There's a very long pause after my answer. Blake is staring at me like I would tell him I'm joking, but I am really not. His hand is still against my skin but then he looks into my eyes, realising that I'm serious.

He clears his throat, "Can I ask why?"

"You can ask." I smile a little, pushing away the awkwardness. "But is it okay if I don't want to talk about that?"

"Of course." He nods, pulling me closer before he kisses my forehead.

It's a small gesture but it makes my breath hitch. I'm not used to such affection from the people I'm involved with so I try to avoid the flutter in my stomach that comes along with it. Blake Glazier is bad news for my heart. It's official.

"On the risk of annoying you." He mumbles, and I look up at him. "How many people have you been with?"

I smile amusedly at him, glad that he has very smoothly changed the topic. "I don't know."

"One second." He sits up a little from the support of his elbows as he stares at me. "So many that you lost a count?"

I laugh at how surprised he sounds. "I've never kept a count. Do you want to count with me?"

"Yes. Let's do that." He nods quickly.

"Okay. There was Kenny—"

"Hold on." He shakes his head. "You had sex with her when you were thirteen?"

"No." I chuckle. "I had sex with her after school graduation. She was my first and we never talked after that."

"Okay. Continue." He holds up one finger.

"I met another girl during my freshman year, we went out on a few dates," I recall, trying to think if there was anyone before that. "There was a guy right after her. It was more like one-night stand."

"That's three." He looks at me. "There's Myra, Genesis, and me."

"Yes, then another guy who started dating me in prospects of having a threesome."

"He straight out said that?" He looks surprised.

"Oh, Blake. People are so shitty, babe. You have no idea." I kiss his cheek. "This girl and I dated in the final year, she was a lesbian. I thought that was going well until she couldn't stand that I was attracted to the guys too."

"That's ridiculous." He scrunches up his nose before looking at his eight fingers and then back at me. "I don't like where this count is going."

"You're the one who asked." I defend myself. "Do you want to continue?"

"Yes." He nods to himself and I laugh because he's torturing himself. I would've lost it by now.

I sit up a little before moving my hand under the bedsheet. His eyes close almost instantly as I feel him coming alive under my touch, his breathing hissing a little.

"Emma." He groans, opening his eyes to meet mine.

"I want to continue too, just not the counting game." I kiss him before moving to straddle him. I move my lips from his jaw down to his chest.

"Again?" He arches an eyebrow and I bite on my lower lip, nodding. "God, fuck. Fine."

Just like that, I get rid of the frown that was starting to set on his face. I know how terrible it feels to be jealous, and I would never want to make him feel that way deliberately, especially if I can help it.

The next morning, I have to rush back to my apartment to change. I wake him up before leaving because I promised him I wouldn't sneak out anymore, and I'm holding onto that.

When I unlock the door and step in, Nick is already in the kitchen. He looks surprised to see me. "And where have you been, young lady?"

"Living my life." I give him a sarcastic smile.

"You're wearing your office clothes from yesterday." He points out. "I'm guessing Genesis."

"So smart, Nick. Did you try for the role of Sherlock?" I mockingly pout at him.

He rolls his eyes in response, "I'm making french toast before I leave for the clinic. Do you want to eat first?"

"No, I'll get ready. You can keep some aside for me, thanks." I smile at him before walking down the hallway and get my routine started.

While Blake is intering at the firm, Nick is interning under a clinical psychologist who has her private practice. By the time I'm done getting ready, I'm running late for work so I pick up the breakfast and decide to eat it on the way. Nick had already left by the time I came out to the kitchen.

It takes me an hour to reach the office. I'm running late by five minutes but I think that will have to do. When I'm in the elevator, I get a text from Myra to meet them for lunch and I immediately agree. Blake is already at the desk when I keep my bag down. He smiles at me and offers me a cup of coffee that I snatch from his hand.

"Morning to you too sunshine."

"Don't." I grumble, shooting a look at him which only earns me a laugh in return. "What?"

"I like this." He grins.

"What?" I take a seat, switching on my laptop.

"Annoying you always, to the point you're naked in my bed."

"Blake." I reach out to swat at him. He chuckles at me. "It's not funny."

"It is. It gets funnier now that I can recall you repeating my name." His grin only turns wider as a deep blush takes over my features.

"Guess who won't be saying it anymore." I cock my head to the side with a bitchy smile on my face before focusing back on the screen.

"Hey, that's not fair." He pouts at me, moving to shut the laptop screen but I push it back as I glare at his innocent face. "I was just teasing."

"Should've thought about that before," I smirk.

He sulks back in his seat, and I feel this sudden urge to kiss him but I suppress it down. Since his term with the internship is coming closer to end, I'm starting to realise how dull my life would become around here. Blake annoys me to hell, but he also keeps me amused and makes me laugh the entire day. I don't want to go sit by Alyssa and have our cold war again.

"Why are you pouting?" He asks after a while.

It causes me to straighten my expressions. "I'm not."

"Yes, you are," He says before looking to his right. "Your girlfriend's glaring at you."

I turn to follow his gaze and like he said, Genesis is glaring at me through her office. Fucking amazing. One day, I want one peaceful day. I sigh, waving at her from my seat but she just turns around, ignoring me. I deserve that after last night.

"Trouble in paradise?" His tone is clipped which causes me to frown at him.

"First of all, she's not my girlfriend. Secondly, anything involving Genesis is far from paradise, as much as I'd like it to be otherwise. Thirdly, we're not doing this."

"Doing what?" He sounds confused.

"Talking about her. It's weird, uncomfortable and very disturbing." I shudder from the conversation. I kissed both of them an hour apart yesterday and that thought itself leaves an extremely low self-esteem voice in my head.

He shuts up after that. He doesn't speak to me for the rest of the time unless it's work-related and I'm grateful for that. When the lunchtime hits, he looks up at me as I collect my bag.

"Where?"

"Do I need to add you to my phone GPS too, so you can track me like Olivia?" I grumble at him.

"Now when I think about it, I like the idea." He smiles at me, making me shake my head. I start to walk away from him as he calls out. "You didn't answer me."

I roll my eyes without waiting to respond back. I don't know what part of 'no strings' did he not understand, but I'm going to give him time to figure it out on his own. Myra texts me the location, it's just two blocks away so I try to make a sense out of my life as I walk there.

Blake. Genesis. Blake. Genesis. It's like my mind is playing a game of juggling. I like Genesis, I've liked her since the moment we first kissed but ever since I've gotten to know about Jake, things in my head have changed a little. I consciously have drawn emotional boundaries with her that I like. She had way too much control over my feelings, and I had to take a step back to protect myself.

When I've finally been able to do so, there's Blake in my head. There's a reason I draw a constant comparison between the two of them. With Genesis, it was like my mind was ready to jump at the chance of this escape that made me forget about everything else in my life. With Blake, as much as I can ignore things for that moment, my heart tugs me back to my emotions, to embrace them and I'm afraid of that.

I enter the diner Myra texted me the address to, and I immediately spot their pink hair. They wave at me with a smile, getting up to give me a huge hug as soon as I'm in close proximity.

"Hey, I feel like I haven't seen you in so long." They kiss my cheek.

I smile in response before taking a seat across them. "Yeah, we didn't get to spend much time on the trip."

"That's okay. It was amazing to see your family, though. It's great how close you guys are." They have a sad smile on their face. I know it's because of the fallout they've had with their father. I really did hit jackpot in terms of family support.

It makes me question my thoughts of insecurity at times. Like, my problems aren't big enough if I compare it to others.

"Thanks, Myra. How are things with Nick?"

A blush take over their features. "Really good. It's the new buzz."

"Enjoy it while it lasts." I grin.

The waiter approaches us and we place our orders. I get a burger and fries for myself along with a soda. Myra fills me in about their job and I can see the light behind their eyes as they talk about it. It's truly amazing how passionately they feel for literature.

"I never got to ask you, what happened with Blake?" Myra asks when we're almost done with the lunch and I hold back from choking again. I have got to stop doing that every time someone brings him up.

"Nothing, actually. Things are plain boring." I lie smoothly. "Plus, I'm still with Genesis."

Am, I though? Lately, it doesn't feel like that. She used to be such a huge part of my life but she has taken a set back after disappointing me way too many times.

"Why are you with her, again?" Myra frowns as we pay the bill and start to leave.

"Don't ask." I roll my eyes. "I'm still trying to come up with a satisfactory answer for that one."

"Listen, Em." They clear their throat. "I had a toxic boyfriend almost a year ago, and he would flip out if I use the term toxic but he was manipulative as hell, much like Gen is with you. I know it's scary to consider the prospect of letting go because of the comfort you've found, but it's better to cut off the arm when it's cancerous, right?"

I just nod at them but their words sink in. I had never once in my life thought of associating the word toxic with Genesis. She is a lot of things, but I'd like to believe she isn't that. It leaves a very weird feeling in the pit of my stomach as I make my way back to the office.

Blake isn't there when I get back, so I assume he went for lunch as well. It gives me time to be alone with my thoughts. Myra's words are stuck in my head.

Of course, I am afraid to let go of the escape I've found within Genesis, of the consistency we share. But it comes with so much stress, no reciprocation of some dead end feelings I have and constant self-doubt. Why am I with someone who cannot even respect me, continues to treat me like a child and would never feel the same way about me?

I'm still lost in my thoughts when I see Parker standing by my desk. I look up at him with a questioning look as I nod at him, "Parker."

"Emily." He smiles at me creepily like always. "I heard you proposed interns should be training now. Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?"

I frown at him. "It actually doesn't. It will help them prepare and explore whether they want to excel in the field or gain expertise in some other area of work."

His jaw twitches at my response because he knows I'm right. He looks away momentarily before speaking up. "Genesis has approved it, so get your intern ready. The one under my associate is already good enough."

"I'm sure she is." I smile at him mockingly. God, this man annoys me so much. I see why Eric has a feud with him. His entire aura screams asshole. "Who are the trainees and topic?"

"Glad you asked. Employee engagement. Accounts department, probably on his last day here."

I nod at him but he continues to stare at me until Blake makes his way to the desk. He frowns at Parker but gives him a curt nod before taking a seat. Parker smirks a little, his hand going on Blake's shoulder who immediately freezes from the touch.

He turns his neck a little, his eyes narrowing on Parker's hand on his shoulder before he looks up at him with a tight-lipped smile. The man's smirk widens as he looks between the two of us. "See you, Glazier."

As soon as he moves away, Blake mutters under his breath. "Asshole."

"Couldn't agree more," I mumble, noticing how his shoulders are still stiff. "Are you alright?"

He nods in return. "What did he want?"

"You're training next week. Accounts department, employee engagement."

He stares at me with surprise, "Really?"

"Yup. Make a rough module by tomorrow end of the day, mail it to me. We'll go from there, alright?"

"Sure."

There's a genuine smile on his face as his hand almost reaches out to mine but then he stops himself, retracting it away. When our eyes meet, I know the need to reach out for that touch is mutual but this isn't a place where we can do that. So, taking advantage of being in the corner, I stretch out my legs before it brushes against his under the desk, hidden away from others.

His eyes shoot up to meet mine with surprise but I just shrug at him, smiling from the comfort. He grins at me, his dimple making the familiar flutter erupt in my stomach. "You're so damn unpredictable, you know that?"

"Back to work, Mr Glazier." I try to hide my smile. "I'll mail you two sample modules that I created last week just for reference, alright?"

"Thank you."

I roll my eyes at his grin before going back to work. I don't move my leg away from his and neither does he, he just pulls his chair closer so we're touching more. Idiot.

We only discuss work-related conversations for the rest of the time being, with him being his goofy self. It provides me with a distraction from my thoughts for a while until Alyssa shows up at our desk, a groan leaving me almost instantly.

"What?" I snap at her, not even trying to sugarcoat our hostility towards each other.

"Genesis called you in her office." She mumbles, her eyes moving to Blake whom she passes a very huge grin. He offers her a small polite smile in return before she moves her hand to his arm. "It feels like so long since I've seen you. How are you?"

My eyes narrow down to where she's touching his arm and I scowl at her. What the hell? She starts grazing her finger against his shirt and I gape at him. His eyes meet mine where he gives me a quizzical look. I glower at them before getting up to actually go see Genesis. I'd rather talk to her than see Alyssa drool over him.

He scowls at me as I walk away. I knock on Genesis's door, grateful that it's almost time to leave. I open the door and peek in. She gestures for me to step in so I close the door behind me.

"Sit." She motions towards the chair across her desk so I do just that. I don't want to beat around the bush so as tempted as I am to avoid her gaze, I don't. "What happened last night?"

"I wasn't feeling well." I clear my throat as I shift to the edge of the seat. "I'm sorry I rushed out on you."

"Do you feel alright now?" I nod in response. "So, if we were to head back to my place right now, you wouldn't magically fall sick again?"

I pale at her words. She knows I'm lying. Of course, I'm not a very good liar.

"What's going on, Emily?" She looks a little concerned but I know it's just a way to get me to fess up. Myra's words poke in my mind about how toxic people manipulate their way around.

Fuck, am I doing the same thing with Blake? I hope to god not. I hate the terrible feeling that sets in my stomach every time Genesis treats me the way she does. I don't ever want to make him feel the same way. I have to be more conscious of my actions around him, even if we don't have any boundaries or strings, I still don't want to make him feel that way, ever.

"I don't know," I tell her honestly. I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on. I just want to figure things out. But before I know it, the next words are tumbling out of my mouth. "I think I need to take a step back from what we have."

"Like a break?" She raises her eyebrows in surprise. I nod in return. "Why?"

It suddenly makes so much sense. I need to step away from her in order to really understand the impact she has on my life. This would've been so much more difficult if I did this before Chicago, but I know I can stay away from her. The only problem is seeing her every day in the office. I will get used to it.

"You can't pretend that you're oblivious to the effect our bond has on me, Gen." I start, reaching out to hold her hand on the desk. "I just need to figure stuff out in my head."

"Then you'll come back to me, and things can go as they have been?" She asks, hopes clear in her voice and it shouldn't be surprising anymore how she doesn't care about the break as long as I assure her that it's temporary.

"I think so." I try to sound confident but fail miserably.

"God, who the hell have you slept with, Emily?" She suddenly snaps, retracting her hand away as she glares at me. "A break? We're not in some romantic world where you can take a break. What do you want a break from, all the sex?"

Fuck. Here we go again. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before looking at her. "I want a break from you."

"Are you hearing yourself?" She scoffs. "You know you'd never find someone as laid back as me. I permit you to do whatever the hell you want. I knew it would get screwed up if you were to get involved with someone else. Do you see now why things were better when you were loyal to me?"

Is she serious? No, I don't see how things were better when I was loyal to her. I was pathetically rooting for our love story when we don't have even the 'l' of love between us.

"I'm a grown-up adult, Genesis." I snap back at her. "I don't need you to permit me to do something. And laid back? Seriously, look at yourself, man. You're ridiculous. You just gave me another reason to take a step back from this whole shit going on. Now that I think about it, you like to play with my feelings. You want me all to yourself but you want all the benefits with others too. Guess what? I'm done being your plaything. I'm done with this shit, permanently."

Anger is coursing through my veins by the time I'm done speaking. She just sneers at me in return. "Sure, walk away. Do you know how many times I've heard you say the words over and done in last year? You always come back. So, enjoy while your anger lasts to boosts up your self-respect. I'll see you soon."

I want to slap her. If she weren't my boss, I really would've gone across the desk to slap her. I've used the words done and over a lot in past months, but I've never once used the word permanently. She has never once insulted me the way she has done today. Earlier, my head was blinded and swarmed with feelings for her. What she doesn't know is how drastically low my emotions regarding her have gone since the dinner with her family. But now that I've realised the kind of person she is, there's no looking back. God, I hope I can see her face when she realises what she has just lost.