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Yi-Seo

“Maybe? Is that a hint that you were interested in someone?” I ask him with a small smile, and he chuckles again.

“Giving free advice does not mean the giver relates to every word spoken, and I thought we were talking about you today?” Taehyung’s eyes that are sharp as needles turn to look at me.

“But it wouldn’t be bad to talk about you, I mean, if you are comforta-”

“Not now.” He cuts me off mid-sentence without even looking at me, and I press my lips together into a thin line and nod my head a few times.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize meekly, and Taehyung doesn’t say anything in response.

I lean back on the bench and sit quietly, and my mind is absorbing Taehyung’s questions like a sponge. Although I want to sit in solitude and ruminate on the answers to these questions, right now, my mind isn’t cooperating, and I feel the need to stay quiet for a while.

The soft breeze wafting with the faint scent of roses from the line of colorful rose bushes lining the pond slowly whistles past us, and the entire setting feels so calm and quiet as opposed to the chaotic state that I always find myself in.

A rustle of clothes tells me that Taehyung is moving, and turning my head to the side, I notice that he is standing up from the bench, and I do the same. His tired eyes move to look at me, and he stands there blankly staring at me for a few seconds.

“Forty-eight hours would be over in another couple of hours, and I think I need to go home and get ready for the little reunion, do you want to join in?” He raises his eyebrows at me, stuffing his hands deep inside the pockets of his baggy trousers that flap a little with the breeze.

“I don’t drink,” I state the fact once again, but then I also feel like spending more time with him because, technically, even though he is still a stranger to me and he snubs me very often, I’ve never felt this state of calm around anyone else, and I always look up to mature people who have a better and different view of everything.

“You don’t have to,” Taehyung’s shoulders lift in a small shrug, and I don’t intend to miss this invitation. He also just made it evident that he would appreciate my company even though we’d not be doing any activities in common.

“Okay then,” I smile back at him as he rakes a hand through his hair and starts to walk slowly.

I follow him and soon match his pace and walk beside his taller frame as we reach the arched wooden footbridge that’s built over the narrowest part of the lake. Taehyung’s steps slow down when we cross halfway over the bridge, and his eyes lazily move to look at me.

“What did you discard here last night?” He asks me nonchalantly, his eyes quickly leaving mine as he turns to face the fence of the footbridge and leans forward resting his elbows on it.

“Everything that Jungkook gifted me,” my voice comes out much softer, and Taehyung shoots me a look of shock.

“Almost... everything... I meant the rings, bracelets and other jewelry…” I clarify quickly, and he looks away, nodding.

“You’re a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?” He laughs softly and continues speaking without waiting for my answer. “You’ll only end up hurting yourself if you keep looking for love in all the wrong places. The right person will know how to hold your love. This boy was obsessed, and you were in a state of trance, and now that you’re breaking out of the trance, you’ll soon realize what everything meant,” Taehyung keeps talking in riddles, but I can’t stop myself from awing over this side of his persona, which I’m not entirely sure he has revealed to many.

I remain silent, letting his words engrave themselves into my mind and give me the guidance needed to break free from the toxic prison of my past—the weight of which has been silently dragging me down and hindering all kinds of progress in my life.

Taehyung turns his head to look at me, and I feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden; my eyes are welling up once again, and this time too he doesn’t look away from the sight of my teary face. I don’t try to hold back my tears too.

I have been looking for love in the wrong place, I know it. I have always known it. Jungkook was never my home although I kept convincing my mind by lying to myself over and again that he was not just my home but my entire world. I was wrong. I was so wrong, and my mind knew it too. But my heart kept clinging on to him, hiding behind the veil of emotions that he made me feel, or should I say the emotions that I allowed myself to feel in his presence?

Those emotions made me feel wanted and loved, even if it was just for a little while, and I didn’t want to exist without that reassuring feeling of someone wanting to spend time with me and make me feel loved and important. I was constantly persuading my mind and heart to believe that Jungkook was the one.

But, yes, I did get blinded by the little sweet gestures and momentary euphoria that he made me feel now and then. I know it myself, but I have been in denial for a long time.

Either way, the one who ended up being hurt is me. I never expected this breakup to be so hard and painful, and after the dirty fight and endless tears, not even in my dreams did I imagine that I would be ugly crying over him even after seven long months, even after he treated me so badly and suspected me, abused me, accused me of cheating and called me such demeaning names all the time.

My emotions overflow, and my tears burst out of my eyes as my chest vibrates, and I break down, letting my head drop. Covering my mouth with one hand to sob in silence, I allow my tears to flow down faster, hoping the tears would wash away my pain and heartbreak.

Amidst this breakdown episode, I think back to my childhood days when I would have such meltdowns for the silliest reasons, and all it took to feel better was a reassuring warm hug and some loving words from my mother, and then, magically, the whole world would seem so much better and brighter. Life was so easy, and I was such a happy kid. I miss her so much. I miss being myself.

I have no idea how and where I lost myself while growing up, and now I don’t even know where to go looking for the pieces of me that I gradually lost through the years. I have forgotten how to find happiness and hold it, and I’m nothing but a very sad, heartbroken, jobless human at this point.

I don’t know if Taehyung is still standing there, but when my tears slow down a little while later, I take off my glasses and wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. I wear my glasses back, only to find Taehyung standing there in the same leaning position, gazing at me with an unreadable expression in his eyes. But the fact that he stood by me through two of my worst breakdown episodes in recent times, seeing me at my worst and still standing by without asking me to shut up is proof enough of his maturity.

“Taehyung-ssi,” he stands back up straight upon hearing my shaky voice and turns around to face me, his head tilted to one side. “Can I hold you for a moment?” I hesitate but still ask him anyway, hoping he would reassure me with a warm embrace, just like my mom used to do. But he doesn’t at all have to do anything more than what he has already done for me because he isn’t my mother.

“No,” he answers passively, and I lower my head, looking down at the deck of the bridge beneath my feet.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize meekly, making Taehyung exhale slowly in an ‘I’m-so-done-with-you’ manner before he walks past me while I just stand still on the spot and turn my head to look at him over my shoulder as he reaches the end of the bridge.

Taehyung stops walking abruptly and turns his head around to look at me, cocking his head to one side. “Are you just going to stand there?” He raises an eyebrow, and the depth of his voice causes an untimely eruption of goosebumps all over my body. I shake my head from side to side before I take quick steps and walk up to him.

He walks a few steps ahead of me with his hands inside the pockets of his baggy trousers, and I follow him closely with my hands inside the kangaroo pocket of my hoodie. It takes us about two minutes to reach his home, and he unlocks the front door, allowing us to enter his living room.

I close the door behind me while Taehyung turns on the lights in his living room and whistles a tune to himself as he walks away into his kitchen. Standing there in the middle of his living room, I awkwardly wait for him to tell me to sit down or something because I’m not ready for any more embarrassments today. I’ve had enough.

A few minutes later, Taehyung walks back into the living room with a huge, fancy bottle of alcohol in one hand and a large glass in his other hand.

“Grey goose, French vodka,” he announces with a big grin that makes the crow-feet at the corners of his eyes show up more prominently.

I watch closely as Taehyung places the heavy bottle on the coffee table in front of his couch and the glass right next to it. He then pulls up his pants slightly and sits down on the couch, eagerly rubbing his palms together.

His eyes suddenly flicker to look at me, and he frowns a little. “Is that chair not clean?” He points with his chin to the plastic chair that’s on my left, and I turn to look at it.

It does look clean, and I take this as my permission to sit down.

“How do you manage to buy these bottles? I mean, the money for all this?” I point to the display of alcohol bottles on the dining table with their various levels of fullness and divert my eyes back to him.

“How do you think?” He relaxes in his seat, placing his right ankle over his left knee and comfortably leaning back with his arms on either side of the couch.

“I don’t know,” I shrug a little. “Maybe you have saved enough for a few generations?” My question makes Taehyung laugh loudly, letting his head drop before he looks back up at me.

“I’m not that rich now, but I have my ways,” he answers the bare minimum and proceeds to open up the bottle of alcohol—Grey Goose, as he educated me just a while ago. His forty-eight hours are not done yet, but the conversation keeps me more invested than anything else at the moment.

“And what ways are those?” My curiosity begins kicking my vocal cords and pushing the words out of my mouth without my control.

“I sell my talent,” Taehyung says as he pours out the clear spirit into his glass and lifts it up to his eye level to confirm the quantity. “Illegally,” he adds with a smirk before bringing the glass to touch his lips.

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Please remember to vote and leave your thoughts. And this night's conversation between Tae and Seo is going to be loooonggg.
💕

Published on : 01/13/2023