Pearl put her hands up to try and calm them down as their hands trembled and shook the gun within their grip. She looked to the kitchen table and saw a half empty bottle of whiskey, this act wasn't being performed by a sober mind.

"Please, put the gun down. You're going to hurt yourself" Pearl pleaded.

They lowered the gun maybe half an inch but when Pearl stepped forward to take it from them they stepped back and raised it once more.

"Myrtle, what are you doing?"

"I told you to stay out of blinder business"

Pearl was rendered speechless for a moment as she tried to work out why that mattered and how her being involved with the Peaky Blinders could possibly lead to this.

"That can't warrant this, surely. Myrtle it's me" Pearl spoke in the most soothing voice she could muster but in all honesty she was shaken to her core by the sight before her, "Please just talk to me"

"Oh, you'd love that wouldn't you? To talk down the poor, old woman" Myrtle spat in a tone foreign to Pearl. She'd never acted this callous or cold - or at least never in front of her.

Myrtle's face was flushed partly from the alcohol and partly from crying. Pearl could tell her eyes were misty and she could still see the tear tracks that had dried on her face and smudged her makeup.

Pearl shook her head with a forced smile, "Of course not. You're my friend"

"I could never be friends with a Shelby's whore"

Pearl's smile was snatched from her face and she smacked the gun out of Myrtle's grip with her right hand and then caught it with her left before it hit the floor. She cautiously placed it on the table beside her, never breaking eye contact with Myrtle.

"We don't need that. Now, please explain to me what all of this is about"

"William said your lipstick was smeared all over Thomas Shelby's face earlier today" Myrtle seethed.

"William Brown? How do you know William Brown?"

"He came to see me when you got back from London. You're scum, Marie. Just like the rest of them. It was my mistake to think you were better"

Pearl lost her balance ever so slightly as a heavy weight dropped to the pit of her stomach and a large lump settled in her throat. The sound of her given name always seemed to be a weakness for Pearl; one which she was keen to be rid of.

Pearl struggled to grapple with the severity of the situation, the woman in front of her she had only ever believed to be kind and nurturing. Never would Pearl have believed she would've willingly held a gun to her head.

They were friends.

"You agreed to spy on me?"

"Only after they told me who you were- what you were capable of. You're worse than the Shelby's"

Pearl felt each statement pierce right through to her heart. Myrtle had felt this way all this time; and all the while Pearl had been adoring her.

"Since I got back from London? That was weeks ago..."

"I was pretending, of course. Hearing what you've done... I couldn't trust that you wouldn't strike me dead on the spot if you knew what I knew. But now you and Thomas... I can't let this go on any longer" All Pearl could do was stare blankly back at her, "Don't act all innocent. You're a murderer, just like them"

"Why?" Pearl breathed, it was all she could force out of her stumped throat.

"Because the Shelby's killed my son and now you're involved with them. You think after knowing what you are and all you've done I was just going to let you roam our streets any longer?"

What you are. Growing up Pearl had always been a 'what' not a 'who', her family had been the only ones to see her as human. To everyone else she was an object, a means to an end, a killer.

Now that's what she was to Myrtle too.

And, oh, her son... how could she not have known?

Pearl shook her head fervently, "Your sons died in the-"

"In the war. My two eldest did. But my youngest... my baby, he got caught up with the Shelby's and it got him killed" Myrtle clutched her heart as she spoke about her youngest son, that up until now Pearl didn't even know existed.

"I didn't know..."

"Of course you didn't! Thomas Shelby was too busy fucking you to tell you how he killed my son. I told you not to get involved with them!" Myrtle screeched, once again reaching for the gun but Pearl's reflexes were fast and she was able to grab it before Myrtle had the chance.

"It doesn't have to be like this. I'm so sorry, truly, I am - but you're drunk and killing me isn't going to bring back your son"

"No!" Myrtle pointed her finger stiffly at Pearl, "You need to be stopped. You all need to be stopped. I've had enough with all this pretending"

"I've only ever wanted to protect you. You should've never gotten involved with Grenfeld's men, believe me, they're worse than the Blinders. So, so much worse"

"And you're the worst of them all. You lie and you kill and you're sleeping with the devil!"

Pearl started to tremble with each word that came from Myrtle's lips.

"Myrtle, stop it"

"He's a bastard! I want him dead!" Myrtle became frantic as she began to scream and grab for the gun which was tightly held in Pearl's grasp, "You're all evil!"

Pearl tried to maintain a strong posture to withhold the gun from Myrtle but her words were cutting deep into Pearl's soul and tears started to prick at the back of her eyes.

It was foolish of Pearl to try and see Myrtle as any kind of parental figure, when in reality she hardly knew her. She'd only set herself up for pain. And it was truly painful. She'd underestimated a mothers rage. Myrtle was rather frail for her age but it was clear now that she wouldn't stop as she clawed and scratched at Pearl's body to try and rip the gun from her.

Something maternal had been set off deep inside Myrtle and she wouldn't stop until Pearl was dead.

"Myrtle, please, stop this" Pearl was unable to hold back as a few stray tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You don't deserve anything. You monster!" Myrtle punctuated her sentence with a sharp slap across Pearl's cheek.

Foolishly, in her shock, Pearl had dropped the gun to rest her hand against her burning cheek.

The moment it slipped from her fingers Myrtle had dropped to her knees and grabbed the gun for herself. She stood and started to fire erratically in Pearl's direction. Pearl managed to duck down and miss the first two shots; she ran to the other side of the living room but it was futile because Myrtle was hot on her heels.

Pearl heard glass shatter around her and saw the face of the clock on the wall in front of her splinter and fall apart. A piece of glass fell forward and lodged itself into Pearl's shoulder, she winced but before she could remove it she felt a splitting pain in the back of her thigh and her weight gave out below her. Myrtle had finally managed to land a bullet that finally sent Pearl hurtling to the floor.

She landed awkwardly beside the fireplace with her legs bent beneath her and she groaned as her head smacked against the hearth.

Myrtle stalked towards her with a malicious look and the gun pointed right between Pearl's eyes. The woman didn't hesitate as she pulled the trigger.

But death didn't reach Pearl. Just a click from the spent gun.

Both women looked at each other with wide eyes and heaving chests. Myrtle threw the empty gun against the fireplace and let out a cry as she scanned the room. Pearl felt pathetic as she began to weep like a child being scolded by their mother. Her eyes were pleading as she silently begged Myrtle to stop but she was not met with sympathy.

Pearl followed Myrtle's eyes as they landed on the poker that rested beside the fireplace. Both women went to grab it but when Pearl tried to move the pain in her leg willed her to stop, so Myrtle got there first. She grabbed the poker and started to thrust it towards Pearl's face, whilst screaming manically that she was 'The Devil!'

Pearl rolled side to side, narrowly missing the speared end. She outstretched her arm to reach for anything that she could use to defend herself with. Her hand grasped some long, soft material and she pulled it towards her.

"This is what you deserve! Monster!" Myrtle continued to chant with each stab at Pearl.

Pearl sobbed, "I'm not! Please, I'm not!"

Myrtle brought the poker down and it clipped Pearl's ear. However, she'd used too much force and the end got stuck in the carpet. Pearl used the chance to wrap the material around Myrtle's neck and pull it tight. She then yanked the material down towards her so that Myrtle fell beside Pearl against the hearth. She clawed at the material around her neck and Pearl pushed herself up onto her knees, despite the pain in her leg. She kneeled over Myrtle and kept the material tight but with no intention of killing, she hoped the lack of oxygen would knock Myrtle out or at least calm her down until she had time to sober up.

However, it seemed to have the opposite effect.

"You're a heartless monster" Myrtle muttered with a hoarse voice.

"I'm not. I'm not. I'm a good person!" Pearl wept.

Her tears fell fast and landed on Myrtle's face who was still writhing underneath Pearl.

Myrtle shook her head, "You're an evil bitch"

"I'm good!" Pearl screamed as she brought Myrtle's face close to hers and then forced it down against the solid hearth.

Pearl became lost in the haze of her emotions and started to continuously slam Myrtle's head against the floor.

Evil bitch. Monster. Devil. She'd been called these names all her life - why couldn't anyone see she was trying to save her family? She had pure intentions, she was kind... wasn't she?

"I'm good! Please, I'm a good person!"

Her head was swirling with Myrtle's words and accusations and Pearl started to see red.

Except she wasn't seeing red. She was seeing blood; lots of blood that was pooling around the crown Myrtle's head. Pearl had failed to realise that Myrtle had stopped struggling and was now laying limp beneath her.

"Myrtle?" Pearl whispered.

She sat back and looked at the fabric in her hands - it was the scarf she had bought Myrtle all those weeks ago. Pearl let out a horrified gasp as she looked onto the scene before her.

"No! No, Myrtle!"

Pearl grabbed the woman's shoulders and shook her frantically. The old woman's head simply rolled to the side and Pearl saw the gruesome state. Her head had been completely bashed in with blood all over.

Surely... Pearl couldn't have done that. She wanted to calm her down not hurt-

Oh god.

The world had gone silent. All that existed was Pearl,  her bloody hands and the body beside them. There was no point in checking for a pulse, the deed was done - no matter the reason. She let out a guttural scream that seemed to shake the foundations of the house when she realised what she'd done.

Pearl pulled Myrtle towards her to cradle the dead body in her arms and rested her forehead against Myrtle's, allowing her own head to be baptised by the blood.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

Her shoulders shook as she wept into and stroked Myrtle's hair. Of course, her apologies were of no use now - there was no one left to hear them.

"Please talk to me. Tell me I'm a monster, you're right I am. I'm going to be better, for you, I'll try. Just talk to me"

Pearl's throat started to feel raw with her repetitive whimpers of 'please'

She was so consumed by her grief that she didn't notice the door being shoved open and men stepping inside.

"Fookin' hell"

Pearl craned her neck to see the three Shelby brothers standing in the doorway, with mixed looks of shock and horror etched into their faces. Her eyes locked with Tommy's who was wide eyed and rubbing his hand against his mouth. Pearl's face scrunched up as she began to cry again and turned her head back to rest against Myrtle's.

"Get men- men we can trust to clear this up. People heard the gunshots streets down, you need to make sure no one comes near the house" Tommy ordered.

John stuttered a bit before he spoke, "But Tommy, won't-"

"Just fucking do it" Tommy shouted at him.

Pearl heard the door open and close behind her and then all of a sudden she felt large hands gripping her arms.

"Come on, we need to get you out of here" Tommy whispered.

"No"

Her voice was quiet and ragged, but firm.

"Pearl, you can't stay here. Come on-"

Tommy became more insistent and wrapped his arm around her waist trying to rip her away from the body. Pearl refused to let go of Myrtle and tried her best to ground her weight into the floor.

"No! No, I'm not leaving her!" she wailed.

"You have to!"

Finally Tommy managed to peel Pearl away from Myrtle and lift her off the ground, holding her back tightly against his chest. Pearl started to frantically smack and claw at Tommy's hands as she tried to get him to release her.

"I can't leave her! Please, Tommy, let go of me!"

Her words were becoming almost unintelligible to anyone other than herself as her voice was wearing thin. However, Tommy didn't bother listening to her pleas because his main priority was getting her out.

Pearl made eye contact with Arthur, who was still standing beside the door. His face was taut but sympathetic.

"Uh Tom..."

Arthur pointed at Pearl and then gestured to the area between his heart and his shoulder. Tommy looked down and saw the piece of glass sticking out of Pearl's skin. He tried to remove it but Pearl was thrashing so much in his hold that he couldn't.

"Stop fookin' fighting me!" Tommy demanded, "Arthur go and get the car. We can't get her out of here in this state".

Arthur nodded and left quickly, not wanting to see Pearl like this any longer.

Once the door had shut Tommy spun Pearl around so that she was facing him and shook her arms in an attempt to get her to focus on him and not Myrtle's body.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?"

He was desperately trying to catch her eyes but she wasn't paying him even the slightest ounce of attention. She took a large gasp for air and continued to sob whilst her arms tried to reach out for Myrtle.

Tommy held her face between his hands and forced her to look at him. His hands became stained by Myrtle's blood but he was too focused on Pearl to notice.

"Pearl, are you hurt?" his voice cracked as he spoke, failing to remain calm within the chaos.

"My leg... she shot my leg" Pearl whimpered, "Oh god. It was me Tommy. I did this"

Pearl's face dropped to Tommy's chest and he held his hand against her neck as she continued to cry. Pearl could feel Tommy's heart beating rapidly, telling her he was more panicked than he was letting on.

"Come on. You need to take the pressure off of your leg"

He was amazed that she was still standing, he assumed it was a mixture of having gone into shock and running off of pure adrenaline. Tommy moved to kneel down and helped Pearl down with him. Once she was on the floor he plucked the glass from her shoulder and pulled her tighter against his chest, trying to soothe her sobs with trembling hands.

They stayed there for a little while until they heard Arthur honking the car horn outside. Pearl had ceased her crying but was now simply frozen. Tommy scooped her up into his arms and carried her out to the car. When he placed her in the backseat Pearl saw a group of Peaky Blinders heading for the house, led by John. She grabbed Tommy's arm abruptly.

"Tommy- Tommy tell them to bury her properly. Don't let them chuck her in The Cut" she spoke quickly and was tripping over her words.

He nodded and walked over to John, they exchanged a few words and then he came back to the car, slotting in the back beside Pearl.

"Arthur fookin' step on it" Tommy ordered harshly.

With that the three of them set off through the streets, only narrowly missing pedestrians as the speed of the car quickly increased. Pearl started to shake slightly and her teeth began to chatter but she hardly noticed, her mind was racing with the events of the past hour. She'd been lulled into feeling happy for just a moment and it brought down her guard. Her actions reminded her of how she used to be during the war - how her father used to be.

But that was different. She'd done this to someone she knew... someone she cared about. Pearl was terrified of herself and her capabilities - did she truly have no limits?

a/n

okay, so I did a poll on my tiktok whether you wanted a long chapter or two short chapters and two short chapters was the overall consensus. Chapter fifteen is already written and will be out in a few days.

Also I choose not to put content warnings at the beginning of each chapter because, personally, I feel like they kind of spoil what's going to happen. However, I do have content warnings for the whole book in the intro and you're reading a peaky blinders fic so I assume you all kind of expect canon typical violence?

idk I just don't want anyone to feel like they're being caught off guard or too uncomfortable with what they're reading - so if you'd prefer content warnings at the beginning of each chapter I can definitely do that :)