WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM WHICH MAY BE UNSETTLING TO SOME VIEWERS!!! DO NOT READ IF THIS IS YOU!!!

"Kenma..." I didn't really say anything. I was afraid that if I said something I'd begin to cry. And he's always been the one to wipe my tears so what'll happen when I go inside and let all this out.

"Kenma can I talk to you?" I stared, I made myself seem mad but really I was just so, broken? You could say..
"Well you already are aren't you?" "Heh, how humor-" "Come on Kuroo just get on with it."   Just apologize already.....

"Um... Ok."

"I- Kenma I'm- I'm so, so so so sorry, I know I can't take anything back or go back into time to change things but I can say sorry. I never wished to hurt you" But you did... "I just couldn't end Saki but I couldn't resist you-" I let go of the gate, almost wishing he would stop because it was so overwhelming. I was on the edge of balling. "So, I just, kinda didn't choose. But I realize I made the biggest mistake in a lifetime, but today I broke up with Saki and confronted her, I don't think you'd still want to be with me but I thought you should know that."

But I do kuroo...

             I just... I can't live like that...

"I forgive you but you're right..."

No you're wrong...

"I don't want to be with you."

But I do, so badly I do!

I couldn't even look him in the eye after that, for my eyes had started to water. One, two, three, four, five, six... I saw as the tear drops landed on the floor... So I slammed the door behind me once I was inside, took off my shoes and ran to my room.

I wish I could run away from the whole situation... just run away from this world and...

I looked over at the place where I had hidden it, my "just incase blade". I haven't ever used it...

But...

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I looked at my bandaged thighs-I couldn't do my wrists for volleyball.. the bloody bathroom floor, my shaking hands, the tears following down my cheeks.

Just run away, run away forever.

I cleaned it all up. Again it was pure white, it was neat but my head was still a mess...

The things broken desires and a glass heart will do. It'll fuck a person up, without mercy. This sadness shares no empathy, it's just a huge monster following my every move. And I'm not even mad at kuroo... I'm mad a this sick fuck called depression

I walked towards my bed, and lye down. It was time for rest, I had to relax this racing mind with so many thoughts screaming help covered by the words I'm fine.

                         I'm fine.

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I woke up to unread messages.

Kuro❤:

Hey kenma, can I come over???

I doubt you want to see me but please... we can work everything out!!!

I just don't want to lose that friendship we had, so please can we talk it out.

Kenma, it's been an hour and you haven't responded nor read these... are you okay???!!!

Please text me back soon...

I miss you...🥺
___________________________________

Kuro❤

Hey kenma, can I come over???

I doubt you want to see me but please... we can work everything out!!!

I just don't want to lose that friendship we had, so please can we talk it out.

Kenma, it's been an hour and you haven't responded nor read these... are you okay???!!!

Please text me back soon...

I miss you...🥺

Me:

I'm sorry kuroo I took a little nap.

I don't really think you should come over yet though. Atleast not anytime soon...

Kuro❤

It's fine kenma!!!

And that's understandable. Please know that I really am sorry, we're still friends right?

Me:

I know, and yes we still are.

Kuro❤

That's good (●w●)!!!
_________________________________

I miss you too my love, I miss you too...

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I was walking around trying to find a good spot for lunch, I saw him and, he saw me...

He didn't walk towards me though, he just looked down and kept eating alone...

I kind of, sort of wanted him to come though... should I go to him? Maybe... no. I can't

But I couldn't help but watch him from afar... he looked so vulnerable right now, because he was so lonely and well, noticeabley sad...

We were always broken, but we were also broken together... and now we're not. We're so far apart now. Reaching out for the other.

But neither of us will act on this feeling, so we're stuck. Stuck in this endless tunnel where each turn we think we will see eachothe but we don't. We never meet.

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It was cleanup day, kuroo decided that two people will clean up every day and back then of course we cleaned up together. So now it's really ackward...

It was just really quiet, I could hear his footsteps, a couple times when our shoes made that loud squaky noise and-

"Kenma..."

.......

"Kenma I-"

"Yes Kuroo?"

He dropped his broom and grabbed me.

"Kuroo what the hell are you doing?!"

"Kenma I love you..."

"No kuroo stop-" "BUT KENMA I DO!!! I need you, I can't stop thinking about you please I messed up, I made a terrible terrible mistake but I will never hurt you again, never! Please just- just give us a shot."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke

"Kuroo I- I'm afraid I can't... I'm so sorry-"

"No I should be sorry!!! So why can't we move on because I'm telling you never again will I hurt you! And adter all this heartache not only aren't we friends, but we're becoming complete strangers!"

"Maybe that's for the better kuroo..."

He let go of me. He just stood there with a blank face, it looked as if his soul had left his body...

"I- I'm going to leave early..."

He managed to make out an "ok" and he tried to hold back but I could see his tears following through my blurred vision from all this sobbing...

And I walked out the door.

([ I'm sobbing to kenma, I'm sobbing too ])