Kas is here, aaehikira
Poultry is here, poultryman2020
And Zed is here, BottomDream64

-

Grain: *Picks up hammer and breaks ringing cell phone.*

Poultry: You're overthinking this.
Grain: You don't know the appropriate level of thinking, Poultry. What if I'm underthinking?

Zed: If we don't get out of this alive... If we're both about to die... I love you, Grain! (/P)
*Neither of them die*
Grain: ...
Zed: ...
Grain: So do you wanna talk about somethi-
Zed: No thank you.

Grain: I know what you're up to.
Kas : Really? Because I barely know.

Zed: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*
Poultry: Hey, Zed, how was your day?
Zed: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Poultry* Hell.
Kas , watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

Kas : Breathe, just breathe.
Grain: I've done nothing with my life! I'm a failure!
Zed: Awww, that never bothered you before.

Poultry, watching Zed and Grain fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?
Kas , not bothered by the chaos: It's fine. They're too evenly matched to hurt each other.
Poultry: Then... who's the strongest out of you three?
Zed: Kas .
Grain: Kas .
Kas : Me.

Grain: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.
Grain: Me too!

Kas : Hi, I'm Kas , and only you can prevent forest fires... seriously, it has to be you. I'm sure as hell not gonna do it.

Grain, in a room with Poultry, Zed, and Kas : It's calm in here.
Grain: It scares me...

Poultry: Where is Grain?
Kas : I'll do you one better, who is Grain??
Zed: Here's a better question, why is Grain?
Grain, in the other room: why are you talking about me?

Zed: I lost my fish, can you help me find it?
Kas , cooking the fish: What? I couldn't hear you, please speak up.

Grain, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!
Zed, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

Grain: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Zed: No, we are mad.
Grain: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Zed: No, we're not!
Grain: I am not a mind reader, Zed!

Zed: Hey, Grain, how are you doing?
Grain: I have hit my head three times, I've lost my favourite shirt and forgot my bag at school.
Zed: Oh, ok! That's pretty good!
Grain: Yup!
Zed: I lost my phone and my cat died.
Grain: Hey, not bad compared to last week.
Zed: I know right!
Kas : Are they okay?
Poultry: I don't think they are.

Kas : Hi, I'm Poultry's emergency contact.
Counter Woman: You're here to pick them up?
Kas : I'm here to remove myself as their emergency contact.

Grain: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk.
Grain: *cuts piece of cake*
Poultry: ...Can I have some?
Grain: Cake is for talkers.

Poultry: *nudges Grain at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Grain? Wake up, Grain! Listen! They're sexless!
Grain: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.

Kas : Hey, aren't you Zed?
Zed: You a cop?
Kas : No.
Zed: Then yes, I am.

*Grain and Zed playing minecraft*
Grain: Oh no, oh no, oh no-
Zed: What's wrong?
Grain: I did a thing.
Zed: You regret the thing you dID-
Grain: *screams*
Zed: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-
Grain: *screams again*

Grain: You read my diary?
Poultry: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Zed, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-
Grain, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?
Poultry, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.
Kas , appalled: Call the exorcist.

Grain: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Zed: Why would you give a knife to Grain?!
Kas , shrugging: Grain felt unsafe.
Zed: Now I feel unsafe!
Kas : I'm sorry...
Kas : Would you like a knife?

Kas : Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?
Poultry: I feel like we've all done that at least once.
Grain: I ate it too-
Poultry: See?
Grain: -On purpose...
Kas  and Poultry: ...What?

Grain: Can I have some?
Zed, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

Grain: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Grain: And I started thinking.
Grain: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Grain: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Zed: Are you ok?

Grain: Guess what?
Poultry: What?
Grain: No, you have to guess.
Poultry, thinking: I don't know.
Grain: Kas  is in the hospital.
Poultry: Why would you make me guess that?!
Grain: *walks away*
Poultry: What happened?!

Kas : Damn, the power went out.
Grain: Don't worry, I got this.
Grain: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*
Kas : What-?
Grain: I swallowed a glow stick!
Kas , on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Grain, grinning: Before you were what?
Zed: Before I was-
Grain: What?
Zed: Before I was inter-
Grain: Before you were interrupted?
Zed: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-
Grain: What?
Zed: *makes frustrated sound*
Kas , nervously: Stop that. Before they hurt you.

*Grain is ordering a cake over the phone*
Shop Employee: ...and what would you like your cake to say?
Grain, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?

Poultry : Keep it running. *Tosses keys over shoulder into empty parking lot.*

Grain: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Kas: Hey, Grain, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Grain: Yeah.
Kas: And you, Poultry ?
Poultry : Umm... yes?
Kas: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Poultry : Did they just-
Grain: but I don't want-

Zed: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?
Kas: Fake?

Grain: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Poultry : Wasn't Zed with you?
Zed: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Kas, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?
Poultry , who's running the drive thru: ...
Poultry : Tequila.

Zed, Entering Poultry 's room: Kas did it again.
Poultry : Peace disturbance?
Zed: What no-
Poultry : Arson..?
Zed: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Poultry : uh....Attempted murder?
Zed: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Grain: honk.
Poultry : WHAT.
Grain: HONK.
Poultry : WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

Poultry : Grain, you can do anything!
Grain: Anything?
Poultry: Anything!
Grain, holding a torch near the hospital: ANYTHING?!?!
Poultry : Wait, not that!

Grain: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

Poultry , talking about Zed: Is this a friend of yours, Grain?
Grain: Kind of? Not really. They're in my life and there's nothing I can do about it.

Grain: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Grain, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

Grain: I don't think the therapist is supposed to say 'wow' that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Grain: Poultry , what if there are monsters?
Poultry : Don't worry, we're top of the food chain.
Much later...
Grain, lying awake at night: I am the monster.

Grain, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.

Kas: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.
Grain: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.
Poultry: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?
Zed: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Zed: *falls down the stairs*
Grain: Are you okay?
Poultry: Stop falling down the stairs!
Kas: How'd the ground taste?

*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Poultry: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Grain: No, Poultry. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Poultry: No, that's not part of it—
Grain:  Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Zed: I would want to live with no legs.
Grain: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Zed. You don't do anything.
Poultry: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him.
Grain: *pumps frantically*
Poultry: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Grain: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Kas: How's that gonna help you?
Grain: I will divide and then count to it.
Kas: Right.
Poultry: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Grain: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

Poultry: Can I get a waffle?
Zed and Grain: *fighting and yelling at each other*
Poultry: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

Kas: Get in, loser, we're committing vehicular manslaughter!

Kas: I will send my army to attack!
Kas: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

Poultry: So, Kas is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Grain: Why?
Poultry: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Kas, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

Grain, near tears: Please, Poultry, I don't speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

Kas: What starts with F and ends with Uck?
Poultry: No it doesn't.
Grain: Firetruck!
Zed: FUCK!

Kas: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Grain: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Grain: I wish I had more enemies.
Zed: I'm sure you will someday, Grain.

Zed:  Guys, there's a monster under my bed and it's really ugly.
Grain, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.