The idea of love has always seemed so vague. I've spent my entire life surrounded by people who are in love, yet never experienced it myself. Until now. All of them, each one of them has made it sound so beautiful, made it look so pretty but right now when I consider my feelings, it doesn't seem beautiful at all.

Is it really love's fault? All my life I've struggled to define it, yet in the moment, the only thought that clouds my mind is, 'Love hurts.' But does it really? Despair hurts, disappointment hurts, abandonment hurts, yet love is the victim that carries the imprints of awful actions of humans.

It has taken me a while to realise that I am actually in love with Blake, a guy I've grown up with, have childhood memories with and now am moping over.

"We settled on carving, not stabbing," Dad remarks from behind me when he looks down at my pumpkin.

"You're hilarious." I retort dryly.

"I really am. Where do you think you get your humour from?" He grins, sitting down next to me.

"Do you really want her to answer that, babe?" Mom teases him from the floor where she's setting up Odion's pumpkin near the fireplace.

"Hey. That's not funny." He scowls at her playfully and she winks at him.

"It actually is." I laugh, looking at him and he just shakes his head at me with amusement.

"So, you're really going with him?" He asks and I nod, sighing.

"It seems like I need a break." I shrug. "I've enough clothes here to take with me."

"Are you sure?" He asks and I nod again.

I'm leaving for Larkspur with my Granpa. After I was done crying, I asked my mother if I could go and she booked me the flight. I'll be home in two weeks. I already mailed the company where I have an interview on Monday if it can be taken virtually. I am hopeful for a positive reply.

My life is going in circles. Each time there's a bump in the road, I tend to leave the city in hopes of leaving my problems behind but I am not doing that this time. I'm taking everything with me, to understand and figure out how to move on, even though I don't want to.

As much as it hurts, when I realised I am in love, everything suddenly made so much sense. I wanted to know how could anything related to him hurt so much, and now I have the answer.

The fact that it's Blake is amusingly annoying. Of course, I love him. If we hadn't drifted apart growing up, or had started bonding sooner, I still would've fallen for him because of who he is. I just didn't know until I started sharing a desk with him.

I want to say that all of it started a month back, when we slept together but in my heart, I know I cared for him even before Ella's birthday. That day was just an awakening of how much in denial I was about my attraction towards him.

No matter how much I want to protest against the idea, this was bound to happen, falling in love with him was inevitable.

"Packed your bags?" Granpa asks, interrupting my thoughts and I nod, smiling at him. "We should be leaving in a couple of hours."

"I'll set the dinner in an hour." Mom looks between us.

We settle down in living room as I spend time with my family. Kids don't ask me why I'm leaving, they just presume I know best. Supersister. Even while having dinner, we all always seem to have something to talk about even if it's the most random thing.

I look back at my life, the way it has turned out since I came back from Chicago. I never would've expected the old Emily to leave Genesis behind, or to be as content with being in love with Blake as I am. Overall, I've made some good progress.

And, I've made some good friends too. I know I eventually need to switch on my phone and maybe I can do that once we land in Larkspur. I bid sweet goodbyes to my siblings as my parents drive us to the airport.

"Take care of yourself." Mom hugs me and I nod. "Him too."

"Of course." I smile at her before turning to Dad and giving him a hug.

Granpa and I don't talk much throughout the flight. He gives me my space mostly because he sleeps through half of it. I'm grateful to the family I have who accept me for who I am despite my flaws, like Granpa isn't judging me that I want to stay with him because I'm having a crisis. Instead, he's just happy to have me here like I'm happy to be with him.

"Got all the luggage?" He asks me when we're approaching the cabs and I nod at him. "Good, let's go."

When we reach the house, Granpa hands me over the keys. I unlock the door before helping him with the luggage. It always leaves me astound how he lives in this big house all by himself. My mother worries for him, and I do too.

Earlier, he didn't want to leave the place because he was serving but after he retired, he still refused to leave. I know he doesn't say it, but it's because this house reminds him of Granny. She passed away almost two decades ago but he still hasn't let go, and I don't think a love like that can never ever fade.

"Okay, you know the rules. Paula comes early in the morning to clean and you can't stay out later than eleven in the night." He instructs me after I'm done helping him unpack. "Take whichever room you want."

"I'll take Mom's." I smile at him. "Night, Granpa."

"Wake you up at six for morning walk." He reminds me as I move out his room and I groan dramatically.

He's so physically fit that he can't tolerate laziness. He works out, and goes for a morning walk almost daily. At least he'll get my sleeping schedule right.

I go up to my mother's childhood bedroom. It's one of my favourite places in this whole world. When Mom moved to New York after she got pregnant, Granny turned the wall behind the bed into a place of memories. There are hundreds of photos of my mother here, but over the years, she has just filled up the room with more.

Now, it has photos of our entire family, each of our childhoods, the vacations we've celebrated. This room feels like home.

From the tiredness of the flight, I manage to get some sleep but the moment clock hits six, there's a loud knock on the door. I get out of the bed to see him already in his track suit.

"Is this going to be a daily thing?"

"Yes." He chuckles.

I wish he was lying, but for the next one week, every day, he wakes me up at dot six o'clock and takes me for a morning walk before forcing me to take a sprint at the end.

As much as I don't like it, it makes me fall asleep the moment my head meets the pillow at night. While trying to run, I try to outrun my thoughts too, but it doesn't work well. Blake constantly stays in my head.

I blocked his number as soon as I switched on my phone because I don't want to know if he would call me. If he doesn't, I wouldn't know, and he does, I still wouldn't know. I have to learn to be indifferent to him while also learning to love him from a distance.

"We're out of eggs." Granpa yells from the kitchen when I'm fixing an interview for the position of HR Manager.

I got a very easy rejection from my Monday interview, so I finally decided to directly contact the number Gramps had given me. They were more than happy to accommodate a Skype interview but we had to adjust the timings because of the three hour time difference.

"Give me an hour, Granpa! I'll run to the store. But please don't yell again." I plead, approaching the kitchen. "I've got a job interview in ten minutes. I'm in your study, okay?"

"You mean I cannot knock or disturb you?" He raises an eyebrow and I nod. "Good look, Millie. You got it!"

"That's what you said last time and I didn't get it." I remind him and he just rolls his eyes at me.

It goes surprisingly well. A man named Ron takes my interview, he's apparently the CHRO of the company, and they are trying to build their HR department for better functioning. I read up about them, it's a pharmaceutical company with growing turnover.

Plus, the salary is much higher than what I was getting at Cox and Bell, so I have high hopes for this. If I get this, I would be able to save up more for my future plans.

After I'm done with the interview, I go in the living room to Granpa. "I'll go get the eggs. Anything else?"

"I left a list on the kitchen counter."

I nod at him before going to collect it and move out of the house. I take his car keys because he allowed me to drive around since I've constantly been running the errands.

When I'm done with almost everything, I pick up a Nutella jar before approaching towards the checkout line. I'm almost near it when I hear someone calling my name.

I turn around with a small frown on my face because no one really knows me around here. An old man about Granpa's age smiles at me, and I wonder if he's a friend of his I've met before but can't recall.

"Emily?" He calls my name again. He's wearing tinted glasses and he removes them to look at me closely.

When I look into his eyes, that's the moment it hits me.

"Michael." I whisper.

"I thought you wouldn't recognise me."

I almost didn't. But I don't tell him that. I just smile a little, trying not to panic. "It's been ages."

"Yeah. You were what, eighteen last time I saw you." He recalls and I nod, trying not to remember under what circumstances we met the last time.

Michael's my... he's Nate's father. I've spent some good time with him during my childhood but when things with my father went downhill, we lost contact too. Naturally, my mother didn't feel like sending her daughter down to Larkspur to hang out with my grandfather even though she is fond of him.

"How have you been?" He asks and I tug my hair behind my ear.

"I'm okay." I smile. "You?"

"Good, good." He nods. "Don't worry, I wouldn't tell him I ran into you."

I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding, my nerves resolving instantly. "Thank you."

"Have you visited him since then?" He asks and I shake my head.

"Have you?"

He nods. "I used to make couple of visits every six months, but my health doesn't allow me to travel much anymore."

"What's wrong with your health?" I frown, not caring that I sound concerned.

"Just some respiratory problems, nothing worrisome." He smiles at me. "Are you in town for long?"

"I was just visiting Granpa," I tell him, honestly.

"If you ever feel comfortable, you should come home." He offers, sounding a little sad and I swallow down the guilt that arises.

I'm the only grandchild he has. My father didn't have any siblings, or any other kids, at least none I know about. Whatever he did, his father had to suffer because of him too. My mother likes Michael, so she wouldn't object to this idea.

"Can I drop by tomorrow for lunch?" I ask, and his face splits into a huge grin.

"Really?"

"Yeah, if you'll have me." I smile a little and he nods. "We can catch up on the lost years."

"Of course, dear." He continues to smile. "Is there anything you like to eat in particular?"

"Anything's fine with me." I assure him. "It's the same place, right?"

He nods. "Yeah, same old."

I haven't visited that house since I found out everything. This isn't going to be easy but I think I can try to keep down my anger and nerves for an hour tomorrow.

"Will see you tomorrow. I have to rush right now."

"Sure!" He waves at me before moving to buy grocery as I move to the counter.

After paying the bills, I shake off the leftover jitters before driving back to the house. Granpa might not like the idea of me having lunch with Michael tomorrow. He's insanely protective and he hates Nate to death. I can't imagine why he wouldn't.

"I got your eggs!" I announce as I step in the house.

He meets me in the foyer itself, taking the grocery bags from my hands before he clears his throat, "There's someone here to meet you."

"What?" I frown. "Who?"

But when I look behind him, I almost drop the bag Granpa didn't take from my hand.

"Your mother and you make all of my hair white from tension, you know that? Ohana better not grow up." He grumbles, taking everything from my hands. "I'll be in room if you need me."

I don't respond to him because I feel like I'm staring at a ghost. My entire body feels like it has frozen over. I can't seem to take my eyes away from his face. This is a dream. It has to be.

"Emma?" He whispers and I finally realise that he's really here.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, still unable to recover from the shock.

He looks tired. There are bags underneath his eyes, and his hair are a mess above his head. A slight stubble is growing on his face, making me want to shave it off because it's starting to hide his jawline.

"We need to talk." He steps closer to me. "Please."

"Blake, you're in Larkspur." I manage to whisper, afraid that if I speak too loud, my fragment of imagination would poof over.

"Yeah." He gives me a lop-sided grin. "I am."

"Why?"

"Because you're here." He takes another cautious step towards me, his hand reaching out to take mine in his. "You told me I didn't fight for you. Well, this is me fighting for you, Emma."

"I—"

I don't know what to say. I am finding it so hard to process that he's here. He's really here. When I feel the tips of his fingers meeting mine, I feel the same overwhelming emotions I always do when it comes to him.

He came here for me. For me. I don't even hold back my tears, already knowing it's no use.

"I don't understand." I whisper.

"Can we sit and talk?"

I nod at him, walking inside to the living room as I sit down on the couch and he sits by my side. Shit, is he really here? I poke at his arm and he gives me an amused smile.

"What?"

I shake my head, trying to stay tethered to the reality. "I can't believe you're here."

"Well." He shrugs, a slight smile on his face. "You look good."

I haven't seen him in a week. The last time we saw each other, I was sobbing my heart out, confessing my feelings — well, at least as much in touch with them I was. I knew I would see him again on New Year's Eve, that was unavoidable, but I didn't expect to see him here.

"What are you doing here, Blake?" I sigh, still wrapping my head around everything.

"I want to apologise." He starts, taking my hand in his.

I try not to let his touch get to me but fail miserably. This is the first time I am meeting him since I've accepted that I love him. As much as it hurts, it also feels oddly liberating to be able to breathe in his presence. But there's a constant yearning in my heart to be able to express my feelings. I can't do that. Not right now, or ever.

"What for?" I manage to ask.

"For ever starting this thing between us with sex, for letting you believe that it wasn't anything more than that, for letting you push me away, for letting my past become a barrier, but mostly, for not fighting for you." He finishes with a sigh, and he's staring at me with the same gaze he always holds. He looks so vulnerable that I have to audibly swallow down the lump that forms in my throat.

"Blake, I—"

"I should've trusted you more, every time. You have never given me a reason not to trust you but I acted on an impulse that day. I thought you were back with her, and I just couldn't—" He closes his eyes like even the thought of it makes him ache. "I can't lose you, Emma. Not when I have just started to get you."

I want to believe every word he just said, to be able to run back in his arms and give this a fresh start but I'm afraid of getting hurt again, or hurting him again. Just one look at him and I know that I'm not in this alone. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have come down here.

I sound naive, and stupid... but you don't get on a six hour flight for someone you don't care about.

"What about Nicole?"

He shakes his head. "It was a mistake, to even consider the idea. I told you months back that I'm over her, and I am. There's no doubt in my head that it's in the past. The only reason I ever considered it is because she said we owed it to ourselves to give it a try again."

"And?"

"And nothing. I feel nothing for her. I know I hurt you that night, the last thing I want is to hurt you, Emma. To even know that I'm capable of ever doing that makes it hard for me to look at myself in the mirror. It was a dick move, and you're right, your Blake would never do that."

When he finishes, I have tears running down my face. I have been crying so much lately, and mostly because of him that I feel so damn vulnerable. I have never felt this way before, and I never in a million years thought he would make me feel this way.

"I don't know what to say," I tell him honestly.

"That's okay. Just please, give me a chance to fix this." He whispers, the pad of his thumb wiping my tears. "We can start over, just don't run away from me. Even if you do, I will continue to chase you. I'm not giving up."

"Did you break up with her?" I ask.

"The night of the party."

I nod in return. I am so speechless at the moment. I want to fight for this too, to know that he cares has my heart all messed up. I never thought we had a chance again, I thought he would have his happily ever after with Nicole.

"I need time." I start, sucking in a breath. "We can't just magically fall back into things."

He nods in agreement. "Absolutely. Take as much time as you need, just come back home, baby."

"This is home." I whisper to him. "But I'll get back to the city, just not right away. I want to spend time with Granpa, and I still have a lot to think about."

"How long?" He asks, sounding desperate but it just makes me smile a little.

"A week?" I suggest. "You'll be the first person I text when I land."

"Promise?"

I hold up my pinky finger and he chuckles a little, a hearty laugh that makes my heart clench with love for him. He intertwines it with mine.

"Promise."

His eyes flicker to my lips, and I want to kiss him so badly, to express my love through it but I don't want to rush it again. I don't want to spoil this again, so I hold back and he does too, leaning back a little to create some distance between us.

"How did you know I was here?" I ask, because I never told any of my friends.

"After I figured you've blocked my number, I called Brian, he gave me very descriptive threats, by the way and told me that if I really knew you, then I wouldn't have to ask him about your whereabouts." He shrugs like it was too easy. "I booked my flight right away."

"You do know me." I confess, after all these months of protesting that he doesn't and he smiles at me.

Is it supposed to be this easy? It feels like one wrong step and all of this would crash over our heads. My entire heart trusts him blindly at the moment. His actions a week before managed to break me apart but he's trying to prove he's not that person. He isn't like Genesis, he's not going to hurt me.

He already did. But he's here, trying to fix it, to make up for it.

"Hold on." I look at him wide-eyed. "Don't you have finals going on?"

"Yup." He nods. "In two days."

"Blake, you can't be here!" I stand up from the couch, gaping down at him. "Go, go back! I will meet you once I get there."

He rolls his eyes. "Sit your ass down. I don't have a flight for another couple of hours."

I can't believe he was on a six hour flight just to come see me and would travel back. What a ridiculously sweet gesture. I feel guilty though, I don't want him to spend his precious time and money like this.

"How are spending so much money over this?" I ask, not liking the idea.

"Savings." He shrugs like it's obvious. "We have a lot more to talk about, you know?"

I nod at him, taking a seat. "Ask away."

"Why was she there that night?"

I take a deep breath before explaining to him everything that went down between Genesis and me that night. He listens patiently, his expressions giving away his emotions every step of the way.

"She needs help." He whispers by the end of it.

"I know." I sigh.

Before he can respond, Granpa steps in the living room, looking between the two of us. "Do I even want to know?"

"Don't tell Mom, please." I beg.

The last thing I want is family drama above all this. Granpa glares at Blake. "I thought you were a sweet kid."

"He is." I pout at him.

"Well, he sure as hell ain't a kid to you from the looks of it." He grumbles and I try to hide the blush that rises in my cheeks. He continues to glare at Blake. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"No, I have a flight to catch. Sorry for coming unannounced." He stands up, so I do the same. "Thanks, David."

Granpa nods at him curtly before I excuse myself to walk him out. Once he's outside the door, I turn to him, "I can't believe you came down just to talk to me."

"I couldn't sleep not knowing how you were, and Nick isn't very cooperative at the moment." He shrugs.

"Why?" I frown.

"He knew I screwed up," He says, "Wasn't a fan."

"Makes sense." I nod, a smile on my face.

"I told you I'd always lose just to see you smile, Emma. This is me giving in, however you'll have me. I'll wait." He steps forward and kisses my forehead, making the familiar flutter rise in my stomach.

He gives me one last smile before walking away and I just stare at his retreating figure.