Chapter 81: Shared Feelings
(Y/n) attempted to amuse herself with the variety of channels she was allowed to access on the television, only to be painfully brought back to reality as she was reminded of her current position.
She chose the relaxing option of laying down in the bed, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to make her mind wonder to distractions that would ease her situation, however was painfully reminded as she still felt the uncomfortable cuffs restraining her in one place. After letting out a heavy sigh, she quietened her breath as she heard a pair of reluctant and bold footsteps approaching her door. She sat up with tense expectation, predicting the individual to be headed her way and soon managed to make out the sound of two separate voices protesting against one another. (Y/n) raised an eyebrow at the confusing mess of sounds until a person was pushed past the door's threshold, making both the female and the intruder freeze in place at the sight of each other.
"Nope!" Jin attempted to scuttle out of the area, only to be held firmly back by the male that had dragged him in.
"W-what is all this?" (Y/n) flicked her gaze from Bako to the squirming boy as her eyes demanded for an explanation while she cautiously stared at the male that kept attempting to evacuate the area in a panicked manner.
"I decided to invite Jin over with me, do you mind?"
"Well I-"
"Thanks a bunch, (Y/n). Sit here Jin." Bako forcefully pushed the boy to accommodate in front of the bed while the girl silently stared at him with alertness, afraid she will witness his feral temper.
Bako stepped back to assess the situation with a calculating eye, picking up on the awkward atmosphere surrounding the two individuals, carving a frown of disappointment on his features.
"Hey Jin, why don't you show (Y/n) how to do that pyramid Rubik's cube?" Jin glanced back with a confused expression to accompany his panicked exterior. Before the boy could question on the male's implication, he felt a hard object smacking against his head before clattering to his crossed legs. Jin rubbed the sore spot as he spotted the aim in question sitting on his lap, sparking a new mystery of where it had even appeared.
"Hey, when did you-?" The boy turned back to inquire on the puzzle's arrival, only to be given a scolding glare from the boy for daring to elongate the tension of the situation. "It's called a Rubik's Pyramid..." Jin sulked as he mentally forced himself to begin reconstructing the complex structure of the puzzle.
Bako satisfyingly smiled to himself as the girl took slight interest in the activity. As Jin made a quick job with solving it without complications, he presented it to the girl for her to give it a shot herself.
As the two slowly slid into a casual chatter, Bako's contempt grin slowly disappeared as the pair seemed to enter a pleasant conversation and the boy watched on as he emotionally excluded himself from the two. The azure male looked down at the floor to block off the positive ambiance surround them, until he sighed before choosing to step away from the scene and silently sneak towards the door.
"Hm? Where are you going?" (Y/n) noticed the boy's shadowing behaviour, making the male flinch at his mention.
Bako turned back to give her a reassuring smile, "I'm going to go change in my room now. I didn't have the chance earlier." Before the female could further inquire him he bolted out of sight.
Bako quickly shut his door tightly, locking it securely as though trying to contain himself inside. rather than keep anyone out. He fell into his chair, allowing the relieving sensation of the mental proximity that came with the new surroundings. He lightly rubbed his head, allowing the sorrowful emotions to flow through as envy began spreading through his reasoning. 'I knew this was a bad idea...no, what am I talking about? (Y/n) is enjoying herself again, I shouldn't be regretting this...' However his melancholy only continued to drive his mood further down, hearing the muffled sounds of talks emanating from the neighbouring room.
He allowed the noises to flood his mind as his conscience battled for the correct response to give to his heart. The male grunted out his distaste before proceeding to his designated routine of changing into fresh clothing.
As he paced around in his room to find a source of distraction as well as kill time, his focus fell on his drawing equipment as his mind worked on images that were urging to be manifested onto paper. The male shook his head in refusal before plopping facedown on his bed, internally screaming to himself.
(Y/n) exhaled with pride as she pulled back the complex puzzle to admire the work she had correctly done on it. "I can't believe I managed to actually make one of these." She happily spoke, earning a small chuckle from the boy beside her.
'You only did the top point of the pyramid.' However Jin chose not to point out the lacking work she had actually done on the item, choosing to simply admire her zeal over the synthetic achievement. "That's good. Maybe next time you'll be able to do a Rubik's Megaminx."
The girl twitched slightly as she recalled the structure of the specified object and her self confidence lowered. The female lightly shook her head in denial at the prospect before returning the item to the male. "I'm fine, thank you."
"(Y/n)...I would like to get you something...something that will show how sorry I am..." The girl looked away in thoughtful contemplation as Jin morsed over his actions while he distractingly played around with the cube in hand. "I've been meaning to find somehow a way that I can show you...that I'm really sorry. And that I want to earn your forgiveness somehow." The girl seemed considerate over the offer and proceeded to think while the male explained himself. "I want to find a way to show you...how much you mean to me...and how much I regret my behaviour towards you."
While the brunet fiddled with his fingers in an uncomfortable manner, (Y/n) analysed him for any open opportunity. "Then please...just unlock me, even if it's for a little while." The boy immediately tensed up as the subject of her release was brought up, and didn't dare look at her as he answered to her plea.
"I'm sorry (Y/n)...I can't do that...you're much safer here than wondering around the house." The girl felt her temper flare up at the disgraceful excuse he was putting out.
'Well, that's the biggest lie ever told...' She inwardly grumbled, but kept her comment to herself. "Then there's nothing I want..." Jin cast his gaze even further inward as he felt the shame that came along with his response.
(Y/n) felt her hand being tightly grabbed by the male as he positively beamed at her with an assertive smile. "How about I do something for you tomorrow? I could go and get you something to entertain yourself with? Do you like manga or, comic books or puzzles?" The girl hesitated with her answer before making up her mind to the requests.
"Well...yeah, I guess..."
Jin's smile widened as an open opportunity was presented to him. "Alright then. I'll go buy you whatever you'd like. You must be awfully bored just sitting here on your own..." His optimism slowly died down as he reminded himself of her situation, attempting keep the neutral atmosphere far from the negative of reality. "(Y/n)...can I see your smile?"
"What?" The female stared at the boy as she tried to gather what had triggered the sudden question to be brought up. Jin darted his gaze to the ground as embarrassment filled up his face.
"I-I haven't seen you happy lately...I've been really hoping to see you smiling again...especially around me." The pyramid slipped out of his grip as his palms became sweaty with worry and tension. His body stiffened as he felt the girl's eyes on him, analysing his unstable exterior before hearing a sigh escape her lips.
"Maybe tomorrow, ok?" She gently spoke to him, allowing the disappointment to lightly hit him.
Jin understandingly nodded before flashing her a forced grin. "Alright, then tomorrow I'll try and see what I can bring you." He corroboratively patted her knee and gave her a assured smirk.
A light knock was heard on the door, drawing the pair's attention to the entrance as it opened to reveal the cobalt eyed male that had previously left them. Bako looked towards Jin with beaconing gaze. "Jin, wanna come and help me make some pizza? I'm honestly just looking for an excuse to make Kaito buy and carry more groceries tomorrow." Jin gave a light scoff before nodding and standing up to join the boy.
"I'll see you tomorrow (Y/n)." The brunet waved at the girl before walking past the awaiting male.
"I'll bring some up to you when it's done." Bako gave a light wave before closing the door to leave the female at her own.
(Y/n) waited a moment until she heard the footsteps disappearing to sigh out in relief. She placed her hand to her forehead before sliding down to stare at the ceiling once again. "Tomorrow, huh...?" Thoughts rushed through her head and time seemed to move at a lazy pace before she heard the familiar sound of the door handle turning.
(Y/n) switched her gaze to the side before she bolted up to defensively glare at the individual that entered. Kaito inwardly rolled his eyes and returned the distasteful expression. "What an unattractive look. You'll never make friends if you regard people like that."
The girl ignored his snappy remark and turned herself around. "Just leave me alone..." Kaito stared at the female's back before huffing at the scene with irascible frustration.
"(Y/n) can we talk?" The girl grunted in response to his demand and shook her head. "We can't come to the same level if we don't speak to each other. So please try to comprise with me."
"You can't even compromise with me, what the hell do I have to say to you?" Kaito sighed at her uncooperative response.
"I told you, I'll eventually let you go...just give it time." The girl inwardly snorted at the minimality of the excuse.
"Whether I'll be released today, tomorrow, next week or next year doesn't really hold any significance to me at this moment...it's the fact that you're trying to excuse what you're doing as 'my own good' when all you want is to maltreat me like an untrained dog because I dared hurt your precious pride...Get over it, the least you can do is be honest with yourself and me. Stop with this petty act." The male didn't dare speak a word out to contradict the girl, knowing that her assumptions held the slightest bit of truth. Instead, the male clenched his jaw to relieve some pressure out of his body, feeling his temper spike at the gull the female had to address the issue.
"Alright then, I'll be fully honest with you, as long as you turn around and look at me." (Y/n) hesitated at the request, feeling a stubbornness towards obeying the boy's command, but pushed her obduracy aside to reluctantly turn herself to face the male.
Kaito seemed disinclined to speak once the girl's eyes focused on him, feeling his self confidence crumble down along with his facade. "If you want me to empathise with you in some way, then you need to speak. If not, you might as well leave." Kaito gave out a low growl, trying to coax his words out.
Before the girl could process his actions, the boy quickly moved over to her and found his seat on the bed before giving the female a serious and urgent look. "Alright, how about this? We'll perform equivalent exchange, I'll answer your question, if you answer mine." The girl eyed the male in a suspicious manner before exhaling in defeat.
"Fine...you'll answer first." Kaito gave a mocking chuckle before shaking his head in denial.
"No, I offered, you'll have to give your share first." (Y/n) glared at him with annoyance before pushing her own.
"I'm asking for an explanation, ladies first after all."
"You're the last person I'd classify as a 'lady'." Kaito poked fun at the irritated female before she returned his knowing smirk.
"So am I wearing the pants in this exchange? Fine, I'll be the bigger man." She crossed her arms in boastful acceptance before Kaito planted his palm against his face.
"Are we honestly doing this...? Alright, very well, I'll admit to it first. I'll get my turn for inquiries later." The girl's mouth twitched from the held back grin of triumph before turning towards the boy, prepared to witness his explanation.
"Now I want you to honestly tell me why you're keeping me in these cuffs. And don't give me some half-a**ed excuse." Kaito pushed aside his discomfort before inhaling a breath of calming air.
"Alright...I'll admit that maybe the reason why I'm not allowing you to be freed is because I want you to learn a lesson." The girl rolled her eyes at the boy's predictable reluctance. "Don't get me wrong, the first time we cuffed you was so you could settle down and stop you from harming yourself..." (Y/n) raised her eyebrows to force a further lead on from the male, getting him to bow his head in coaxed shame. "And admittedly I would have released you earlier on if you hadn't been so resentful towards me."
"Keep going." Kaito's eye twitched at the girl's casually demanding behaviour, switching his gaze away from her to protect his last bit of embarrassment.
"I might have acted a bit selfishly when I kept you here for longer than necessary. And it might have been because of my ego that I kept you locked up. I just wanted to make you pay for this constant repealing behaviour so you'll start becoming more tolerant towards me." The female satisfyingly leaned against the headboard, keeping intent attention to his speech. "I don't want things to be like this in all honesty...it would be so much easier if you would just-" The boy stopped himself mid sentence, realising he was entering a territory that would not yet be understood by the girl. "Doesn't matter...I've said all that needs to be said. I apologise for my actions..."
"That's all I really wanted from you...will I be released now?" Kaito tapped his foot with unsettlement at the inquiry.
"Tomorrow. I'll let you go tomorrow." The girl huffed with frustration, giving him an irked scowl.
"What? Are you still butthurt and need more time for your honour to heal after this confession?" Kaito gave her an aggravated glare before crossing his arms.
"Yeah, and keep piping up comments like that and you might end up being released on Christmas." (Y/n) rolled her eyes but prevented herself from saying more. "Now it's my turn."
The girl glanced at him, becoming alert from the sudden seriousness the male had placed on his features. Reluctantly fidgeting from the uncomfortable coaxing of his own inquiry, (Y/n) prepared to follow her side of the bargain, letting the silence reign over them until Kaito opened his mouth to follow up his request.
"Do you love Ryo?" The girl's self assurance seemed to diminish as she processed the spoken words.
"What?" The female was almost speechless at the unexpected question, seeing little form of lead up to the requested inquiry.
"You heard me, I won't repeat myself again." The boy stubbornly looked away, allowing the girl to fully register his concern.
"What-no?! Why would you think that?" The girl stared at the boy with an almost disbelieving amusement at the unforeseen question.
"You've been so forgiving towards him...accepting his gifts...enjoying yourself around him...being so passive and kind...you must clearly have feeling for him." Kaito slumped down at each reminder, grinding his own self-self-reliance.
(Y/n) quickly straightened her features out, catching on to the male's track of thought before staring down at the covers as she worded her answer in her mind before speaking out. "Ryo...has a good heart...he simply loses track of what's right and wrong when he tries to drown out the world around him..."
Kaito raised his head to connect sights with the girl. "But...you seem so fond of him. You accept his company, you bite your time with him, you don't push him away...is that all because he's kind hearted or...?" The boy finished off his trailed sentence, having no meaning to continue it.
(Y/n) watched the male as she relaxed her body and sighed out, keeping a honest undertone in her speech. "Ryo's like a small child. He might not show it but he's desperate to receive just as much love as he gives...he told me about his mother." Kaito didn't seem surprised by the news, seeming more than expectant of the information. "It seems like no matter how hard he tries to surround himself with things that are supposed to fulfil him, he'll always have a hole in his heart...and I pity him..."
Kaito was slightly stunted by the unpredicted response and sat up from his slouched form to fully listen to the solemn girl.
"It's not that I don't enjoy his presence, no I rather do like his visits...but I've noticed a few things since he opened up to me. He understands that nothing can ever replace his mother...so he's trying his hardest to find the closest thing to cover that. And I guess that's why he's latched onto me." The intellectual seemed thoughtful over her speculation, coming to a mutual understanding of her hypothesis. "He's yearning for someone to love him and to feel loved...I remember when I was little and my parents went away on business, I used to cry when I was left with the babysitter. I felt like they would never come back and I missed them...that's why my grandmother would come and look after me instead and spend weeks taking care of me and comforting me until my parents came back."
As the girl fondly remembered the memories she felt a soft warmth in her heart that brought nostalgia, allowing her to escape the mental cuffs that had been placed on her until she began to freely speak.
"And when I got a little bit older and my grandfather could no longer look after himself, she would call me on the phone and read me stories while I was in bed, until I fell asleep...everyone looks for something that could take up the role of something they've lost...Ryo hasn't had the convenience of a person honestly being there for him...that's why I don't mind him at all when he comes and tries to find comfort with me." The girl sighed, snapping out of her idealistic illusions to be brought back to her caged presence. "So no, I don't love Ryo or even really like him in that way. But I do pity him...but I admire him and understand him as well. That's why I act so 'fondly' towards him, as you would think." Kaito slowly nodded in understanding before standing up and proceeding to walk away from the scene.
"Thank you for clearing this up with me...I'll leave you alone now." The male softly spoke out with an opened perception, before the girl caught his attention once more.
"Kaito wait." The boy glanced back as he prepared to leave the threshold, "Ryo...needs you." The male tensed up at the comment and couldn't bare to look at her in the eyes. "You out of all people know how it feels to be lonely...you know how it feels to be devoid of the affection you want...I can only fill in the friend role to a limit until Ryo begins misunderstanding...he needs a real friend." The intellectual bit down on the inside of his cheek as he attempted to force his body to move away from the scene. "We admire him for the same reason. It's hard to smile and laugh when you feel nothing but emptiness inside. And it's even harder to spread happiness when you lack so much of it. You need to speak with him."
Kaito quickly shot out of view until he felt unwatched by the girl's expectant gaze. He leaned against the wall to regain his balance as he felt his head spinning with a pressured weight on his thoughts. "Ryo...I don't deserve to call you a friend...how the hell am I supposed to talk with you?" The boy rubbed his head as his memories recalled the same cheered boy that would lighten up his mood, regardless of the days and moments.
The intellectual prepared to walk away from the intoxicating area before he spotted a certain ragged object on the ground. Kaito reluctantly knelt down to inspect the item before he recalled the object of familiarity.
"Charlie...?" It didn't take long for the boy to place the piece together in his mind, making him turn his head towards the corridor leading towards the stairs. "Damn it..."
Ryo longingly looked towards the chilled can of beer that had yet to have its seal broken to be tasted. He solemnly twirled his finger around the rim, as though prolonging the inevitable intake.
"She pities me..." He whispered through his morse speech before slowly bringing the can up to his face to fully contemplate over it. "She doesn't love me..." Ryo opened up the rivet-ring to allow the foam to fizz to the top in a tempting sight.
As he prepared to lift up the opening to his lips, he felt it disappear from his grip, disorientating him for a split second before looking up to see the cold eyed male staring down at him with a scolding look.
"Oh hi! Come and join me for a drink." Ryo melancholically chirped, trying to reach for the alcoholic beverage, only to have it pulled away from his grasp.
"What are you doing...?" Kaito inquired in a disapproving manner. "How much did you hear?" Ryo seemed confused at the question, before slumping down to the table to lay his head against the surface.
"Well...I know she just pities me and doesn't love me...so I caught that much." The intellectual exhaled in frustration at the male's ignorance of the situation.
'So he just had to catch the worst of it.' Kaito walked over to the sink to pour down the contents of the drink. "You're wrong if you believe that's all she thinks of you...she admires and respects you Ryo. And those are her own words, so you can go ask her yourself."
However, Ryo seemed less than convinced by the boy's attempt at comfort and only reacted when Kaito slammed the hollow can in front of him.
"But you know what she doesn't admire? This." He waved the tin container in an accusing manner. "Alright Ryo, keep drinking. Keep trying to replace your reality with this junk." He left the can to sit in front of the blond's face like a teasing temptation, "It might seem like this is making all your worries go away. Making all your regrets just disappear for one moment, but I want to ask you what happens when all you're left with is this?" He shook the void container in a demonstrating fashion, making the younger male dejectedly watch it with regret. "An empty can...what happens when all the drinks are drunk, when all the bottles and cans are emptied, and when you sober up? What's left for you?"
Ryo looked down at himself before curling up in a guilty bubble that could not prevent the intellectual's words from reaching him.
"Everything you ran away from is still there and still needs your attention...so don't do this." Kaito flicked the can away to allow it to fall to the ground with a clatter before turning back to the spaced out boy as he processed his words.
"I...don't want this..." The blond further squeezed himself in, feeling as though his expectations of his defensive mechanism were sinking him into a state of depression. Feeling a soft poke to his cheek, Ryo turned towards the disturbance to stare into the glassy eyes of a fluffy creature.
"D-do it for (Y/n) and me...!" Charlie spoke out in a forced and horse voice, making the blond follow the hand that controls him to see a greatly strained smile on the intellectual's face as his eye kept rhythmically twitching with annoyance, while Ryo took a moment to stare at him.
"Have...you finally lost it?" Kaito growled out his embarrassment, allowing Charlie to slide off his hand and thud on the table.
'The things I put myself through...' He gave himself a pep talk in his mind before daring to lock eyes with the blond.
Ryo chuckled at his attempts and slid the puppet into his own hand. "You suck at ventriloquism." He casually chirped, earning a derogatory mumble from the intellectual. "Want some pizza? Bako and Jin had prepared a fresh batch."
Kaito looked over at the happy male before shrugging in response. "Why not...wait, is this more thing I need to buy?!"
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