*If Jacob gave a sermon*

Jacob: Once upon a time I ate my dear friend, Miller. I had a manwich if you will. I didn't want to, but you know how self preservation goes. The human body is just so demanding.

*Joseph frantically signaling Jacob to get off the stage*

Jacob: But anyway, Joseph wants me to say something about there being an upcoming apocalypse and whatnot, but I can assure you all that natural selection will wipe you all out before then. Thank you. *drops mic*

John: *starts rapidly clapping*

A/N: I keep reading this in Lucifer's sassy tone.