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DON'T LEAVE ME
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Yi-Seo

I stare hard at the photograph, swallowing the lump that’s forming at the back of my throat while a younger and healthier version of Se-Young stares back at me from my laptop’s screen. This is such a bizarre turn of events that I wouldn’t have even dreamt of.

Did he really mess up with Taehyung’s injection? Is this the sin he was talking about? Is Taehyung the person he seeks forgiveness from?

Gosh!

I hold my head in my hands, taking deep breaths, unable to stomach the fact that someone I looked up to as a father figure had possibly done something so crooked in the past, as low as changing a prescription drug, and the very thought of it is so impactful that it is even making me a little nauseous.

Nonetheless, I can’t entirely trust this research and jump to any conclusions just because I read a report written based on half facts and half instincts by a devoted fanboy who would any day side with his idol through thick and thin.

But even though I’m not a fangirl, didn’t I also strongly believe that Taehyung isn’t the kind of artist who would do drugs before a show?

I’m trying to switch sides now only because I’ve known Se-Young for much longer than I’ve known Taehyung, but Jimin’s reports are crystal clear, and there’s no more proof needed to at least know that the person who treated Taehyung and signed the prescription was indeed Se-Young.

Besides, I now know the doctor’s personal confession as well. The earlier conversation at the home for the aged is making me think because, strangely, he was talking in riddles, and if this part of Jimin’s research is authentic, then there’s no doubt that Se-Young was precisely referring to this as well.

Shit!

I feel so dazed, and I abandon my laptop for a little while to head to the kitchen and grab a glass of water before I return to my place once again. The last two pdf files have snippets of media reports of the events, along with reports given by various people concerning Taehyung, including his manager, secretary, the agency staff, and his bodyguards, along with their individual photographs.

There are statements from some unnamed artists from various unnamed agencies who have confirmed that Taehyung had habitually consumed various forms of drugs on many occasions earlier.

And lastly, there’s also a statement from Sammy, the tone of which seems very diplomatic and rehearsed. He’s still on my watchlist in this matter too because from the very first moment, he hasn’t given off any kind of good vibes at all.

Jimin has also added a snippet of Dr Han’s interrogation after the mishap on stage where the doctor has re-emphasized and presented proof that the medicine which was given to Taehyung was a regular and safe dosage of morphine. The proof includes his prescriptions as well the purchase bills for both the canisters of medicines, along with their serial numbers.

I’m inclined to believe that what Dr Han has stated here is a lie because otherwise there seems nothing wrong with what he has done as per his statement, and there is no reason for him to feel so guilty about anything. Also, going by the timeline of events, Se-Young admitted himself into the old home around ten years ago, and he hasn’t been doing any kind of job ever since.

So, does that mean he went off the radar after this incident and changed his identity as well?

With a clouded mind, I proceed to view the video files one after the other. The first one is a merged video file, and it has a series of fansite footage from the concert venue which show Taehyung performing in pain, collapsing on stage, and then there is more footage recorded from different angles that show him being wheeled out of the venue. The scenes elicit shocked reactions from me, and I don’t dare to watch them more than once.

There is also backstage security camera footage that seems to be recorded from a camera mounted in a corner of the corridor that leads up to the dressing room. The video shows Taehyung quickly limping into the dressing room while simultaneously taking off his shirt. He is being followed by a couple of women who look like his stylists, and their movements show as much urgency as his. Lastly, there’s another tall male figure who also walks into the room in a totally calm and unhurried manner.

I don’t need too many guesses to find out who this person is.

A few seconds later, Taehyung is seen walking out of the dressing room and escorted to the main stage by two bodyguards. His move was pretty quick, and even when I view it at the slowest playback speed, I’m unable to tell the difference between his usual state and his intoxicated state, and given that it is security camera footage, the clarity isn’t great as well. But unlike how he ran into the dressing room with an obvious limp, his exit was a more relaxed walk and not an urgent jog.

There is also security camera footage from the corridors and the main entrance of the hospital, and in those video clips, Taehyung is not walking; he is sitting in a wheelchair that is being rolled around by a male nurse. From the timestamp in the video, I understand that this is the CCTV footage from his hospital visit right after his soundcheck injury. His manager and secretary had also accompanied him to the hospital, but Sammy doesn’t seem to be one among the many who had accompanied Taehyung to the hospital, which is quite off-putting, yet confusing.

My head begins to reel when I think about everything, and I’m also starting to grow a little hungry since it’s way past my dinner time already. With the last few ounces of energy that is left within me, I proceed to check out the audio recordings.

The first one is a compilation of all the statements given by Taehyung’s agency, including the announcement of his blacklisting. I’m not going to deny that hearing the announcement made by a solemn male voice backed by the sounds of rolling thunder definitely caused a shiver to run up my spine. I can’t even imagine how truly horrifying it must have been for the man himself.

I suddenly miss him a lot; in fact, I’ve missed him all day, and I begin wondering if he could have already eaten his meal. When I put my laptop to sleep and head over to my living room, I notice that Taehyung’s home is dark, and it also seems uninhabited at the moment.

It makes me worry if he has once again passed out or if he has actually gone to bed. Just when I adjust my glasses and peer closely, I notice that there’s a bright fluorescent pink sticky note stuck to his window pane from the inside, and I narrow my eyes in an attempt to read it. But I’m unable to see it clearly because it’s pitch dark outside.

Throwing my window open, I poke my head out and lean my body towards his window pointing my phone’s flashlight at the note. Taehyung’s handwriting is bad, as always, but I manage to read what he has written.

‘ I waited for you, but I’m okay, just a little tired. Sleep well, Miss Kwon ’

The corners of my lips lift into a smile when I read the note a few times before leaning back and resting my heels on the floor. It would be an outright lie if I said that this note didn’t stir my stomach and cause a flutter within my chest, as did his stare this morning that created far more than just a fluttering feeling.

But I would be getting ahead of myself if I begin to put too much thought into this, so I close my window and proceed to cook something for myself before I hit the bed.

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I usually never sleep peacefully, and last night was incredibly bad for me because there were too many thoughts floating about in my mind, and everything just kept barricading my eyes from closing.

Today, I would definitely confront Se-Young to see what he has to say about this entire mess. And if it could give some kind of breakthrough to Jimin’s findings, then it will also possibly guide us as to what we need to do next to fix Taehyung’s taunted reputation. Se-Young is probably the missing link that Jimin has been waiting to discover all these years to solve the case. I also still believe that there is even a distant, slim chance of Taehyung’s blacklisting being made invalid.

After a large cup of coffee and a nice warm shower, I pour out some cereal into a bowl and eat it in a leisurely manner. As if it is a habit, I also fill another larger bowl with some cereal for Taehyung and place a small bottle of milk next to it on the counter.

In a few more minutes, I reach Taehyung’s doorstep even though it is still a little too early in the morning for his liking. I’m eagerly waiting to meet him with his breakfast in my hands and with a smile on my lips, along with a lot of interesting revelations that I’m desperate to spill to him and see how he reacts. But at this point, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he already knew most of it and chose to remain quiet about it.

It has been a few minutes, and Taehyung hasn’t yet opened the door. Needless to say, it’s making me panic and frantically push the doorbell button a few more times in quick succession, after which the door flies open to reveal Taehyung.

His appearance should have made me elated given how enthusiastic I was a few seconds ago. But rather it makes my heart sink into the pit of my stomach because he is totally intoxicated first thing in the morning. His shirt is not on him, and his eyes are bloodshot, which means that he was possibly doing drugs as well.

“Miss Kwon,” Taehyung’s lips stretch into a huge ear-to-ear grin, and he stumbles a little even though he isn’t even attempting to move anywhere. “Did you know that I was waiting for you?” His words come out incoherently between short bouts of what sounds like hiccups, and my shoulders drop in defeat and disappointment.

I stand rooted to my spot, not knowing in which direction to move or what to say now because his words should actually make my heart race, but the fact that he is drunk to the brim right now is ruining it for me.

I didn’t at all expect him to get drunk in the morning when his note said that he was okay last night. But he has been doing this for years, and it would be impractical of me to expect him to turn a new leaf overnight or even over a period of a few days or weeks. In fact, beyond this point, I don’t even know if he could free himself from this drinking habit and alcohol dependence without any professional assistance.

“Come in,” Taehyung lazily waves his hand for me to enter, and I do so, giving him an uneasy, unimpressed, and tight-lipped smile. He slams the door shut behind my back, and I turn my head around to look at him wobbling his way to me until he comes really close, forcing me to turn my body around to stand facing him.

“Miss Kwon,” his alcohol-rich breath hits my face, making me scrunch my face and grimace at the strong smell.

Taehyung chuckles at my response, taking another step closer to me, and now there’s just about an inch of space between the two of us other than that created by the bowl and bottle in my hands. I’m feeling the warm skin on his chest against my knuckles, and it makes me tighten my hold on the bowl and bottle, almost to the point of breaking them with my bare hands.

He leans close to my ear with his hands buried inside the pockets of his trousers. “I missed you so much last night….” he whispers deeply as he tilts his head to one side and sniffs my hair before he continues talking, “you look so cute now and you smell so sweet... that I feel like kissing you,” Taehyung’s speech is low and slurred, but I can clearly hear his every unsteady breath, and if he were sober, I bet he would hear how loudly my heart is pounding within my chest right now, ready to leap out any moment.

Clutching tighter onto the bowl of cereal and the milk bottle in my trembling hands, I hold my breath and swallow hard when he leans back to meet my eyes. I could feel the heat in my cheeks, and I have a feeling that I might collapse now. I can literally feel my pulse shooting within each one of my curled toes.

“I really feel that we should kiss now. Is that a good feeling? Or a bad one? Do you feel the same?” He raises a brow in question, sticking out his tongue to lick his lips while using one hand to swipe away the hair from his sweaty forehead.

“I- I came here to give you this,” I stammer, stretching out my hands with his breakfast and using them to push him away from me.

His bloodshot eyes dip to the bowl and then lift to look at me as he starts giggling.

“Miss Kwon, you’re unbelievable,” he shakes his head a little as he takes the food from my hands and fills in the space by coming closer to me. “You have no idea how hard I’m trying not to kiss you right now,” his dilated pupils waver, searching my stupefied eyes for an answer that I’m unable to give him.

I step back, letting him know that I’m slightly terrified right now, and that I have to leave at once, but he steps forward along with me, and I’m starting to feel as if I might faint on the spot. There is a pulsing sensation at the back of my head, and my limbs feel tremors in them as I keep taking backward steps until I hit into something behind me.

Taehyung grins, leaning closer to place the food in his hands on the dining table behind me, and then he stands facing me while I stand like a deer in headlights, completely frozen still under his piercing stare.

He moves a hand, placing it softly on my waist and slowly sliding it to the small of my back. His touch causes my body to shudder and freeze, but my mind goes completely blank. I don’t really know if I’m staying quiet because I want it too. Do I want us to kiss?

Yes. But, NO. Definitely not when he isn’t sober.

“You’re too drunk, and I don’t think we should talk now. I’m leaving,” I slide sideways and move away from him, causing his hand to slip from my body and fall loose on his side. He doesn’t force himself on me and create a scene, fortunately, and he just stands there, following me with his heavy-lidded gaze.

“Don’t leave me, please,” Taehyung’s voice softens, and his eyes plead with me, making me completely melt under his gaze. I want to hug him so bad; I don’t find the courage to do it though.

If he had said any of this in his sober state, I have no idea where we would be right now, but the fact that he is stinking of alcohol helps me stay grounded.

“I’ll come back, I promise,” I give him my word although I’m pretty sure that his brain isn’t processing any of my words right now, and Taehyung frowns a little as he flops down on his couch and closes his eyes almost uncontrollably.

But I don’t stay any longer because, somehow, I’m too overwhelmed and borderline disappointed with how things turned out this morning. Once again, it is because of my expectations.

I quietly leave his home, hoping to come back later to a more sober Taehyung who would have slept off his intoxication a little and probably say the same things to me when he isn’t drunk.

Expectations, again.

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I'm not saying that I'm weak for the honesty of drunk men.
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And thank you so much for 6k reads on Infamy.
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Published on : 01/31/2023