023.

N O T I C E : This book includes detailed themes surrounding violence, sex, suicide, abuse, sexual harassment, alcohol, drugs and blood—all are graphically depicted in this story.

Proceed with notice.

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IT WAS THE PAIN THAT STARTLED HER AWAKE. She had been tossing and turning in her bed all night, not being able to fall asleep properly.

She couldn't, she had way too much on her mind.

She laid on her side as her head snuggled against the pillow. The moonlight shined through her window, the same window that looked out to Finn's house. She could see his window, closed and shut with the draped drawn.

"Fucking bastard." She mumbled with a shake of her head, while a single tear unknowingly skipped across her nose and onto the pillow.

It was Finn that told her mother about him and Y/N having sex. What a fucking prick.

A prick. A douchebag. A murderer. A psychotic bastard.

But ultimately, the guy she loves. The guy she's in love with, and that can't stop. She's tried to stop loving him, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to.

Why? She was so over him, yet she wasn't.

The stress and pressing thoughts on her mind was unbearable, taking a toll on her entire body as she felt weak and lacked initiative.

But as the night dragged on and grew closer to the day ahead, Y/N felt this ache on her lower back, preventing her from sleeping until the sun came up.

The pain has been reoccurring, it's been like this all week, the pain in her lower back and abdomen. She also hadn't been very nauseous, which she took as a good thing.

When the sun's light finally broke through her window, she groaned, wishing she wasn't up since 4:00 in the morning.
Her back and stomach had been hurting, she figured it was probably from the processes of her body adjusting to be able harbor the life inside her.

She sat up, instantly regretting it as she awaited the usual wave of nausea, but nothing came.
In fact, the only pain she felt was in her back and abdomen.

She admitted that she's been having these pains for the past week, she thought it was nothing serious.
She got up and went to the bathroom, needing to freshen up before she went to eat something.

But when she stood up from the toilet after using, she noticed the large amount of blood in the bowl.
Her heart stopped, her body tensed at the questionable sight. "What the hell?" She muttered.

The dark red turned the water a terrifying shade of fear, making Y/N's face drop.

What is this? Is this normal during a pregnancy? It didn't look like normal period blood, either.

She wouldn't know, how would she know? She's never been pregnant before.

She immediately cleaned herself up, washing her hands before left her bathroom and practically lunged for phone ; her heart beat at speeds unimaginable.

She couldn't possibly ask her mother, she would then have to admit her pregnancy, and she wasn't ready to do that.
Plus, they didn't exactly leave off on the best of terms anyways.

What was she even supposed to be typing? What was the question she needed to ask?

Her fingers hovered over her screen as she thought of what to type, not knowing what was going on.

Maybe it was normal? Maybe she was just overreacting. She was overreacting, that was it.

That has to be it.

Her hovering fingers remained still above the keyboard, scared to find out the truth. She didn't know what else to do, she didn't know who else to ask, so she exited out of the search bar and went to her contacts.

She needed to talk to someone.

She dialed the only number she trusted even the slightest at the moment, knowing that they might not even know the answers to Y/N's fearful questions.

The rings on the other line rang until it picked up a signal. "Hello?" The other voice answered, sounding tired at the early time.

"Millie." Y/N exhaled, her hand shaking as the grip on the phone seemed to get harder to keep steady. "I don't know who else to call, I-I don't know what else to do."

Y/N didn't have to list more than a few of her symptoms to Millie before her worried voice on the other end of the line stopped her.

"Honey..I-I really don't know for sure, but..but when my mom was pregnant before me, her symptoms matched yours.."

No.

Her eyes widened as remembered what happened with Millie's mother's pregnancy.

Y/N's eyes immediately began to water with tears, her hands subconsciously going to her lower stomach. No..

Her heart sunk, it felt like it had been shredded to pieces.
It felt like any hope of holding on to push through her traumatic life was now ripped away from her.

It was Millie's conclusion, that brought tears to Y/N's eyes, a single tear escaping as it skipped down her cheek.

A single tear was all it took to communicate the absolute worst pain that came with Millie's final words.

"Goddammit!" She cried out, dropping her phone to the floor as the tears she built up skipped down her cheek.

Her heart was torn, her heart seemed to be taking punch after punch, and it was exhaustingly painful.

She reached a shaking hand to help herself to lay down in her bed, hugging the pillow for dear life as she sobbed to herself.
Why? Why her?

She had no one left, her life was falling apart at the seams. Could it possibly get any worse than this? It could, but she wouldn't care. She didn't have the energy to feel much anymore.

She lost everything. Her soul felt like it was being ripped out of her body as she recalled all that she used to have.

"No.." She sobbed, her words strained and muffled in her hands.

Y/N used to have morals, she used to have a good sense of character, she used to have common sense, she used to think that she knew who she was and what she believed was right and wrong.

But she was wrong.

Finn changed her, some parts for the better, and some parts for the worse.

But ultimately, she became who she was at the moment because of Finn.
And she couldn't understand if that was good or bad, because either way, she knows she's never been in this much pain.

She used to have a loving mother who cared about her. She used to have a best friend. She used to be a regular teenager.

But now, she has nothing. She felt nothing.

And it all started, with Finn Wolfhard.

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Finn sat up against the headboard of his bed, his head leaning up as he stared at the ceiling.

He didn't get any sleep last night, not with the overwhelming thoughts swarming his mind. It was his fault, this was all his fault.
How could he have been so stupid? He ruined everything.

He ruined Y/N, he ruined the relationship he had with the only girl he ever really loved.

He's in love, but how could he hurt the girl he loved so badly? He felt horrible, it was eating him up inside. It was tearing him apart.

His fingers trailed along the cover of his journal that he had just written in, his eyes now looking down at the darkness he held in his hands.

He went to open the book, his thumb throwing down the pages as they flipped all the way to the beginning of the book ; to where his darkest times lied.

He spread the pages flat, his eyes hesitantly searching his messy handwriting that was so obviously written in a stressed time.

With a breath, he allowed himself to read his entry.

The first entry already made Finn uncomfortable, the way his thoughts were so dark and unbelievably concerning.

But he had to read it.

This is Finn Wolfhard.

My therapist thinks that writing in this journal is a good way to deal with whatever it is I have. She thinks that this will help me cope with my depression and suicidal thoughts, and to be honest, it's not doing shit.

Having this journal makes me feel like I have this huge problem, like I'm some serial killer or something.

I'm not.

I don't have a problem.

Actually, I do. Jesus Christ, I can't believe I'm confiding in a diary like some little school girl.

I'm only doing this for Y/N. I'm only going through with it, for her.

Y/N L/N..

I think about her a lot—much more than I actually should. She's just taken over my mind like a virus, and she's all I can think about. The fact that she might like me back is the only thing I ever think about anymore..

That's the only reason I'm doing this therapy thing. To become better for her.

So that maybe, she'll actually like me back.

It was like he was reading the diary entries of an entirely different person.

He was so depressingly desperate for Y/N's affection, that he did and said things he'd rather not remember doing.

Of course, Y/N was still on his mind all the time, but he wasn't overly obsessive as he used to be, and at least, he had that going for him.

He then shook his head, shaking off all the thoughts he used to have about Y/N. The deep, dark, sickeningly obsessive thoughts he used to have.

He wasn't that person anymore. He was better.

Yes, he made a stupid mistake in letting his anger and possessiveness get the better of him yesterday, but he immediately regretted it.

Finn exhaled shakily, flipping the pages to the most recent entry he made, his fingers brushing to smooth the page.

The ink was bolder. He had just written it this entry yesterday.

This is Finn.

Jesus, I really fucked up. I really did.

The very thing I was terrified of, finally happened. My past caught up with me, and
Y/N found out everything.

I feel so fucking terrible, I feel like a piece of my very soul is missing without her love and affection.

I need her beside me. I need her. I need to make sure she's doing alright, especially knowing that she's pregnant with my child.

Fuck. She's really pregnant with my child.

I'm in hopelessly and utterly in love with this girl. I can't sleep knowing how badly I screwed things up.

I can't sleep without knowing if she's doing okay.

I need to fix it. I need to fix it. I need her to love me again.

Finn furrowed his eyebrows as he leaned his head back to lean against the headboard of his bed, wincing as his healing shoulder moved.

He was angry with himself. He was angry that he allowed this untamable anger to bubble and control him.
He was just so scared of losing Y/N, that he didn't realize that he was doing it in the process.

When it came to his possessiveness over Y/N, his anger and aggression was hard to control.

He was fearful of losing the one person he truly and genuinely cared for. He feared he was going to lose the girl he was in love with.

He sighed, knowing he was in the wrong yesterday. He never wanted to hurt Y/N or her mother, but he knows his stupid actions did.

He didn't want to revert to the person he used to be. He wouldn't.

He worked so hard to become better, and hell, he was going to stay like that.

His therapist's words echoed in his mind, reminding him of her advice she graciously bestowed upon him months ago, when he first started going to see her.

" Whenever you're ready, if these sessions go in the direction you hope for, when the time comes you will burn this journal and all its entries.

It's symbolic, to leave your past behind to embrace your new self and new future like you wanted.

But be mindful, that this is only when you are absolutely certain that you are ready to move on from your past, and spend your future to the fullest, as a new person. "

Finn now understood what his therapist meant, and he was grateful for all the time she put into him. It was paying off today.

Tonight was the Schnapp Cabin Party, the party that Y/N and him were supposed to be attending together. But he knows she'll be there tonight.

That is when he'll talk to her. That is when he'll tell her to read his journal entries, to prove that he's come a long way.

He has to talk to her. He has to see her.

Finn turned his head to look at his drawer, knowing what bloodied weapon laid in there from just a week or so prior.
The blood would forever be stained on his hands, and knife, no matter how many times he washed them clean.

At the party is when he'll explain everything to her. She deserves to know.

Then, he'll finally get to be the person he's worked so hard to become ; For Y/N.

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Author's Note :

i know this chapter seemed very rushed or confusing, but that's the point, i'm trying to get things going and make you a bit frantic.
  but what did you think?? let me know!!

so, finally, FINALLY. the schnapp party is finally happeningggggg..

like i said :

there's some crazy shit coming up.

!! intense drama is coming your way soon.. so be prepared.  ;)

thanks for reading, let me know what you think about this story.. <3

stay tuned.. ;))

.2325 words.