Dear diary,

Being a professional gamer, or trying to be one is not easy.

Especially, if you live in an area with a broken wifi router and a big family.

Today I had a very important match with Rowdy and his squad in-game, We were planning to do a rush on another team and we almost had 3 of their players dead, when I was interrupted.

Today's match was conducted on the erangel map, our squad chose the regular drop location Pochinki. There were 2 squads. One squad dropped down to the Bronx area, while the second squad dropped to the 6 houses area. We chose to go to the middle house and took ownership of the main area. Rowdy was with me. He is the IGL. He wanted me with him so that he could take notes on my rushing and assaulting skills. It was my idea to split our squad into two. He was happy with my quick decisions.

After doing the basic loot, we decided to engage with the squad from the Bronx first, I came across an M24, since Rowdy is the main sniper of the squad I gave it to him. He exchanged the M25 with his Uzi. Uzi is the favorite gun for assaulters during close-range combat.

 I saw one member of the Bronx squad looting through a window, I gave the calls on time and Rowdy was able to knock him down.

I and Rowdy rushed right then through the 4 smoke walls, we had created beforehand. One by one we were able to take the entire squad down, without any casualties. Rowdy was impressed with me.

However, during this rush, the six-house squad had surrounded our teammates, Ashley and Enigma.

Ashley was already dead, so we ran as fast as the system allowed to help Enigma. I knocked one enemy down through my Scar-L, but the enemy in turn knocked down Rowdy. Soon Eureka was knocked down as well after knocking on one of the enemies. We were down to 1 V 2 if I couldn't revive my teammates in time. One of the enemy teams rushed at me, and I took him down through a crouch and fire shot.

Eureka applauded at my quick reflexes. But just then my ping started fluctuating, and after that, it was all a mess.

My brother called me, and I had to exit the game because in real life family comes before the squad.

In-game, the squad comes before friends.

Today after I apologized to Rowdy, 

He asked me a simple question,

"how do you choose what's more important?"

It is difficult to choose which matters more, especially when overweighs the other and your heart wishes to join the weak side.

And I don't know the answer to this question.

Hellavator asked me the same thing once. 

My inability to choose is what has made us distant now.

Although it is only because of him, that I have been able to play so well.

Had we not met, there wouldn't have been a thing called in-game and off-game for me.

He was my escape.

But escape from what exactly?

P.S.I am pretty sure I failed my trials because in no way any squad will allow a player to play in their team if they can't be dedicated to the game.