030.

N O T I C E : This book includes detailed themes surrounding violence, sex, suicide, abuse, sexual harassment, alcohol, drugs, blood, death, and other very sensitive topics—all are graphically depicted in this story.

Proceed with notice.

OVER 6500 WORDS!!

this one is gonna be a long one, with lots of stuff going on, so be sure to read carefully!

so grab some popcorn, ice cream, or candy,
and buckle up cause
we're in for a long, crazy ride ;)

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FINN STIRRED AWAKE, HIS eyes opening weakly as he squinted into the early light of dawn. He moved a bit, before he realized that Y/N was sleeping next to him, her breathing soft.

They must have moved around last night because Finn was now spooning Y/N, her arm holding his arm in place as it wrapped around her which made it difficult to move without waking her.

There was no ill intent with this. There was no sexual tension between this, it was simply comforting.

But as Finn stirred to try to pull his hand away from it's accidentally spot on her waist, he found that Y/N moved along with him.

As he turned to lay on his back to look up at the ceiling, she subconsciously moved to lay her head upon his chest again as she slept, not seeming to realize that she was.

Finn looked down at Y/N, her eyes closed as she laid upon his hoodie, soft snores escaping her lips. Even as she slept, she looked awfully exhausted.
He softly smiled to himself as he silently admired the beautiful girl that he's fallen in love with.

The way her nose wrinkled when she nestled into the arm of his hoodie, the way her eyes rested softly in a much needed rest.

This was the girl that had his heart in her hands.

But then he remembered, how could he even forget for a second? The girl he broke, the girl he caused so much pain.

It was because of him that she's in this much pain, and he couldn't do more than plead and beg for forgiveness. But Y/N didn't need that.

She didn't need him. She didn't want him.

She didn't love him anymore.

As much as it broke him to admit that to himself, he knew that she was better off without him around. He knew this was for the best.

He slowly get cautiously slid his arm from underneath Y/N's resting head, carefully setting her to lay down on her pillows instead. Once he was successfully detangled from her warm grasp, he quietly stood up from the bed, stretching as he did so.

He looked back at Y/N, still sound asleep.

He walked over to the end of her bed where her blankets lay sprawled out. He lifted it up, and unfolded it to lay upon Y/N to provide a sense of warmth in his absence.

He then put on his shoes that were sitting right at the end of her bed, where he had put them after she asked him to lay with her.
He then began to walk out her torn-up room, careful not to make any sounds.

And it was with a heavy heart, that he took one last look at Y/N, sleeping soundly against the spot where Finn laid. It broke his heart to leave her again, but this was what she needed.

She told him to leave her alone, and if he really cared for her, then he would listen to her wishes.

And he does care for her. He loves her.
Which is why he has to leave her alone, for good.

-
-

Y/N stirred underneath the blanket, her eyes fluttering open to allow the sun's bright rays enter her vision, making her squint.

She groaned, knowing that this marked morning. She turned, expecting Finn to be there at her side, only to be met with an empty bed.
The side of the bed where he laid was cold, meaning he had been gone for nearly all morning.

She sat up, seeing that she had been covered with a blanket. Finn must've laid the blanket over her before he left.

A part of her wished he hadn't left. She wished that he stayed with her, and held her hand throughout this entire process of grieving.

But the other part, her more realistic side, knew it was for the best that he left when he did.
She's in a vulnerable state right now, who knows how far she'd fall back into the darkness that enveloped Finn?

She knew that this was for the best. She had to believe that it was, because she didn't know how strong she'd be if she thought otherwise.

She begrudgingly got up from her bed, her feet touching the carpeted ground as she stared blankly out her window for a moment.
The curtain was slightly opened, the sun's rays beaming in, as if the day was going to be heavenly.

If only that were true.

She turned to then check the time on her alarm clock, seeing that it read 7:00 A.M. The CPS workers would be here in 30 minutes.
She then made her way to her closet, reaching on the top shelf to grab her suitcase and set it on the floor.

She went to her drawers to take out some clothes to pack, sifting through to find some decent ones. She then went up to her top drawer, and when she opened it, she froze.

She reached hesitantly into her drawer, her hands a bit unsteady as she touch the small booklet.

It was Finn's journal, something he obviously wanted her to read but that's what scared her.

She didn't know what was in this journal, and she was afraid of way laid scribbled upon the pages inside. And yet, she found herself drawn to it.

She didn't want to know. She needed to know what was inside.

After silently staring at the journal in contemplation, she ran her thumb over the cover one last time.
She took it out of her drawer to throw in her suitcase atop her clothes, continuing to pack.

And when she finally finished, she got dressed and made her way downstairs to set her suitcase by her door for her to pick up when she left. She was running low on time, the social workers would be there any minute.

But as she passed the kitchen area, she froze as she felt her eyes linger on one single thing that the investigators didn't seem to move or touch.

It was haunting in itself, the way the glass sat with her mother's lipstick mark still stained the rim, right where she had taken a sip before she left Y/N to go to her date. The last time she ever saw her mother.

The glass in all it's simplicity eerily stood on the countertop, making Y/N fight back her tears once more as she recalled her last interaction with her mother.
  She choked back her memories, and bottled them up tight. This was hard enough, and she didn't want to relive it all for a second time already.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a ring of her doorbell, her entire body tensing as she flinched at the piercing sound.

She huffed, tearing her eyes away from her mother's cup, to then walk to answer her front door, opening it slowly to reveal the same social workers she worked with yesterday.

They were dressed the exact same, and carried the exact same professional yet empathetic demeanor.

"Good morning, Y/N," Eisha smiled her usual sunny smile, "Are you ready to go, dear?"

Y/N took a moment to allow her words to completely soak in. Ready? How could anyone be ready for something like this?

"I, um.." Y/N's words caught in her throat. She took a glance to her side, seeing her suitcase packed and ready. But was she? "I'm packed."

"Great, would you like me to take this for you?"
Sam offered while pointing to Y/N's suitcase, reminding Y/N that he was there too.

Y/N looked to where he was pointing, and nodded slowly. Sam smiled before reaching in to pick up the suitcase, turning to walk towards their black Lexus SUV.

Y/N's eyes peered around Eisha while she watched as Sam opened the trunk of their car to place her suitcase, before Eisha broke her gaze.

"Is there anything else you need, or anything you want to take last minute?" Eisha asked, looking over Y/N's shoulder to scan her living room quickly. "I'm not sure when you'll be able to return to this house, so just be mindful."

Y/N turned to take one last look at her house, her eyes lingering on the living room.
Where she and her mother would watch their favorites shows together, laughing and eating candy while they played with Mews.

She took a few steps back into the house her eyes now looking into the kitchen. Where she and her mother used to bake all the time, tossing flour at each other.

She smiled thinly to herself before her face turned painfully sorrowful again, turning her gaze to back to the social worker.
She inhaled deeply, letting the air escape through her slightly parted lips. "Sure."

She'd never be ready.

Eisha nodded, gesturing for Y/N to follow her out to the car. Y/N closed her front door behind her, not wanting to take another look.

Her eyes squinted at the now bright sunny light blaring down at her, the light somehow more brighter than usual. The stark contrast was ironic considering the circumstances.

She kept her head down as she followed Eisha to the van, seeing that Sam was already in the drivers seat and ready to go.

And as she lifted her head as she approached the black van, she turned to take one last look at her house.
It was the first house her mother had gotten all on her own, just for the two of them. There was so many good memories in that house, and although there was some bad, that didn't matter.

And just for the sake of it, she turned to take one last glance at Finn house next door.

But she didn't expect to be met with the eyes of the first guy she ever loved staring right back at her.

Finn stood from his seated position on his shaded porch, his eyes staring questioningly at Y/N from across their yards. She looked at him with apologetic sorrow, wishing nothing more than to just be in his comforting arms again.

Finn walked down his porch steps, emerging into the sunny morning light to illuminate his concerned facial expression, his eyebrows furrowed in question as he got closer to Y/N.

He didn't know what was happening.

She didn't tell him that she would be leaving.

Y/N could feel herself waver at the sight of Finn's innocently confused look on his face,  obviously not understanding what was happening. She turned to enter the car, sliding into the backseat before closing the door shut.

She's leaving him. She's leaving him for good.

Where was she going? Is she okay, is she safe?

Would he ever see her again?

Finn followed after the car as he watched in confusion as the intimidatingly mysterious car pulled out of Y/N's driveway, his anxiety spiking.
His walking turned into a slight run the further the car got into the street, until he couldn't keep up with it anymore.

And as he watched the car turn the corner and out of sight, he truly felt like he had lost.

"No.." He breathed, his voice tinted with fear. "No.." He ran his hands through his hair stressfully, lifting his head to look up at the bright sky above him.

Y/N left him to go god knows where, with whoever those people were.

He didn't know where she would go, or who she would go with, or if he would ever see her again.

Y/N was gone.

-
-

The workers drove Y/N straight to the hospital for reasons unknown to Y/N, not understanding why she wasn't being taken to Millie's house.

But her words and questions were soon swallowed once the elevator doors opened to reveal the guide of the hospital floor she had entered.

In big white letters, the word seemed to have screamed at Y/N.

Morgue.

The word seemed to have hit Y/N like a ton of bricks as her eyes read it. Who knew one word could have such a heavy toll on you?

She froze in the elevator, not wanting to step off to walk into the hospital level.
But her mind's overwhelming thoughts were disrupted upon Eisha's manicured hand on
Y/N's shoulder.

"This is something that has to be done, sweetheart."

Emphasis on the word has to be. What do they expect from her?

Because she saw no other choice, Y/N numbly found herself walking again, following Eisha and Sam's direction into the hospital floor.

She passed by several people. Some were families, some where alone. But they all shared the same heartbroken and pained face that came with the process of wretched mourning.

It was recognizable, because she herself shared the same look.

She was led into the waiting room, where a select few people waited sorrowfully under the fluorescent lights seated on uncomfortable chairs.
Eisha led her to assist her sitting down on a waiting chair, while Sam went to the desk clerk to flash his badge and address Y/N's situation.

Y/N could feel herself being to shake, her eyes dry from crying so much the night before. She could guess why she was here, but she needed to know for sure.

"Why am I here?" She questioned, her voice brittle.

Eisha turned to look at Y/N sympathetically, seemingly the only face she knew how to make when it came to dealing with children who've lost their parents. "Someone needs to—.."

"Y/N.." A soft voice interrupted, making both Eisha and Y/N turn to look at the source.

Y/N saw Millie and her parents walking over to her, all their faces held the same look: they felt sorry for Y/N, and she had been getting enough of those looks.

Y/N stood up, watching as Millie walked quickly to engulf her in a hug.
Y/N stiffened at first, before she shakily brought her hands to return the hug, grateful that her best friend was here for her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry.." Millie mumbled sadly, her accent peaking through her sorrow. "I'm so, so sorry."

They pulled apart, Y/N smiling thinly as she hoped that that communicated her gratitude enough.

"Oh, sweetheart." Millie's mother stepped forward, also embracing Y/N in a hug as well. Y/N was taken by surprise at the comforting feeling, the feeling of a mother's hug was overwhelming.

Y/N clung onto the hug tightly, looking up over her shoulder to see Millie's father send her an empathetic look. Y/N sniffled as she brushed off her tears before they pulled apart.

"How are you doing, dear?" Millie's mother asked, looking at Y/N with concern.
Y/N sniffled, shrugging as she shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

Y/N turned to look at Eisha with a questioning look, appreciative of Millie's family—practically Y/N's family as well,—being here for her, but she didn't know why else they were there.

Eisha nodded, "I had The Brown family come to assist you with this process, seeing that they will be your temporary guardians for the time being."

Y/N turned to look at Millie, then to Millie's mother. Millie's mother smiled sweetly, reaching to caress Y/N's cheek,
"We'll be here to help as much as possible, we'll try to handle as much legalities as we can for you."

"Thank you, Ms. Kelly," Y/N smiled weakly, but gratefully as she nodded. "I really appreciate you all being here."

Kelly smiled warmly, placing a comforting hand to Y/N's shoulder.

But it wasn't long before Sam returned to the exchange, saying something to Eisha quickly before turning to look at Y/N.
Her eyes met his in a worrisome battle, before he nodded once. "They're ready for you."

Ready? Ready for what?

During the grieving process, time seemed to be irrelevant as Y/N couldn't seem to distinguish much of it. She found herself following the white coated coroner, her heart finding rhythm in the fast paced beats.

He led her into this dimly lit room, the walls lined with what looked to be large, silver square shaped drawers.
There was another white coated man stood with his nose in a clipboard beside an opened drawer, a white sheet laid upon a figure laying on the metal tray drawer.

The room was so eerily quiet, as if there weren't bodies just screaming to get out of there. It frightened Y/N.

"This way." The coroner prompted Y/N, meeting the other lab coat who looked up from his clipboard. He was probably the pathologist.

"We'll need you to confirm that this is your mother." The pathologist explained, his fingers ready to pull the sheet off the figure.
Y/N instantly grew tense, knowing that this was the reason she was here, but didn't want to admit it.

The doctors seemed so monotone and professional, like they have to go through this process so many times a day, that it's just become routine for them.

Y/N nodded slowly, fidgeting with her hands.

And it was then that the doctor slowly pulled the sheet down to reveal the body's face, down to their shoulders to barely reveal the collarbone.

Y/N's body instantly went rigid, her breath catching in her throat as her eyes widened in a mixture of fear and pure pain.

The body looked so ghostly, so pale and frail that it was almost unrecognizable.
The eyes that once held the bright life that belonged to her body was now gone and drained, now just staring into endless nothing.

And yet, she was still so beautiful. She was so lovely, and she would always be.

"Ma'am," The pathologist asked carefully, "Is this her?"

Y/N's eyes found themselves water to fill dangerously to the brim, threatening to spill.

Silence filled her ears before a slight ringing took over.

"Yes.." Y/N breathed shakily, her eyes wide with glossy tears. "Yes, that's her." It couldn't really be her, and yet, it was.

Paperwork was filed. Kelly helped Y/N with most of the legalities that needed a guardian to fill it out, and Y/N sat motionless in the waiting room chairs.

"Sweetheart," Kelly spoke, getting Y/N to lift her head from Millie's shoulder in the chairs. "This paper is asking how you'd like to..uh..put Marie to rest?"

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, until she realized what she meant. Kelly offered the clipboard to Y/N to view herself, her eyes hesitant to look at the paper attached.

Burial, cremation, or other preference.

Y/N's watery eyes could barely make out the words, but she knew she didn't want a memorial, or even a burial. She hardly had any family anymore.

And before Y/N realized her lips were moving, she spoke her answer simply while handing back the clipboard, "Cremation."

-
-

Upon arriving at The Brown residence with the social workers, they examined and did a sweep of the house, declaring it suitable for Y/N's temporary home.

"We wish you nothing but the best of luck, dear." Eisha smiled as she stood in the doorway of Millie's house, "This is where we say goodbye, until next time, at least."

Y/N smiled thinly, nodding once. "Thank you." She spoke softly.

"Of course." Sam spoke, his hands clasped in front of him. "Next time we'll be here, is when we've found your permanent guardian. But we're not sure when that'll be, so this is just a 'see you later.'"

Y/N could tell that they were trying to sound a bit more happy for her sake, but it wasn't working.
"See you later then.." Y/N's voice forced out, Eisha smiling with a nod before she turned around to leave down the porch with Sam.

Y/N closed the door behind them, seeing Millie waiting behind her with an empathetic smile.
"Here, let me help you with your stuff." She offered, picking up the suitcase to lead Y/N upstairs.

She walked down the spiffy and domestic hallway past Millie's room, leading her to an empty room that Y/N's noticed once or twice before to be her guest room.

"This will be your room." Millie pushed the door open to reveal a bed nicely made with freshly clean sheet, and a window opened to allow the sun's light to illuminate the bright room.

Y/N smiled thinly, appreciating the hospitality of her best friend's family. She took her suitcase from Millie, entering the room that she would be staying in.

"I'll uh, give you some time to settle in." Millie smiled, turning to exit the room to close it softly behind her, leaving Y/N alone to bask in the events of the day.

She looked to the window, seeing that the view of the outside was obviously different than hers, and although she never thought she admit it, she was a little sad without seeing Finn's house next door.

She walked to toss her suitcase onto her freshly made bed, moving to unzip it to open the flap to reveal her clothes. But what she really wanted to see, laid atop all her clothes.

With a hesitant reach, she went to take the journal out of her suitcase to take it with her to sit on her bed by her pillows.
She looked down at the journal, her fingers running over the spine gently, as if it would lure the secrets embedded on the pages.

As much as the journal brought severe paranoia to Y/N, it also brought this strange sense of comfort to have such an intimate piece of Finn with her. She missed him.

And it confused the hell out of her. She was supposed to be livid, she was supposed to be hating him. But why didn't she?

A soft knock at the door interrupted Y/N's heavy thoughts as she looked up to see Millie standing in the doorway. "Sorry, I just wanted to check up on you, see if you wanted some dinner? It'll be ready soon."

Y/N shook her head as her lips formed a thin line. "No thanks."

Millie nodded once, before she noticed Y/N's deeply conflicted facial expression as she looked down at the journal in her hands.
It was the same journal she saw Finn carry at the party.

"Hey.." Millie spoke up, walking into the guest room to take a seat on the bed in front of Y/N. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Y/N looked up at her best friend with glossy eyes, her question seemed to unlock a vault of feelings that had been concealed within her.

She shrugged, licking her lips in an attempt to hide her quivering lip of threatening tears.

"Why did he do those things to me?" Y/N asked, more rhetorically but she wanted answers. "Why did I fall in love with him?"

"Why do I still love him even after everything he's done? I-I know I shouldn't, but he just makes me feel things." Her eyes' tears began to fill to the brim. "I'm so fucking confused.."

Millie looked at her best friend sadly, tilting her head to nod understandingly.

She knows that her best friend needs her support, and she knows her well enough to know how she can help.

"I'm going through something pretty confusing myself, not that it's anywhere near as hard as it is for you." Millie offered her own emotional turmoil on the table, open for Y/N to relate to.

"Me and Jacob had a falling out a while ago, but..I never understood why I felt the way I did when we broke up. It's all so confusing still."

Y/N lifted her head from her hands, her cheeks tear stained. "Oh my god, I'm sorry—I've just been so caught up, I haven't even asked-.."

"No!" Millie stopped Y/N, "Don't you apologize to me, I totally get it. You've been through so much, we both had time to get a little confused."

Y/N nodded, reaching her hand to wipe a tear from sliding down her cheek. "I just..I'm so frustrated. He makes me so confused—the effect he has on me." The effect that he so strongly had on her.

The way she still loved him even after all he's done. It was more than confusing for Y/N.

Millie stared sympathetically at her best friend, nodding to encourage her to vent.

"But why?" Y/N looked up at Millie with reddened eyes. "Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so conflicted, why do I still love him?"

Millie smiled weakly, tilting her head, "Because you've always been that way." She states simply. "You've always been so kind-hearted and trusting. You've always seen the good in people."

Y/N chuckled weakly, trying to wipe away her tears before they begin to stream again.

"I don't know why Finn would ever do any of that to you, or why he would hurt you."
Millie continued, her face conflicted, as if she pondered something while she spoke.

"He hurt you. He hurt my best friend, but I don't understand why he would ever hurt someone as amazing as you." Millie began to spill her words with a secretive passion, as if her words were facts known to everyone.

"I don't know how he could ever hurt someone like you, but it isn't hard to see why he fell for you." Millie smiled, her face serious as she thought of something intensely.

"You're amazing. The way your nose crinkles when you laugh, the way you smile when your happy, or the way your eyes sparkle.."

And before Y/N knew it, the feeling of Millie's lips on hers took her by absolute surprise.

Y/N froze, her lips limp against Millie's as her eyes widened before she felt Millie pull away suddenly.
Millie's eyes were wide as she realized what she had done, seeing Y/N's surprised facial expression.

"I might have some things to figure out.." Millie admitted, her eyes still wide with embarrassment.

Y/N nodded in agreement, a slight smile tugging at her lips, "Yeah, maybe."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry.." Millie smiled, burying her face in her hands with reddened cheeks. "I don't know what came over me."

Y/N chuckles, her laugh actually genuine for the first time in what seemed like ages. "It's alright, don't worry about it."
This earned Millie's laugh in return, both of them laughing it off as they concluded it to be part of Millie's confusion. 

Y/N always had a feeling about Millie, knowing her well enough, she had her guesses on the way she felt towards girls.
But either way, Y/N loved her best friend regardless.

And as the laughter died down—the same fits of laughter they shared as best friends just months before Finn arrived in her life—Millie's face grew serious once more.

"But seriously, Y/N.." Millie continued, "If reading this journal will give you that sense of closure you need about Finn and his 'new and improved' self, then you should do it."

Y/N stared at the journal that still laid in her hands, as if it were going to burn a hole right through her grasp. It was tempting her, and she wanted to know what laid inside.

Y/N looked up at Millie again. "Thanks."

And it was with that final note, that Millie hugged Y/N before turning to leave the room, leaving her alone once again.
Y/N's smile felt completely after Millie left, her eyes turning to face the window that no longer allowed sunshine through.

It was dawn, the sun struggling to peek over the horizon as it became suppressed by the inevitable darkness of the night.

Y/N looked down at the journal, inhaling deeply before exhaling shakily. She stood from her bed, the journal still in hand as she walked out of her room.
She made her way downstairs, down to the front door to walk out the door and closed it behind her, now standing on the quiet porch.

The only sound that filed the quiet night air, was the sound of crickets chirping in the background of the chilled atmosphere.
But as she looked out, she saw the occasional firefly spark up yo reveal its light, similarly to the ones Finn showed her.

A sense of warmth filled her as she thought of that night, before she returned her attention to the sky. She took a couple steps forward, leaning against one of the pillars of the porch, wrapping her arms loosely around the pole.

She stared up at the starry night sky, her eyes twinkling as each of the stars entered her eyes.

"Hey mom.."

She gulped, feeling her eyes already watering.

"I know we were never really superstitious people, but I just need to talk to you. I want to." Y/N looked up, her eyes searching the sky with wonder.

"My god, you've only been gone for a little over a day, but it feels like ages." Y/N sniffled, "And I miss you so damn much.."

She felt her tears begin to escape on the sides of her face as she stared up at the sky, her tears blurring the stars above her.

"I know we left off on bad terms, and that was the most stupid mistake I ever made—to never talk it out with you. I never explained why I was always so angry with you. I never explained what was happening with me, and I never bothered to ask you about you."

Y/N scoffed at herself, wiping a tear off her cheek. "But you deserve to know now, even though I'm sure you're gonna be up there cursing me out." She chuckled through a pained smile.

"But I got pregnant, mama.." Y/N admitted, grasping onto the pillar tighter. "I'm so sorry I never told you, I was just so fucking scared of everything. I made such a stupid mistake."

"I'm so sorry you had to go the way that you did, it isn't fair." She choked, clenching her eyes shut as she refused to envision her mother's death. "You didn't deserve any of this."

Y/N sniffled, "And I'm so sorry I hurt you, I'm so sorry I never apologized," She shook her head.

"Because maybe if I did, you'd still be here." She wailed, her voice coming out hoarse as she choked back a sob.

She felt herself break down, sliding down the pillar as she sunk to her knees. She felt her entire body shutter as she confronted her guilt that was eating away at her.

It was difficult to admit when you're grieving, and it's even more difficult to confront your source of guilt. But Y/N found it enlightening to do so.

She felt a sense of closure as she let all her pain out into the night air, knowing that her mother now knew of her pregnancy, and her regrets.

Somehow, her mother knew. She could feel it.

Y/N felt her breathing calm itself, her shutters slowing down with a hiccup as she forced herself to her feet again, using the pillar for support.

She looked up above her one more time, feeling the chilled night breeze blowing into her glossy eyes.

"And I'm sorry for what you're about to see me read." She chuckled through her tears, even now attempting to lighten the mood.

And it was with that final sentence she declared, that she turned to take a seat on one of the porch chairs to place the journal in her lap.

With a deep breath, she opened it, and began to read the first page.

Because right now, Y/N isn't speaking to me. It's making me upset with her, she's acting like I've done something wrong. So the only time I can ever see her during the day, is at night through her window as she changes and gets ready for bed.

It isn't fair that she won't speak to me, but this will have to do for now.

One day, I hope she'll allow me to see her like that on her own.."

And there it was. The excerpt that Noah read aloud to everyone at the party the other night.

It was difficult to read about him and the way he thought of her, it made her extremely uncomfortable, but as she read on, she noticed that his writing style changed.

His entries ranged from the first time he took her to the mountain spot, to the night of the knife fight with Jack and how he felt horribly, to how he felt when they said 'I love you' for the first time. All the way, to the party.

She could see all his development as a person through the pages, figuring out that he went to therapy all those times, for her.

And this confused her feelings even more.

She must have been out there for a while, because the tips of her fingers grew cold as she held the journal from the chilly air.
She saw that she was almost finished with the journal, and was nearing the last couple pages, so she decided to come inside to finish up.

She walked through the door into the now quiet house, seeing everyone at the dinner table down the hall eating as they spoke quietly, about Y/N's well-being assumably.

They didn't notice her closing the front door behind her, or her walking up the stairs quietly as she safely made it to her room before closing the door behind her.

She went to sit on her bed, opening the journal to finish reading with her bedside table lamp to provide dim light.

Her eyes searched the ending pages, finding her heart in a throw of confusion and endearment.
Her eyes read the final pages eagerly, her own heart sinking as it yearned for Finn's simultaneously.

" This should be my final entry for this journal. I hope that whoever is reading this, is who I hope it is. As I write this, I am ready to go to the Schnapp cabin party, in which we had originally planned to go together, Y/N and I.

But my stupid actions and decisions ruined everything. I got so caught up in what I so desperately wanted, that I hurt the girl I love in the process. And that's where it hurt the most.

I grew infatuated with Y/N, and maybe I still am. But it grew to be unhealthy, and that's when I began to hurt her without even realizing it. I'll never forgive myself for that.

I love Y/N so much. I love her more then myself. She's the whole reason I wanted to get better in the first place, and I did.

I went to therapy to get what I needed, so I could give her what she deserved.

I hope that everything goes well at the party, because I plan on giving this journal to Y/N to explain everything, and I hope it does.

I hope we can get another chance together, but even then, I know that's wishful thinking.

I love her so much, she deserves to know everything.

Signing off, Finn."

Y/N finished the page, turning to see if there was another page to read, but the rest were blank. She had finished. She actually finished.

She set the journal carefully, as if it could break like glass, next to her in her nightstand as she laid back onto the pillows, her eyes staring at the ceiling above her.

There was so much to process. The way she read Finn's development as a person, they way he explained his reasoning behind every single one his actions made her realize who he was.

The way he went to therapy for her, the way he became a better person, and she could actually tell that he was different. He had changed for the better.

And she could truly see it.

And even so, she realized after reading the most intimate thing Finn could express to her, that she was still in love with him. She still cared for him.

She found herself equally captivated with Finn.

Because he was a different person. Because he was trying his hardest to be a better version of himself, and she could only commend him for that.

She changed into her tank top and shorts pajamas, crawling into bed as she turned off her lamp light, leaving the moon's rays to provide the only sense of light in her room.

She tossed and turned, her mind not able to relax her thoughts even for a slight second to allow herself a peaceful sleep.
She settled into bed on her side, staring out the window as she tried to fall asleep.

Last night was the best sleep she ever had, and it was with the one person that wasn't with her.

"Y/N.."

A familiar voice spoke lowly beside her, a soft trace of a hand ghosted over her bare shoulder.

"It's alright, babe.." Y/N turned closed her eyes, basking in the touch of his hands tracing her shoulder down to rest at her waist. "Everything will be okay.."

His touch was loving as his lips pressed soft kisses to her shoulder, similarly to the way he did the night they told each other they love each other for the first time.

"Finn.." She mumbled with closed eyes, wanting nothing more than to be held in his arms to fall asleep soundly.

"I'm right here.." His voice sounded faint, as if it were getting more distant by the second.

Y/N's eyes were still closed, wishing just to feel Finn's presence for as long as she could imagine it for.

"Tell me you love me.." She whispered quietly, almost in a plead.

She needed to hear it.

But when she was met with silence, she opened her eyes and broke her concentration.
She looked beside her, seeing nothing. Finn wasn't actually there, just like she expected.

She felt her eyes watering once again, knowing that she still loved Finn so much. She was so conflicted inside, so broken. And he was the only one she can still feel things for.

And as she cried herself to sleep, a couple blocks away, Finn sat staring up his ceiling as well, his eyes red and dry from crying all day long. Empty bottles of his father's liquor littered all around his room's floor, trying to drown his sorrows in his old habits.

He truly believed he lost Y/N, for good this time. There was no getting her back this time, there was no second chances.
He had no idea where she went, or if he would even see her again.

And because she didn't want him around anymore, he knew he shouldn't call her, no matter how tempting it was.

And it would be hours before they both found themselves in an actual state of slumber, the best they could without each other's embrace.

-
-

Y/N awoke with a headache, presumably from crying all night. Things never seemed to get easier for her.

She smelled the luring smell of freshly cooked bacon and eggs, a smell that would usually be appetizing for Y/N, but it was now a smell that made her rush out of bed for the toilet in her bathroom.
The morning sickness always irritated her.

She washed herself up, preparing to greet Millie's family as she made her way down the stairs slowly, with caution at every step.

.

Back at Finn's house, he also awoke in a pained state of a hangover, with the empty bottles of liquor littered his room as he tried to maneuver through his room to go downstairs for some aspirin.

.

And just as Y/N made her way to the kitchen area to greet Millie's mother making her breakfast, the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it." Millie offered, getting up from the table to go get the door.

.

It seemed almost simultaneous that Finn's door pounded with urgent knocks, making him cast a questioning look.

.

But as Millie returned from answering the door, she looked over at Y/N who had seated herself at the kitchen bar and was speaking with Kelly.

"It's for you, Y/N.." She sounded hesitant.

Y/N turned to look at Millie's concerned face, making Y/N nervous as she got up to brush past her towards the front door.

And as Finn and Y/N swung open the door, their eyes widened with pure fear as they saw who stood on the other side before they spoke reluctantly.

"Dad.."

.

Author's Note :

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A LONG ASS CHAPTER WOW anyways hope i made y'all proud :)

BUT WHAT THE FUCK THEIR DAD'S ARE BACK??

and awwww the Millie & Y/N scene where Millie is trying to figure out her sexuality 😭

and AWWW the scene where y/n had to imagine Finn to fall asleep better 💔

but uh.. WHY ARE THEIR DADS BACK??

AND WHAT IS Y/N GONNA DO?

AND HOW IS Y/N GONNA REACT TO HER FEELINGS STILL BEING THERE FOR FINN?

GO FOLLOW MY WATTPAD INSTAGRAM <3

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PUBLISHED
October 12, 2020
at 5:06 PM

7013 words.