It was around 1 PM now. The two skeleton brothers had been taking care of chores and such since they got home from Napstablook's birthday party, and now Sans was out at Grillby's diner for lunch, leaving Papyrus by himself. Knowing him, he was definitely bringing back something for his brother, since his wavering appetite concerned him more than anything, to the point where he had made a phone call to Alphys about it when he thought his little brother wasn't listening. Word for word, the conversation played back in the young skeleton's head.

~

"hey, al? i need to talk about somethin'."

"O-oh, Sans! G-go ahead! I'm all ears."

"w-well, paps hasn't been eating much lately. almost like chara, y'know? how they barely eat? yeah, it's like that, but worse. he goes days without eating a bite. sometimes he tries to eat in front of me so i won't worry, but he just ends up picking at his food. then, after almost a week without eating, he gets so hungry he bankrupts himself on groceries because he doesn't want me to pay for anything. he's really scaring me!"

"O-oh... w-well, this probably won't help, b-but he may be developing an e-eating disorder. H-Have you seen him throwing up?"

"no, thank god."

"O-okay... just t-try to get him to eat. Oh god, I'm scared now too... t-tell him I said hi, heh! B-But don't force him to eat. A-As long as he i-isn't s-starving, h-he'll be alright."

"okay. thanks, al. 'night."

"Goodnight, Sans."

~

"Eating disorder. Hah. I wish it was that simple..." Papyrus muttered to himself. "At least I wouldn't be... this." Sans hadn't been lying. His brother often went days, one time even up to two weeks, without eating a thing, then ate everything in the house, then insisting that he buy the groceries instead of Sans to make up for his ravenous appetite.

"paps, for the love of god, how many times do i have to say that a having weird eating pattern isn't your fault," Sans would say every time Papyrus tried to apologize for clearing them out of food. Even after Sans told him that again and again, Papyrus still insisted to buy the groceries with his own money, eventually making his older brother give in. He always felt guilty for the habit, even though he knew he couldn't help it.

Papyrus knew what was wrong with him, but not how to describe it. It was like he had a battery life, and he could go a little while without needing to recharge, but as the battery drained lower and lower, he needed to refuel and get back up to full power. Except instead of power, the battery was charged with life essence. For ages now, he had been faking his usual upbeat mood, using energy drinks and coffee hypes to make it look like nothing was wrong with him. Without the kick of the drinks, he was almost like his brother. Slow-moving, even lazy, favouring sitting back and taking a nap than doing his job. He had been sleeping at his sentry post lately, and Sans had caught him only once, proceeding to mock his brother's usual scolding tone whenever he caught him sleeping on the job.

The colour was what worried the skeleton, though. His vision was becoming paler, the colours fading and heat draining away into subzero chill. Even around Grillby and Fuku, two family friends of theirs and the former being Sans' current love interest, he still felt cold as ice. But when around boss monsters such as Toriel, or really any monsters that gave off a light, natural heat, he felt a familiar longing that he didn't often experience.

Hunger.

He wasn't sure why it was them in particular. It was mostly Asriel, fourteen-year-old son of Toriel and Asgore, that gave Papyrus the strongest craving spark. The magic pulse that naturally radiated from the prince's body felt heavenly to be around — it had such a wonderful scent, taste, feeling. Imagine being in a bakery, surrounded on all sides by fresh, sweet pastries of all kinds. The godly sweet smell of melted chocolate, sugary tang of ripe, freshly picked strawberries, and the satisfying burn of mint constantly lingering in the air. That was how it felt. It was addictive, like a drug, but it felt healthy instead of damaging.

Whenever he hung around with Asriel, which was a lot lately, the colour of the world seemed to be more vibrant, and warmth was more... tender. He could feel the loving embrace of heat and the heavenly magical rays from the young boss monster encapsulating him, warming him, protecting him, and making him feel more complete, more happy, more normal. Like how he used to feel.

But God help him if that feeling was ever to go away. That feeling of warmth and pleasant, godly aura was what kept him hoping he could cure himself. Cure himself of the unnatural, almost disturbing longing for the feeling Asriel's magic glow made him feel. He wanted, almost needed that magic, that feeling of warmth and vision of colour. Nothing would get in the way of it. Any time the prince wasn't around, Papyrus wished with all his power that he was, just so he could have a friend around and have that warm, safe, whole feeling wash over him again.

Asriel and his magic was a big part of what kept Papyrus stable. He just didn't know it. Even being near him gave the skeleton positive feelings. The aura gave him warmth and hope to fix himself, while Asriel's cheer and kindness made him feel happy and safe. But he had a stronger desire for that magic, not just that feeling it gave, than he knew.

He literally needed that magic to survive, and in order to stay healthy. To keep seeing colour. To stay passive.

Papyrus walked silently upstairs to his room, took an empty journal from his closet, along with a mechanical pencil, and began to write an entry, jotting down everything on his mind.

"—Entry 1—
I keep thinking about it. "It" being the magic. The aura. I feel it everywhere, near everyone I know. But my friend and the prince, Asriel Dreemurr, has the strongest glow, probably due to his selflessness and kind soul. His magic is pure, warm to the touch but cool to the senses. A perfect blend of the two kinds. I wish I could describe it, the feeling of the magic, how much I need it, but it's hard to put into words without sounding a little... odd, if you catch my drift.

I don't know exactly what's wrong with me. I'll make an appointment with Alphys. She thinks I have an eating disorder. She's not shooting high enough. It's worse. Everything reminds me of that aura. That feeling. Food, my friends, literally everything I see, it reminds me how obsessed I am with it! It drives me insane that I need it to be healthy! Every day I become more dependant on it, the longing for it grows stronger. Every single day, I desire it more. Like a drug.

Why, why couldn't I be born normally, like my brother? Why did Dad have to pass it down to me? And why can't I push away the fact that I need that magic for sustenance?

There's no point in denying it anymore. Starvation is creeping up on me, and normal food won't slow it down. I need that energy now.

To the monster I am forced to choose, I am so, so sorry in advance...

...forgive me, Asriel."