A/N: So sorry for late update. I always got the same excuses lol but it's haaaard. I'll keep pumping out the next chapter now and hopefully release another one in the next couple of hours before i fall asleep. I gotta make up for my lost time. But it's less edited than even before. I'm honestly not even sure about this chapter at all but i needed to get something out there.

Hope you still stick with us <3 

Please enjoy and def please leave a comment/vote if you do 

* * * 

As dusk turned to dawn, the clouds produced an unrelenting, unforgiving wind and rainfall that torrented against the windows. I spent a lot of time curled into Chanyeol's bed on the side that he slept last night, thinking about the distance he had put between us. Since today was busy, I barely had time to reflect on many of the moments that came about during the night. A lingering silence had ensued between us as Chanyeol turned to face the cupboard, laying as close to the edge as possible. All I had wanted was to close that space and bury myself against him, but that would have been too much for him.

And then today, from morning and until the moment he left to his work function, he had not made any attempts to approach me. He did not kiss nor hold me again. Now and then, the reality of our situation would begin to slowly sink in, but then I'd brush it aside because too many emotions would only allow a headache to fester.

The picture of a smiling and gentle Jaemin popped in my mind, and I realized that I had not contacted her in more than a day. Had I even responded about my medication? I was so caught up in my pursuit of Chanyeol that I had neglected to think about other people who cared for me. I went to Chanyeol's room and wrapped myself in one of his thick and warm night gowns before retrieving my phone and settling back down on the couch. I snuggled down and phoned Jaemin.

"Haneul?" she answered after the fourth ring. "Haneul, are you doing fine?"

"Hi Jaemin," I answered, unable to help but smile that that was her first concern. "Yes, I'm fine. And how are you all doing?"

"We're the same," she said. "Did you see my text message? That there is an earlier neurology appointment available at eight-fifteen tomorrow morning. They'll check that your brain is fine, and you will be able to ask questions to get an idea about amnesia."

"Oh?" I said, pulling my phone down and looking at the screen. I could see the text message icon had a tiny number two appear above it. Quickly opening it, I could see that she had in fact messaged me and that I had been too caught up today to notice it. "I had not seen it, but I would like to attend."

"Okay," she said. "Dr. Sai is due back for his rounds shortly so I will pass that on then and make sure you can still be scheduled in since this invitation was from last night."

"Ah, I apologize," I said. "I was never good at remembering my phone even before I ended up like this." There was never a need because Chanyeol was always by my side.

"I understand," she said. "You can come straight to Jung-ho's room if you get here early."

"Thank you," I said.

She quieted for a moment. "I trust you have shelter right now," she said, contemplatively. "Be safe in this storm and remember to let us know as soon as you need a place to stay. Our offer remains."

"Thank you," I said again. "Be safe and have a good night."

We ended the call and I brought up the messages. There was one from her, but there was also one from an unknown number that had not been sent too long ago. Only in the past ten minutes. I opened it and read the words: take me home, I'm drunk. Grand Hyatt S. My heartrate picked up. Was it possible that this could be Chanyeol? I wondered how he could have gotten this number. Maybe at the police station, or perhaps he had searched for it through this phone. Chanyeol appeared capable of many things, and finding a number seemed to be the least of them.

Even though I felt so despairingly nervous that I was somehow wrong, and that this text perhaps was a result of a misdial or prank text, I could not afford to sit and ponder. I got up and pulled the red cardigan on before covering it up with a jacket bought for me by Jaemin and Jung-ho. I stuffed my wallet into the jacket pocket before slipping on some running shoes and heading out the door. I tried using the elevator to see if I could go down without a card, but it would not move. I groaned and exited again, hurrying down the emergency stairs as quickly but cautiously as I could.

The rain was torrential when I reached the landing and looking out the glass doors. I almost couldn't see the lights of passing cars in the dark, nor the bodies of people walking directly passed the building this time of night. "Mr. Bom!" a female voice called out. "Please contact us next time so we can allow you through the elevator rather than those stairs."

Right before exiting the doors, I turned to see the receptionist standing at looking at me with concern. I looked at her, shoulders heaving while I tried to catch my breath. With a throat too dry to respond, I could only show acknowledgement through a quick bow before continuing through the doors. There were no taxis in my immediate line of sight, so with no choice but to run, I waited for the road to clear of traffic before sprinting into the pouring rain.

Feeling a hot rush of adrenaline running through me, I anticipated Chanyeol's expression upon seeing me and ran with reckless abandon. Approaching cars veered and beeped their horns as I crossed roads, pedestrians swore and stumbled sideways as I shoved past them. In just a few more minutes, I was standing outside the prestigious hotel doors staring into the lobby.

There were many patrons entering or exiting the elevators or perusing up and down the spiral staircase. I was so dizzy and out of breath that I struggled to think straight, but I knew that I had to reach Chanyeol no matter what. He was waiting for me. Although I was wearing a long and thick coat, tightly wrapped around me so that it hid most of Chanyeol's cardigan I was wearing, water still trickled down and drenched the clothes beneath. Standing here panting for too long made me cold. Mustering up the courage, I took deep steady breaths and entered inside.

The clothes I wore looked highly respectable so I knew my presence shouldn't draw too much suspicion; but seeing the patrons with their proud and dignified air and unmatched elegance, I still felt somewhat out of place. The front desk clerks stood impeccably straight behind large marble desks, with their hair pinned back and a bow neatly tied below their neck. As I approached one, she greeted me with a courteous bow.

"Good evening," she said. "Do you have a reservation?"

"No," I said, still breathless as I glanced around for signs that might hint at his location. "I came to pick somebody up on their request. Chanyeol Han, that is."

"Oh?" the clerk said. "Could you be referring to our regular, Mr. Han?"

"Perhaps," I said. "I imagine he might be at the restaurant because he went to a work function."

"I do believe that to be the case," she said thoughtfully, but seemed to recognize somebody behind me and put up her hand. With the expectation to find Chanyeol there, I shot around to face him, but was disappointed to be faced with a concierge who had her arm up in return. "Ms. Li might be able to verify as she is in charge of that area today."

The concierge came over to join us, taking to the clerk's side behind the desk. The clerk went ahead and asked about Chanyeol's whereabouts on my behalf, but as their conversation took a very subtle turn, it became evident that they quickly forgot my request. Meanwhile, two patrons stumbled out of an elevator. The staff were sidetracked but immediately quieted and bowed as the patrons approached. One of them brushed against me with enough strength to almost topple me over.

I looked up at the man, dumbfounded by the sight of Chanyeol swaying against me and somebody else. His body was too large, blocking whomever leisurely had his arm around Chanyeol's waist. The clerk looked at me with acknowledgement, as if to say here he is, the one you are looking for. Yet just as she opened her mouth to speak, he spoke over, causing her to seal her lips tight.

"A room for two for the night," he said. "Thank you."

"Of course, Mr. Han," she said, glancing at me apologetically. "Would you like your usual executive suite on level sixteen? It is currently available."

Chanyeol had a regular hotel suite he frequented with guests? Was that because he did not allow anybody else but me inside his home? Perhaps that was because it was once also my home.

"An even better one," he said, causing a rise of palpitations to awaken in my chest. "The best one you have. I plan to make this a special night."

"Of course, Mr. Han," she said, glancing at me again as if to check my reaction. When I offered nothing but silence, watching her eyes because I was too afraid to face the pain of looking at Chanyeol, she looked to her screen and tapped away on the keyboard.

"No, his usual suite is fine," I heard who I thought must be his secretary. His voice sounded familiar.

Chanyeol led his secretary back towards the elevator. He practiced no discretion as he had his arm wrapped around Mr. Kim's shoulders, holding him with the same kind of affection he once showed me. Then as they entered inside, Chanyeol pressed Mr. Kim against the mirrored elevator wall and started running his lips down his neck. The doors hadn't even closed yet. It was hard to make sense of what I was seeing. Was this right? I looked at the clerk who offered nothing more than a light but sympathetic shrug.

"It appears he no longer needs a ride," she said tactfully, almost as if to apologize on his behalf. "I see you are drenched with rain. Would you like for us to call you a driver?"

I looked back at the elevator as the doors closed, where my lover was no longer in sight. An unbearable pressure accumulated in the pit of my stomach, causing a titanic sinking feeling. My palpitations only elevated until I almost forgot how to breathe. This was something I had suspected, or rather, that I had known all along. But to see it with my own two eyes...

"No," I said, looking back at the clerk. "No, thank you."

She fiddled with her fingers with uncertainty, but dutifully bowed alongside the concierge. "Then I wish you a good night and good health."

I returned the gesture and turned back out the doors. Back into the wet, back into the cold. This time, there was no race. There was no urgency to make it back. It was fine if I wandered through the rain for a little while because I'd rather feel discomfort of the cold than the crushing reality I witnessed before my own eyes. The pain in my heart made it difficult to breathe, making me feel suffocated. Discarded.

After hours passed of wondering idly through an almost empty city, accompanied only by the wind and rain, I finally returned to Chanyeol's apartment. The receptionists stood to greet me again, but I could not turn my head to face them.

"We will let you into the elevator," one of them called out.

However, I had no energy to stand and wait. Doing so would exhaust me, forcing me to shoulder every thought and feeling that only unrelenting exercise could shed off. Rather than answering, I continued towards the stairs and forced my way up. My body felt frozen; my feet sloshed in my shoes so much that I kept slipping up every step. My head pounded until it was ready to burst, while my heart did much the same.

How could it be like this?

After a slow and painful journey up the emergency stairs, I reached Chanyeol's suite. I tapped my birthday digits into his electronic keypad and listened to the door click open. When I entered inside, I could see by the way the room lit up that the lightning had started up again. I approached the window and touched the glass, looking at the city lights and the angry black sky.

How could pain and misery look so beautiful? I looked down and felt an unfamiliar sense of fear from being at this height. I stood staring out the window, panting and heaving as my head grew hot and light. I'd exerted too much energy and was too reckless with my body. I felt myself sway. My body felt like it was leaving itself, as if I were having an out of body experience, seeing myself from above. If I were to burst through the constraints of this room, I felt like I would fall into the sky.

There, I prayed, I might be met with a peaceful and inevitable slumber.