now and then, there are breaks in PoV and it goes from third person limited to the third person omniscient. While having examples like "...her eyes feeling like they sunk into the back of the skull.." where writer delivers the third limited well, there are few instances like "The man laughed, scratching his belly due to the itchy material of his sweater." where the narrator (in this particular case, Connor) can't know such detail.

Overall, despite inconsistencies points of view are very well delivered and contribute seamlessly to character development. In the first eight chapters they are fully justified.

Writing style borders on purple prose but never crosses the line.

Descriptions are sometimes delivered through convoluted sentences and take careful reading to fully understand them, but the strong imagery they evoke, compensates that "flaw".

As mentioned earlier, style slightly changes from one PoV to another. Enough to create two distinctive voices but not enough to break the stylistic coherency of the overall story.

As the first eight chapters are character driven, writer succeeds in creating relatable characters and, by extension, makes readers care for them even if they don't understand them (explained in 'characterization' part of the review).

There are some issues with pacing of paragraphs, more precisely, action feels diluted with descriptions.

It happens right from the first paragraph where Macey is late for her test. It is supposed to be fast-paced with sense of urgency, but with trying to cram as much of the description of Macey as possible, it is caught between what reader can feel and what readers know. They know it's urgent but long sentences make it feel much slower. Same is with the test itself. In those instances, writer needs to shorten the sentences and use it to create a faster rhythm that matches the scene.

There is not much to say about this part as it is a novel with, at the moment, almost thirty chapters.

In the first eight chapters most dominant theme is about prejudice, either Macey's towards Connor or vice versa. It's an interesting theme that could've been explored further.

By the end of chapter eight, their perceptions of each other shifts towards understanding and new theme is starting to be introduced.

Fantasy is most-notably about creating and delivering magical worlds.
When it comes to world-building, Grendilton is meticulously crafted. There is a complex magic system and sneak peeks into elaborate lore.

By the end of chapter eight, readers are just getting introduced to the main plotline whose resolve depends on magic they got to know previous chapters.

Grendilton is a fun read, despite some flaws. It plays a bit on my Harry Potter nostalgia, spiced with urban YA tropes.

MoranaGlinka