Bilbo: Why are Kili and Fili sitting with their backs to each other?
Thorin: They had a fight.
Bilbo: Then why are they holding hands?
Thorin: They get sad when they fight.

Kili: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Fili: What?
Thorin: That you're a child.
Bilbo: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

Thorin: While I'm gone, Kili, you're in charge.
Kili: Yes!!!
Thorin, whispering: Fili, you're secretly in charge.
Fili: Obviously.

Thorin, driving Fili and Kili: So how was your day?
Kili: We almost got surprise adopted!
Thorin: What?
Fili: We almost got kidnapped.
Thorin: Oh, okay.
Thorin: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Kili: That's one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...
Fili: You would eat yourself?
Kili: I wouldn't even question it.

Kili: Fili and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Fili: Sentences.
Kili: Don't interrupt me.

Fili, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
Kili: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

Kili: Here's some advice
Fili: I didn't ask for any
Kili: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

Kili: I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

Kili: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?