TangoTek_
BottomDream64
ImpulseSV
And I think Poultry is here sooooo... poultryman2020
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Grain: I told Impulse  to grab snacks for everyone.
Tango , looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?
*Grain, Impulse , and Zed raise their hands*

Grain: I need a way to lure in new customers.
Tango : Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!
Zed: Impulse  bath water.
Impulse : ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Zed: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Impulse : You are my reward.
*meanwhile*
Grain: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Tango : True, you can be really difficult at times.

Zed: I'm cold.
Impulse : Here, take my hoodie.
*meanwhile*
Grain: I'm cold.
Tango : I can't control the weather, Grain.

Impulse , to Grain: When was the last time you let someone hug you?
Grain: *thinking*
Grain: 2012.
Tango : 2012...?
Grain: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Zed out so I let them hug me.

Tango : Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?
Zed: Yea, I could drink legally!
Impulse : I could hang out with the boys!
Grain: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

Zed: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Tango : No, that's not how you make cookies.
Impulse : FLOOR IT!!
Zed: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Tango : yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Zed: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Grain: DO IT!
Tango : NO-

Grain: What if people had food names and food had people names?
Impulse : Hey, spaghetti, we're having Grain for dinner.
Tango : What is wrong with you people?
Zed: Shut up, chocolate.

Zed: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Tango : Strong.
Grain: Weak.
Impulse : An idiot, is what your are.

Grain: ARE YOU-
Zed: Fucking.
Grain: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Zed: Fucking.
Grain: IDIOT!
Impulse : ...What was that?
Zed: Tango  banned Grain from swearing, so I'm helping them out.

Zed, to someone that angered them: *Holds two middle fingers*
Tango : Can't say I'm surprised...
Impulse : Yeah, flip em off, Zed!
Grain, confused: *Holds one middle finger*
Tango  and Impulse , both very distressed: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Impulse , pointing to the wall: What color is this?
Zed: Gray.
Tango : Grey.
Impulse , turning to Grain: Now tell them what color you think it is.
Grain: Dark white.

Impulse , spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Zed: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Tango , visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Impulse , spraying Zed: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Zed: Dude, I forgot-
Impulse : OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Grain: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Zed: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours!
Impulse : Six? I only got three!
Tango: You guys got sleep?
Grain, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??

Impulse : What's wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone's throat out.
Tango : Fucking Zed and Grain were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

Tango : What's worse than a heartbreak?
Impulse : Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.
Zed: Waking up in the morning.
Grain: Waking up.

Grain: *Gasp*
Zed: wHAT??
Grain: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Zed: *inhales*
Impulse , in another room with Tango : Why can I hear screeching?

Impulse : Everyone synchronise your watches.
Grain: I don't know how to do that.
Tango : I don't wear a watch.
Zed: Time is a construct.

Grain: I didn't know that air fryers are a real thing. Used to think that they were made up by the internet as a funny joke and that their purpose was to "fry air".
Zed: WAIT, BUT IT FRIES THE AIR TO FRY THE FOOD??
Grain: I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A KITCHEN APPLIANCE, MY FIRST ASSUMPTION WAS SOMETHING AKIN TO AN AIR CONDITIONER!
Poultry : IT'S NOT LIKE AN AIR CONDITIONER????
Impulse : You guys clearly don't own an air fryer.

Poultry : I've done a lot of dumb stuff.
Zed: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Impulse : I recorded the dumb stuff.
Grain: I joined you in the dumb stuff.
Tango : I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

Impulse , teaching Grain to drive: Okay, you're driving and Tango  and Zed walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Grain: Oh, definitely Zed. I could never hurt Tango .
Impulse , massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Zed: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
Impulse : I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Grain: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
Tango : I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Grain, doesn't understand English: *flips the board*

Zed: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Impulse : Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
Tango : Wasps?
Grain: Terriers?
Zed: Grain.

Impulse : Are you laughing at that video of Grain and Zed fighting?
Tango : No.
Tango : I'm laughing at the comments.

Tango : Where's Grain?
Impulse : Don't worry, I'll find them.
Impulse , shouting: Zed sucks!
Grain, distantly: Zed is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Impulse : Found them.

*In a horror movie situation*
Tango : I've got no service in my phone here.
Impulse : Shoot, my battery just died.
Zed: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.
Grain: Guys, my phone is a book.

Impulse : Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?
Tango : Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.
Zed: It's like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.
Grain: Rock also defeats baby.

(Causally puts in the same one)
Impulse : Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?
Tango : Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.
Zed: It's like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.
Grain: Rock also defeats baby.

Grain and Zed in the back of Tango 's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!
Impulse : We have food at home.
Tango : *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*
Grain and Zed: YAYYYYYY!
Tango : *orders one black coffee and leaves*

Zed: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Grain: The cow??
Zed: What?
Tango : Grain, W H Y?

Tango : Why are Zed and Grain sitting with their backs to each other?
Impulse : They had a fight.
Tango : Then why are they holding hands?
Impulse : They get sad when they fight.

Zed: Impulse  is taking credit for Grain's work, getting them to deal with everything, and making fun of them! You know what they sounds like?
Tango : You?
Zed: No, I meant... You know Grain. In spite of being clever and sarcastic they're also... fragile and weird and they have trouble fitting in. And Impulse  is taking advantage of their weakness! You know what that's called?
Tango : A Zed?
Zed: ...Yeah, but I'm the only one who should be allowed to do that, okay?!

Grain: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit?
Zed: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move.
Tango : I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit.
Tango : Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks.
Impulse : Are. Are you speaking from experience.
Tango : No!
Tango :
Tango : ....Maybe.

Zed: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Everyone:
Zed: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Impulse : Bonjour.
Tango : Le growl.
Grain: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

Tango : I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!
Zed: You left me, Impulse , and Grain in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.
Tango : I did that on purpose, try again.

Grain: *running into the room* Tango  just said they don't love me anymore!
Zed: What?!
Tango : *following them in* I did not say that. I just said that we are not driving all the way across the country just so you can punch Impulse  in the face.

Zed: Today at 7 am, Tango  poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Grain: I watched Tango  brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm.
Impulse : The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Tango : How do Grain and Zed usually get out of these messes?
Impulse : They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Impulse : So Tango  was just using me?
Zed: I'm sorry, Impulse .
Grain, trying to contain their amusement: You must feel pretty stupid right now.
Impulse :
Zed: Ok, that's a time-out.
Grain: No, I was just trying to-
Zed: Go sit over there!
Grain: *walks away in defeat*

Tango : I just want someone to take me out.
Zed: On a date?
Grain: With a sniper gun?
Impulse : Both if you're not a coward.

Zed: Which country has the most birds?
Zed: Portu-geese!
Tango : That's a language.
Zed: Portu-gull?
Tango : Good recovery.
Impulse : I think you mean good re-dovery.
Grain: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Tango : Is stabbing someone immoral?
Grain: Not if they consent to it.
Zed: Depends on who your stabbing.
Impulse : YES??!!?

Tango : Fight me!
Impulse : Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle?
*Later*
Grain: Why is Impulse  crying?
Zed: Tango  kicked them really hard on the ankle.

Impulse : Grain, I don't like you.
Grain: What did you say?
Impulse : You heard me!
Grain, internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

Tango: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*
Tango: Nah, I'm just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Grain, wearing shades: Rule one of destroying the world.
Grain: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.

Grain: Get in loser, we're going shopping.
Impulse : This is a McDonald's drive thru.

Tango: Hey Grain, I've got an idea for how to solve this.
Grain, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?
Tango: Wh- No! That's not the idea, Grain!

Impulse : You know guys, sometimes I feel like Grain doesn't take me seriously enough.
Zed: "Sometimes"?
Tango: "Enough"?
Impulse :
Tango: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.

Zed: Why is Tango making me do the dishes again? You haven't washed them in a week, Grain!
Grain: It's because I'm Tango's favorite.
Zed: I hate you.

Grain: I wasn't that drunk.
Impulse : You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.
Grain: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

Tango: So, Grain is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Impulse : Why?
Tango: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Grain, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

Zed: You can track Grain?
Tango: Of course I can. If the NSA can do it, so can I.

*Impulse  drunkenly wanders around the house and Tango is drunkenly giggling*
Grain, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Zed.
Zed, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

Zed: Are you busy?
Impulse : No.
Zed: Want to do something?
Impulse : Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Zed, texting Tango: Any plans for tonight?
Tango: No.
Zed: Loser.

Zed: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Tango: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Impulse : A realist sees a freight train.
Grain: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

Zed: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Tango: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Impulse : A realist sees a freight train.
Grain: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

Impulse , watching Tango and Grain panic : What's going on?
Zed: Tango is having a midlife crisis and Grain is just having a crisis.

Tango: Grain, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.
Grain: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

Grain: I just heard Zed call the dog a "fucking liar" because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.