Valentine's day was probably one of the worst things in the history of humanity.

As far as Louis' concerned it's just a shitty holiday for everyone to flaunt how in love you are and be disgusting about it. To rub it in that you've found your someone while the single one's got nothing. Not that Louis cared, because he doesn't.

He'd rather shoot himself in the foot than partake in this unfortunate holiday. He doesn't need flowers or a box of chocolates to make himself feel valued. He sure as hell didn't need to have someone write sonnets about him or make stupid mixtapes declaring their love for him.

The upsides to this all is the fact he usually got away with spending his night at the pub. Downing a lite beer and keeping Niall company while he tends to the other lonely souls. It's been like that for a few years now, the same old routine.

However, this year Louis' plans were different...

It involved him going to Panoramic 34 to have dinner with Sean. Which Louis didn't get how the hell his ex-boyfriend only had one evening to squeeze in dinner, which apparently fell on the cringiest holiday of the year. They're going to look like a couple celebrating the festivities, and Louis felt uneasy. Not that he shouldn't because for one, that place wasn't cheap and he feels guilty Sean told him it's on him. Second, the last time he's actually seen Sean (in the flesh) was three years ago. It was a few weeks after they'd broken up and Sean came with flowers and asking for another chance because Louis ignored his messages. Louis told him to fuck off and slammed the door in his face before he broke down into tears. Because it still hurt and just couldn't trust him anymore.

Which was why not it was odd he even agreed to this stupid dinner in the first place. But maybe, if he had closure, it'll help him bury the past. Hopefully, that was what this was.

It'd be a lie to say he wasn't nervous. Of course, he was because any person that's meeting with an ex-lover would. Especially if that someone used to be so important to you. It just he doesn't know what to expect and how things will go. If Sean will think poorly of him because he still had the dead-end job at the same old coffee shop. How he's been single ever since they 've been apart and still doesn't own a car. That he always wears the same clothes he used to squeeze himself into while they were together.

Louis knew he shouldn't give two shit what Sean though. It's not like he wanted to impress his ex-boyfriend or anything, but still. Telling anyone that used to be in your life that you haven't changed is kind of daunting, especially when you've told this person all these life goals you had when you were together.

Sean knew Louis had always wanted to travel the world and adopt a puppy. That he's always wanted to get a tattoo on his ankle and go scuba diving. Skydiving, mountain climbing, and all that adventurous shit he's never done before. Sadly, Louis never gotten a dog or traveled any farther than Doncaster. He doesn't have ink on him nor had he done any adventurous stuff. All he had going for him is that he's three years older and tragically in love with his best mate.

So sue him for feeling this way and what probably didn't help was the fact he hadn't told anyone. Not that they should care to know because it's none of their business and Louis just didn't want to deal with the backlash. Besides, it's just a one time thing...

That's what Louis had been telling himself for majority of the day. His shift at the coffee house passing in a blur and coming home to an empty flat. Louis talked himself down and said it's nothing more than a meet up, it was definitely not a date. Even when he hoped in the shower to rinse away the java stench and scrubbed at his hair. They're going to have a nice meal, and Sean is going to say whatever is on the top of his tongue. Louis hoped maybe Sean suddenly had plans come up as time grew closer when he dried his hair and wore his nicest clothes. After all, Sean did mention something about the fine dining, so Louis wasn't going to be the fucking elephant in the room, thank you very much.

But the thing was, when Louis thinks back to when they were together they've never really went to nice restaurants. Mostly ate takeaway and watched films or whatever was on the telly. It was simple dates that were cheap and easy. But, maybe Sean felt that he owed it to Louis after everything?

Whatever this outing was supposed to be, Louis was curious.

"It's not a big deal," Louis said to his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he smoothed out his fitted black button down. "It's just dinner." The words echoed through the small room. Louis gripped the edges of the sink and let out this deep breath, he had exactly fifteen minutes before he needed to be on his way.

Louis felt like throwing up when time seemed to tick away the longer he stared at his reflection. God, he's never felt so nervous in his life. It not fucking fair that he feels anxious about this meeting. Louis doesn't have those feelings he used to have for Sean anymore and sure, maybe he still finds his ex attractive. Like, there's no point in denying it because it's true.

But all of that shouldn't make Louis into a spiraling mess because of it; it's not a date.

Eventually, Louis had to pry himself away from his mirror and go slip on his shoes. Putting on his coat and locking the door behind him when he leaves his flat. Blowing out a series of short breaths as he took the creaky lift down and made his way out to the snow covered car park. Not even bothering taking the bus to the restaurant as he'd hoped the cool night air would keep him from sweating over what's to come.

He even tried to think of Niall and his boy troubles. How idiotic it was that Niall literally found himself a man to go on a roadtrip with him and pretend they're together. Paying the poor boy a generous amount and promising him he might get some head. Well, that what Niall had told Louis last night before he took off with his fake boyfriend catch their plane to Ireland for a few days. Louis just hoped this all doesn't backfire in the end.

Then there was Harry that crept into Louis' mind when he was about two minutes from his destination. Thinking of how Harry's probably out with Ellie in the city somewhere, having a romantic dinner. Kissing and ogling each other, being disgusting. Ellie probably had her grimy claws all over Harry, and that surely doesn't help his mood.

When Louis finally made it to the restaurant and headed inside, his heart was in this throat. Even when he checked in for the reservation under Sean Aston, Louis could feel himself sweating already. Just even saying his ex-boyfriend's name aloud had him wanting to go into cardiac arrest, but fuck, he was already being led to a small table by a massive window that overlooked the city. Sean wasn't there yet, thank heavens.

Louis couldn't complain though the view of the city skyline in the night was beautiful. Probably the one thing keeping him grounded as he pulled out his chair and sat down. His coat already off behind him and ordered himself an ice water to start.

It wasn't long before he'd gotten his drink and told the waiter he still had someone coming, giving Louis more time to look at the menu. Which was way overpriced for Louis' liking and didn't know why in the hell Sean choose this place. Louis wasn't one for fine dining or dressing up to go for a meal, and he remembered Sean didn't either. Maybe he changed though, possibly. Louis wouldn't bet any money on it though.

Then, the chair across from him scooted against the carpet and Louis felt like he couldn't breathe. Sean's pushing up the sleeves to his white button up and telling the waiter he'd like some Merlot. Then his hazel eyes were on Louis, and he thought they were still gorgeous as ever. Not that he'd tell Sean that.

"I wasn't sure if you'd come, " Sean said placidly, there was a shadow of a smile at the corner of his lips. "I know you probably had other plans with your boyfriend tonight since it's Valentine's day after all, but I just really wanted to see you."

Louis gnawed on his lip for a moment as he pressed his fingers against his glass of water before he responded, "I don't have a boyfriend."

Sean lifted a single brow and opened his mouth, but then closed it when his glass of wine was in front of him. Shooing the waiter away a little longer with the excuse of needing to look at the menu longer. Louis ended dropping his hands in his lap and fiddled with his fingers, twisting them.

"Oh, I thought... nevermind." Sean shook his head, and Louis wondered what that was about. "I'm just happy you're here and not running for the hills yet." he let out this little snicker, bringing the glass to his lips. "How've you been through? Still living in that flat with your mates?"

In all honesty, Louis was feeling hesitant on sharing intimate details of his life with someone who once mattered.

"I've been better, and yeah, I am," Louis muttered out as his eyes fell onto the menu, not wanting to keep looking into those untrustworthy eyes.

Louis just wanted Sean to cut to the fucking chase already because the faster this dinner gets over, the quicker he can get to being in his nice warm bed.

"You know, I've actually gotten my own place now, it's nice. Even have a car too." Sean commented, and Louis wondered if he was supposed to be impressed by that. "I'm single, by the way. Have been for a while."

Louis wasn't sure if he even believed that, because from what he could remember was that Sean was a sleazebag.

So the chance of Louis actually believing Sean not having a special someone? Highly unlikely.

It was silent between them for a moment. He was still a ball of nerves and what was there to even say? He doesn't give a damn that Sean is alone or has his shit together.

What is even the point of the dinner? To rub it in Louis face of how everything worked out for him so far? To show off that he has gotten everything that Louis doesn't?

So far, Louis was starting to regret even coming.

Eventually, the quietness between them had broken when their waiter came back over to take their order. Louis just got the Roast Guinea Fowl and didn't really listen to what Sean had ordered when he handed the waiter his menu, Offering him a small smile before his eyes landed back on the man across the table.

"But anyway, I didn't ask you out to brag about how well things have gone or that I'm working at a law firm." Ah yes, Louis had almost forgotten about Sean wanting to be a barrister. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the way things ended."

Louis tried to bite back a frown, but it was hard. Thinking of how much time had passed and Sean finally decided to reach out to him to say he's sorry, just wasn't a nice feeling. They've been apart for three years, and he could have came anytime to apologize. But no, he chooses now thinking Louis wouldn't still hate him for it. Yeah, Louis may be in love with another man, but he's not going to sit here and lie about the fact it still twists at his heart to think about it.

It was a tragic time in his life for crying out loud. Never had he ever thought it'd happen to him because he believed for once Sean loved him actually.

And it's just sad that Louis had wasted all that time on him.

"I never meant to hurt you."

That just rubbed Louis the wrong way because Sean was the one who fucked all those men while they were together. Because if he never meant to hurt Louis' he wouldn't have lied to him every time they couldn't get together for the night. Going out looking for one night stands because he wasn't satisfied with their sex life.

If he never meant to break his heart, he would have ever cheated in the first place.

Louis let out a heavy sigh. "And yet you decided to sleep with the whole population of Liverpool while we were together."

Sean frowned and Louis didn't give a shit. "I was young and stupid, babe."

Louis scoffed bringing his water to his lips for a moment. Not really appreciating those poor excuses because Louis is two years younger than Sean and he never once thought about laying in bed with another man.

"And apparently not satisfied with me, so you went and got your fix elsewhere."

"That's not true, and you know it."

This conversation was just irritating to Louis now, Sean's already making shitty excuses for his actions. Making it seem he's the innocent one in all this, it's complete utter bullshit.

"Right, because it made me feel so fucking good to find you in bed with what's his face." Louis snarked, leaning back his chair and crossed his arms. "You know, it was nice actually finding out I had gotten chlamydia from my boyfriend at the time."

Louis remembers when he found out about Sean's infidelities he called his mum crying. Spending the night in bed wondering what had went wrong and ignoring the mass amount of pleading texts from his boyfriend. Listening to Jay tell him softly everything will be okay and don't think for a moment this was his fault. Pleading for him to take the earliest train and come home for a few days so she can make things better. Louis knew that meant endless amounts of motherly love and warm meals. Johannah doing whatever it took to get Louis' mind off his crying heart for a little while. Louis didn't hesitate to pack his bags that night because he just wanted something, anything to make him feel better.

And he recalls when Sean called him and explained everything one night when he was curled up in his old childhood bed. Learning how much Sean had gotten around and that he'd been sleeping around with one of the guys for nearly a year. Louis felt so sick to his stomach because everything felt so gross and ruined. Stained and dirty.

Louis remembered going to bed that night feeling not good enough.

"I know, and I'm sorry, okay?" Sean stressed, taking a sip of his wine.

"You can apologize all you want, but it's never going to be enough." Louis just didn't want to keep hearing his past love expressing his regrets.

Sean had this pensive expression written across his face, and Louis wondered what he was thinking. Wanting their meals to already be in front of them so Louis could tail it out of here already. So far this was just a big waste of his time that was starting to make him feel bad.

Then Sean glanced down to his glass of wine for a moment before he finally said, " Listen, I know I'm not perfect by any means and that what I did was wrong. But, I never once lied to you about how much I loved you."

"So just because you had these genuine feelings for me, I'm supposed to forgive you?"

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness, babe." Louis didn't understand what the hell Sean was trying to do because it sure as hell seems like he's finishing for some sort of absolution.

"Then what is it, Sean?" Louis retorted. "Why am I even here?"

Sean let out a heavy breath, moving to rest his arms against the table. Leaning in a little where it almost felt too smothering for Louis' liking.

"I miss you."

Well, this certainly took an unexpected direction...

Louis wondered what Sean had expected to hear? That Louis missed him too? That they could recover from it all?

It was not like Louis hadn't spent months with his love bleeding from his hands. Sean couldn't just squeeze himself back into Louis' life expecting him to forget those tainted memories. Sean couldn't miss him because he was the one who fell away.

And Louis can't help but sit here and be struck dumb.

"You were my best mate, Lou. My first proper relationship where I finally had something where I could see a future. God, we were so good together." Sean shared, letting out a breath. "I may have not been the best boyfriend to you, but you've always had my heart."

   Fuck.

Louis' mind was screaming at him to not fall for it. To not even think for a second that his words weren't fabricated. That Sean was trying to say all the right things because he wanted to get back together.

But, Louis couldn't find it in himself to leave or say anything, because how do you even respond to something like this?

"I can only say sorry so much before it starts feeling frayed, but I know deep down somewhere in your heart you know I'm not a bad person, Lou." Sean murmured. "I just... want you back in life, babe."

Dinner had not been served yet, and Louis could feel his appetite diminishing, he felt so sick.

"You're special to me."

And shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

It sucks he's sitting here thinking about the past when someone you used to love confessed how much you still matter to them. It's making Louis feel awful every time Sean added to his admissions because he can't help but think of how much his ex-boyfriend hurt him. Louis tried to keep yelling at himself to stop it, but it's just so hard.

Louis swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat with his iced water when their dinner was placed in front of them.

He will not let himself get emotional, He will not.

"Sean... you broke my heart." Louis said woefully, hating the fact he could feel his stomach just coiling. "I always thought it'd be me and you, till the end."

Sean let out a breath as he dropped the fork in his hand on his plate. "I never wanted you to leave, Lou."

The corners of Louis' lips slid as far they could go, not even bothering to start eating at this point. His ex-boyfriend word were slowly starting to seep through his skin to his heart, and it was the worst thing ever.

"You know, before we broke up, I was shopping for a ring."

Oh, no... no, Sean couldn't do this to Louis.

Louis tried to fight the tears coming to his eyes as he looked away. "Don't." He whimpered.

All he ever wanted was for them to be married someday.

It was not right for Sean to sit here and fess up about wanting to propose to him. Because what if he never found out about Sean's infidelities? Or gave him another chance when he showed up at his door weeks later?

Louis would've been trapped into something where their relationship wasn't one hundred percent. That would end divorce because Louis would've been so broken as he knew Sean would've kept going around sleeping with ever who he desired. It tugs at his heartstrings just thinking of what could've been.

"Babe.." Sean breathed out, and Louis heard the chair cross from his skid against the ground and Sean coming round the table, crouching in front of him. He grabbed Louis' hand, but Louis pulled it away not wanting to give his ex any physical boundaries. But then there was hand was on Louis' cheek and he flinched a bit, staring into those hazel eyes. "Don't cry."

Being emotional like this in the middle of a crowded restaurant was not how Louis pictured this to go. Having tears shimmer in his eyes were something Louis didn't want and the way Sean lightly dragged his thumb against his cheek. It's like no matter how hard he tried to convince himself not to listen to anything Sean brought up, but that got him. It just tore his insides right up and brought on all these unpleasant feelings he didn't miss. The pain he felt when Sean said he never wanted to marry him at Zayn's party. When he walked in on him with that guy and that the text he sent Sean saying they were over because he couldn't get himself to do it in person.

It's almost excruciating because he thought he had moved on from all of it.

"I loved you." Louis grieved, a warm tear trickled down his cheek. "I was so fucking loyal to you, Sean."

Sean had a shadow of a frown touching the corners of his lips when he wiped away the wetness. Louis' heart felt sick.

"Wasn't I enough?"

"Of course you were, babe."

Louis squeezed his eyes shut and wished he wouldn't feel this way. It was as if old feelings were resurfacing and Louis didn't want them. Sean can't have his heart again and have the pleasure to taint it even more. Louis wouldn't let him.

Then he feels the hand fallen off his cheek and Sean letting out a sigh. The chair beside him scooting against the carpet and Louis was trying to calm himself.

"I wish I could take it all away, the pain I've put you through. You didn't deserve it." Sean lamented.

Louis opened his eyes, flicking his gaze to his ex-boyfriend who was in the chair beside him. Trying his hardest not to break down into hysterics in the middle of a crowded room. Just trying to swallow down Sean's regrets and all the apologies he'd finally gotten that seemed sincere.

And Louis knew it was not worth crying over of what could've been, but everything Sean said had gotten him. They have spent five wonderful years together, and Sean wasn't wrong when he said they were so good together. They'd have a nice time on dates even if it meant just a walk in the park or staying in and binge watching reality shows when it's a rainy day. When Louis dropped out of uni, Sean supported him. All of his mates liked Sean, and he was welcome to come join them going out. Sean was even loved by his family, Jay considered him family not even a year into Louis and Sean's relationship. Himself had the same thing happen with his ex-boyfriends family. They'd never broken up or went on breaks, shit, their arguments wouldn't even last very long. They were practically together five days out of the week staying in Louis' or Sean's flat.

But the thing was... Sean had ruined it from the start.

"I know my apologies probably don't mean much to you, but it all I can give you, Lou," Sean said lightly. "Just give me a chance, okay?"

It was not a good idea. There was so much pain and baggage between them. That nothing good was going to come out of this if Sean's starts hanging around again. They'll become close and end up hooking up at one point. Louis will fall back in love with him, and they'll get back together. Only to have his heart broken once again when he found Sean kissing someone else.

They couldn't do this again...

"We can't be together, Sean." Louis sniffled, wiping away the tear that slid down his cheek. His skin starting to feel rubbed raw. "I don't trust you."

They sit there for a moment, and Louis had to take a moment to breathe, his eyes fallen in front of his food that's already gone cold. His appetite wasn't there, and all he wanted to do was say his farewells and go home. Call his mum and ask if he could come visit for the weekend. Wanting to tell her everything Sean had told him. Because Louis Jay would never criticize him for seeing Sean.

The man beside him took a sip of his wine that was almost gone. "Can we at least be friends, babe?"

"I don't think it's a good idea." Louis murmured, flicking his gaze back to Sean. "I just don't want things to get complicated."

"They won't, I promise." Sean pleaded, and Louis just wasn't sure if he should believe those words. "It'll be strictly platonic, and I'll give you as much space as you need."

"Why are you trying so hard?" Louis needed to understand why in the hell Sean thinks this is such a brilliant thing to do.

Sean leaned in a little more, and Louis felt a hand on his knee, nearly losing his breath at the contact. "You've always been important to me. Even when I first met you at that party ages ago, I knew you'd be special to me." Louis felt a little squeeze from the hand on him. "Even if you would've rejected me when I asked you to be mine, I would've still wanted you as a mate. You were one of my good friends, Lou."

For fuck sakes, Sean was making this complicated for Louis.

Would it be that bad to let Sean in life just a little bit? They wouldn't have to hangout or anything, more so text. However, Louis was feeling hesitant because what if he gets attached again? Sitting around all day and feeling giddy waiting for his ex-boyfriend's texts and attention. Like, it's a risky thing to do, but maybe this would be the closure they've needed all along.

Louis took a sip of his water and then said, "Okay... we can try." Ugh, who would've thought that'd leave his mouth? "It's not going to happen overnight, but you need to give me time, Sean."

His ex-boyfriend gave a nod, and there was a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. Louis hoped this wasn't a mistake, he's already having enough life problems as it is. Which is why he wasn't going to tell anyone he's talking to Sean because what if this ends up being fleeting? Would it be necessary to share it with the world and have almost everyone disappointed in him for letting Sean come back into his life? Like, obviously if it gets too much he'll just vent to Jay, Lottie may be a good listener, but mum always knows best.

"Great! I'm so happy, babe." Sean beamed as he gave Louis' knee a pat before it was gone. "I promise, you won't regret this."

Hopefully, his ex-boyfriend was right.

For the remainder of their dinner, Louis tried to swallow down his food as Sean filled Louis in about his life. How he's a barrister and has his own flat that has a picturesque view of the waterfront. That he's gotten a car instead of that dodgy red moped he used to zip around with, he heads off to the gym most days to maintain, and he even has a collection of Versace watches. That he'd come into some money when he'd won the lotto two years ago, paid off all his debt and invested majority of his winnings. Just bragging about how well things have gone for him and okay, maybe Louis was feeling envious. He didn't have any of those things Sean accomplished or the fact he could afford fucking Versace!

And sure, Louis was impressed and should've known his ex was loaded with that eloquent gold watch around his wrist and his outfit dripping in business casual attire. Still, Louis felt even more hesitant to share his life details now.

Sean did end up bringing up at one point when Louis was finishing up the last of his meal, that even though it's been ages since they've seen each other. He's always welcome to show up if he needs to talk or a good cuddle. Louis just gave a nod because he didn't even want to think of going to his past lover's place, because that... nothing good would come from it.

Unfortunately, Sean was curious about Louis' life, of course he was.

"Enough about me, what about you?"

Louis sighed as he pushed his plate away that was scrapped clean, thinking for a moment on what to even tell Sean. There wasn't much to even say or that he wanted to share, and he definitely wasn't about to tell Sean his feelings for Harry. So he was kind of at a loss.

Louis scratched at his cheek and gave a little shrug. "Pretty much nothing's changed, honestly."

Sean tilted his head, "Not even a little bit?" Louis shook his head, feeling heat inch to his cheeks at the admission. "

"I'm old and boring, love." Louis cracked a touch of a smile before he swallowed down the rest of his water.

Sean snickered. "If you're old then I'm definitely ancient, babe."

"Touché."

"You're lucky I've always adored that smart mouth of yours to not feel offended that you think I'm over the hill."

Louis let out this subdued sort of laughter, leaning back in his seat as he glanced out into the dark night sky. Admiring the clusters city lights, thinking how insane it was that he was sitting here with an ex on Valentine's day. How he agreed to give Sean a sliver of his life back into the palms of his hands. Actually having a bit of a good time now that they've gotten the hard feelings expressed and apologies said. However, Louis was still guarded, and Sean had work to do if he truly wanted this.

Louis just hoped he wouldn't regret this.

By the time they stepped outside the restaurant into the droid air after the bill was paid, Louis was anxious to head home. Enjoy the solitude and be in his thoughts because far too much was on his mind. His followers probably were curious anyway, and he wasn't one to keep them waiting either.

But the walk back was less than appealing as it was snowing and beyond fucking cold. Louis dreaded it.

Fortunately, Sean seemed to remember that Louis detested the season.

"Would you like a ride to yours, babe? I know you hate the cold." Sean offered, his hands stuffed into his peacoat.

Louis stared at him in the yellow light under the streetlamp wondering if it'd be okay. It's not like Sean doesn't know where he lives because he does, it's always been the same place. It's just... they've already spent too much time together for Louis' liking. However, the chilliness in the air kind of made him want to take the offer. After all, Sean did offer, and it was quicker, so why the hell not?

What was a few more minutes with Sean anyway?

"As long as you're not intended to drag race to my block of flats, then by all means."

Sean smirked. "Now why would I do that when I have precious cargo with me?" Louis couldn't've rolled his eyes any harder.

"Right, because apparently, you're my mum all of a sudden." Louis cringed at the thought as they started heading to Sean's car, or more so following the man.

Louis had his fingers crossed no one would see him with his ex-boyfriend and questions him about it.

The ride back to his flat was a quiet one, and Louis was thankful for that. Gave him time to think more about what he was going to post on his blog. How he'll break the news about Sean and him trying out a trial friendship. Itching to hear the feedback on whether it's a good idea or it 's completely idiotic. Not only that, but he couldn't wait to change out of these constricting clothes into softer ones.

It was strange though, sitting here. The last time he'd been in a moving vehicle with Sean was the morning of their breakup. He'd gotten dropped off at work thanks to Sean being a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend since Louis had spent the night with him. Louis remembers that morning he was tired because they stayed up too late binge watching season six of Friends. Which mostly ended up with them kissing too passionately and the show completely forgotten in the background. Remembering that morning, he gave his man a peck on the lips and told him he loved him before going into his job.

Sean had told him that he loved him too and Louis believed it.

Who would've thought three years later Louis was allowing him back into his life... even after everything he was done.

Louis deserved a fucking holiday.

It was when they pulled into the snow covered car park that was almost vacant, Louis felt his heart pounding up against his ribs. Ellie and Harry were there and probably still celebrating since the flat was empty and dark. Louis was almost half tempted to ask Sean if maybe he could drop him off at the pub for a while, but that never left his mouth when the man pulled into an empty spot, cutting the engine.

"Well, here we are, your humble abode." Sean's chuckled, his eyes on Louis.

"Yeah," Louis swallowed, fumbling to undo the seatbelt. "Let's just hope I'm not walking into a sex marathon all over the flat."

Sean raised his brows, probably not expecting that to leave Louis' mouth. "I mean if so, you could always come to mine, where it's quiet since I live alone." Sean mentioned so casually, like it's no big deal.

Right, because suddenly they're best mates all because Louis was giving him a chance to redeem himself.

Not only that, but it would just scream all the wrong things.

"As much as I like the idea of not walking in on my mates scoring, I really need to get to bed soon. Have an early shift at the coffee house." it was piss poor of an excuse and Louis knows it. Going to bed early wasn't something Lous practiced ever, and he hoped maybe Sean would buy it. After all, people do change... sometimes.

It was silent between them for a moment, and Louis was already starting to feel warm. "Well, uh, I'm going to head in, now." Louis' hand already on the door handle when he said, "Thank you for dinner, though. It was nice."

"Maybe we can do it again sometime." Seam proposed, and Louis wasn't sure about that. " I mean, even if that means having you over for dinner."

   Fuck.

"Yeah." Louis murmured, not entirely being truthful when he said it, but whatever, all he wanted to do was leave.

And that was when Louis gave Sean a small wave before getting out, shutting the door behind him, and slowly treading towards the entrance. Only to be stopped in his tracks when a door slam echoed through the quiet night air and footsteps slapping against the wet pavement. A hand on his wrist pulling him back, and Sean pleading for him to wait.

Louis took a deep breath as he turned to Sean, breath hitching when he sees a small bouquet of roses. Not expecting this at all or the fact Sean licking his lips and handed them to Louis. There's a small card in them with Louis' name written in cursive. It was Sean's penmanship... oh for crying out loud. His ex-boyfriend bought him flowers... a fucking bushel of roses. What the hell. Of course, he got one of Louis' favorite flowers too as if the memory stuck with him all these years.

What else was Sean going to spring onto him?

"I forgot to give you these earlier, guess I was a bit nervous to remember." Sean muttered out, a hint of a smile dancing on his lips.

Louis carefully took the bouquet, snow catching on the edges of the petals, and Louis doesn't know what to say.

"I know this wasn't a date, but when I saw these his morning at the market, I knew you'd love them." Right, because who gives a dozen roses to someone they intend to be just mates with?

Louis took a breath, watching it cloud in the crisp before he said placidly, "You didn't have to."

"But I wanted to, and besides, everyone deserves a valentine, even you."

It was a sweet gesture, Louis would give Sean that. But now it makes Louis look kind of like a knobhead because he hadn't had a gift to give. Not like Sean even deserves it, but still.

"I almost gotten you a massive teddy bear too, but I think that would've been a bit much." Yeah, because they're not fucking together!

Louis nibbled on his lip, trying not to squeeze the flowers when he felt an arctic breeze brushing against his skin. Already trembling and aching to get inside to warm himself up. Despite the company upstairs, his bed was calling out for him.

"But, I suppose I don't wanna keep you, even though I'm pretty sure voyeurism isn't your thing." Sean laughed, and he wasn't wrong about that. The thought alone made Louis' dinner wanna make a second appearance. "Just promise me you'll give me a ring if you can't sleep."

Louis couldn't make a promise on that. But what he did tell Sean was: "Well you could always text me if you're bored."

"Or maybe you could just FaceTime me instead? That way I can see you."

He swallowed at that, like, okay yeah he agreed to them slowly becoming mates. But, Sean already wants just into video chatting and late night calls because Louis is bored. Honestly, they're nowhere near that part, not even on a text message everyday basis. So, Sean needs to be a little patient with him.

"Maybe." Louis whispered, his fingers starting to feel numb.

There was an awkwardness in the air for a moment, neither of them not knowing what else to say. Just standing there and wondering what happens next.

But then Sean's pulling Louis into a hug, closing the gap between them and the flowers crushing against their chests. Louis breath hitched and his body stiffened at the tight arms around him. Hesitant, but slowly move his arms to embrace the guy, feeling a bit of a squeeze. Louis. Almost forgetting how much he used to like being in these arms, how safe and warm he felt. It was almost sickening Louis used to have to unknowingly share them.

Sean's tight embrace seemed to linger for a moment before he slowly pulled away. Not budging from his spot or giving Louis the space he could use. Louis' heart was pounding hard within his chest as he stares up to his past lovers face. His cheeks red possibly from the nippy air and flinching away when he feels cool fingers against his cheek.

"And by the way, before you leave me, I just wanted to tell you that you're still stunning to me." Sean cooed, his gaze had a hint of fondness to it.

Louis swallowed when the contact breaks and Sean's taking a step back, gesturing toward the door almost as if he was granting Louis his permission. Ending up giving the man a small smile before turning on his heels and sauntering off into the warm building. Nearly mewling when he steps onto the lift and presses a button. Louis was trying to come up with a cover story on his head, as to why he'd gotten roses. Not wanting anyone to make a huge deal out of them especially if they didn't know who the giver was. But Louis for the life of him couldn't come up with something even remotely realistic when he reaches his floor. Even when he wandered down the corridor, Louis was having a mind fuck.

But suddenly a door slammed shut, and Ellie was stomping down the hall with her high heels in her hands. Coat just wide open and lipstick smeared on her skin. Louis saw the look of rage in her eyes and every bone in him chilled.

Louis almost felt frozen in place when Ellie stalked towards him and thought maybe this was the day she lays a hand on him. Not that he would let her, but still. However, all she said was "This is all your fault!" and then she was gone.

Okay then... clearly, something happened and as mean as it sounded, Louis was curious to see what went down. After all, she placed the blame on him, so this better be good. Hopefully, Harry venting to him would distract the attention from the gift in his hands.

Because Louis didn't even watch to touch the topic of his night with a ten foot pole with a certain someone.

When Louis stepped onto the flat, he expected to see Harry pacing around like a mad man. His brows pinched together and mumbling out his complaints. However, what Louis first seen was Harry emerging from the bedroom swiftly wearing nothing but black pants that laid too low on his hips. His curls frumpy and frazzled, and he looked quite panicked.

Every being in Louis had kept him from gazing down Harry's delectable body.

Then Harry suddenly pasted on a smile and scraped his fingers through his hair. Louis wondered if Elie and Harry had gotten into a fight.

"Everything okay?" Louis asked carefully, hoping to know what went down since it was all his fault according to Ellie.

"Yeah, things are-" Harry paused for a moment, nibbling on his lip. A silence followed briefly between them, and Harry couldn't seemed to be still. Scratching at his cheek, messing with hair (again), and shifting in his spot. Like an itch that can't be scratched.

But then Harry finally broke the quietness between them. "El, won't talk to me."

Louis raised his brows, toeing off his damp shoes. Staring to fumble with the zipper of his coat as Harry goes on.

"We got into a bit of a fight, I suppose."

"You suppose?" Louis definitely was curious now.

Harry sighed, crossing his arms against his chest. "We're just not clicking today, is all."

But that wasn't good enough, and Louis was a nosy bastard. So, of course, he'll pry.

"Do you want to talk about it, H?" Louis questioned hopefully, trying to pull off his parka with his free hand. Nearly struggling, but then Harry comes over and helped Louis out of his coat, hanging it on the coat rack near the door.

"Not as much as I want to talk about where you'd gotten those roses." Harry's brought up. For the love of god, please no. "Travis?"

Louis swallowed when he stared into those curious green eyes. Harry now standing awfully close, eyes flickered down to the flowers, and Louis felt almost suffocated.

Shaking his head, Louis murmured: "Em, actually mum sent them to me."

"Oh... I thought maybe since you and Travis-"

"For the hundredth time, H. Travis and I aren't a thing, we're not dating or even hooking up. It was a one time deal, hon."

Ever since that night Harry left Louis emotionally wounded in the car park, things haven't been normal between them. That evening ended with him ditching the party and found themselves at Travis' empty flat. As much as Louis didn't want to, he just couldn't be around Harry or anything to do with the shit excuse of a party. Finding himself in Travis's bed and watching The Matrix Trilogy and successfully dodging any sort of snogging. Though Louis will admit, he may have gave into a little bit of a cuddle when he scooted closer to the desperate man.

However, after that Louis had been kind of avoiding Harry. Not because of threats or being around the loving couple. It was just those things Harry said weren't okay, and he wanted to shove it down Harry's throat. Rub it in his face that they couldn't just sleep this off and pretend it was a new day. Best friends don't say those kinds of things to one another.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. He was just good company, that's it. Nothing happened." Louis just wanted Harry to believe him.

"But he kissed you."

"Well, maybe it's because he wanted to sleep with me." Louis pointed out, feeling his phone buzz against his thigh. "You've known that fact since that night we met him at the pub. So quit turning a blind eye on it."

It's not like it should be a distant memory, after all, Louis recalls the night they first all met the guy, he wouldn't leave Louis the hell alone. Numerous chat up lines and telling stories he thought could charm the pants off Louis. Even dared to reach out to put his hand on Louis' waist, it's wasn't like his intentions weren't clear.

It had always been blatantly obvious.

Harry rubbed at his ear and let out this deep breath. At least he wasn't storming off angry like a child, so this was a good start... hopefully.

""I know I've been kind of a jerk-"

"I wouldn't put it lightly like that, Harold," Louis interjected. "I think you meant to say you were a dick."

The corner of Harry's lip twitched. "Alright, so maybe I was, but I just didn't want to see you get hurt again." Louis appreciated that Harry felt the need to look after him, but he didn't have to react the way he did. "I know I can be a bit overbearing at times, but I just wanna see you happy."

Louis could feel his heart starting to swell at those words.

"And I'm sorry for the things I said to you, never meant to make you sad." Harry let on, with a pained expression on his face. "You're my best mate, and I miss us being okay."

Louis missed Harry too... in so many ways.

As much as those things Harry told him still stung and made him feel not so great, he wanted his friend back. Who gives a fuck what Ellie thinks or if there are unrequited feelings, Louis missed it so much.

"I forgive you." Louis murmured, feeling a bit better now that the whole Travis fiasco is pushed under the rug.

There was a hint of a smile dancing on Harry's lips now, and Louis had a feeling things were going to be better. Especially when there's suddenly an arm around his shoulder and Harry's leading Louis towards the kitchen.

"Let's find a vase for those roses, Lou."

When they eventually found something redeemable enough to be considered a vase (which was a long cup) Harry had asked Louis if he'd like to come watch some films with him and hang out. As Ellie was gone for the night and he didn't have any other plans. Not only that, but he also mentioned something about catching up.

As much as Louis looked forward to his alone time, spending time with Harry sounded even better.

With the exception of writing a quick Tumblr update of course!

So, when he's in his room after changing into his baggiest jumper and comfier joggers, he's already on his bed, typing in the passcode to his phone. Not bothering with the text he'd received earlier when he taps onto his favorite app, itching to just spill it all.

Because clearly, he wasn't about to share it with anyone else.

   I did it.

   I survived dinner with Sean, and it actually wasn't terrible...

   He's definitely always been charming I'll give him that, but I'm not going to sit here and lie to you all that I still harbor ill feelings toward him. He knows that he hurt me and that I don't particularly trust him. However, he apologized and hoped to have me back in his life. He missed me.

   And then he hinted at marriage in the past, and I lost it.

   He was someone I wanted a future with so badly because he made me happy. Had me believe for the first time that I actually mattered and I loved him so much. He told me before we ended things marriage wasn't in his cards... but apparently, it was.

   He planned to ask me, and it just brought on so many emotions I couldn't handle it.

   But we talked after that revelation and decided we could try a friendship. He promised me he wouldn't fuck up and I'm holding his word to it.

   Hopefully, this won't come back to haunt me.

   -L

And done.

In a sense, Louis did feel immensely better expressing his feelings about the whole Sean situation. Hopeful he'd get some decent feedback at least, but decided he'd worry about that later when he moves to his feet, cutting the light, and goes to see his mate.

Harry's room was something Louis rarely ever went into. Not because his friend is a private person or the fact his girlfriend was over twenty four seven. It was because Louis had no reason to just barge in and demand attention. Simply as that. When they used to sleep together, yeah, Louis would just let himself in and let things go from there. However, since they cut the strings on benefits part of their friendship, Louis' always felt a bit of hesitancy even thinking of stepping foot into the small room. Because he no longer felt at home when Ellie came into the picture.

Despite that, Louis however, didn't mind too much tonight when he steps foot into his friend's room.

"You get go get comfortable, Lou. I'm gonna go grab us some snacks." Harry said, pulling his Kiss shirt over his head. Oh thank god, at least Louis won't be tortured.

"Alright." Louis murmured when Harry walks past him seconds later, and Louis stares at the bed. Taking a deep breath when he finds his feet leading him to the side of the bed he knows Harry doesn't sleep on. Carefully crawling onto it and laying over the blankets and propping up a pillow against the headboard to sit up, almost wondering if maybe he should burrow himself under the duvet in case he got cold. Yet, Louis doesn't want to make himself too cozy especially when he knows he can't stay here forever.

Louis' eyes wandered around the room for a moment, falling onto that familiar record player on Harry's desk. He couldn't really contain it, the happiness he felt that Harry had liked his gift. Noticing the few records nearby that Louis had picked for him, it was a pleasant feeling, to say the least.

It seemed like Louis was waiting here for hours all while staring at the telly. Louis hadn't noticed it until now that Harry had his phone mirroring to it. Blinking when he sees a new text notification popped up from Ellie. Louis can't help it that his eyes hone in on the bubble.

'Ellie: Maybe I should remind you that I'm your girlfriend and he isn't.'

Louis shouldn't have read that. It was an invasion of privacy, and he knows it. However it's not like he was on the mobile anyway, Harry's the one who connected it. Clearly, he didn't care enough to turn off his notifications to his hide conversations. Besides, Harry got what he wanted, Ellie to talk to him.

Yet, Louis wondered what she had meant.

Then Harry came sauntering back into the room arms filled with numerous treats and two water bottles. Dropping the lot onto his bed and tossing the water bottle to Louis' side before handing him a spoon.

Louis was quite confused until Harry was also handing him his tin of vanilla frosting. How sweet, he remembered favorite indulgence. Ugh, maybe this won't make him feel a bit guilty for the text thing.

"Thanks, Harold." Louis took them graciously, popping open the lid and already dipping in his spoon when Harry crawls into the spot beside him. "So what exactly do you have planned to keep me from falling asleep?"

"Well, was thinking we could watch a film or something," Harry suggested, ripping open a bag of crisps. "Unless you want to do something else?"

Louis popped the spoon in his mouth, thinking for a second and truthfully, he's happy with whatever Harry wanted. He's just so thrilled they can hang out like this again. Hopefully, there'd be more of this in the future.

"Nah, it's your pick since you're the one who insisted I come," Louis smirked, flicking his gaze towards Harry. "Besides not like I'm going to throw a tantrum over it if I don't like it."

Harry's eyebrow quirked up as he gave Louis a passing glance. "I mean I wouldn't be surprised, you've got high standards."

"Pff, no I don't."

"Yes, you do."

Louis tried to bite back his oncoming smile. "I think you meant yourself?"

Harry shook his head with a smile as he focused back onto his phone. Thumbing down the screen, Louis took another mouthful of icing as his eyes drifted back to the screen and suddenly Facebook is popped up. Then picture albums were loaded up and watched as the timeline photos came about. At first, Louis was quite confused until Harry started to scroll down until he reached one photo that was taken eight years ago. It was at one of those parties at uni Niall's got a red solo cup in his hand of whatever concoction he made with his arm slung around Louis. Harry got his face in it with a big smile.

It was the night he'd met Sean.

Louis felt ill.

"Still can't believe Niall thought he was starting a trend with that hair." Harry chuckled at the memory.

Niall had went through a blond phase for a good chunk time, always telling Louis to come with him to the salon. It was just as bad as Zayn trying to persuade him into coloring his hair. However, Niall did wear it well, but eventually grew out his brunet locks.

"I still can't understand why he'd think I'd want to join him." Louis took another bite of frosting and swallowing it down.

"You'd look good, though."

Louis felt heat inching up to his cheeks. "I think you're being too nice."

"And you need to not be so hard on yourself. You could pull it off nicely."

Hmm, well, either way, it wasn't happening.

"Whatever you say, H." Louis murmured, watching all the pictures Harry skimmed through.

Then Harry landed on another picture back to when Louis was about sixteen, he had slept over at Harry's house. They were having a bit of a sleepover with Niall and having the best times of their lives. Staying up late into the night, sneaking out and being caught by Harry's mum, and Gemma (Harry's older sister) pestering them too. Apparently, the first to fall asleep got pranked... and unfortunately, it was him.

Right there was the fucking masterpiece of none other than Niall fucking Horan and Gemma Styles, thinking it was so hilarious to drawn on a clown face. His nose red, big bulging black eyes, and a small red mouth. Needless to say, Louis woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning.

"I still hate all three of you for that, it wasn't funny." Louis pouted, cracking open his water bottle as he balanced his can of frosting on his lap. "That was so hard to wash off ."

"But it was hilarious, Lou." Harry chuckled, nudging Louis with an elbow in the side. "You were so cross with all of us for days."

"Well I had plans with James that day so don't blame me for being in a bad mood, you all deserved my wrath," Louis stated matter-of-factly, taking a drink of his water. "Then again be lucky James hadn't minded my red stained face or else you all would've received hell."

"James was a dickhead that only cared about himself." Harry mentioned, popping a crip into his mouth.

It wasn't a secret that he disliked Louis' ex-boyfriend. James particularly didn't like Harry much either, Harry's problem was the way James treated him. James had always made Louis feel like he had horrible taste in things. Making fun of Louis' favorite shows and music, saying they were stupid and boring. Ultimately refusing to go to a single concert or film with Louis that suit his interest. Then there was the thing that they got to do what Louis wanted, it was always about James.

And James's problem with Harry was the fact he claimed Harry had a thing for Louis. Saying he flirted too much and was too touchy. Which was utter bullshit and let it be known their relationship only lasted a few months.

Nothing else is said on the matter as Harry filtered through more photos. Just sitting here looking at all these memories of Niall, Harry, and himself was giving him a nostalgic feel. In a sense Louis missed those times in his life, going to concerts, fairs in the summer, and fireworks for New Year's Eve. Going to football matches with his mates because Niall had a massive crush on one of the players at school for years. Going to parties and flirting with the cutest boys, sleepovers and starting countless myspace bands then ended up only being wishful dreams. Louis longed to be sixteen again.

This continued on, and it was fun. Reminiscing about old times and looking back on the past. Having a laugh over the stupidest shit they done when they landed on certain photos. The one where Niall's caught singing with toothbrush and Louis with frosting all over him thanks to Niall smashing his birthday cake right in his face. Niall and Louis having a squirt gun fight with Gemma. Then there's a photo of Harry and himself laughing (Niall had taken it) where Harry is practically holding Louis from behind and lifting him off the ground because they were play fighting over a stupid mix CD. Louis doesn't remember how it all started, but he does recall having the best laugh of his life.

Then Harry moved onto old videos and the frosting Louis had been snacking on got put aside. Trying to contain his fond at one video in particular of the time Harry and him were getting ready to go to the Dashboard Confessional concert and it wasn't anything too interesting. Just a quirky update that made Louis remember how good they used to be.

   "And here we have Mr. Beautyqueen getting all prettied up for Chris Carrabba. Even though he already looks beautiful." Harry announced into the camera all the while the camera panned onto Louis fixing up his fringe into the bathroom mirror. "He'll have to notice you, Lou."

Those were the days....

"Funny thing is, you hated that band." Louis pointed out as he adjusted himself to lay down. His back starting to bother him. "I'm still shocked you endured it for me."

"Well, what are friends for, right?" Harry beamed as he moved to face Louis on his side, propping himself on his elbow. "But I had a nice time and so did you."

Louis gazed to his mate beside him, itching to scoot a little closer. It was a bit chilly, and it could be a great excuse... but Louis didn't want to push his boundaries, so he stayed where he was.

"I did." Louis finally breathed out, resting hands on his stomach

It was silent between them for a minute, Louis felt his stomach starting to roll the longer Harry lingered his gaze on him. He doesn't understand it, why Harry won't just look away for christ sake, but apparently, something was on his mind.

Louis suddenly felt a hand on his arm, and Harry broke the moment, "I need to talk to you about something."

Oh boy... this couldn't be good.

"Yeah?" Louis nearly whispered out, glancing at Harry once again and biting back his frown when Harry's hand falls off him.

Harry sighed. "I'm going to move out at the end of March to be with Ellie."

Louis stayed silent as his eyes searched Harry's face, his heart aching.

"I was going to tell you sooner, but you've been pissed with me," Harry said softly. "But we've been mates all our lives, and I felt like I owed to tell you."

But Harry didn't feel like he owed it to him when he suddenly got a girlfriend?

"I just hope you're okay with me leaving."

No Louis is fucking, not okay, first of all, he still bothered that Harry hid it from him and secondly, Louis didn't want him to go.

But what choice did he have?

"Yeah, 'm fine." Louis breathed out indifferently, pulling out his phone and deciding to check that text finally. No longer wanting to even discuss Harry moving away in six weeks or think about it for the matter.

Not even the text he'd received from Sean made him feel better.

'Sean: Sweet dreams, babe'

Louis was trying so hard not to break, from Harry confessing to leaving and Sean it's been a rough day.

"So you're not mad?" Harry proceeded to pester Louis when he feels a finger prod him in the arm.

"No." Louis lied, deciding to write his mum, sending her a quick text asking if he could come home this weekend. Louis was in emotional ruins and just needed some space from his mates and life.

Quietness suddenly filled the air, and Louis felt a bit on edge, because why in the hell wasn't Harry picking out a movie to watch? God, Harry just needed to turn on whatever because Louis couldn't deal with awkwardness lingering between them.

A few seconds later Harry finally spoke up, and Louis could feel his heart falling in his chest.

"I haven't asked her yet, so I was kind of thinking maybe all us lads could go for dinner and I could ask her. I don't think she'd catch on as it'd be a surprise."

Louis simply said nothing, the thought of going to that dreadful meal made him feel ill. He was trying so hard not to bare his heart to his friend. Moving back to Doncaster sounded better every time Harry opened his mouth.

"I'd really like you to be there, Lou."

And Louis doesn't want to be. Because he knows it'll be painful for him to see his dreams he had vanish.

It was bad enough that he already feels broken.

But, Louis already knew he lost him.

Harry eventually rolled onto his back and left Louis alone, his eyes flickering towards the telly, and seeing Harry put on the film: Shutter Island. At least they were done talking because Louis just needed his mate to leave him alone and sulk in peace.

After Harry got up to turn off the light and rejoined Louis on the bed, and they both turned their attention onto the movie.

Louis tried to pay attention, he did. But it was easier said than done when all he can think about is how things are going to be shitty for Niall and him. They'll have to move most definitely as Louis didn't want to even think of a new flatmate, nor could they afford this flat. Not only that, but he was crushed.

For the remainder of the night, they had watched at least two other films that Harry had picked himself, not that Louis minded. Because at some point when they were in the middle of watching Ghostbusters Louis felt something nudge him in the side and Harry gesturing him to scoot closer. Which Louis ended up doing so and had arms around him, feeling warm and a little bit of happiness radiating in his chest. It was nothing more than Harry being nice knowing the room was freezing, but Louis didn't mind.

He didn't mean to fall asleep, it wasn't something he planned to do. Yet, Louis felt so comforted and warm, he couldn't help it.

But when he woke up the next morning, he had an empty spot beside him and a blanket covering him. Louis wished Harry was still there and not off doing his morning job, he wanted to be close to his friend before enduring his shift in an hour or so.

But unfortunately life isn't fair, and Louis just wanted to lay here a little longer.

And so he did, pulling out his phone while nestled under the covers and brought up the Tumblr app, anxious to see his feedback finally. Which ended up being mostly consisted of:

Louis, babe don't let him get close to your heart again! I think it's cool you're giving him a second chance, and just be careful.

It was all pretty much decent advice that Louis took wholeheartedly.

However, there was someone that clearly wanted to ruin Louis' day by sending him a nasty message.

   First you are in love with H, and now you went to dinner with Sean thinking he's into you. You're pathetic. It's sad that you think these men actually want you, are you seriously that desperate for somebody to love you? ~M

Louis frowned, regretting even reading this stupid message. He wasn't desperate nor asking anyone to be with him. They were just trying to hurt his feelings and congratulations, they did. It was like they knew what to write to affect him in ways that could sting. Trying to make him feel miserable because they would get a good laugh out of it.

It wasn't funny, or a clever remark, all it was is mean-spirited and spiteful.

As much as Louis didn't want to deal with this problem, he couldn't help but wonder who M was and why they had it out for him. Almost wanting to track them down and have it out with them. As he's not sure how much longer he can deal with their belligerent harassment.

Because it all had to come to an end at some point, didn't it?

_________
Next chapter is gonna be good..