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THE JOURNEY
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Yi-Seo

Taehyung just openly confessed that he took an actress to Jeju for an entire weekend just to have lots of sex with her, and having arrived at this topic, I’m now tempted to bring up the topic of his leaked sex tape, but I’m also a little hesitant to ask about it. I’m not entirely sure how he would handle that question, so I decide to put it away for a little later.

“And did the actress get the recognition she wanted?” I probe him to continue talking.

“She did,” Taehyung confirms, “a lot more than she ever imagined, and she’s still in demand…not as a lead actress though,” he chuckles, almost as if dismissing it as nothing.

My curiosity is killing me from within to ask him who this actress is, but unlike the other two men that he talked about earlier, Taehyung hasn’t asked me yet if I want to know her name. Maybe because he feels it is an insignificant detail. So, I’m forced to zip my mouth shut.

“And about the secretary and boss thing which you told me earlier? What about that?” I’m silently inching my way towards the sex tape scandal, and I’m scanning his face carefully to study the shift in his expressions.

“They were always there, but one of them was with me for almost three years… absolutely no strings attached, no feelings formed. Just benefits given and taken. She was damn good though,” his head bobs up and down, and he also smiles to himself as if the mention of this particular secretary brought up some toe-curling memories from his lusty past.

But I don’t want to be carried away by any of his antics tonight, so I clear my throat and press my lips into an unimpressed, thin line when his eyes land on me.

“So, everything seemed to have been going well, and you had even handled the rumors lightly. But how exactly did things begin to go downhill?” My tone grows a little serious, and I could notice Taehyung’s shoulders tense up visibly as I test the waters with my carefully uttered words.

“Things aren’t always sweet and rosy, right, Miss Kwon?” He questions me, and I hum in response. “Rumors and scandals are nice and fun when they are within limits, but when something is built over an invasion of privacy, it isn’t exactly a rumor anymore. It is taking things to the next level, and that’s what happened to me,” Taehyung is being too wordy, and I’m pretty sure the effects of the alcohol are beginning to quickly kick into his nervous system and driving him into lyricist mode.

“I don’t get it,” I express my honest view over his confusing reply, and he only laughs softly in response.

“Do you want full details?” He asks me as he places the rim of the glass close to his lips and deeply inhales the smell of the vodka, clearly indicating that he is getting drunk, slowly but surely.

“The full details, if you don’t mind,” I know this is going to be about his leaked sex tape, and I intend to hear it all and know his side of the story too.

Of course, the media’s side of the story would have most definitely been just fabricated based on imagination or some unreliable sources. Hearing it from the man himself would definitely add more dimension to the truth behind what actually happened back then.

“Okay, but are you not hungry?” Taehyung’s voice suddenly oozes concern, and it threatens to make me go all soft for him.

“I am… a little hungry, yes,” I admit, sending a sheepish smile his way, and he pushes himself off the couch and stands up on his feet.

“Follow me,” he says after taking a few moments to finish his drink. Taehyung tilts his head in the direction of his kitchen, and I do what he asks of me.

His kitchen counter is cluttered with improperly sealed packets of different kinds of ramen, empty packages of store-bought food, and, of course, more empty alcohol bottles.

“Make yourself some ramen,” he offers benevolently and places a big pot on top of his stove, but before I could thank him, he cuts in, “make some for me also, and do the dishes before you leave,” Taehyung flashes an evil grin and looks down at me, and he’s standing so close to me now that I’m practically craning my neck upward to look at his face.

“Thank you,” I nod my head nervously, my heartbeat is erratic, my hands are closed into fists, and he takes a step back.

My shoulders relax, and I breathe out the air that was trapped inside my lungs when he steps back with his eyes still on me.

“Go on, pick what you want and cook for us,” he pushes aside some packets from the counter and proceeds to sit down on the counter, but his stare is powerful and unwavering, and this stare of his is the kind that is making my movements seem much slower and way more clumsier than usual.

I pick out three packs of chicken ramen to cook for us, and when I side-glance at him, I catch him still staring at me, which makes me swallow nervously, and I swear I saw his focus moving to my neck when I swallowed.

“Taehyung-ssi,” I breathe out, rolling my eyes and finally giving in to the urge of asking him to quit staring.

“Yes?” His tone deepens, and he raises an eyebrow at me.

“I’d appreciate it if you don’t stare at me like this and make me feel uncomfortable,” I say with my arms crossed under my chest.

“I don’t intend to make you feel comfortable though. You can just ignore me and cook,” his blunt reply jars me, and my jaw almost drops open in disbelief. His honesty is a little too raw for me to handle, but... I don’t think I’d be complaining about it.

Nope, I guess not.

Shaking my head and exhaling a defeated breath, I divert my eyes from him and proceed to cook the ramen for us. Once I’m done, I move the pot to a coaster, and Taehyung suggests that it’s better to eat in his kitchen since the dining table is a mess and the coffee table is even messier. So that’s exactly what we do.

Holding his bowl close to his chin, Taehyung slurps a long strand of the noodles from his chopsticks and moans in satisfaction. He’s still sitting on the counter, whereas I’m standing facing him at a safe distance and eating my bowl of ramen.

I’m staring at him too, but only when he isn’t looking. Either way, it makes me no different from him. But I, at least, take care not to make him uncomfortable, unlike he who made his intentions clear, confidently.

The entire time we eat ramen is spent with either Taehyung staring at me while I’m looking, or me staring at him while he isn’t looking, and we successfully finish eating the entire pot of ramen. I allow the pot to soak in the sink and then we both head back to his living room, with me feeling a lot more energized than before.

“Yeah, so the details,” I begin once we get seated comfortably.

“Right,” he rubs his palms together and pats his thighs with both his hands. “So, I had an eye on this rookie girl idol from our agency. She was young, flirty, hot and super sexy, and, of course, when I asked her to accompany me, she came along willingly. I canceled an important schedule and booked the most luxurious premium suite at the Four Seasons Hotel, just for her, to be with her,” he gives a sad smile as he revisits a seemingly sour memory, or at least that’s what I’m assuming it could be.

I don’t ask him any questions now because I know he’s already in a projectile talkative mode, and he will probably spill it all on his own. Thanks to Grey Goose.

“She was acting a little strange all the time, but I assumed she was nervous, maybe because it was her first time or maybe because she was intimidated by me or she probably didn’t want to be involved in any scandals,” he chuckles sardonically. “But it was none of that, I was so wrong,” Taehyung declares in a slightly frustrated manner as he picks up his glass once again.

“What was it then?” My palms are already growing cold and sweaty, and the reaction is reflected on my face by the way I’m chewing my lips right now.

“She recorded us,” his voice sinks lower, “without my consent and without even letting me know about it afterward.” Taehyung doesn’t raise his head to look at me for a few seconds, but I keep my gaze strong on him.

“I had no clue what she did, but after that day, we just went back to our lives as usual, and I flew to Japan the next day to kick start my concert tour,” his eyes briefly meet mine, and then he shuffles a little in his seat to pour himself another drink.

I remain totally silent while soaking up all the information and counting down the minutes until he would throw up all the ramen and vodka and the peri-peri flavored chips right on top of the fur carpet adorning the floor of his living room.

“The concert was dope, and I got the news when I was returning to my hotel that night,” he pauses for a breath, and I could feel my heart beating at an abnormal rate while I wait for the words to fall out of his mouth.

“She leaked the recording,” Taehyung’s voice is bland, completely emotionless, and his face is even more stoic.

I’m shocked to hear this, although I shouldn’t be, and I have no idea what to ask him now. The toneless nature of his voice clearly tells me how numb he has become to the entire issue, that even talking about it to a stranger isn’t eliciting any kind of emotions from him. And the convincing mask of ‘being lusted after’ that he has been wearing all these years is surely ripped open at this point.

Taehyung is slowly putting out pieces of his vulnerable self, under the influence of alcohol, of course. But it makes me want to pick up the pieces and put them all together, embrace him, tell him that it is okay, that it will be okay. Those are pieces of him, his life, and whatever has made him into who he is today.

However, my courage and confidence are yet to reach that point, and for now, I guess he appreciates this distance as well. Trying to forcibly push myself into his world might repel him, and him warding me off like the plague is the last thing I want.

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Published on : 01/17/2023