*At the police station*

Luz: Hi, I'm here for Eda.

Police officer: Who's Eda?

Luz: Ah, you must be new.

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Luz: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake?

Luz & Amity: One, two, three-

Luz & Amity: Chocolate cake, peanutbutter frosting, and chocolate chunks!

Willow: Our turn, Hunter! One, two, three-

Willow: Vanilla!

Hunter: I've never had cake before. What is cake?

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Gus: I have a question.

Willow: Shoot.

Gus: Is the S or C in scent silent?

Amity: Fuck you, I'm going to be thinking about this all day.

Willow: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I'm gonna say the S is silent.

Gus: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way.

Amity: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent.

King: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound.

Amity: King is not allowed to talk anymore.

------

Raine: I met this person on tinder and asked for their last name. They sent it to me and went "Doing a little background check? You might find out I'm a murderer, just ignore that" with a kissy wink emoji. Alright so I good sense of humour.

Raine: I looked them up, they were a murderer.

Eda: And we are now married

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Luz: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?

Gus: I feel like we've all done that at least once.

Eda: I ate it too-

Gus: See?

Eda: -On purpose...

Luz & Gus: ...What?

-----

Eda: Did you wash the dishes?

Luz: I thought you wanted to do that...

Eda: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

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Hunter: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

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Luz: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Amity: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Gus: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Willow: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Eda: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Hunter:

Hunter: I have emotional scars.

Hunter: And Belos scars.

------ 

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Eda: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Amity: ...I did. I broke it.
Eda: No. No you didn't. Gus?
Gus: Don't look at me. Look at Willow.
Willow: What?! I didn't break it.
Gus: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Willow: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Gus: Suspicious.
Willow: No, it's not!
Hunter: If it matters, probably not, but Luz was the last one to use it.
Luz: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Hunter: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Luz: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Hunter!
Amity: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Eda.
Eda: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Hunter: Eda ... Gus's been awfully quiet.

Gus: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Eda, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Eda: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Eda: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

------

Luz: Time for plan G.
Amity: Don't you mean plan B?
Luz: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Gus: What about plan D?
Luz: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Willow: What about plan E?
Luz: I'm hoping not to use it. Lilith dies in plan E.
Eda: I like plan E.

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