Warning: this is a lot of quite intense angst, sorry! Subjects of loss, grief, amnesia and heartbreak.

An: this does not fit into the rest of my oneshot storyline headcannon thing that I've got going on. Basically, I read a fic where they talked in Eden before the wall and I really liked it and I thought it made sense as the conversation on the wall made it feel like they already knew each other. Anyway, here's one way that could have gone.

Word count: 3000

The light streamed golden and warm through the dancing leaves of the apple tree. It was warm, all the days had been warm, and the air was pleasant with a soft breeze. The grass grew, green and whispering, the sun shone down like l
Dancing honey and everything was peaceful.

Two figures ran splashing and joyful through sparkling azure water. These were Adam, the first man, and Eve, the first women. Their perfect paradise had not yet been shattered by the burden of knowledge and as they say, ignorance is bliss.

Removed from this scene, another figure sat watching them. This figure was not so blissful as he had known the weight of hardship and his paradise had been broken into a thousand confusing pieces that he could not quite grasp. Despite this, a warm feeling of happiness still rested gently on him.

He was dressed in a simple white robe, the innocence of naked humanity already hidden and unwelcome to him, and his white blond hair caught the slanting evening sun till it shone with a halo like light.

His legs were carefully folded in a most elegant way beneath him, the cool bark of the apple tree at his back and he was observing in contented silence.

Everything felt soft and dreamlike, the distant splashing, the gentle rustle of leaves and the pleasant sunlight all making him feel slow and peaceful. His thoughts passed languidley, like warm treacle and he smiled at the wonderful images that danced like smoke at the corners of his mind. He wasnt quite sure if they were memories or simply daydreams but the auburn curls and laughing face were comforting non the less.

Suddenly, his peaceful reminiscing was disturbed by the alarming appearance of a large black and red serpent which dropped down from a branch above to curl in front of him.

"Oh hello!" He said with a start and blinked in uncertain confusion as the snake rearranged itself into a black clod humanoid figure. He was still in that sleepy, dreamlike state and he wasnt really the violent sort which explained the lack of smiting. Plus, he had a horrible feeling that he had put his sword down somewhere and wasnt entirely sure where that was. He would have to sort that out later.

"Hello angel." The auburn haired creature smiled at him and he felt his heart flutter in the most concerning manner considering the nagging suspicion that he was conversing with a demon.

"Are you the demon sent to cause mischief and unrest then?" The figure looked themself up and down contemplatively.
"Yes, I suppose I am rather. Crawley." The demon stuck out his hand and he looked at it sceptically.
"I don't think I ought to shake hands with the adversary dear." Even as he said it, he knew that it was probably the wrong thing to say as he was almost certain he oughtnt be having a pleasant chat either and reminding the demon that he was the enemy and that he probably should be malevolent or damn him or whatever demons do was almost certainly an awful idea. He was also slightly worried that he had just called him dear as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh come on Aziraphale, don't be like that. I'm still the same old devil you've always known, even if I do wear slightly more black now."
Aziraphale lept to his feet and stared at the demon in shock. The demon just raised his eyebrows.
"What in heaven do you mean by that? And how do you know my name!? You, you, you fiend!" He settled on the insult after some consideration.
"What? Of course I know your name you imbecile, I'm the one with the name change, not you. And what in hea, hell, do you think I mean by that? I mean, dont pretend that you dont like me anymore just because I accidentally happened to end up on the wrong side. You are pretending aren't you?"

"Like you!?" Spluttered Aziraphale, "Why would I like you, I barely even know you and you're a, well you're a demon for gods sake." Aziraphale was trying very hard not to blush as Crawley took a step closer.
"Oh come off it. Just because I'm a bit darker now doesn't mean I'm suddenly a different person. Don't give me the 'but were on opposite sides, its forbidden' spiel. Surely we've known each other long enough now to not let that stop us."

The demon grabbed his hands suddenly and the angel was momentarily frozen. He managed to quickly regain himself though and, desperately sending signals to his heart to stop beating quiet so quickly, he pulled his hands away and moved backwards hurriedly. He soon realised his mistake though, as his retreat was stopped by the firm trunk of the apple tree behind him. "I don't know what you mean, I'm sure! I've only just met you five minutes ago. You're quite mad you know quite mad, I'm sure if it. But then again, you are a demon, so it's only to be expected."

The demon in question looked taken back and he nervously fiddled with an auburn curl.
"Are you meaning to tell me that you don't recognise me Aziraphale? I mean, I know the eyes are different and the get up is new but come on. How many fallen angels can you possibly know? Of course it's me!"
He took another step forward and looked at the indignant angel imploringly.

"I don't know any fallen angels at all! I... I... I don't know anyone who fell!! Or at least... i ... i cant remember." He rubbed his head unhappily as a cloud of confusion passed across his chocolate brown eyes.
"Wait, what!?! You mean to say? Oh, those bastards!" Burst out Crawley.
"Language!"
"Sorry angel, I'm just pissed that you can't remember me is all."
"Should, should I remember you?" Questioned an increasingly flustered principality.
"Well I bloody well hope so!" Huffed the demon, looking downcast.

They both stared at each other for a moment, Aziraphale trying to find the memories this Crawley demon said he should have, and this Crawley demon trying to decide what he ought to do next. He vaguely remembered some archangel preaching about how love conquered everything and pursued his lips thoughtfully.

"Oh, bugger it all, it's worth a shot!" He suddenly exclaimed.
"What i..." but before he could finish his question, a warm, slightly salty (or was that sulphury) pair of lips cut him off.
His body reacted automatically and he kissed back enthusiastically, almost hungrily, tasting the fire and brimstone on the demons tongue. 'That's new' commented his brain.

'New? Why would that be new? I've never... shit, I'm kissing a demon!' his rational brain suddenly caught up to the situation and he tried to push away. At least, that had been his intention, instead, the pushing away hand decided to curl round Crawleys back and pull him closer which was met by an approving grunt.

What was going on? Why was his body reacting like this was a normal thing?!?! Who was this demon that he was kissing so naturally? Suddenly, a wave of memories crashed into him like a tsunami of emotions.

Sitting listening to Gabriel and laughing as the angel next to him made an inappropriate joke.

Watching the light dance in his eyes as he held a star out to him.

Kissing like this as galaxies swirled around them.

Talking about what the new humans would be like.

Uriel seeing them holding hands and telling them off for wasting time on relationships when they should be working.

Aziraphale's quick hand dropping and apologies.

The other angels anger and burning question of why.

Looking for the other angel all evening when he thought Uriel wasnt looking.

Finally finding him chatting and laughing with Lucifer and his friends.

Dragging him away.

The argument.

The tears.

The questioning.

The kissing away the pain and reassurances.

The belief.

The war.

The fire.

The falling.

The pain.

The heartbreak.

The forgetting.

He suddenly jerked back into reality and pulled away from Crawley. His hand flew back and collided with his face with a slap. Crawley stumbled back, putting a hand up to his red cheek, a shocked expression on his face.
"Ow!! What was that for."
"You bastard." Breathed Aziraphale with a quiet, righteous fury that was more frightening than any shouting.
"I'm guessing you dont remember then? Sorry." Crawley looked as though he had been deflated and all his flirty confidence had dissolved into dejected defeat.

Part of Aziraphale wanted to throw his arms around him and kiss him and tell him that it was all ok but another, much louder part reminded him of how it felt to watch the love of his existence stand against him, to see him plummet away. To have to survive with the grief and pain of believing he would never see him again conflicting with the heartbreaking knowledge that he shouldnt want to. It was almost a relief when the almighty decided the remaining angels should forget the fallen as individuals and see them only as a warning. Almost, but not quite. To not be allowed to grieve. To have this all consuming hollowness but to not know why. That was worse than any heartbreak.

"Oh no, I remember. I fucking remember. I remember that you betrayed me. I remember that you made me a promise and that you broke it. I remember that you left me. I remember the pain and the grief and the despair. I remember the momentary relief of being made to forget and then the soul destroying emptiness of having a broken heart but not knowing why."

He had advanced on Crawley during this speech and they were now under the shade of a giant fern. Silver tears spilled like rivers down Aziraphale's cheeks and Crawleys amber eyes were filled with with more pain than serpent eyes should reasonably be able to contain.
"I'm sorry." Were the only words he could manage, choked out through trembling lips, his voice quiet and raspy with pain.
"I... I.. " Aziraphale looked conflicted.

His heart was screaming at him to forgive him, to just kiss him and hold him and go back to how it was before everything went to hell as it were. But his brain was telling him not to trust him again so easily. He was a demon now after all. And, angelic as he was, there was also a part of him that wanted to make Crawley suffer the way he had, to make him pay for his mistakes, even though the small logical part of him reminded him that he already had.

Something inside of Aziraphale hardened and some of the cold soldier took over. "I can't do this. I can't forgive you. Not now. Not ever." With those words he turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could before spreading his pure white wings and barreling upwards into the clear blue sky where he could be alone with his thoughts.

Crawley watched him go, felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. It was then he knew how Aziraphale must have felt as he watched him fall. The fire and sulphur was painful. Having the wings ripped from your back was painful. Having every part of you destroyed and rewritten was painful. But nothing compared to this. Through it all, he had had the firm belief that he would find Aziraphale somehow. He had known that he would see him and it would all be ok again. That knowledge, that hope, that love, had made any amount of physical anguish bearable.

But now. Now what was there? If he did not have Aziraphale, what was there left?

With a howl he writhed in on himself, shrinking into a form better able to deal with this pain. The cold blooded snake. With one last glance at the sky, he slithered into the undergrowth to face this unbearable destruction alone.

An: I might do a slightly more cheerful part 2 if I ever get round to it. No promises though. I'm very sorry if I just broke your heart, oops! Anyway, look after yourself, have a nice cup of tea and I'll see (or write or read or whatever) you again soon💛💛

I've decided to be nice and not leave you with that heartbreak, you are welcome.

*the next day*
Aziraphale's wings were tired from flying all night and his eyes were red and sore from crying. He felt like there were no tears left now and a strange numbness had settled upon him, very different from the hollow emptiness of before, this time it felt as though the pain had become too much and his mind had anethitused the wound. Now, instead of an all consuming anger and hurt, it was a bearable ache that could be managed.

The petty, malicious side of himself was contented that Crawley had been made to suffer enough and now the logical and compassionate side could take over. He wasn't quite ready to talk to Crawley face to face but he needed to let him know that their relationship could be salvaged. "I can't forgive you, not now, not ever." Those parting words rang through his head like a funeral bell as his great white wings ceased beating and he landed gently on the green ground of the garden.

The first part was certainly true, he couldn't forgive him yet, everything was still too recent, too painful. The not ever part was a bit harsh though. He had said it because he knew it would hurt and maybe it was true, but somehow he doubted it.

Maybe someday, perhaps 6000 years in the future, when many more mistakes had been made and they had danced the dance of pretending nothing had ever happened between them. Perhaps when they had been adversaries then an arrangement and finally friends. Perhaps when Aziraphale had gently broken Crowley's heart enough times to feel that the score had been settled. Perhaps when the world was about the end and a desperate demon turns up in a 1936 Bentley and begs a conflicted angel who has just broken his heart yet again, to run away with him for the second time, perhaps then he could forgive him.

Perhaps, but he also needs him to prove that he is trustworthy again and so, for now, he writes a note that simply reads "forget the past, let us start again in the present." And miracles it to a heartbroken serpent who uncoils his heavy head as he hears the parchment float gently down beside him and reads the note with red tinged serpent eyes. The serpent breathes a sigh of relief and uncoils himself from his pity hole that he has made for himself under the roots of the great apple tree and slithers up the trunk to lie in its branches. Here, he watches the sunrise and sees the white clad figure, wings outstretched who is standing guard on the wall.

Perhaps now it is time to see how his new role of demon fits. Aziraphale always did like to play games up in heaven and he loved the stories of befriending ones enemies that the archangels used to tell. Perhaps he could adapt that into enemies to lovers. Yes, that sounded promising.

An angel on a wall is thinking similar thoughts, he determined to be a good angel first and foremost and keep Crawley at arms length for now. Treat him as though that time in the garden really was the first time they met, or even better yet, the next meeting could be the first time. He would treat Crawley like any angel would on meeting a demon for the first time, though with less smiting and more friendly conversations. Yes, that sounded promising.

And so, later that day, when a black snake slithered up onto the wall beside him and took the shape of a familiar human, he was pleased at how naturally casual friendship fell between them.
"Well that went down like a lead balloon." A hopeful olive branch
"Ye, sorry what was that?" How do I proceed? What are the terms?
"I said that went down like a lead balloon." A double meaning, I am apologising for earlier but also keeping strictly to small talk feeling of conversation. I am starting again, like you said.
"Yes, yes. It did rather." I acknowledge your apology and would like to continue within this confines of casual acquaintance.

And so it continued, this careful balance of double entendres that could always have a deeper meaning but could be ignored if ever too much or too painful. From Eden till forever, 2 beings intertwined in a dance that only they know the steps to. And maybe, one day, they will tell the other the music that they are dancing to.

This is actually finished now, still not exactly a happy ending but I'm sure you can read pretty much any fanfiction ever for a happy confession of love that could continue on from this:) ok, I love you all, please be kind to yourself today. it is now 2am and I'm going out tomorrow so I should definitely go to sleep, goodnight 💛💛