'The first rule of the II Ex-Competitor Dance? Don't talk about the II Ex-Competitor Dance. ...Unless there's a really good pun involved.'

For once Cheesy had set aside his joke book in favor of a list of his very own creation, with all of the ex-contestants on it. The fact that current competitors couldn't come was one that Cheesy found to be a little annoying; Mic would've totally pity-dated him, right?

Among the girls that actually were eliminated, uhh... There were about four of them.

"Hey Soap!"

Soap was cleaning a window just a little ways away from him. "Yeah?"

"You should totally be my date for the dance! I might not look like much now, but I sure do clean up nicely!" He slapped his knee.

Ever since Soap's elimination, they'd become the "We Miss Mic" duo; they were friends, so it didn't come out of the blue. "Why?"

"Because we both need dates anyway. And, who knows, I could really sweep you off your feet, heh heh." Another slap.

"I don't believe in pity-dates. The night of the big dance is supposed to be romantic."

"Aww, what? C'mon, Soap! All the girls here are crazy! Salt's still salty over OJ not going with her, Apple's gone, and I'm pretty sure that Pepper hates me. You're neurotic, but you're fun to be around. And you don't have a crush on anyone anyway!"

Soap stopped wiping and faced him. "And what drives you to insult them? Maybe you don't deserve a date."

"...C'mon, Soap..." Cheesy got to his knees in front of her. "Please..."

"No."

He sighed. "You're killin' me here, girl. What if I buy you a burger?"

"There're too many germs on those! Besides, a woman's heart won't be swayed by money. Maybe you should quit bugging me and go with a friend." Soap crossed her arms. "Better yet, if you get a date today, I will too. And we can talk about it at dinner!"

She sounded excited. There was no way he could say 'no,' or it'd be awkward. He got to his feet with an exaggerated sigh. "Fine, whatever."

Contrary to what he agreed', he lazed around for basically the rest of the day. He joked with the Cherries for the most part, sharing puns and pranks, and just kind of forgot about Soap's directive.

It was almost dinnertime by the time he talked with anyone else. That 'else' was Tissues.

Okay, Tissues wasn't that cool. But he had no friends, so he was happy to talk about just about anything... 'Even joke lessons!'

"See, you gotta give it context. You can't do an art pun unless it's relevant."

"...What puns can you make from art?"

"It's drawsome you're asking that; it paint easy to find a decent student these days. You practically have to graphite people to ask about humor!" He slapped his knee extra hard for all the puns. He pungratated himself for a job well-done.

There was a brief silence. Then Tissues laughed, finally getting it. "That's a funny one, guys... But what's a graphite?"

"Like the stuff in a pencil. It's not lead, as you've been lead to believe." One more knee-slap.

"Noice one!" He began to laugh, then sneezed. The ensuing snot thankfully didn't hit Cheesy.

The tinkling sound of a bell carried through the hotel library, where they were hanging out. 'Dinner's ready!' "Well, I guess this session's done. Let's get a-eating!" Cheesy hopped to his feet and began to walk.

"W-wait, Cheesy."

The way he said his name was something akin to "Chee-zoi," as usual; it was impossible to miss. When Cheesy turned to face him, he looked rather nervous. "Yeah, dude?"

He stammered "uh"s for a moment before finally getting out, "How about we go to the dance together? I don't have a lot of friends like the other guys..."

For a fleeting second Cheesy contemplated saying 'no;' even though his condishawn probably wasn't contagious, his big sneezes were pretty gross. Then he remembered what Soap had said earlier, and that doubtlessly, she'd hound him at dinner. "You know what? Sure."

He sneezed, this time into a tissue from his head. "Thank you Chee-zoi..."

"It's snot a big deal, man.

'A night with Tissues? Ugh, nothing to brag about. He's not half as cool as the Cherries or even Soap... But hey, at least it's someone to go with.'

XXX

"So, how'd your date-finding go?"

"Eh." Cheesy spooned a bit of noodle soup into his mouth and shrugged.

Soap ignored his noncommitment. "I'm absolutely over the moon! He said 'yes' to me! That means I'll get to hear his hilarious impressions all night."

'I can do hilarious impressions too,' thought Cheesy, annoyed. "Wait, who does impressions?"

"Yin-Yang."

Cheesy blinked, dumbfounded. "What?! He's even less of a catch than I am! ...And I'm pretty sure he's actually two people."

"I think he'll make the night exciting. Besides, he's kinda cute when he argues with himself."

"...If you're into that sorta thing..."

Soap giggled. "Don't give me that. Who did you ask out, hmm? A BCFF? The Cherries?" She leaned a bit closer.

Cheesy took a long gulp out of his glass of milk to postpone answering. 'How do I tell her I got the most uncharming dude in the whole hotel...?'

What to say hit him as hard as he slammed his glass to the table, smirking. "It turns out the pity date is now the pitier. Tissues asked me out."

Soap flinched reflexively at the mention of him (and, indirectly, his germs). "Pretty impressive that even a five outta ten like me is in demand. Poor dude; bet'cha don't know how to keep from recoiling in disgust. Well, girl, I promis-"

"How rude." 'Huh?' "I mean, just think about it. You're his only friend aside from, like, two other people. Even though germs drive me up a wall, you should be ashamed."

"I didn't expect you to take such tissue with it." He paused to let the joke sink in. "And what's mean about it anyway? I said 'yes' to the guy; we're going as friends."

Soap giggled behind her hand. Cheesy's smile dropped. "What's so... funny...?"

Soap nodded to something behind him. Cheesy turned. Tissues was looking at him from the dinner line, and waved with a small grin. Cheesy waved awkwardly back and then turned his attention back to Soap. "He seemed a bit shy, wouldn't you say?"

He shrugged. 'Weird guy.' Soap giggled again; he started to get irritated. "What?"

"...I think he likes you."

Cheesy spat his drink into the tablecloth. The fact that Soap was giggling at him instead of flinching at the germs was alarming. "What?! O-of course he does. I'm his friend."

"You know what I mean. I think he has a crush on you."

"T-that's crazy-talk!" Cheesy stood on his chair for emphasis, then slammed the table. "He does not!"

"What's so crazy about it? He loves the time you spend together, and everybody knows it. You're one of his best friends." Soap clasped her hands together and giggled once more. "I'll admit, you guys aren't cute on your own, but together... You'd make a great couple!"

Heads were starting to turn. Cheesy brought his finger to his mouth and then snapped in a hard whisper, "There's no way we're a thing, hear me?!"

Soap pulled a blue cloth out of seemingly nowhere and got to cleaning Cheesy's mess. "I know you don't feel the same way... but you accepted his date offer. The way I see it, no harm comes from throwing him a bone..."

Cheesy was almost afraid to ask what she meant. She went on, "Make it the nicest date he'll ever be on. Then, at the end of the night, you can tell him you don't like him as a boyfriend in a subtle way."

"But what if I don't like him?" Cheesy sank back into his chair. "Are you sure about this?"

"You already accepted, so it's the most honest you can be. Just treat him like a friend and it'll all be okay. You don't have to hold his hand or anything~"

Cheesy groaned. "You're a terrible friend."

XXX

Believe it or not, that whole deal took place a week in advance of the dance. Soap had been bolded, italicized, underlined, all-caps EXCITED that whole time. She mentioned it every chance she got..

"You have to clean up nicely for the big date~" Soap would coo as she tried ribbons on herself at the store.

"What?! Girl, who'd appreciate puns like that but me?!"

(She bought him a slick new red tie for the occasion. It only made him slightly happier.)

He continued spending time with Tissues as normal for joke lessons, but found himself noticing a few new things about his friend. First, he had a habit of just kind of... Grinning at Cheesy in between jokes. It was a 'wow I'm glad you're a person who's here' sort of grin.

'Guess Soap was right. Maybe he does have the hots for me.'

Second, Cheesy heard from a lot of the contestants about his date choice.

"Cheesy! You're going with Tissues, right? That's really nice of you. He doesn't have a lot of friends." That was the Cherries.

"Both of you are losers, so it sounds lame." That was Trophy, crossing his arms and pouting. (He didn't have a date.)

"Oh-em-gee. You have to tell me about this!" Salt for once wanted something to do with him; apparently she was mostly interested in seeing them kiss. Ugh, creep.

The night of the dance, Cheesy pulled his tie on feeling very, very nervous.

'Okay dude, tonight's the night. The night you get the unfortunate task of breaking a dude's heart. It's a shame, he's sweet. I'm just... mega-not into dudes.'

'Truth is, I'm funny, but someone earnest like him could do a lot better than funny if he'd put himself out there, maybe got some cold medicine. Even though he probably didn't have any other options, he probably sees me as his equal, not a pity date-r of some kind. I guess I kind of am the pity-date, huh?'

Cheesy inwardly groaned. 'If only Mic was here to yell at me!'

Tissues' door stood before him. He stood there for a moment before steeling his nerves and finally knocking on the door. It was but a moment before Tissues appeared. "Hiya Chee-zoi," he greeted.

"Hey. Uh, you ready for the dance?" Tissues wasn't wearing anything to spiffy up. 'Soap said it was formal! I guess he's underdressed.'

"Sure! Let's go, guys." Tissues shut the door and walked fairly quickly for his standards. Usually there was a swaying quality to his walk, but today he seemed sturdier, peppier.

Or was that Cheesy's imagination?

Cheesy awkwardly kept his pace up. "So, uh, you look kinda nice. Did you do something new with your hair?"

"Nooo... I don't even have hair."

"Oh no! How could I be so hairrible?" A kneeslap. "Geddit? Because hair and terrible sound a bit similar?"

Tissues chuckled. "I don't get it. I'm just glad to have you here, Chee-zoi. This'll be like the best night ever!"

'All because of my company? Aww, nobody likes my company this much. Maybe tonight won't be so bad after all...'

Cheesy did everything a good man ought to do to treat someone right. He opened doors and offered to get drinks, he offered him a dance. (Tissues said 'no,' but Cheesy was positive that he looked like an absolute charmer anyway.)

He helped clean up snot when Tissues sneezed against one of the walls.

It was kind of weird, honestly. Tissues just seemed to like hanging out in a corner. Occasionally the Cherries would come by with Pepper. (The Cherries' date was Pepper. Salt came by once, partially to be with her friend and partially to ask Cheesy weird questions. That had been the most awkward moment in the whole operation. Cheesy was glad to have a nice guy like Tissues crushing on him rather than Salt.)

Also dropping by the "Cheezy and Sneezy corner" was Soap.

"Aww! You two are SO cute together," Soap remarked.

"You two really are! NO! YOU'RE HIDEOUS!"

Instead of cringing at the implication that they were dating, Cheesy slung an arm around his shoulders and smirked, playing along. Butterflies seemed to float in his stomach as he did so. "I guess we would be, huh?"

"Would be what, guys?"

At that very moment that there was the fizzling static of a microphone. ('Huh. That was the first time I thought of that kind of object since we got here.') "Ladies and gentlemen, we are at the final dance of the night," OJ's voice sounded. "Partner up, because it's gonna be the best!"

Soap linked arms with Yin Yang and winked. The darker half blushed. "I'll see you later~"

Cheesy didn't even flinch as he extended a hand to Tissues. "Well, m'man, shall we?"

Tissues sniffled. "I-I thoink I need some fresh air."

"S-sure thing man." Cheesy grabbed his wrist and led him to an elevator. Because the big entertainment room they were in was on the sixth floor, it was a much shorter ride to get to the roof than it would have been to the floor.

Hotel OJ's roof was, like the rest of the hotel, fairly casual; it was sparser than the dancefloor. There were a few chairs, but aside from a railing, nothing else was up there. It had a very quiet feeling compared to the ear-pumping dance floor. The moon was high in the sky, and the stars were bright beside it.

'Even I have to admit, this is a pretty sweet place to be.'

The serene moment was interrupted by a gnarly sneeze. "Thank goodness. It was so loud in their my eardrums could have fallen out, guys..."

"It is kinda nice up ear," Cheesy agreed, chuckling. He paused for Tissues to get it and grinned when he did. "You enjoying the fresh air?"

He sighed, grinning. "Yeah... I can't be in the hotel for too long or my condishAWn gets really bad. Like, even worse than usual."

"Glad to hear it, man." Cheesy played with his tie. He averted his gaze. "Y'know, if you ever need someone to take you somewhere to make your condition improve, I'm your... guy."

"Thanks a lot, Chee-zoi." Tissues walked to him to give him a two-armed bear hug. Cheesy startled at the contact, feeling his heart rate pick up before he returned the embrace.

"N-no problem, man... But listen, we have to talk seriously for a sec." Cheesy pulled away from Tissues. He sighed. "I have to apologize."

"What for, guys?"

"Well... when you first asked me out, I kinda took on the wrong attitude. It turns out that you're so much cooler than me."

"What? No I'm not... You can make those yokes without even thinking about it."

"They're called jokes. And no. I'm funny, but you're cool in the real way: at heart. I really don't want to break that heart. But I-I think we should be friends." Cheesy looked away dramatically, not wanting to see the tears pool in Tissues' eyes as his every hope and dream was shattered...

There was a long silence. Then there was the sound of sniffling. "Look, man. I'm sorry. We can hug it out if you want, though-"

"Thank you so much! All I ever wanted was a friend!" Tissues caught him by surprise with a hug from behind.

'W-what? Wait, am I... blushing?!' He shrugged Tissues off and straightened his tie again. "Wait! So you mean to tell me that you didn't have a crush on me?"

Tissues chuckled. "What gave you that idea."

Cheesy stammered. "What- but- uh- YOU invited me to this dance. And you were so nervous asking me!"

"All I ever wanted was a friend," Tissues repeated. "You were so nice to me; you're my friend."

"But dude, you have other friends!" Cheesy waved his arms for emphasis. "Like Yin Yang and the Cherries, they visited you! Am I really no different than they are?!"

'Shoot shoot shoot! Did I go and develop a crush on the guy?!'

Tissues patted Cheesy's head. "They're different because you're my best friend."

Cheesy's jaw dropped. He couldn't complain about being friends with him, but... Since when had Soap ever been wrong?! 'And why am I slightly disappointed?! ...It must have been someone having a crush on me in general, is all. I don't like him!'

It still warmed him to hear it. "You're one of my best friends, too. You, uh, really are one of the sweetest guys I know. Thanks."

Tissues sneezed; Cheesy hardly sidestepped the ensuing snot-shower in time. Tissues made to respond, but sneezed again, and again.

Cheesy kept him company for about five minutes of violent sneezes, sitting just out of range. When he finally finished, Tissues mumbled, "I think I need some cold medicine or I'll pass out or something... See you tomorrow?"

"Uhh, I'll walk you back to your room and stuff, dude. Gotta finish the night on a high note, right?" He chuckled awkwardly.

"I'd appreciate that a lot, Chee-zoi. Thanks so much."

The very end of the night came when they finally reached Tissues' room, after a quick stop at the medicine cabinet on the way. "Well, Tissues, I guess the night's done here. I'll see you tomorrow for joke lessons, yeah?"

Tissues nodded. "I'm looking forward to it. Goodnight."

For once, Cheesy looked forward to it too, even moreso than jokes with the Cherries.