Ranboo: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it's so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

Willow: I wanna sleep for 40 hours.
Ranboo: You know that's called a coma, right?
Willow:
Willow: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.

Karl, talking to Ranboo: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke's on them! I've never been secure in my life! And I'm not about to start now!

Karl, with his hands cupped over each other: I found a cool spider!
Ranboo: Oh? Lemme see!
Karl, opening his hands to see nothing there: ...hm.
The Author: ...where's the spider.
Karl: *looks troubled and stares at his hands*
Ranboo: Oh no.
The Author: KARL, WHERE'S THE SPIDER?!

Quackity: I just watched Karl jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, they weren't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Ranboo was screaming for help, which caused The Author to run in to help Karl. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.

Karl: Do you ever wonder why you're still single?
Sapnap, eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar with a spoon: Yeah... I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't want to date me?
Karl, sighing: I can name a few people...

Sapnap: Can you be serious for five minutes?
The Author: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Willow: Why am I not the protagonist of an amazing story...?
Ranboo: You are, though - it's called "your life."
Willow: Shut the fuck up, I wanna struggle fighting demons not struggle with getting out of bed every day.
Ranboo: But those are your demons.
Willow: ...
Willow: I am hereby naming you as the antagonist and now it is my sole job to find you and hit you in the face with a chair for that bitch-ass comment you just made.

Ranboo: Where's Xornoth?
Karl: Doing stuff.
Ranboo: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Willow?
Karl: Trying to stop Xornoth from doing the stuff.
Ranboo: And Sapnap?
Karl: Trying to stop Willow from stopping Xornoth from doing the stuff.
Ranboo: I see. And what are you doing here, Karl?
Karl: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Sapnap from stopping Willow from stopping Xornoth from doing the stuff.

Tubbo: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city.
Ranboo: Well, that was entirely predictable.
Tubbo: One of them punched a gang member.
Ranboo: Xornoth?
Tubbo: Willow, actually.
Ranboo: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

Sapnap, to the WTF's: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
*silence*
Sapnap: Damn, y'all depressed as fuck!
Willow: You didn't clap either-
Sapnap: SHUT UP!

The Author: I have a new hoodie.
Willow: Wrong.
Willow: We have a new hoodie.

Ranboo: We need a plan to beat them.
Willow: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.
Ranboo:
Willow: Judge me all you want, I get results.

Willow: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Karl, used to Willow having random epiphenies: Sure...
Willow: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Karl: Okay?
Willow: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Karl:
Willow: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Karl: Jesus, that one is a little-
Xornoth, interested: No, no, Willow, keep going.

Ranboo: I'm never having a debate with The Author again, they literally started their argument with "Riddle me this."

Quackity: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.
Ranboo: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.
Sapnap: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.
The Author: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

Willow: Which country has the most birds?
Willow: Portu-geese!
Xornoth: That's a language.
Willow: Portu-gull?
Xornoth: Good recovery.
Karl: I think you mean good re-dovery.
The Author: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Quackity: Hey, check out my Spongebob umbrella!
*Quackity opens their umbrella while indoors*
Karl: Quackity, that's bad luck...
Quackity: Chill out, Karl!
Willow, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?!
Quackity and Karl: *screams*

Quackity: Why do you keep a diary?!
The Author: To keep secrets from my computer.

Ranboo: Cool, any other secrets?
Sapnap: I still sleep with the blanket I had as a baby.
Ranboo: Awww-
Sapnap, stern: I use it as a gag when taking people's pets hostage.
Ranboo:
Ranboo: There's no punch line 'cause it's not a joke isn't it?

Willow: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
The Author: Jokes on them. I'll ruin her fucking life.

Ranboo: If I fall...
Tubbo: I'll be there to catch you.
Karl: *looks at Quackity* What if I fall?
Quackity: Then I'll fall with you, never leaving your side.
Xornoth: *watches these two interactions*
Xornoth, to Willow: And if I fall?
Willow: I'll be the one who pushed you.

Ranboo: What are your three best qualities?
The Author: I'm hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love the few friends I have.

The Author, singing: ~Hush, little laptop, don't you cry.~
The Author: ~I'm gonna find you some more Wi-Fi.~
The Author: ~And if that Wi-Fi doesn't work...~
The Author: ~I will destroy the fucking Earth.~

Sapnap: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.
Ranboo: Oh no.
Sapnap: More like "oh yes!"

Xornoth: What is it called when you kill a friend?
Tubbo: Homicide.
Willow: Murder.
The Author: Homiecide.

The Author, playing a video game: How do I play?
*The Author has drawn first blood!*
*The Author is on a killing spree!*
*The Author is on a rampage!*
*The Author is unstoppable!*
*The Author is dominating!*
*The Author is godlike!*
The Author: Don't worry guys, I figured it out.

Willow: I'm yet to properly begin my history notes BUT!!!! I got 100% on a quiz about european countries so who's the REAL winner here.

Willow: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good, so I simply did myself.

Karl: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Karl: Violently practices.
The Author: Violently studies.
Sapnap: Violently sleeps.
Tubbo: Violently shoots pictures.
Quackity: Violently boxes.
Willow: Violently murders people.
Ranboo: Violently worries about the previous statement.

Quackity: Oh, to be a bored heir to the throne who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener.
Karl: Oh, to be a cute gardener who secretly places roses in the heir's room because they are in love with them.
Ranboo: Oh, to be the palace guard who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener up the wall for their secret deliveries in the middle of the night.
Sapnap: Oh, to be the heir's best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other. Also ends up not third-wheeling and becoming a part of it.
Xornoth: Oh, to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending.
Willow: Oh, to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the heir's personal life and who dies of dysentery at age 23.

Willow: I learned a valuable lesson from this.
Ranboo: I'm guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lesson you actually should've taken away...
Willow: DEATH ISN'T REAL AND I AM BASICALLY GOD!

Xornoth: I need a long word.
Willow: Supercalifragilisticexplialidocious.

The Author, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because...
The Author, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

Tubbo: *sighs*
Willow: You bored?
Tubbo: Yeah.
Willow: Wanna start drama for no reason?
Tubbo: I thought you'd never ask.

Xornoth, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein.
Willow: Can I go to the bathroom?
Xornoth, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!
The Author: At this point, I'm assuming you're badly making fun of my German origins.

Xornoth: 
Xornoth: Ja....

The Author: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.
Quackity: Karl is 70% of your impulse control and you know this The Author.
Karl: I feel like The Author is the more responsible one of us two though.
The Author: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.
Karl: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other's hands so the other doesn't fall off.

Willow: Well, you know what they say: Can't bake a pie without losing a dozen men!

Quackity: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

Xornoth: I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver.
Xornoth: When it hits a corner perfect, I'm allowed one good idea.

:D A new group! Xorlow, Karlnapity, Bee Duo, + The Author, aka What the Fudge? :3

- The Author