**mature content**

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The drive home is completely silent as we both try to process what happened tonight. I'm trying to think about what I'm going to say to Lucas when we get home, but my mind can only think about how angry he's going to get. I'm not sure if he knows that Sam kissed me, or if that's what started the fight. Either way, I will need to offer up that information before he can ask me about it.

Lucas has his injured hand resting on his leg, and he's been staring out the window since we left. I think he's looking up at the stars. He likes to try and find constellations when we are outside at night. I love trying to find what he's describing in the sky, but most of the time they just look like clusters of white dots and I can't see any shapes.

I pull into our driveway next to my car and turn off the engine. Our home is completely dark besides the white on the porch and above the garage. Street lamps are illuminating all of the trees and bushes that line the neighborhood.

Lucas immediately undoes his seatbelt and opens his door with his good hand. He hops out of the truck and runs his fingers through his dark hair. That's not a great sign for his mood. I take a deep breath and get out. The leaves crunch under my heels as I walk around the car and up the front steps, holding the train of my dress. I hear Lucas following closely behind me, his footsteps heavy.

I unlock our front door, immediately feeling more relaxed as I step inside. I love being at home, it's the most comforting place. I don't stop to take off my shoes and head straight into the kitchen and flip the light on above the island. I can hear Lucas locking the front door as I grab a bag of frozen peas and an ice pack from the freezer.

Lucas walks in, his shoulders slouched. I can't tell if it's from being exhausted or from his mood.

"We only have one ice pack for some reason, so you'll have to use these," I say as I gesture for Lucas to sit down at the island.

He smiles weakly and listens, making a swishing sound as he pushes the air out of the cushion. I walk over to him and gently place the bag of peas on the back of his right hand. He winces and groans slightly as he closes his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, leaving it there as slowly as possible.

I hand Lucas the ice pack, not sure if he wants me to put it on his face for him. He picks it up and rests his chin on it, covering part of his mouth. I don't feel like I should sit down next to him yet, so I walk around the island and grab a glass out of the cupboard. I stare at the stream of water coming out of the fridge, trying to collect my thoughts.

"I'm sorry that I lost my cool tonight," Lucas apologizes.

I turn around to meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry that I always react this way." He closes his eyes and leans into the ice pack, pressing it more against his face. "I just-" Lucas opens his eyes again and sets the ice pack down on the counter. "How could you not tell me that he was here?" His voice is still gentle, but it's slightly louder than before.

Here we go.

I take a deep breath before answering him.

"I wanted to tell you so many times, Lucas," I begin. "Things just kept getting in the way."

"No, that's not a real reason," he replies bluntly as he shakes his head vigorously. "If you wanted to tell me about it, you would've."

The guilt that I've already been feeling this week doubles in size.

"Do you have any idea how upset I am with you right now?" Lucas' voice gets louder as he stands up from his chair. The bag of peas falls off of his hand and onto the floor, making a crashing sound in my ears.

"Yes, I know that you're mad at me, I can hear it clearly in your tone," I call him out for being loud.

"I'm trying really hard to stay calm right now, Rachel," he sighs as he stares at the ceiling. Our living room is a dark canvas behind him as we only turned on the lights above the counter.

"But the only thing I can think about right now, is how for the past week you've been spending more time with Sam than with me." His words fall flat on the floor along with my jaw.

"Are you serious, Lucas?" My own temper is rising. "You say that like I chose to be at work late with him and I wasn't just doing my job."

Lucas' focus shifts to me as he furrows his brow.

"I'm not the one who was absent from the world all week," I snap at him.

He chuckles out of disbelief and looks away from me.

"I was at work trying to fix something that could've killed you!" His voice is so loud that I jump a little. "I have been running myself and my team into the ground to make sure that something like that never happens again." He tries to point at me with his right hand but grimaces and drops it back down at his side.

My heart is racing as I wait for him to continue.

"I went through one of my worst fears that day, Rachel. I thought that I lost you for real," he chokes out. "You are the only thing that matters to me." He points at me with his left hand.

My eyes start to burn as my anger melts away, being replaced with shame that I yelled at him. I can see some blood stains on his white dress shirt, just below his collar.

"So when I realized that you have been in the same building, no, in the same room with Sam, I started to lose it." His voice cracks and he begins pacing back and forth behind the island.

"I mean, how am I supposed to react to something like this, Rach?" His question is genuine, like he's really asking me what to do. "Has anything happened since he showed up?" His tone is even louder now as he starts to panic.

I drop my shoulders, and look away from him for a moment, preparing myself to answer him. He throws his left hand up and runs his hands through his hair as he turns to the side.

"Oh, come on," Lucas exclaims as he scratches at his head roughly before dropping his hand back down. He stares at me intensely, forcing me to continue.

"Nothing happened while we were working together," I begin to answer.

"Nothing?" Lucas asks quickly. "Absolutely nothing?"

I gaze back at him, trying to read his expression.

"Not a single flirt, he didn't touch you, or bring you gifts?" Lucas's tone is angry again as he rus through every possible scenario in his brain.

"Yes, he flirted and brought me coffee and food sometimes." My voice is much quieter than I anticipated, and now it sounds like I'm hiding details.

Lucas shakes his head slowly and presses his lips together.

"And?" he continues. "What kinds of things did he say to you?"

I'm struggling to read Lucas' expression. I can't tell how angry he is anymore.

"He wanted me to know that he was waiting for me," I mumble, my voice even quieter than before.

"Waiting for you?" Lucas scoffs. "Or waiting for me to mess things up again?" His eyes become watery and his voice breaks as he asks me this.

I shake my head at him aggressively.

"I didn't listen to anything he said to me, Lucas," I try to reassure him.

He doesn't look like he feels any better.

"Not at all?" his voice is low and he looks at the ground. "He didn't make you doubt me, and wish you were with him instead?" He was so quiet I could barely hear him. All of his anger seemed to wash away with the grief he was experiencing.

My heart breaks at Lucas' question.

Is that what he was worried about?

"Oh, Lucas, no." Tears form in my eyes as I lean forward on the counter. "I've never wished that I was with anyone else. I was only with him in June because I didn't think that I still had you." I'm crying now, and Lucas' face falls as he looks at me. "I told him repeatedly how much I believed in you. In us."

Lucas' lip quivers slightly as he rests his left hand on the counter.

"Okay, I'm sorry that I accused you," his voice is gentle, and he looks like he's calmed down.

I start to feel nauseous as I think about how I'm not done telling him about what's happened since Sam showed up. I'm about to start again, but Lucas continues talking.

"I started to put the pieces together when he was doing his fancy magic trick," he says mockingly as he stares at the granite countertop. He starts tapping on it as he thinks. "He kept glancing at our table, but I couldn't tell who he was looking at."

My heart sinks to the floor. Sam kept his eyes on me for almost the entire performance.

"That, combined with his southern charm and the fact that he called you Rachel in front of the entire room." Lucas looks up at me. "In front of me," he growled. His eyes are full of pain as he analyzes my face. "He spoke to me like he knows you better than I do." Lucas' eyes flash with pain again as he glances up at the ceiling. "But he doesn't. He doesn't know anything about you," his tone is short and quick, like his thoughts are coming out all at once.

"And then," Lucas laughs and shakes his head as he looks over at the kitchen sink. "He has the audacity to tell me to my face that he's waiting for me to screw everything up." Lucas keeps shaking his head as his eyes burn holes in the stainless steel sink.

This is my opportunity to tell him about our conversation in the hallway.

"He told me that tonight, too," I say hesitantly as I brush my hair behind my shoulders.

Lucas jerks his head up and stares at me intensely.

"When?" he interrogates.

I press my lips together and look up at the lights above the island, trying to summon the courage to say it.

"Right before you got there. We were in the hall, and he kissed me." My voice trails off at the end of my sentence and I glance over at Lucas.

I've never seen his eyes so wide. He has both of his eyebrows raised and his mouth is open. He closes his mouth slowly and I can see him clench his jaw.

"Well that's just fucking perfect," Lucas mutters as he turns away from me. He almost never swears, and his words startle me. He runs his left hand through his hair again and holds it in a fist on top of his head. He slowly turns around and meets my gaze.

"Did you kiss him back?" he asks hesitantly, unsure if he really wants to know the answer. I can see his lips quivering again as he asks me this.

"No. I pushed him away," I state confidently.

His gaze intensifies as he studies my face.

"I swear, Lucas." I look at him as genuinely as I can so he believes me.

He swallows hard and nods.

"He tried to convince me that I was a better person with him." My words look like they stab Lucas in the chest. "He told me that you take away my confidence and that all you do is break my heart."

He closes his eyes and I see tears starting to fall down his cheeks. He drops his left hand down and rests it on his forehead as he plops onto the bar stool.

"Sam only knows one version of me," I say gently as I walk around the island to stand in front of Lucas.

He glances up at me, and his eyes tell me that he's suffering right now. I need to do my part in this and reassure him that I only want to be with him.

"When I was in Seattle, I felt like a totally different person," I begin to explain. "I was carefree, confident, and adventurous."

Lucas presses his swollen lips together and looks down at his feet.

"After you left," I continue, taking a deep breath so that I can say this to him. "I felt like I needed to change myself to be wanted."

Lucas jerks his head up and looks at me apologetically.

"Rach," his voice is barely a whisper, and more tears start to fall down his cheeks. He leans forward on the counter and focuses on my face.

"Hold on, just let me finish." I put my hand up to stop him. I don't want to make him feel worse.

He swallows hard again and waits for me to continue.

"Sam made me realize that I'm allowed to be selfish sometimes, and that it's okay to do things that make you happy, even if it's only temporary," I explain.

Lucas' eyes grow serious as he listens to me.

"He was there for me for a week, and didn't leave my side," I reiterate.

He winces at my words, but doesn't look away from me.

"But, like I said, it was only a week." I drop my arms down at my side. "You've missed out on things, sure. But you've been there for me since high school, Lucas." My eyes start to burn as I see Lucas' expression soften significantly. "Before this last mission, you were always there emotionally, even if you weren't here physically." I gaze at him and smile sweetly.

"Whenever I needed something, I didn't hesitate to ask you because I knew you would help me in whatever way you could. But then you left me, Lucas." I point at him angrily.

He doesn't look surprised by my sudden change in tone, instead, he stares into my eyes regretfully. I start to feel guilty for what I'm saying and cross my arms.

"And you did it in such a way that I doubted our entire relationship. Everything we did, everything we said, I replayed it over and over again in my head every day while you were gone," I belt.

Lucas covers his mouth with his hand to hide the pain my words are causing.

"So I gave into Sam's charm, his romantic gestures, and his fearless personality," I explain, my breathing getting faster. "But all that I could think about while I was with him was you, Lucas. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't let go."

He darts his eyes between mine and his lips start to curve into a small smile. The bottom corner of his mouth is split from where Sam hit him. I can see bruises starting to form on his cheek and jaw.

"And I am so sorry that I didn't tell you about him transferring as soon as it happened," I exhale quickly, trying to get this last part out without crying. "My only real excuse for it is that I was too afraid of losing you again." I can feel my lips trembling now. I squeeze them together for a moment and look up at the ceiling above Lucas' head. "I'm not mad at you for hitting Sam." My eyes drift back down to his, and his face lights up slightly, as if I'm pulling some of his stress away. I take a few steps toward him, not breaking eye contact. He sits up straighter on the stool as I approach him.

"And I'm sorry that you got hurt because of me," I say gently.

Lucas' eyes flicker between mine as his grin expands. I can feel my cheeks heating up. I lean down to my left to pick up the bag of half thawed peas off the floor in front of Lucas. I rise slowly, feeling him watching me. He doesn't wince this time as I gently set the bag on his injured hand that he has resting on his thigh.

My heart starts racing as I realize how close my hand is to his strong legs. His dress pants hug the muscles in his thighs and calves perfectly. The way he has his arm resting on the counter stretches out his white button down, causing the fabric to cling to his toned abdomen and his broad chest.

He catches me ogling him and I can feel my neck getting warm as he shoots me a seductive smirk. He doesn't try to hide his wandering eyes as he studies me. I find myself standing up straighter to give him a better view of how my dress fits. He tilts his head to my right slightly as his gaze travels down my bare leg. The way he's looking at me is making my stomach twist into knots as the tension between us builds.

The sound of the bag of peas hitting the floor makes me jump. I quickly reach to pick it up, but before my hand can make it past Lucas' knee, he gently grabs my wrist with his injured hand. His touch surprises me at first, but then I quickly worry about his pain.

"Lucas, your hand," I start to object to his gesture, not wanting to hurt him, but he just rubs my arm with his thumb and gazes into my eyes.

"My hand is fine, Rach. I promise," he says gruffly. He clears his throat quietly and drops his left hand so it's hanging off of the edge of the counter. It's just a few inches away from my arm, sending a shiver from my fingertips and up to my shoulder in anticipation.

"I'm sorry that I was shouting at you earlier," he adds delicately. "I just can't stand the thought of you with someone else," he exhales, collecting his thoughts. I can feel him tapping on my arm with his thumb as he thinks. "Actually standing there, in front of him-" he shakes his head and I can feel my heart about to burst. "-that drove me crazy. I just kept looking at his hands and thinking about him touching you. I just kept comparing myself to him, and I think that my insecurities got the better of me"

Lucas has never said that he's felt insecure about anything, especially when it involves other men. I feel a warm sensation on my right arm as Lucas holds my elbow in his hand with his arm still resting on the counter.

"But after hearing what you just said to me-" he shakes his head at me again and grins. "-I feel like a rockstar," he squints at me slightly when he says this, making me feel the full weight of his words.

He slides his injured hand from my arm onto my hip and I can see him wince slightly. He doesn't pull his hand away, instead he curves his fingers around so they're resting right above my backside. I catch my breath as he gently strokes my right arm with his thumb.

"I promise that I'll always be there for you, Rachel." He guides me towards him gently, and my hips are now securely wedged between his thighs. We are almost the same height with him sitting on the stool, but his eyes are still slightly above mine. "I might be late sometimes, but I'll show up."

I giggle at Lucas as I play with the lip of his suit jacket. My knuckles graze his chest, feeling how solid it is.

"I love it when I make you laugh. Your face lights up and you look even more beautiful," Lucas is looking at me adoringly, making my heart swell.

"You always make me laugh." I smile at him sincerely as I fully lay my left hand on his chest. His smile turns into more of a smirk as he glides his fingertips gingerly up and down my arm. His gesture is both sweet and sexy, and it's only making me want him more.

Lucas' eyes shift from affectionate to a more fiery gaze. He reaches up and brushes my hair behind my shoulder, causing me to turn my head towards his hand. I rest my cheek in his palm and Lucas beams at me.

"I really do love you more than anything, Rachel." His voice is sweeter than honey, and he's looking at me in a way that I've never seen before. I tilt my head back up and he strokes my jaw with his thumb, his elbow still resting on the kitchen island.

"I know you do." I swallow hard, trying not to cry again. "And I love you more than anything too, Lucas."

I feel his injured hand slide onto my lower back, his fingertips grazing the top of my underwear through my dress. I can feel my stomach twisting as he pulls me towards him, my hips rubbing against the inside of his thighs. His thumb stops on the corner of my mouth before he gently strokes my bottom lip.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you right now?" Lucas' voice is deep and slow as he whispers to me, just inches away from my face.

I can feel the warmth of his breath on my nose. I can't take it anymore and I close the gap between us, tugging on his dress shirt as I firmly press my lips to his. He reciprocates immediately as he deepens the kiss and holds the back of my head. I pull away from him quickly, just enough so that the tips of our noses are touching. His eyes look at me hungrily, sending a ripple of goosebumps down my back.

"I'm all yours, Lucas," I whisper.

He looks over my face lovingly as I move my hand up his chest and wrap my arm around his neck.

"Forever," I say to him in a breathy tone.

It's as if my words have awoken something in Lucas; he places both of his hands on my hips and pushes me back gently before standing up. His face moves slowly upwards until I have to tilt my head back to see his eyes. He's towering over me, his deep brown eyes locked on mine. I feel subdued by his gaze and my legs turn into jelly. I can feel his chiseled abdomen under my palms as he steps towards me.

Lucas pulls my hips against his as he kisses me passionately, sending an electric current through my entire body. I feel him moan against my mouth, and I quickly pull away as I remember his lip.

"Lucas, your lip," I say as I gingerly cup his jaw in my palm.

There's a dark purple bruise spreading from the right side of his mouth and out towards his ear. The bottom corner of his mouth is split and swollen. He blinks at me seductively, his mouth curving into a mischievous grin.

"Trust me, sweetheart, nothing hurts right now."

Before I can react to his sultry voice he's parting my lips with his tongue as he lifts me up onto the counter effortlessly. A feeling of deja vu encompasses me as I remember our moment in the kitchen this morning before we were interrupted. It feels like it was ages ago that I felt his touch. Lucas pulls his lips away from mine and smiles at me suggestively.

"I figured we could pick up where we left off this morning," he croons.

I giggle at him flirtatiously, resting my knees against his waist.

Maybe Lucas can read my mind, too.

His gaze is tantalizing, making my heart ache with anticipation. He finally kisses me again, wrapping one arm around my lower back as he slides his left hand down my bare leg. I made sure to put on moisturizer before the fundraiser so that my skin could be as tempting as possible.

"You are very, very sexy." Lucas pulls away and whispers against my ear. His palms are full of calluses from working so much this week, but the way he glides his hand along my soft skin is incredibly alluring. He cups his hand under my knee and slides me closer to him until my legs are wrapped all the way around his hips.

I'm barely sitting on the edge of the counter, but I don't feel like I'm going to fall with the way that Lucas is holding me. He makes me feel so safe and secure when I'm with him that we could be standing on top of a skyscraper like this and I wouldn't be afraid.

"You make me feel sexy," I whisper back to him as I play with his thick, dark hair.

It's already grown out quite a bit in the short time since he returned. I adore Lucas when his hair is long; it falls over his strong features just right, and I love watching him brush it out of his face. His arms become flexed and his shirt gets lifted up to give you a sneak peek of his muscles. I don't know why I'm imagining Lucas doing this right now when he's in front of me.

I feel a warm sensation on the side of my neck just under my ear, bringing me out of my daze. He kisses underneath my chin and along my jawline, making me gasp. He lifts his face up to meet mine and doesn't hesitate to start kissing me again. His tongue moves slowly inside of my mouth before the intensity increases as he moves his hands all over my body.

He scoops his left arm under me and lifts me back up off the counter. He's supporting me with just one hand under my rear end while his injured hand rests against my upper back. I giggle against his mouth as he turns us away from the kitchen and begins walking to the entryway. I hold onto him tightly, trying to relieve some pressure on his hand. His shoulders are twice as broad as mine, and his abdomen is so well built that it's difficult to fit my arms and legs all the way around him.

"I've got you, Rachel," he says reassuringly as he stops on the landing of the stairs. "I'm not going to drop you." He looks at me expectedly, waiting for me to give him a sign that I'm comfortable with him carrying me up the stairs.

"I feel completely safe in your arms, Lucas." I smile at him sweetly as I stroke the back of his neck with my fingertips.

He swallows and his cheeks become flushed with pink. His eyes are so full of love and security that I feel my lips being drawn back down to his. We kiss for a moment against the railing before Lucas starts to walk up the stairs. I pull away from his mouth and kiss his cheeks. His pace up the stairs increases as my lips travel down to his jaw and onto his neck.

His obvious enthusiasm for getting me into the bedroom makes me giggle into the crook of his neck. I can feel Lucas chuckle as his chest rises and falls quickly against me. I realize that we are no longer moving up as Lucas' steps become more consistent and flat. I lift my head up and see the hallway that leads to the guest room get farther away.

I can't believe that Lucas has been sleeping in there for so long. The fact that he is carrying me into our room right now fills my stomach with butterflies as I think about how much I miss him.

Lucas starts to set me down; my body slowly slides down his until my feet gently land on the floor. I can feel the edge of our mattress against the skirt of my dress. He looks at me sweetly as he brushes my hair behind my ears.

"I like it when your hair is back, I can see your beautiful face better." His words make my stomach twist into a ball of knots.

I always pinned my hair back in high school and college, but started wearing it down after the conference in Seattle. This was partly influenced by Artemis, but I was also trying to be different when I was there. Sam made me feel different; not in a negative way by any means, but the feeling wasn't sustainable, it wasn't right.

Lucas makes me feel the exact same way today as he did when we met over ten years ago. He makes me feel seen, cared for, and loved, and he knows everything about me.

An overwhelming sensation of security and comfort washes over me, forcing my hands onto Lucas' chest. I grab his shirt collar and pull his lips back to mine.

Lucas reciprocates immediately by taking his suit jacket off and throwing it onto the chair in the corner of the room. He's trying to keep kissing me as he unbuttons his shirt, but I can feel him struggling. I gently pull away from him and place my hands on top of his, avoiding his injuries.

"Here, let me do it," I say delicately as I begin to undo the button he was working on.

His expression softens, and he moves his hands to rest them on my waist. He leans down and begins kissing my neck again as I work through what feels like a hundred buttons before his shirt comes off. I can feel his sculpted abs as I run my palms down his chest before stopping to undo his belt.

He tugs on the neckline in the back of my dress, trying to pull it off. I decide to let him try and find the zipper before I offer to help him again, and let my hands travel along the waistband of his pants, pushing them off of his hips. I can hear the sound of my dress unzipping as Lucas eagerly slips the emerald silk off of my shoulders. My gown crumples into a halo around my feet and Lucas takes a step back to look at me.

His eyes are burning holes all over my bare skin as he analyzes my body. I made sure to wear a matching set of emerald underwear with my bra. I wanted to be as delectable as possible for Lucas tonight.

Lucas shakes his head slowly as he begins to study my curves with his palms.

"Have I told you how gorgeous I think you are?" His voice is slow and seductive, building my desire for him. He's looking at me like I'm a priceless painting; too beautiful to be real.

I throw my arms around his shoulders and he picks me up instantly. A surge of adrenaline courses through me as Lucas lays me down on our plush comforter. His face is hovering over mine and his hair is tickling my forehead. He has his strong arms pressed against my ribcage, keeping me firmly in place as he kisses me passionately.

I can feel how turned on he is as he presses his hips against mine. He moans quietly against my mouth as his hands explore my bare skin. His grip on my body gradually gets firmer as the tension between us builds. He pulls away from me, out of breath.

"I've missed you so much." His voice breaks slightly when he says this to me, making my heart pound even harder.

"You don't have to miss me, anymore," I whisper back, making Lucas' eyes flicker playfully.

He grins at me hungrily again before he starts kissing my neck. I gasp loudly at his touch and press myself against his strong body, unable to hide how much I want him any longer. Lucas and I spend hours catching up on lost time as we make love. It feels like I'm floating on a cloud as I give in to Lucas, letting him make me his again.

We lay sprawled out on the bed, our limbs intertwined with each other and the covers spread over us haphazardly. All of the stress and heartache from the past year feels like it has melted away with Lucas' touch. The moon is shining in through the bedroom windows, giving us just enough light to admire each other as we drift off to sleep.