Author: bloodbrothers1864

Genre: Fanfiction

Review based on part of the story. We were asked to focus on characterization, dialogue, passion and emotions.

Review might contain spoilers (Sorry!)

The author had done such an amazing job on the characters. I especially liked the main character Caroline. She and her friends made me laugh out loud at some points. I also liked that she enjoyed looking good—it may seem small, but I have read many stories were the main character simply refuses to, for example, wear make up (but still look good?) and dress down. I felt like it was a breath of fresh air to see a character who actually cared. Just because it’s so rare.

Caroline also felt human to me (pun intended) because she was real and 3D. I felt the way she coped with her new, vampire lifestyle was done well. I could feel her fear, her anger, her frustration (and her liking for Stefan). Her character was done very well!

What I liked most about Stefan was that he wasn’t some “bad boy” character—he genuinely cared about Caroline and wanted to help her. I found that really nice and something someone would actually do.

Damon, as well, was another lovely character. At first, when I heard of what he did to Caroline, I hated his guts. But I liked that he wasn’t 100% horrible and actually had quite a few redeeming qualities—and Stefan and his relationship was hilariously real and sweet.

Overall, the author has done a wonderful job with characterisation. It felt real and I enjoyed reading about them immensely—even if I have never watched the series (Vampire Diaries, I believe?) it is based on. Well done!

From the chapters I read, the story seemed to just take off, so I cannot judge the plot on a whole. However, the author did a fantastic job developing the life of a vampire—and the I adored the lore. There isn’t much to say here, because I feel the author did a wonderful job with the plot that will leave readers excited for more!

Dialogue is so important! It drives the story onwards, and gives us so much development of our characters. If you have lacking dialogue, you don’t show us our characters—but I think the author did this beautifully.

Dialogue was always on point, and while the tone was quite serious, there were small bits of humour that could keep the reader laughing. I thoroughly enjoyed read the book due to the hilarious wisecracks and quips. (The character “Bonnie” was one of my favourites because of it.) This really moves the story onwards.

There is not much I can say in terms of improvement—in fact, I enjoyed your dialogue quite a lot! Definitely one of the author’s many strong points.

There isn’t much to say here either, except the fact that scenes were cohesive and immersive, and even without prior knowledge of the series this Fanfiction based on, one could easily get into the book.

My only problem would have been that the car accident that killed Caroline was still a bit of a mystery. I would have loved to know a bit more about Katherine’s motives and why she killed Caroline—however, this is just me being nit-picky. The author did a wonderful job introducing the story, and I know from experience that is a very hard thing to do.

Setting and atmosphere

I adore the dark and vampire-esque feel of this entire story. When I think of vampires, I think of ancient houses and blood—quite a bit of blood. I feel like the entire story gives off very dark vibes that had me extremely intrigued and ready to find out more! The vampire facts—that were very cleverly weaved in—were really interesting to read and just added to the amazing worldbuilding.

There is no specific message or moral to this story as such, but vampires are definitely a strong theme. I love how the world integrated with real life and that vampires have lots of enemies and people involved with them. This just makes the story feel more real and immersive.

Grammar was done beautifully. The author knew what they were doing when it came to grammar—and, for the most part, it was very clean and well done!

There were two very small “errors” I noticed.

Here is the sentence:

“She’s not ‘my girl.’”...

The problem in this sentence is that the full stop should actually be outside the apostrophe (or speech mark as it’s used in this case) like so:

“She’s not ‘my girl’.”...

This is because the speaker is only quoting “my girl” and not the full stop (period).

For the most part, you did not have spaces between words and em dashes—like so, which is absolutely fine and grammatically correct. However, there were times when there was a space (only between one word, though). The story might need a bit of a careful reread to spot them.

Overall, wonderful grammar! Well done!

I thoroughly enjoyed the author’s writing style. It had just enough action and description and created a wonderful balance. Information was given the the readers in a subtle but smart manner, so as not to be an info-dump. There is bit much to say here as the author has wonderful talent!

However, the author should try to make sure that they have less “he did that” “he did this” sentences in a row as they sound quite repetitive (unless meant to be like that, of course). This is just me digging deep, however.

I believe the author did a wonderful job in describing the fear that Caroline felt when she turned into a vampire. I could feel the world change through her eyes, and Stefan was an amazing guide and helped her. This was one of the author’s strongest points as well as emotions were very well described. I cared for the characters and wanted them to be happy.

The story was written in third person—something that has become quite rare on Wattpad. It was refreshing to see a new type of point of view! The point of view did, sort of, shift between characters.—however, it was very well done and easy to understand!

What I liked about this story was that it was an open Fanfiction—anyone could dive in and enjoy! The author has made sure to make it simple for people to understand the story and its background. The author has done it well as it was easy for me to understand what was happening throughout the story—even when I have not watch (or read) the series it is based on.

In conclusion, this is a wonderful Fanfiction that anyone can read an enjoy. The author has put an immense amount of work into it, and it’s clear. I enjoyed reading the story, and I hope this review helps. The author has a lot of talent!

GnomeMercy