Why would they do this to me? Why were both of them in on it? Were they ever going to tell me? Did they have any faith in me?

I couldn't think straight, there was so much going on. Instead, I went home immediately, not like there was nothing keeping me here. I drove home, not caring about how my father would get back, and like if I were on auto-pilot, I ran up the stairs and changed clothes.

I wasn't fully in it, I was lost in thought, however, laced my tennis shoes and tied my hair up. Before leaving the room, I looked in the full length mirror and gazed at my reflection. I had changed my attire to an active wear one. I paired some comfortable leggings with a sports shirt in a dust pink. It had longer sleeves making me feel less exposed, and it fit my frame perfectly- not like I was trying to impress anyone because I was clearly doing the opposite. Running always helped me, running helped me think clearly and let out that extra steam, a feeling that horseback riding didn't give me

I let out a short sigh and walked out of my house. Not walking too far, I heard scratches at the door and light whimpering. I let out an amused sigh and unlocked the door again and Dali pranced on me like if I hadn't been home in years although in reality, I hadn't been out for seconds.

I quickly grabbed the leash and hooked up to the German shepherds collar, leaving and locking my house once again. I walked out, my eyes fixed on my phone as I played some music and connected my AirPods, but as soon as I was done, I ran and ran.

I made my way out of the city at a steady pace, passing a park and a couple of streets on my way out. I was already breathing heavily, and sweat was building up, but I was nowhere near tired so I just kept on. My over energetic dog ran beside me most of the time, but once I got to a small forest, I let Dali go of the leash and I ran faster.

Wind was flying through my light hair, as I moved my legs at a quick speed dodging the trees and following the small path. I let my mind go crazy, which was probably a mistake.

...

"It's not good for her anymore" Camille spoke in a hushed tone "She would do anything for that horse and it is going to wreck her, she doesn't understand he is dangerous"

"It's all happening all over again, and I don't know what is going to come out of it. Yes, the first time it went well, but I knew it wouldn't last long; it actually lasted longer than I thought, but, It had to happen, sooner or later." I heard my father say.

I was pretty sure that they were talking about North, and as much as I knew that I shouldn't eavesdrop, I couldn't tear myself away from listening.

"The other day, when you told me to go watch her-" Wait, what?! Camille told my father to go watch me ride because he didn't trust me?! Why would he do that? Why would Camille do that?

...

Just remembering that made my blood boil with anger, never in a million years I would have thought they would be in on it together. I didn't know what to feel, of course they did it for a reason, and since my father was involved, it was probably "for my own shafts", and it was a point of view I understood, but it just didn't fit in my head. Most of all I felt betrayed, that they went behind my back and against me.

I was not only mad at my father and Camille but also at myself, I should have connected the dots way sooner than I did. It's not like my father to go watch me ride willingly, he has way more important things to do, and of course those supposed things he had to do was Camille filling him up on my situation with my beloved horse. I suspected that my dad also wanted Camille to help me the least possible, because five years ago she helped much more, she guided me eatery step of the way, this time she has been a bit distant. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but this time has just been different. Yes, she was nice enough to take me up on the private lessons but she hasn't supported me or helped me with solutions, she has just stood there.

I stopped, Dali right by me, and looked up to the canopy of trees that let the sun shine through slightly creating the lovely atmosphere in the forest. I leaned against a tree, panting after having run a while. Once my breathing went back to normal, all the information flooded back. I felt like crying. North was everything to me, and these past week as have been hard with all of his misbehaving. It had come down on me, I was exhausted, stressed and didn't know what the future held, but knowing that my father and Camille didn't have faith in me made it ten times worse.

It wasn't that late into the morning, it was barley 11 but I knew I had to go back. I groaned mentally at the thought, but decided to not go back to the barn that day, I couldn't face it all. I couldn't face North now that I knew that my father wouldn't support me and knowing that he might be taken away from me, and Camille neither. Grace would just interrogate me and I would end up crying again, I just couldn't go there. I sat at the edge of the tree, surrounded by a million others. Dali ended up lying down next to me, his tongue hanging out as he panted heavily. I let my hand caressed his dark fur as I looked at the dog, like if I were expecting some kind of answer.

I was still lost in thought, I didn't know where to go from now. I thought that Camille was helping me, that she was on my side, but apparently not. I didn't know what to do. Conversations from years ago overlapped in my brain, but it seemed as if the only one that stood out was my fathers words, the ones I dreaded so much, especially right now.

"I'm only giving you this one chance" It echoed in my mind. It felt like so long ago, yet its was still fresh in my mind. North hadn't always been an easy horse, everyone knew that. My father did as well. A bit to clearly for my liking.

Back then, I at least tried to see my fathers point of view. I understood that he was worried. I would be as well, afterall I had just bought a horse who was absolutely crazy, but right now I just couldn't see his point of view. I didn't even know where he stood in the midst of all this! He had gone behind my back for God's sake, I didn't even know he knew about all of this until about an hour ago.

I let out a frustrated sigh and stood up abruptly, stumbling slightly in the process, before dusting myself off and walking my way out of the forest. Dali padded infront of me, ever so often stopping to sniff something. As we came out of the forest, I attached Dalis leash again and walked through the city I knew so well.

I made my way to a starbucks and walked immediately to the bathroom, washing my face quickly to erase any trace of the couple of tears that spilled. I looked at myself in the mirror again, gazing at my appearance. I looked so tired and broken, and the only thing that crossed my mind was that this was only just starting. I still had to go home and hear from my father, which I wasn't looking forward to, and probably be told that they would have to send North off, however, I took another deep breath before walking out.

Placing my order from an iced latte, I paid and walked out of the coffee shop, a cup in hand. I walked back to my house, sipping casually from the latte. I regained my composure and gathered my thoughts before arriving at the place I called home. Seeing the doorfront to my house, made my mind scatter again, and my heart beat faster. I couldn't do this, not now.

I quickly let Dali inside before leaving again, and I ran to Chris's house. I ended up getting tired along the way and ended up walking, so when I got to the building where Chris lived in, my breathing was somewhat normal. I pressed the right number on the lift, and waited patiently to walk out. Taking a sharp left, I was met by the door to my beloved cousins house.

Ringing the doorbell, I was met by an unfamiliar face. I stood awkwardly in the doorframe before his eyes fixed on me. I gave him a tight smile and opened my mouth to speak before he cut me off with a loud yell.

"Chris, your hot girlfriend is here" His shrill voice made its way through the flat. I blinked, clearly confused. Hot? Girlfriend?

"Cousin'' I corrected with a tight smile. Before he could speak again I spoke up and inquired the boy. "Is Chris here?"

"Yes of course, didn't you just hear me scream 'Chris'? And as far as i'm concerned that's his name" He shot back with an attitude. I was about to spit back a comeback, but I held my tongue and replaced my words.

"Okay, so then if he is here, do you mind moving so I can talk to him?" I shot back with a slight attitude, clearly getting annoyed. I pursed my lips when he didn't move out of my way.

Clearly, I had enough of this guy, whoever he was, and I placed my hand on his shoulder pushing him away from the entrance to the flat. I gave him a pointed look before walking in.

The familiar smell of this place was gone and instead was replaced by a strong smell, yet I couldn't depict what it was.

I made my way around the house, and got to the living room and found my cousin sitting there.

"Chris, may I talk to you?" I asked softly, my voice almost braking as my thoughts came back to North.

"What now?!" He groaned, shooting his head back with an eye roll. I squinted my eyes in confusion, there clearly wasn't any playfulness in his voice, so I didn't know what to make out of his past words. Before I even had the chance to ask, his friend- or whoever he was, walked in and Chris stood up to his towering height. My eyes flickered down to the beer bottle in his hand.

I scanned the floor that was also filled with empty bottles. I felt myself choke on the words that I tried to make out but couldn't. I wanted to leave before him or I would do something we would regret, but I wasn't quick enough.

"You are either very lonley, or you missed me alot, because since I came back, I've just heard those same words come out from you mouth, followed by you crying or getting frustrated at whatever dumb problem you have." He said venomly. I was shocked, and hurt, but mostly shocked at his accusation.

Before he continued his line of accusations, I stopped him and let him know a piece of my mind. "Well, Christopher" I started with a strong voice "As far as my knowledge goes, last night you were there to help me, and you were worried about me. And the night after that as well, and all the ones that came before that. I have also heard only one thing out of your mouth the entier time you've been here, and that's how much you have missed me, but I guessed that changed from one night to the other.

Clearly, you are too busy drinking, to hear me out, and clearly you are too drunk to register these words. You are the only one I could trust right noo, the only one I could speak to freely, the only one who would listen and not judge, but I guess I was wrong in that too. I guess I was wrong in coming for your help, and I guess I was wrong in caring as well." I spat, before turning on my heel and leaving the flat.

"Oh, looks like your girlfriend didnt like you drinking, too bad for her" I hear his so-called friend say.

"Cousin" I hissed before I opened the door harshly.

"Have fun drinking, Chris" I said coldly before slamming the door on my way out.

Once out of the ulding, I let the tears slip. I had had a rough day, and I just wanted to talk to my cousin, but apparently I wasn't worthy of that either because he was drunk. I ignored the weird glances I got, I kind of deserved them though, who in the right mind would go out on the London streets in sports clothes, crying her eyes out?

I wanted this day to end so badly, all had gone wrong. However, that meant going back home, something I didn't want to do. Taking the millionth deep breath, I went back home, better to get over it now think later.

Glanding at my watch, I saw 4:47 on it. I had a sliver of hope I would make it back before my father did, so with the newfound motivation, I walked quickly back.

Upon arrival ,I quickly turned the key and let myself in, gladly, I wasn't met by my father, but my mother was standing there instead. I didn't have the patience to talk right now, so I just stormed up to my room without a second thought and got busy once I was already locked in.

Not long after, I made out my father's voice downstairs. I rolled my eyes at the thought of it, and just continued the movie I watching, not worrying about it.

I was clearly not in the mood for having any contact with my parents, so that explained why I ignored my mother when she came up to knock at my door saying that dinner was ready. It also explained the constant eye rolls as I overheard the conversation with my parents downstairs.

"I don't know what got into her, she just stormed out of the barn this morning and never came back" My father said. I scoffed incredibly and sat up again to listen to the rest of  the conversation.

"Yeah... she has been so distant lately, and she won't even speak to me, I really don't know what to do." I heard my mother say softly, followed by a hum from my father. With her words, I noticed how much this situation was really affecting me, and it was a lot more than I would have liked to admit.

Blocking out the rest of the conversation, I went back to the episode I was watching.

It was about 10:00pm when I finally decided to go to bed, my eyes were to heavy for me to even keep open. Putting my laptop away, I crawled into bed before reaching for the charger of my phone. I moved my hand around but it just wasn't there. I sighed and got frustrated at the fact that I would have to go for the charger.... In my parents room.

I groaned and rolled out of bed, I padded against the floor before swingin the door open. I kept my eyes casted down as I made my way around the bed and to where a charger was. I felt my fathers eyes on me, but I just kept on walking, not lifting my gaze.

"Eleanor" He said sternly. I stopped in my tracks and let out an audible sigh. I didn't dare to turn around, but he didn't speak a word. My mother entered the room from the bathroom and I felt her speak up.

"Eleanor darling, are you okay.?" she asked softly, clearly having no idea what was going on.

No nothings okay! my father has been going behind my back because he doesn't trust me enough with my-

"Nope" I said simply, attitude oozing out of my word.

"Do you maybe-" My mother started, but I was already long gone locked in my room. The last thing I heard was a loud sight from my father before I tuned them out again and went to bed.

...

I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to find a  comfortable position to sleep in, but it simply isn't working. About two hours ago I could barely keep my eyes open but now I couldn't keep them closed. I sighed and rolled on my stomach and stared into the blank ceiling above me, thoughts clouding my vision.

My mind started flicking scenarios in my head, I well knew that they were way over exaggerated because I was overthinking, but it didn't stop my heart from beating faster and my anxiety arousing.

I closed my eyes, wishing for those made-up-thoughts to vanish, but they didn't, and I found myself fighting against my own will. I inched to reach the box from under my closet, I knew I would hurt myself in the process, but I just couldn't control that will. With one last sigh that finalized my decision, I creeped out of bed and made my way to the closet turning the light on.

I could see myself in the mirror at the other end of the walk-in closet, clearly seeing the bags under my eyes and my tousled hair, but I still reached for the box. I kneeled and found the white box that held so many memories and left the closet with it in hand.

Flicking on the light of my room, I sat criss crossed on my bed, the box in front of me. My hand shook slightly as I reached out to open it. I lifted the lid up, and let a small gasp slip through  my lips. I felt myself reach for the silk material which I let rest in my hands as I just stared at it before turning it over. My name and North's show name etched in ink along with the date of when we won it. A sad smile made its way on my face as I continued to peek through all the ribbons we had got throughout the years.

They were all of many colors, and different shapes, all of them with the similarity of the ink scribbled in the back showing our previous success. By now my eyes felt a bit glossy as I let the memories flood back. Our first pony camp, our debut show, and the show we practiced so much for. The show I attended with Grace, the show I was so confident on, the one I was so nervous about. The hardest courses flooding back, the adrenaline filling me up. As I scanned each ribbon I remembered all the amazing things I had accomplished with my stallion because we worked as a team, I knew what made him tick, and I knew how to use it to both of our advantage.

A tear rolled down my cheek, which I quickly wiped away with a chuckle as I found a ribbon I had won with my first pony, the same letters scribbled on it just with a messier handwriting. Those were way easier times, that yes, I wished to go back on, but I would have never known what amazing things I would accomplish. I looked through other ribbons, not only the ones I earned with North, and just like the other ones all the memories flew back and before long all of the colored rosettes were scattered on my bed, the only thing left on the boz was an envelope which I knew very well what it contained.

I wiped the tears away with the back of my hands before reaching for the cream colored envelope and opening it, letting the insides slip into my hand. The pictures were backwards, just letting me see the blank backing and once again a couple of letters etched on it with the date of the show. I turned it over and I felt my world come crashing down with the sight of it, but also a newfound determination.

I flipped the stack over and was met by a picture of me on North, my smile as great as ever, with a blue ribbon pinned on his bridle. I looked at the one after that, one of both of us soaring over a jump. My hands rested against North's neck, a look of determination spread on my face, and my show coat lifting off my back.

I peeked at  the next one, and my eyes landed on a messy braid on North's gray neck. I chuckled at the memory from earlier this year. It was an indoor competition because of the freezing cold weather, and the grounds were packed. We had left North in the trailer and he found it funny to scratch his neck against the trailer making his braids come loose. We had thankfully put them back in- or Matt did, the only one I attempted to fix was the one coming loose in the picture. I can say for sure that I have gotten better at braiding, I know that as a fact.

I flipped to the next one, one where North and I looked ever so elegant in our dressage attire, both of us performing some kind of complicated love, which I could tell by the look on my face. I kept flipping through, finding several pictures that I had forgotten that existed, most of them from shows, but some odd ones that someone took and I sent them to print.

I had many from the recent years, but very few from when I first got North. The ones I had were from the first show we attended together. It was a show jumping show, in which we competed in the 85cm class. I remember having to approach all the jumps at trot if not North would bolt. I laughed softly at the memory, a sad smile displaying on my tear-stained face.

I also went over the pictures from that one show I remembered earlier. I had taken a full eight months off shows just to dedicate my time to prepare Noth and I for that one we would attend. I could remember the nerves as clear as day. Funnily enough, we actually brought home third.

After staring at all the memories for a while, I stored them all away and went to bed, my mind still swirling but at least I managed to fall asleep.

...

I ignored the puffiness in my face from crying the night before as I made my way around the stables to Norths stall early this morning. I expected to be greeted by the familiar gray head peeking through, and the golden nameplate with his name and mine under, however, I was met by none.

My stomach dropped. This couldn't be happening. Not today. Not this. Not North. I broke out a sob as I stared at the empty stall, quickly putting the pieces together. I wiped my tears away with trembling hands and furiously walked into my fathers office.

"You went through with your word" I stated coldly.

"Look Eleanor-" He started.

"Dont byullshit me, dad, not right now. Years ago, this happened, and you warned me. However you gave me a second chance, you gave North a second chance, but  that doesn't matter anymore because he is gone.

You went behind my back, with Camille and found out our current situation" I kept on, my hands moving around displaying my anger even more. "And then went behind my back again and took him away from me.

You know what?" I asked and let a humored chuckle slip through my lips " I didn't think you would actually go through with it. It was just a bump in the road, what happened five years ago was understandable. I know why you didn't want to go through with it, yet you did. You had faith in me back then, and more than anything I would have wished that you had faith in me right now. You didnt even trust me enough, or much less have the balls to come talk with me! I have no idea where you stood in all of this situation. Hell, I wouldn't have found doubt if it weren't for me finding you talking to Camille.

You went behind my back, and I just want to let you know that I'm pissed, but I'm also disappointed. You gave up not only on the North, you gave up on me." I stated firmly a tear threatening to roll down.

"You could have given me a month- less! Two weeks, and this problem would be past us,  yet you didn't trust me enough and didn't go through with it. You gave up. You might as well give up on this barn as well, and while you are at it, give up on mom, and you can also give up on-"

"Enough, Eleanor! imM tired of this" he boomed, cutting me off " I'm tired of you and this horse. Like you said, five years ago it was much worse, but I knew that whatever you did with

that horse would only last so long. That horse went upwards, but he came crashing down. We all knew that this would happen, we all knew he wouldn't come through. You think you have this amazing bond with this stallion, you even made me start believing it, but as soon as I found out you had trouble one day, I knew this was coming."

"You may have known that, but all I ever wanted was the truth. I wanted to know where you stood, we could have discussed this, i'm not 12 anymore dad! Im 17! I know what's going on, we could have come to an agreement, you could have at least let me know where you stood. I-I just wanted to know, you went behind my back, dad, you took North away from me, behind my back" I sounded helpless at this point, I had some kind of hope that he would give in, although it was quickly replaced by anger.

"That horse is bad business, he distracts you from client horses-"

"Oh, so thats what this is about?! Fuckig busness?! Wow, dad, I don't know you could fall any lower" I chuckled dryly in amusement. I threw my hands up and shaked my head in disbelief. "No way. No fucking way..." I wanted to think things through before I said anything, but my impulsive side took over and I spat in my own fathers face, each word filled with betrayal, anger, and disapointment.

"You know what Mr. Businessman you may be my boss, but you are also my father, and let me tell you something: you 've screwed up big time, and instead of losing a couple hundred pounds, or driving a client away, you are loosing your own daughter-because dad, I will not forget this. And you sure as hell are driving me away. You shit the bed, and now you have to clean it, I have no fucking clue why because im not letting this go so easily"

Giving him the last piece of my mind, I slammed the door and fell to my knees, my head in my hands, suddenly feeling empty, and I sobbed endlessly.