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LOVE MAZE
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Yi-Seo

I have been waiting beside Se-Young’s bed for almost thirty minutes now, hoping that his sedatives would clear up and awaken him.

The envelope addressed to him, which contains the court document, was picked up by me from the matron’s room before I came here, and I’m blankly staring at it lying on the nightstand.

It seems almost too inconsiderate and selfish of me to visit him so frequently these days because of Taehyung’s case and its related issues. I hate to be this person to him, but as bitter as it may seem, the priority right now is getting him to respond to the court’s complaint on time and thereby aiding in finalizing a date for the first court hearing.

As I’m lost in my thoughts, Se-Young stirs in his bed and drags my attention back to him. He squints open his eyes and scrambles to sit up in bed with some help from me.

“Yi-Seo, what a surprise you’re here. What can I do for you?” He questions groggily as he accommodates himself into a more comfortable seating position against the headboard of his metal bed.

He already knows that I’m visiting him with some motive, and it feels like a pinprick in my chest. Things were really much simpler in the past. But again, was everything really simple back then? Between him and I, maybe, yes. God! Why do things have to be so messed up?

I can lie now and tell him that I dropped by just to check on him, but when I eventually tell him about the court document, that would be like popping his short-lived bubble of hope and bruising him badly. I don’t want to raise his hope for no reason, even if it means that I come across as a thoughtless freak.

“Uhm, yeah,” I drag and swallow uncomfortably. “Taehyung has filed a case, and the court has sent you a complaint demanding your reply on the issue,” I pick up the envelope from the nightstand and hand it over to him.

With listless eyes, Se-Young takes the envelope from my hands and opens it carefully. I wait patiently while he wears his reading glasses and prudently reads through every word of the document before he pushes out a strained breath.

“I will respond to this right away. But do I need an attorney to do it for me? I mean,” he pauses to cough a few times, after which his whole face turns red. For a moment, it looked like his lungs had exploded within his chest. “No attorney would want to represent a losing party. So should I simply present myself in court without a defending lawyer? Is that allowed?” He questions me, appearing nearly drained of all his energy even when he has just woken up a few minutes ago.

His condition worries me because he seems paler than before, and I feel his disease is accelerating much quicker than expected. As the attorney told us earlier, Se-Young must absolutely be in his best health or at least in a fairly reasonable health condition that allows him to appear in court and give a conscious statement. But seeing him now makes a new concern sprout within my mind if he would be in a sound state to be able to make it to the day of hearing.

However, I successfully swallow my concerns and answer his question alone.

“Yeah, I guess that can be done. Uhm, we already discussed this with our attorney, and he said that you could indeed go to court without an advocate. It’s called ‘party in person’, and it is permitted. You don’t have to worry about that,” I guarantee him with a bland smile, making my best effort not to sound too eager about anything without my control.

Se-Young chuckles weakly but only through his nose, nodding his head a few times.

“Alright then, I’ll dictate the response to this letter. Would you be kind enough to write it down for me, Yi-Seo?” His tired and droopy eyes lift to look at me, and I nod uneasily.

Over the next fifteen minutes, I finish drafting his response to the court exactly the way he wants it to be. Together we review it once, and then I make a neat copy of the same before securing it into an addressed envelope.

I wish I could hold back my tongue from asking him about Sammy, but I guess my mind has different plans today.

“Se-Young-ssi, do you think the court will believe the allegations against Sammy? I mean, there is no proof that he motivated you to do this. So how-”

“Did I tell you that there’s no proof of his involvement?” His voice is terribly hoarse when he interjects my rambling with a question that causes my jaw to drop open.

“No, you didn’t,” I shake my head a little, keeping my gaze on him as my eyebrows slowly come together in confusion. But the confidence in his tone when he asked me that question is making my heart pick up pace, and I begin chewing my lips out of rapidly building nervousness.

“I just didn’t release any of it because I was waiting for him all these years. Not anymore,” he adds in a slightly mournful tone, shaking his head a little, and then he sends a confident smile my way, assuring me that there is no way anything could possibly go wrong from this point.

My heart is almost doing flips within my chest when I begin to imagine what would happen in court, and even though I have no personal connection or revenge or anything at all to do with Sammy, the mere thought of seeing him being punished in court and shamed by the media and public is making my adrenaline rush.

“That sounds so positive, and I hope everything goes well,” the moment I say these words, I mentally slap myself left and right for letting it out so inconsiderately.

Going well would mean that Se-Young will be punished and most probably sent to prison, and how could that be positive and great news to him? The more I try to remain neutral, the more I end up messing things and sounding so selfish, and it makes me want to vanish from the spot.

I want to apologize for it, but my words aren’t cooperating, and I end up sitting shrouded in regretful silence when I get no verbal response from him. Se-Young’s smile drops slowly as he takes my hand in his and fondly strokes the back of my hand, and his hands are alarmingly hot to the touch.

“Do you like him, Yi-Seo?” His question is too sudden, and it momentarily stuns me, making me forget about the heat of his hands. My eyes freeze wide open, but the deficiency of reaction seems to be only on the outside. Inside me, I can literally feel an explosion of fireworks and a heavy rush of blood that is making my heart hammer violently.

Do I like him?

“Taehyung?” My voice sounds feeble and soft, and God! Suddenly, even the mention of his name leaves a tingly feeling at the tip of my tongue, and a wave of goosebumps originates from the pit of my stomach and spreads all over my body, making me shudder lightly and every hair fiber on my body stands on its end.

“Yes. I can feel it, Yi-Seo,” the stroking at the back of my hand continues as Se-Young smiles softly to himself while keeping his gaze on my hand that he’s holding.

His conviction would be confirmed if he looked at my face right now because although I’m not in front of a mirror, I can feel the heat in my cheeks where a furious blush has probably settled strong. And at this point, I’m pretty sure that the heat in my cheeks has outdone the heat of Se-Young’s hands.

I remain quiet, unable to tell him about the quandary within my mind and give him an answer to the question he asked me a while ago, which is precisely the question that has also been plaguing my mind. I have been deliberately avoiding or even acknowledging this question for a while now, fearing that the answer may lead me into a place that might be eerily similar to the darkness that I have somehow managed to step out of.

I don’t ever want to go back to such a place, and at present, I don’t even want to assume that it would be any different because it is a different person. The flutters and jitters are much too familiar, and it terrifies me to think of where this would lead me.

Taking control of the situation within my mind is a possible option, but sometimes the gravity of the situation is so high that no amount of control would help with the freefall. And I think I’m on the brink. I think I’m falling, but I refuse to accept it. At least not when I’m uncertain of what is going on at his end.

“It’s nothing like that, Se-Young-ssi,” I lie through my teeth, “I’m only trying to help him get justice because he has been suffering for ten long years for no fault of his,” I say softly, and my eyes finally find the courage to meet the ailing man’s eyes.

He nods slowly in an understanding manner.

“I don’t personally know Taehyung, but I can tell you something. If Sammy hates him, he must be a good man. I’m sure of it,” he pats my hand, chuckling softly, and I laugh a little too.

“He certainly is a very precious soul, but I’m just moving past the heartbreak, and I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready for anything else at the moment,” I finally confess to him part of the issue that has been swirling within my mind.

“So, you did think about Taehyung in that way... You know,” he catches me off-guard with the way I worded my thoughts, which I actually thought I did carefully. But with Se-Young, it is always hard to mask my inner thoughts. I tried though.

“It’s hard not to, you know,” I give up resisting, and my shoulders lift in a weak shrug, “he’s such a soft person, and he is wise and mature, but he has suffered so much, and he is still suffering. It pains to see him destroy himself like this, and I wish I had some power to help him find happiness and live his life as he should,” I pour out my heart to him.

“You have found the way now. Things will work out in his favor, and you both will get to your happy days soon, Yi-Seo,” Se-Young comforts me by running a hand over my head with a warm smile on his pale lips.

“I don’t want to look too deep into this because I’m pretty sure he would never think of me that way. I mean, he still calls me Miss Kwon,” I laugh softly, rolling my eyes a little.

“But he probably wants you to drop the honorifics and call him just Taehyung,” he winks at me teasingly, and we end up laughing together before I force out a long breath and gently withdraw my hand from his hold.

“Are you having a fever? Your hands are so hot,” I finally ask him when his hands leave mine, and the lack of heat brings my thoughts back to him.

“I think it’s because I’ve been in bed for too long,” he answers casually, and I hum in agreement, still a little dazed by the discussion about Taehyung.

“I’ll post this today and keep you updated about the case progress. You would have to come to court on the day of the hearing,” I inform him, and he nods his head knowingly.

“I know. I’m holding on for that,” Se-Young sends a blissful smile my way, and in a few more minutes, I bid goodbye to him and proceed to meet the attorney.

My mind is restless with numerous thoughts as I drive to the attorney’s office, which takes me around twenty minutes. I’m lost in my own world with my thoughts all over the place. I think about the proof which Se-Young said that he has against Sammy. I think about his health, his raised body temperature, and most of all, I think about his questions about my feelings for Taehyung.

With my thoughts keeping me company, I arrive at the attorney’s office, way past my lunchtime. I meet him and hand over the defendant’s response to the complaint, and I also orally narrate the content of the response to him.

Attorney Seong assures me that he would post Se-Young’s response before the end of the day, and with that, I head back home while updating Jimin over a phone call about the progress made today. Jimin sounded thrilled too, and he said it wouldn’t make a difference whether I updated Taehyung about the case progress or not because he seemed so disconnected from everything anyway.

But I mentally disagreed with Jimin on that one because Taehyung would surely be expecting an update, and he also deserves to know what’s going on. Even if he doesn’t exhibit any excitement in my presence, I’m pretty sure that his spirits would be lifted upon hearing this little, but substantial progress made today.

As per the attorney’s estimation, the court would respond within five working days with a date for the first hearing. His words sounded promising, and I’m really hoping that things go well.

But despite everything that happened today, the one thing which refuses to quiet down within my mind is the little discussion I had with Se-Young today. About Taehyung.

I shouldn’t allow myself to step into delusion, but I know I like him. A lot. Yet, as Se-Young said, does Taehyung ever wish that I addressed him informally? That would be taking things to a new level, but I really wish he did. I really wish he would call me by my first name someday.

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Published on : 02/07/2023