Harry: Schrödinger's cat is overrated. If you wanna see something both dead and alive you can come talk to me any time of the day

Luna: Goodnight moon
Luna: Goodnight tree
Luna: Goodnight ghosts only I can see

Harry: Which is correct, 7 and 5 is 13 or 7 and 5 are 13?
Hermione: Neither
Hermione: Because it's 12

James: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Peter: Plane tickets?
Remus: Concert tickets?
Sirius: Prostitution?
James, holding his broken frames: Glasses.

James: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Sirius: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Remus: A realist sees a freight train.
Peter: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

James: What if people had food names and food had people names?
Remus: Hey, spaghetti, we're having James for dinner.
Peter: What is wrong with you people?
Sirius: Shut up, chocolate.

James: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Sirius: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Remus: I personally was created in a lab.
Peter: I just straight up spawned lol.

James: Yo is Peter sleeping or dead?
Sirius: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.
Remus: Yeah, so did I.
Peter: Okay first of all, fuck you-

James: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Remus: Put spaghetti in it.
James: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Peter: Put spaghetti in it.
James: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Sirius: Put spaghetti in it.
James: I am no longer taking suggestions.