I drown, every time I try to rise.

Jide said the first time he cheated made him realize that some things weren't cut out for some people. He said it showed him just how important Bola was to him. And I was trying to understand how connected they were; and why it wasn't the same for us - me and Richard. There was a connection, true. But it was different- out of the stereotype.

It was on our fifth month that I realized this. He cheated, just like Jide. But there was no realization, no regret. He was fine. It did not tug at his feelings. I was something he needed; a person he couldn't do without. And, still, he couldn't do without a couple other girls. Pathetic, yet surprising.

Morning broke on the sixth month of an unwavering cheater, and I confronted him. We were both cuddled up and spent after last night. I tapped on his shoulder, tugging at the arm of his shoulder. He groaned and his glorious eyes opened. I saw the resurrection in them and I pleaded for the grace to accomplish the reason for my distress.

"Hey, baby." His angelic voice rang through my ears and into my head.

"Hey... Good morning, sunshine." Probably not how I wanted to begin, but who could blame me? He was a god.

His hand found my face and soon he was massaging my cheeks. Soon, he was stroking my chin and drawing closer until our lips were colliding. I was in a trance; one I could not control. He was my ticket for the short ride to heaven.

"Had a great night?" He asked, letting his palm fall from my face.

"Uh... Yeah, I guess. Couldn't be better." I flushed.

He placed a peck on my cheek and stood from the bed. If I delayed he'd go to the shower and that would be the end of it. Until another failed effort. I wasn't going to let it go this time. We would have the conversation and I would know everything.

"Can we have a talk? Please?"

A look of worry was on his face now. Just the perfect way to get his attention.

"Yeah, sure. Always. What's the matter?"

I stood from the bed, moving closer to where he was standing. I placed my palms on his shoulder and began.

"I couldn't find a better time to talk to you about this. I've been meaning to talk to you about the way you make me feel and how it's a prison I cannot escape. I mean, I've tried and all, but you're a filler to an empty space. My empty space. But I don't think I matter to you just as much. Cause I'd never do, to you, the kind of things that you do to me."

"What is this about, Sade?" He took a step back.

I muffled. "I've been drowning in the dark, and the more I try to rise above it all, the deeper I fall. Cause you're a bondage I've only, recently, come to notice. I know about your affairs. I know that you've been out having affairs behind my back and don't even try to deny it. I just want to know why you do it. I want to know if I've been treating you bad, or if I haven't given enough of me already. Cause there has to be an explanation for why you still haven't left me. There has to."

When I was done, I couldn't help but cry. I had let it all out. Maybe, well, not all of it; most. And I was shocked at what happened next. If Richard had looked like a god when he woke up, he was none now. I saw, through his eyes, helplessness. A calm song replayed in my  head. I was a fool for looking into his eyes but they had captivated me even more than I could have ever imagined. He was a reflection of a lost sheep. I broke down, instantly.

"Why do you do this to me?!" I screamed. "Why?!"

"I'm sorry!" He yelled. "I swear, I am. I've tried my best. I never meant to hurt you this way. I love you, even more than you know. You're the pills I cannot miss. And even though I do the things I do, they do not make me love you less. I cannot imagine a life without you, Sade! I cannot!"

I was burning. "You're sick! You're a motherfucking psycho! How can you not have an explanation for this? Do you realize how you make me feel? Have you ever..."

He placed his hands on both my shoulder and pushed me to the wall. I could see furry in his eyes now. He was mad. I had never seen this, and I never even expected he'd be the madder one.

"Shut the fuck up, Sade! I fucking love you! I really do." His hands fell from my shoulder and he walked to the side of the bed, picking a bottle and filling a glass with alcohol.  He emptied the  cup and turned to my direction. He was sad. I couldn't understand any of it.

"So, did that help?" I asked, pointing at the bottle of alcohol.

" I know you don't believe me. I know I can't give you a convincing reason why I've done the things I have. I never realized you found out. I was aware that I was doing something wrong, but..."

"Heck you were! You ain't a fucking baby, Richard! No you ain't."

" Can I just try to explain?"

I dragged the bedclothes off, tumbled the stool with the bottle on it and ended up breaking it. I drove my fingers into my hair. He was just realizing that I needed an explanation. I was furious. And watching him stand so close to me with nothing to say -not even a little bit of justification- was making me insane.

"You know what, " he took several steps back. "I'm just gonna leave and come back when you're ready to listen. I can't do this right now."

He picked his shirt from a corner of the room and proceeded to leave. But I wasn't going to have it. We were going to have all of the explanation. It was either that or nothing.

"You step out of that door and you're out of my life forever!" I shouted, as his hand touched the doorknob.

"Really? Just one misunderstanding and you're gonna end the beautiful thing we already have going on?" He turned, placing his heavenly glow on me.

I deadpanned. He was no god.

And as we had it, he walked away. That same day I had moved his things outside my  apartment. Whether he came for them or not, I do not care to remember. A week later, I relocated to Lagos, worked as a part-time medical assistant at a friend's hospital. With months of trying to get over Richard, I found another person to love. Even though I never imagined I could get over him, I did. And telling this story has made me realize how much of a fool I was.

•Yay! Second story. Happy? I am, too!😋
•Dedicated to Anna-Reign1. Our fued has inspired this.
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