Desi

We all sat silent staring at each other, Ryder frozen with shock while Cody and I were frozen with embarrassment. I felt Cody's arms wrap tighter around me, protectively, but I tried to slide away, my feet touching the floor.

“No,” Ryder said, stepping back towards the door. “Stay there. You looked pretty comfortable.” Glancing away from me, he walked out the room his head hanging down towards the floor.

Abruptly, I stood up off of Cody's lap and went towards the door, when Cody reached out, wrapping his fingers around my wrist. I spun around to face him, his face full of worry.

“The last time you went after him you didn't want to come back to me,” Cody whispered. “Please don't go.”

I walked towards him, my hand reaching out to his head, his hair falling between my fingers. “I'll come back Cody. I just need to make sure he's okay. He would do the same for me.”

Cody reached up, grabbing my hand, bringing it down to his lips, kissing my fingers lightly. “I understand,” he said before dropping my hand.

I walked backwards, keeping my eyes on Cody, memorizing his face into my mind so that no matter what Ryder says to me, I'll be keeping Cody in my thoughts and I will come back to him this time.

When I got to the hallway, I turned and walked into the living room seeing Durbin and Doc conversing in the kitchen. They both looked towards me when I entered the room.

“Where did he go?” I asked, noticing that Ryder wasn't here with them.

“He's out on the balcony,” Durbin said, pointing towards the open glass door. “I wouldn't go out there if I were you though. He looked pretty upset.”

“Durbin, I'm pretty sure I can handle it,” I told him, but could I? What if Ryder told me he loved me again, or kissed me? Would I be able to keep Cody in my mind or would my love for Ryder overpower Cody's? I remembered Cody's hands on my body as we kissed, the electricity running through my veins. Yes, I can handle it, I told myself.

“It's your funeral,” Durbin said as I walked towards the balcony.

I hesitated when I was at the door, preparing myself for how angry he might be. I clenched my fists and tried to calm the butterflies fluttering chaotically in my stomach and stepped through the open glass door, closing it behind me.

When the door clicked shut, Ryder popped his head up away from his hands, his elbows on his knees as he sat in a chair. His cheeks were glistening in the moonlight, his fingers quickly lifting to wipe under his eyes.

“Are you crying?” I asked, shocked, guilt flooding through me.

“No,” Ryder answered quickly; too quickly. He wouldn't look in my direction, his eyes gazing out over the railing into the sea of lights on the street.

Silence commenced between us, me looking at him, him trying to avoid looking at me. I wanted to reach out and touch his arm to tell him how sorry I am, but I choked seeing him upset like this. Nothing I could say would take away this pain from him.

“I thought you said you didn't choose him,” Ryder said suddenly, making me jump, nerves building up inside of me even more.

“I-I didn't at the time,” I stumbled over my words, hating this confrontation we were having right now.

“But yet there you were,” he said, his jaw throbbing. “You could have told me, you know. It would have been a lot easier than walking in on you two.”

“I didn't plan for this to happen, Ryder.” My body shivered like I was cold, but I wasn't. My nerves were overcoming me. “It just did. I know this is hard for you, but please just try to understand.”

“Understand what? That you chose him over me?” His voice rose; he was angry now. “Because I get that loud and clear. What I don't understand is why I wasn't enough for you.”

“Ryder you were, you are, but so is Cody. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me, and I can't tell you how sorry I am, I just--”

“You just want to be with him.” Ryder still wouldn't look at me. “I know.”

“Is this how it's gonna be then?” I asked, my voice shaking now. “I don't want it to be like this. I can't let it be like this.” My eyes began to water, my chin trembling as tears overflowed onto my cheeks.

Ryder knew instantly I was crying, his eyes locking onto mine, his face relaxing from its hard glare. “Please, don't cry,” he said quietly.

I tried to control myself, taking deep breaths, but tear after tear began to fall down my face. “I'm sorry,” I managed to say. “I'm so sorry, Ryder. I wish it could be different. I wish I could love you and only you, but I can't. Cody risked his life to come here, for me, and I can't turn my back on him.”

Ryder stood from his chair, closing the distance between us as he walked. “I understand. You've told me how much he meant to you when you thought he was dead, and you told me everything he's done for you. He sounds like a kick-ass guy. But does he know what we've been through together?”

I was thrown off by the question. “N-no.”

“Why don't you tell him?” he asked, resting his hand on the balcony railing.

“I'm scared,” I replied.

“Why would you be scared?” He truly didn't know what my reasoning was.

“I don't know what he will think of me.” I dropped my head towards the floor. “I've changed a lot. I've become this ruthless, bloodthirsty human being that likes to kill and wants to kill more, especially that demonic redhead. I don't know if he will accept all of that.”

“Isn't that what love is all about? Loving someone, no matter what?” I slowly lifted my head looking into his ocean colored eyes. Ryder's question was more of an answer, insinuating that he still loved me, no matter what.

“Yes,” I agreed, finally catching my breath, my tears ceasing to fall. “You're right.” His gaze was too powerful, and I felt my body leaning closer to him. “I'm, um, gonna go talk to Cody. Tell him everything.”

“I'll see you around,” Ryder waved me off, turning back to his chair, kicking his feet over the balcony as he sat down.

“See you,” I whispered, knowing he wouldn't hear me.

I hated walking away from him, but I knew I was going the right way as I walked back towards Cody's living room. As I entered the hallway, trying to ignore Durbin and Doc's stares, we all heard a knock on the door.

Doc whispered to Durbin, telling him to quickly get to the back rooms. Whoever it was at the door, it would be obvious something was going on if they saw a “guard” in Doc's suite.

Doc walked to the door as Durbin brushed past me, walking into Cody's room and locking the door behind him. I heard Cody's voice ask Durbin what was going on, but then Durbin spoke frantically, making Cody go silent.

Doc turned the front doorknob, opening the door a crack, letting the visitors voice enter the room.

“Is Desiree here?” a dreadfully familiar voice asked, making my skin go cold. “I need to speak with her.”

Vivian

I was already annoyed that I had to go to three different rooms to try to find Desiree. First, I went to her room, no answer. Then I went to Ryder's, knowing that she would be there, probably in bed with him. Finally, I ended up at Doc's room and I was even more irritated that he had only opened the door a crack for me, like he didn't want me to come in.

I glared at him, tapping my fingernails against my skin, as I crossed my arms. Turning his head back into the suite he said Desiree's name and looked back to me.

“Nice to see you Doc,” I said sarcastically. “You know we could really be a great team if you didn't hang out with those two.” I motioned into the suite, knowing that Ryder was here too.

The door swung wide open revealing Desiree. She wasn't wearing her clothes from the match, thank god, and instead had on a pair of shorts and a black T-shirt. This girl had no sense of style, didn't she even look through the closet of clothes I gave her? I looked down, spotting the thick bandages wrapped around her hands and the one wrapped around her calf. Her hair was messy on top of her head and I couldn't help but laugh. Actually, I could have helped it if I wanted to, but I didn't.

“What's so funny?” Desiree sneered.

“You look stunning,” I chuckled again, covering my mouth with my hand.

“Gee, thanks,” she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You don't look so bad yourself, except for the fact that green just really isn't your color.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, and tried to set her comment aside, remembering the real reason I came here; definitely not for a debate on fashion.

“Come with me,” I ordered, turning away from the door, knowing that she would follow. Of course she would, I own her.

I heard her tennis shoes, clomping behind me, as she followed me to the elevator.

“Where are we going?” Desiree asked as I pressed the button with the arrow pointing up.

“I'm taking you to my penthouse,” I told her, my voice sounding like it was a privilege, which it was.

“Why, so you can kill me?” Her voice was getting annoying now, making my head ache.

“Just stop talking,” I told her as we stepped onto the elevator.

Desiree was silent as I pressed the button for the top floor and the doors slid shut. Music ran through the speakers, filling the quiet around us.

“Can you ask Turner to please change the elevator music?” Desiree asked. “Every time I get in this elevator I feel like my ears are about to bleed.”

I laughed at the fact that the music had nothing to do with what was going on, but I quickly composed my face.

“Anything that tortures you is fine by me,” I told her, satisfied with my comeback.

Desiree's lips zipped, not saying another word until I opened the door to my penthouse and she walked inside.

“Wow, you're really living the high life huh?” Desiree marveled as she looked around my living room. Her eyes looked towards the back wall which was completely glass, to the piano sitting in the corner of the room, all the way down to my bear skin rug draped across the floor.

“I guess you could say that,” I replied. “Take a seat, I'll make you a drink.”

She eyed me curiously, watching me as I walked towards the bar, afraid that I might put a gun to her back. Smart girl.

I brought her over a cocktail, her eyebrows furrowing as she took the martini glass from my hands. She set it down roughly on the table, making the drink slush over the sides.

“I wouldn't drink anything I gave you either,” I told her, as she sat down on the couch and I sat on the opposite one, across from her.

“Why am I here?” Desiree asked me, her voice tired yet angry. “Cut the bullshit and tell me what you really want with me.”

“Wanting to get straight to the point, I see.” I sipped from my drink and set my glass down onto a coaster on the coffee table. “I'm tired of you Desiree.”

“Well, that's obvious. You keep trying to kill me off.” She blew her hair away from her face so that she could glare at me.

“Yet, you just won't die.” We sat, staring at each other, waiting for either one of us to say something else. I spoke up first. “Can't you just be a nice little girl and do what I say? Why do we always have to do this the hard way?”

“Because that's the only way,” she replied, making her answer short and sweet.

“What is it that you want?” I asked her, catching her off guard as her eyes widened.

“To be free.”

I laughed in her face. “Well, besides that because that's not going to happen.”

“To stop the cage fights.”

My face began to turn red as I continued to laugh. “Wrong.”

“Then there's nothing you can give me.”

I caught my breath, a smile still sketched across my face and brought my martini glass to my lips, taking another swig.

“Why are you doing this Vivian?” Desiree asked me out of no where. Her voice was different. Not as hard, and curious. “You could be helping people since you seem to know so much about the infection, yet you're turning it against everyone.”

I sat silently, visions of my past floating into my mind. I shook my head, trying to erase them, but they kept pushing through, envading my thoughts. “No one helped my family when we were the ones that needed it, so why should I help them?”

Desiree's eyes squinted, trying to understand what I was saying, opening her mouth to ask another question.

“You want to know why I'm doing all of this?” I asked before she could speak. “I'll tell you why, and the "innocent" people that you want to protect so badly, are the reason for it.”

I immersed myself into my story, my body relaxing from actually telling it aloud and unleashing it from its cage where it has sat for years and years, building angst up inside of me.