Avery arrives in Madrid 5 days later, because everything does not go right. In fact, they go extremely wrong.

There are no plane tickets due to severe snowstorms. When she finally finds a last-minute ticket, at 4 am no less, she has to go to Barcelona and stay there for 2 days because there is no way to get to Madrid.

But finally, she is there, in front of Felix's apartment specifically, where she has been standing for the past twenty minutes. A lady with a small child had let her in about fifteen minutes ago and since then she has been waiting for something, anything, as she stood there, right hand resting on the wooden door.

It's mostly calmness, surprisingly, rather than stress that holds her in her place. It is about eight o'clock in the evening and there is one constant sentiment coursing through her mind and body. One solid sentence, and understanding that this is her second chance.

There is no going back after this. Once Felix opens the door, she won't have anything half done, any more regrets, should-have-dones, any more sadness. Things have been shifting and moving and being scattered around. But now that they are almost together, in the same place at the same time, Avery knows they will put everything back together.

And it's not fear that she feels, not anxiety that tells her she should wait. In fact, there is nothing for several minutes. Just her, savoring the moment.

There is the sound of music, coming from inside the apartment. Avery wonders if she is imagining the faintest hint of Felix's voice, humming along. Like he used to do in her house, lying on the couch.

He is right there. Just behind the door.

She knocks on the door, twice, softly. First, there is nothing, then, there are footsteps approaching and then the sound the door handle makes. That split second just before the door is completely open and they see each other.

Then he is right there. Standing there, with a white shirt and dark sweatpants, as if he is home. He looks -

Incredible? Otherworldly? Soft and beautiful and warm and the prettiest person in the whole world?

Also, shocked. He stares at Avery with immense surprise, she hopes that it's mostly good. But she is equally shocked, if not more. She can't help but take a tiny step towards him, lifting her hand up only to freeze mid-way.

"Your hair..." she can only whisper. The music trickles out into the hallway, but it feels as if the time is stretching and sticky, so she can't hear anything other than the humming in her ears. Everything sounds far away, behind stained glass.

Except for Felix, that is.

He opens and closes his mouth, reaching a hand and running it through his hair instinctively, second nature.

"I wanted a change," he says and it is heavenly to hear his voice again. That low, sweet voice, soft as ever.

His hair is much shorter than it was. It hurts to see him after so long, Avery wants to sit him down and memorize everything. Every cell, every twitch of his lips, every centimeter of his skin.

He takes a step back, and mutters "Come in," smiling.

She walks inside, feeling so awkward all of a sudden. What is she supposed to say? Where to begin? How to say what she's been wanting to say?

"This is nice," she says instead, voice every bit unsure as she feels. "Nice place."

Felix stares at her while they both stand in the middle of the living room.

"You didn't expect to see me?" she asks.

Felix shakes his head, huffing out an amused laugh.

"I couldn't wait," she says, "I just wanted to see you, I missed you so much and I wanted to hear y -" she doesn't get to finish that sentence, which is a good thing as she was tearing up already, because Felix is there in a split second, enveloping her in a passionate hug.

She wraps her arms around him and breathes in his scent. It feels like he has been gone for decades, instead of a few months. Last year this time, they weren't even friends.

But now, in a flat in Madrid, it seems impossible that there could be life without Felix. His warmth and softness, the way he smells.

"I missed you so much," she says again, this time in a whisper. "I miss you all the time."

He holds her even closer. Like he used to, what feels like a lifetime ago.

Eventually, Felix mumbles something about tea and disappears into the kitchen, returning after 5 minutes with a fancy tea set.

"You look great, Felix," she says tentatively, the tension between them feels too delicate to be disturbed.

Felix keeps his eyes down on his tea, but his lips quirk upwards slowly, slightly. "You too," he says quietly after a few seconds.

"I should have told you I was coming -"

"No no!" He turns to her quickly, eyes wide open, "It's okay, I was actually waiting - I mean - waiting for you to come here - not here like this apartment - just in general - to Spain and - and..." he slows to a stop, full on smiling now. "What?"

He shakes his head slowly in that way that he does, when he is smiling so much and a little embarrassed. Avery is also smiling so wide, unable to help herself.

"Nothing. It's good to see you."

"You too," he says, looking at her with so much honesty and intensity, she feels like suffocating. He looks away quickly, running his hands through his hair again.

"When did you cut your hair?"

"After Paris. I just felt different. And I thought I would regret it, but I don't actually. Feels a bit different though," he ends unsurely.

"It is."

They sit silently for a while; the music stops eventually and it is both awkward and calming. The last time they saw each other was a disaster. But also she is so happy, it feels uncontainable. It overcomes the awkwardness. She can't keep her eyes off of Felix, though she tries.

"I should go," she says eventually. They're not going to be able to talk tonight, both of them overwhelmed and too shy.

At the door they make plans for tomorrow and without a hug or a kiss, Avery takes the steps outside.

*

The next morning, Avery picks Felix up from his apartment and together they walk to this small cafe a few blocks away. They talk about the weather, and what Felix has done in Madrid so far, or what he would like to do, what has been his favorite part so far. By the time they have ordered their iced coffees and settled in their table outside, it feels like they have exhausted all topics of small talk.

"So..." Avery starts, unsure. Maybe Felix doesn't want to hear it. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. He just wants to forget about it and move on.

"I guess I just want to say I'm sorry, about everything," she starts slowly, watching him for a sign.

Felix shakes his head, looking down at his hands playing with the end of his shirt, then looks back up.

"Thank you, but it's - I mean we talked about everything, didn't we? You don't have to say sorry -"

"But I do," she cuts him off, "We have to talk about things -"

"Well then let me," he sighs. "I'm sorry too, for not telling you everything. For not reassuring you even though I knew what you thought would happen once the summer was over. I'm sorry I left that night, I'm sorry I didn't tell you why I had to go on that stupid vacation in the first place. I spent days thinking how I could have done things differently. But at the same time, I know I couldn't have. The person that I was last summer, he couldn't have done anything differently, and I'm sorry."

Avery listens, avoiding eye contact.

Felix sounds stable. Calm and grounded.

Avery feels the need to apologize again. She has been thinking about everything for months, waiting for this moment.

"I'm sorry I treated you badly, and got it all wrong."

It's not enough but Avery reckons they will have time. She hopes there will be enough time to say everything.

Felix smiles from across the table. "Can we be done with apologies now?"

"Yeah," she smiles back. He is so beautiful, just shining under the winter sun and looking bashful everytime their eyes meet. But..

"But we have to talk about stuff, right? Not like before. I don't want to lose you again -"

Too much, she thinks, or is it not enough? Everything she says feels wrong somehow, either too honest or inadequate.

Felix beams, "You won't."

The whole moment feels small somehow, she expected it to be more than this, something monumental, earth shattering. But it's just awkward. And quiet. Small.

Afterwards Felix wants to show her the places he likes, and Avery accepts with tremendous relief.

They both ramble endlessly, Avery's cheeks hurt from smiling so much even though nothing is that funny. Just being next to Felix and hearing his voice is enough.

Avery wonders how she was able to be in close proximity to this person for months and even cuddle him on more than one occasion with ease. Now everything feels too much.

"You are an excellent tour guide, Felix. I've never been here and now I feel like I know everything. Like your favorite street and your favorite tree and your favorite train stop and -"

Felix cackles next to her, "All you need to know."

*

The next morning is spent at the Sorolla Museum. Later they find a cozy restaurant and have a long lunch. Felix seems thoughtful the whole time, which is understandable.

Once they place their order and start waiting, Avery knows by his fidgeting that he is about to talk.

"I don't know what I should tell you."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, I want to tell you stuff, but what if you don't want to hear it -"

Oh.

"I want to hear everything you want to tell me."

Felix leans back, breathes deeply for a few minutes, his expression unreadable. Avery can hear how loud he is thinking.

"I don't know exactly what my mom told you -"

"Doesn't matter."

"But it does! You know what happened now, God knows what everybody is saying behind my back."

"Just so you know Felix, people are always saying shit behind your back, and mine too. And everybody else actually. Doesn't mean anything."

"It does when you believe them."

Avery sits there, stunned. And Felix doesn't even look away. He stares at her, daring her to deny it. He looks hurt more than pissed.

"I did," she says after many minutes. There is no point denying it, not that she wants to, if they are supposed to move on.

"I believed them. Because it was easier. If you were fake and shallow I didn't have to care about you. And I was also jealous of you, how life seemed to be so much better for you. I could freely hate this version of you. But this is different."

She shakes her head, "I just thought you didn't tell me you were in love with him and you were getting back together. Then I went to talk to your mom, to ask for your number, and she invited me in and told me all this stuff."

Felix stares at her without moving. He sighs, then does the most shocking thing, which is reaching out and holding Avery's hand. It lasts for about five seconds before he is back to fidgeting but it's more than enough.

"It feels terrible," Felix says finally, "because I can't control anything and don't know what they are saying, I don't even want to know. And my mom... She always blamed me for it. I know I should have known better, I know we kept moving because of me. I don't know what to do. Some days she's so understanding and before I know it she says something mean and untrue."

He looks sad, and Avery wants to say I know. I probably know better than most people.

"Felix. I get it. Because my mom was the same."

Felix stops moving.

"But it doesn't matter what she thinks or how she feels about all this. I know it's hard, and obviously it makes you sad. But it doesn't mean she is right."

"You don't talk to your mom anymore," Felix says.

"I don't talk to anyone anymore."

Felix looks at her with furrowed eyebrows, "What about your friends, like from school?"

Avery only shrugs. "Didn't have any friends."

"How?"

"I just didn't. I was different back then."

Felix doesn't ask more. Avery knows she will have to talk about that part of her life soon but she puts it off.

They finish their food and walk around for hours before they get tired and Avery invites him to her apartment.

Felix makes himself at home, like he always used to, settling comfortably on the sofa. It is so familiar, so warm.

Later that evening Avery asks him if Madrid is everything he hoped for. He is quiet for a long time, then he nods with a smile.