I woke up with kenma in my arms. I felt so... so warm. And though it didn't feel like it, it was oh so terribly wrong.

But I didn't want to think or acknowledge any bad, I just wanted to be here. With kenma, like this, holding him like I'm never going to let go and god I wish I didn't have to. All I want is to be in this moment with this perfect little feeling.

This indescribable feeling that's not so indescribable. I can describe it perfectly, so perfectly that you don't just understand how I feel, you felt every emotion that has came over me. All with one word.

Love.

But-

"Good morning Kuro." Kenma woke up and turned toward me. He looked so soft, so sweet. So- lovely. His soft voice was really getting to me, I wish it wouldn't. I wish he wasn't so soft and cute like this. Because I can't have this lovely little thing called kenma.

"Why do you look so upset?" "It's nothing kenma just-" I hugged him into this tight embrace knowing I shouldn't. He pushed me off and stood up. "Kuro please tell me what's wrong, you look awfully upset..." Should I tell him. No I can't tell him. But I have to, not only can I not lie to him, but I know I won't even be able to get away with it.

"Kenma this is wrong. We can't do it again or let anyone know." "Umm okay, I do suppose high schoolers doing it isn't exactly-" " No kenma, just us in general is wrong."

Silence found it's way into the room. Creeping up on us while all we could hear was one another's breath.

"Kuro..." "What?" I looked at him coldly, even I hated this stare splattered on my face. But this sadness will only come out as anger...

"What did you tell Saki when we left the party?"

Then I looked confused, and worried, this expression just gave me away.

"You, you broke up with her right?"

....

"RIGHT?!!"

He shouted with pure sadness and this wave of emptiness smacked me in the face. But I got what was coming.

"Hey babe I have to take kenma home, see you soon. Happy birthday!"

I wanted both of them. One I truly loved and one, I knew i'd be lost if she ever slipped away from me.

Right now while I'm losing kenma I'm not lost. Because I can identify all these emotions I just wish could go away, but what hurts even more is seeing tears flow through his eyes.

"I'm sorry I ruind you kenma..."

I'm sorry I ruined you

Hearing those words being whispered from under my breath sent kenma.

And now I'm standing alone in this empty room with nothing but the feeling of hoplessness and misery.

I don't know how I thought losing Saki could be more painful than this.

I guess she was just the first one that was real, the first one that I atleast came close to loving. But being afraid of losing something that I came close to loving, led me to losing the one thing I really did love. Kenma. My oh so wonderful kenma.

"I'm sorry I ruined you." And I went back to bed because I didn't want to stay awake in such a terrible world, where I didn't have my oh so wonderful Kenma....

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Kenma refused to talk to me. And here comes Saki. Coming for me in the halls, kenma didn't tell her so we're still together, but I wish she knew, Kenma is the one I not only want but need.

I just want- oh I want his name out of my head. It's playing on repeat like a broken record. Kenma Kenma Kenma Kenma- "Just fucking get out of my HEAD!!"

"Babe?" I-I, I said it aloud.

"Babe are you okay?"

...

"Saki." "Yeah?" "I fucking hate you, you were cool at first but you've just been using me and being a total brat."

"Wh- what?!" "Kuroo I'm sorry but please don't leave me, let's go shopping to get this off our minds!" She grabbed my hand and I twisted out of it, there was something else I needed to do. I'll do it at volleyball.

I walked off and heard Saki screaming at me from a distance. Brat.

The day was passing and that song with his name kept on repeating. K-e-n-m-a.
I'm desperate for him, it's been I believe six day, SIX DAYS. And we haven't talked at all.

Five more miniutes. Just five more miniutes, well, I have to tell him after volleyball so thirtfive miniutes and two hours. That's not too long right, right?

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

It had finally passed. The day, and now I have to do this. I still walked kenma home, no one else was really there to pick him up or do this.

I watched as he just played his game. I knew he felt my gaze following him, and he just shifted ackwardly probably wanting me to stop. But I couldn't look away from such a corrupted broken soul yearning for a little bit of love, whose first time loving was heart shattering. This silence needs to go away, I have to speak. And when I realized we were at his door, I couldn't let him go. I couldn't wait another day.

He started to open the gate until this silence was broken

"Kenma..." He said nothing, only turned around with an irritated look.

"Kenma can I talk to you?" "Well you already are aren't you?" "Heh, how humor-" "Come on Kuroo just get on with it."

"Um, okay then."

...

"I- Kenma I'm- I'm so, so so so sorry, I know I can't take anything back or go back into time to change things but I can say sorry. I never wished to hurt you I just couldn't end Saki but I couldn't resist you-" He stopped in place and crossed his arms "So, I just, kinda didn't choose. But I realize I made the biggest mistake in a lifetime, but today I broke up with Saki and confronted her, I don't think you'd still want to be with me but I thought you should know that."

"I forgive you kuroo, but you are right, I don't want to be with you."

One step and he was behind the gate. Five steps and he was at his door going inside.

"But if you forgive me why aren't you calling me by my nick name anymore..."

And I was no longer standing in his driveway.

([ This chapter made me cry and I'm the one who wrote it ,((T_T)), I hope you cried too tho not because you're crying but that means I'm a good author :D ])