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INDIANA JONES
xliii. WEEDS

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PRESENT
STORYBROOKE

INDIANA JONES NOSILY LEANED forward against the countertop within Snow White's shared apartment as she attempted to listen in on the mother's conversation with Emma Swan. "What's she saying? How's Henry?" Indiana continuously questioned the ravenette.

"Wait," Snow White paused with raised eyebrows. "Gold's son is Henry's father?"

Indiana's jaw immediately dropped, similar to her reactions whenever she watched something on Netflix. Those plot twists on Grey's Anatomy always got her. "His—Who—Wait—What!?" Indiana stammered in surprise. Snow waved her off, continuing to listen to Emma speak.

"I know, I know, and the millions of questions you have, I have, too," Emma said through the phone once Snow finally put it on speaker. "The problem is it doesn't matter right now because I don't know what to do."

"Please tell me you're not calling to ask me to tell you to keep it from him," Snow White begged.

"Henry thinks his father is dead," Emma replied. "I told him that for a reason. I wanna protect him."

"No matter who this jerk is, Henry has a right to know who his father is," Indiana piped up. "The truth about your parents—I mean, I don't know much about that, but Emma, you of all people should know how important that is."

"Wait—am I on speaker? Never mind that, actually. I don't want Henry to get hurt. I just wanna protect him," Emma told the girls, her voice beginning to break.

"Are you sure this is about protecting Henry and not yourself?" Snow sympathetically quizzed her daughter.

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PAST
NEVERLAND

It was a quiet morning on Neverland. There wasn't too much going on, for the Lost Boys were still fast asleep. Boys would still be boys, not matter what realm they were on. They wouldn't pass up an opportunity to sleep in for just a few minutes. On a normal day, Indiana was the same. However, today she had woken up early because there were still parts of Neverland she hadn't seen.

Peter Pan had always been secretive about Neverland. There were things he kept hidden from Indiana, but as far as she knew, it was none of her business anyway. It wasn't like he wasn't going to try to rip someone she loved away from her. No, everyone like that was already dead.

But Peter Pan was still sleeping when Indiana last recalled. Therefore, she would have some time to herself before the boys came out to play for the day.

Her walk throughout Neverland was filled with nature and greenery. It was one of her favorite things about Neverland. She loved how much nature strived there, despite the fact that time never passed for them to grow. Instead, they were always blossomed like a fresh morning in the springtime.

Indiana Jones looked around curiously before spotting small flies that were in the shape of horses. They flew around her, making her blink a few times in surprise. "What curious butterflies," Indiana opinionated.

"They're Horseflies," a voice piped up, causing Indiana to jump 3 feet in the air. She spun around, staring at a patch of flowers, "not butterflies."

Indiana leaned forward as she observed the flowers. "I beg your pardon, but uh... did you...?" Indiana trailed off. She shook her head. "Oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk."

"But of course we can talk, my dear," the same voice replied. It came from a tall rose. "We all can."

Indiana raised her eyebrows. "If there's anyone worth talking to!" an Iris exclaimed.

"Or about! Hahaha!" a Daisy chirped with a nasally voice.

Indiana stared at the flowers in shock. "What the actual hell?" Indiana trailed off.

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PRESENT
STORYBROOKE

"So Rumplestiltskin is Henry's grandfather?" David summarized once he had been reunited with his wife and daughter's godmother.

"Apparently," Snow confirmed, biting her nail.

David looked up at his wife, for he had been sitting at the table while she and Indiana had explained everything to him. "But I'm his grandfather," David told her in confusion.

"No, you can have more than one," Snow mentioned.

"So his... step-grandmother is Regina, the Evil Queen," David continued.

"Actually, his step-great-grandmother," Snow corrected.

"And she's also his adoptive mother," Indiana added. "Does that mean Henry has the blood of the Dark One and the Savior running through his veins? That's so cool."

David sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It's a good thing we don't have Thanksgiving in our land, 'cause that dinner would suck," David opinionated with a small shudder, thinking about Indiana and Rumplestiltskin arguing over something as stupid as the mashed potatoes.

"Or..." Snow trailed off. "Maybe this will mellow everyone out."

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PAST
NEVERLAND

"So let me get this straight," Indiana declared slowly. "Not only do mermaids exist here, but flowers can talk, as well?"

"We're the last patch of talking flowers in this realm. The rest of us were transplanted somewhere else," the Rose explained. "I believe it was called Wonderland."

"We can sing, too!" the Pansies coursed.

"Of course the Pansies can sing," Indiana deadpanned under her breath.

"Oh, yes!" the Tulip exclaimed in confirmation. "Would you like to hear Tell It To The Tulips?"

"No, let's sing about us!" the Daisies exclaimed.

"We know about the shy, little Violets," the patch of Violets quietly murmured.

"Enough, girls!" Rose shouted sternly. The flowers immediately grew quiet as Indiana sat on the ground with her legs crossed over the other. "Now, dear, what kind of garden do you come from?"

Indiana paused, making a thinking face. "Well, I don't come from any garden..." Indiana admitted. "Does the Enchanted Forest count as a garden?"

"Oh, do you suppose she's a wild flower?" one of the Daisies asked, disregarding the brunette's question.

"Wild flower? Does it look like I have roots?" Indiana sassed.

"Just what specie, or shall we say, genus, are you, my dear?" the Rose asked.

"Uh... Humanus Indiana...us," Indiana attempted to answer, scratching the back of her head.

"Ever seen an Indiana with a blossom like that?" Daisy wondered.

"Come to think of it, did you ever see an Indiana?" Iris queried.

"And did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color!" the Pansies added.

"Um, that's racist," Indiana commented.

"If only they just curled up a bit more," Iris stated. "And she has no fragrance!"

"Hahaha!" Daisy laughed. "Just look at those stems!"

"Rather scrawny, I'd say," Iris retorted.

"Hey! I'm not scrawny!"

"I think she's pretty!" one of the Violets admitted.

"Quiet, Violets!" Rose demanded.

"But I'm not a flower!" Indiana argued stubbornly.

"Aha! Just as I suspected," Iris declared with a clear voice. "She's nothing but a common mobile vulgaris!"

The flowers gasped worriedly. "Common what?" Indiana asked with a plain expression on her face. "Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?"

"To put it bluntly: a weed," Iris explained.

Indiana's jaw dropped. "A weed? I'm not a weed!" Indiana exclaimed childishly.

"Well, you wouldn't expect her to admit it," a Tulip pointed out.

"Can you imagine!" a Lilac exclaimed. "Don't let her stay here and go to seed! We don't want weeds in our bed!"

"But I'm not a weed! I'm not a weed!"

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PRESENT
STORYBROOKE

"Henry, I'm sorry. I wish I could be there," Indiana sympathetically told the 11-year-old boy who had just been reunited with his biological father. "If it helps, I opted to have them tell you, but it was 2 against 1."

"That's okay, Anna. I can still call you Anna, right?" Henry asked the brunette. Indiana laughed quietly.

"Of course, kiddo," Indiana answered. "Whatever you want. Now, why don't you try talking to him? Don't you want to know who Baelfire is?"

"Why can't I just get to know him through you? You guys were best friends," Henry pointed out.

"That was a long time ago," Indiana said. "All you have to do is get to know him. There's no harm in doing that, right?"

There was a pause. "Yeah... I guess so..." Henry trailed off. "I miss you, Anna."

Indiana smiled warmly. "I miss you, too, Henry."

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PAST
NEVERLAND

"I'm not a weed..." Indiana Jones whispered as she laid in her bed. "I'm not a..." Indiana suddenly snapped her eyes open, flying upward in bed. "WEED!"

Peter Pan poked his head into the tent with a look of concern on his face. He walked into the tent as Indiana stared off into the distance with a dazed look on her face. "Are you alright, love?" Peter questioned, sitting beside her on the bed.

Indiana looked over at Peter in confusion. "There aren't any talking flowers in Neverland, right?" she wondered in response. Peter raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Talking flowers? Don't be ridiculous," Peter snorted. "You were dreaming."

"Dreaming... right," Indiana suddenly realized. She leaned back in bed. "So I'm not a weed?"

Peter shot her a glance that was a mixture of amusement and worry. "No, of course not," Peter assured her. "Are you sure you're alright, Indie? I'm afraid 'weed' have to get your head checked." Peter laughed at the pun he made.

Indiana glanced over at him before staring up at the top of the tent. "I'm not a weed," Indiana repeated for the millionth time.

"I think staying up all night with the boys is starting to mess with your head," Peter told her with a chuckle, moving closer to her side. "You should get some more sleep." Peter kissed the top of her head. "I'll be right out—"

"No!" Indiana exclaimed, shooting upward. "Stay with me!"

"But—" Peter stopped his own sentence when he saw the look on Indiana's face. "Fine."

Indiana smiled happily and laid back down with Peter laying beside her.

"And for the record," Peter began, "you're not a Weed. You're the prettiest flower I've ever seen."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hi okay look i know this chapter was hella random but i had literally no ideas

so i wrote this in honor of my school doing alice in wonderland for the children's show (we perform it at a few elementary schools and this is my first year doing it haha). i'm one of the bitchy ass flowers in the show, so i figured, why not incorporate indiana's reaction to the flowers haha