Vrishaketu felt uncomfortable. Highly uncomfortable.

First of all he could not believe that he had voluntarily asked to speak with Prince Arjun. What had gotten into him?!

Now he balked at his past self's actions but he had been so desperate to know why Prince Arjun would not stop trying to talk to him and desperation had overridden common sense.

Now that he knew.... well.

He felt awkward and self-conscious. 

Apparently he reminded Prince Arjun of his dead son. What on Earth had he been supposed to say to that?! So he had just awkwardly patted the man(he still could not believe he had done that) and got out of there as quickly as he could.

Vrishaketu didn't really like the idea of being compared to the dead Maharathi. Not only was he sure that he would never measure up to Abhimanyu, but if Uttara ever heard of it, things might get awkward and that was the last thing he wanted.

And he might surprisingly enough not loathe every pore of Prince Arjun anymore but he certainly didn't want the man to go around looking for the ghost of his son in Vrishaketu. That might lead to the build up of certain expectations and.... well..... Prince Arjun had assured him there was nothing of that sort but still....

And now Vrishaketu felt bad for the man!

He would have wondered if this was something that Prince Arjun might have said to gain his favour, but there was simply no reason for that. And he didn't think even the worst sort of person would do that if they had actually loved their son.

But now he didn't know how to act. This made him want to avoid Prince Arjun even more than before but doing so after the man had disclosed such a personal thing to him felt.... a bit not good.

Ugh everything was so exhausting!

He kind of really hated Uttara for locking him up with Prince Arjun. If not for that, he could have gone on completely despising the man in peace. Now he was stuck with all sorts of complications.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Vrishaketu had been all huffy and awkward for the past week. More so than usual. Something to do with Arjun again but this time he hadn't disclosed the details to Vrushali.

She wasn't sure why but she supposed it was truly serious he would tell her, so she wasn't very concerned.

They had to prepare to go back to Anga again anyway after one week instead of two this time to start the preparations of the Kingdom wide Vishwakarma Puja.

Part of her had doubts on whether a major festival should be celebrated less than six months since the war had ended and the other part of her said that as much as all of them grieved everyday, if they wanted to continue living they would have to attempt to at least carve out moments for themselves where they could feel something other than pain and when they could smile thinking of their lost loved ones.

And what better opportunity to do that than the upcoming Vishwakarma Puja? Every year since Vasusena had become King, Vishwakarma Puja and Chhatt Puja had been celebrated in Anga with great pomp and she was certain that every family had happy memories associated with those.

Vrushali knew that there was a chance of it backfiring, that instead of bringing forth the happy memories it could amplify the sense of loss for them all, but as Maharani she had to take a step, any step, to attempt to help her people heal. To...to attempt to help herself heal.

And Vishwakarma Puja was the one time Radha Ma and Adhirat Baba always visited Anga with their other friends and neighbours. She had no intention of letting that change.

Thankfully enough her in laws had not put up a fight about coming to Anga and agreed to invite their friends and Adhirat Baba's old colleagues as usual as well too. It was easier than she had expected because she knew that one of the major reasons the old couple had avoided going to Anga even once since the war had ended was because everything in the Kingdom screamed of it's King. 

But she supposed that was the beauty of traditions. They made you want to stick to even during hard time and could even bring some amount of comfort. This thing might work after all. 

She thought that along with the Kuru Widows, she would invite Mata Gandhari and Tatshree Dhitarashtra as well. They could tell her if they thought it was a good idea or not after having ruled for so long.

Vrushali was still never certain if her decisions would be right for her Kingdom. She wasn't born to be a Queen after all. All her life she had thought that Karna had adjusted to the Royal life and ruling very quickly but now it turned out that he had been born to be an Emperor.

She mentally shook herself. She knew that birth had nothing to do with these things better than anyone, it was everything to do with your experiences, values, personality, strength of character, leadership abilities and that all of those were imbibed by how you were brought up and yet.... 

For some reason, despite everything, since learning of her husband's true heritage, Vrushali had occasionally felt doubt creep up on her..... had she ever been good enough for him? She knew that birth did not matter and yet now she could not help but wonder if she was fit to be Queen or his wife.

She sighed. These were useless ponderings and she had no business feeling insecure at this point, when she had already been Queen for three decades. And as for being his wife... Well he had asked her to marry him and they had fallen for each other even as teenagers and rekindled that flame later after he had returned from Gurukul, so....

She would have to believe that she was making the right decision. If it backfired.... if they all drowned in memories of loss rather than soaring in the memories of past joy on the festival... well that feeling was nothing new, was it? But they had to start somewhere.

She had sent Vrishaketu off to tell the servants to arrange his things and inform Uttara of their early departure despite their late arrival and was sure that he would be slightly grumbly when he came back.

Suddenly a maid stepped into her chambers and bowed.

"Angarani, Rajkumar Arjun wishes for permission to speak with you."

Vrushali was taken aback. Arjun? Speak with her?

"Let him in." She told the maid, pursing her lips. What did Arjun want with her now?

Hesitantly, Arjun stepped into the room.

"Pranipat Angarani." He said, folding his hands.

"Pranipat. What is it that I can do for you Arjun?" Vrushali asked. 

She tried not to sound curt and succeeded for the most part but no matter what she told Vrishaketu and how much she knew it was not right to judge someone based on the War, it was still hard to look at the man who had killed her beloved husband and three of her sons.

She had had one conversation with Arjun before and back then she had been too busy worrying about Vrishaketu's disappearance to pay attention to anything else and Arjun had been willing to help. Now she almost could not bear to look at him but she forced herself to get over the initial aversion and be steady.

"Nothing." Arjun assured her, sitting down across her. "Or, well...." he trailed off, biting his lip.

"Go on." She gestured impatiently. 

Arjun took a deep breath. "We're into the month of Bhadra and Samrat Yudhishtir sent me to ask--that is, we were wondering if you and Vrishaketu and... Adhirat Mahoday and Radha Mahodaya if they so wish.... would do us the honour of joining us in Indraprastha in two weeks for celebrating the Vishwakarma Puja?"

Wait, what?

Vrushali's eyebrows shot up to her hairline and Arjun hurried to explain.

"Well you see, it was Bhagwan Vishwakarma who built most of Indraprastha for us upon my father Indra's request. So it's kind of a big deal for us."

"I'm afraid I must decline your invitation on all our parts." Vrushali told him and watched his face fall. A petty part of her wanted to leave it at that and provide him no reason or explanation but that wouldn't be right.

"Well we must return to Anga sooner than usual this time to prepare for our own celebration of the Vishwakarma Puja."

At least she supposed if Yudhishtir, who was supposed to be a great Samrat, thought that a celebration now was a good idea, she wasn't completely off track. Though..... she was not quite certain about his judgement given that he had gambled his kingdom, brothers and wife away, she was sure that all of them must have been involved in the decision and she was sure that Panchali was sensible, so.

She supposed this would also mean that Rajmata and Rajpita would be attending the Festival in Indraprastha.

"Oh!" Arjun said. "I didn't know it was such a big thing for Anga as well!"

"Vishwakarma is the God of Architecture as well as Vehicles." She said dryly. "He is one of the patron Gods of the Sutas."

"Ah, right!" Arjun said and then sat in awkward silence.

"So.... we won't be going." Vrushali repeated again.

"Right, yes." Arjun cleared his throat. Then he stared at her intensely, seemingly immersed in some deep thought.

Just as she was starting to get uncomfortable and was going to call him out on it, he blurted out, "Can I come with you lot?" and then instantly looked horrified.

Vrushali blinked and once the words registered, gaped in shock.

"Are you serious?!"

"Uh-" Arjun tried to backtrack, "I shouldn't have presumed, I'm sorry--"

"Why on Earth would you want to attend the festival in our Kingdom rather than yours?!"

They stared at each other.

"You've not been to Indraprastha in thirteen years." Vrushali said softly.

"I haven't been to Anga in fifty three years." Arjun shot back and then flushed at her raised eyebrows.

"I can go to Indraprastha whenever I want." Arjun said dismissively. "Besides, I have, in fact gone there twice after the war. It's doing well and besides, between all my brothers, Panchali, Subhadra, Yuyutsu and Maduri, the preparations will be managed perfectly in my absence as well."

Vrushali hid a wince at the mention of Yuyutsu and Maduri(They were never mentioned in the Widow's Wing and Maduri's presence was conspicuous by her absence) and said, "That's all well and good, but why do you want to come to our Kingdom?"

"I like visiting new places!" Arjun mumbled defensively and she gave him a deadpan look.

Arjun sighed. Then he folded his hands and bent his head low enough that his chin touched his chest.

"What-what are you doing?!" she asked.

"Bowing my head and apologising."

"You've apologised enough to my son!"

"But not to you."

Arjun looked up at her beseechingly.

"Vrishaketu has pointed this out before and it is true. If I didn't know about Angaraaj's true birth, I would not have felt this regret about killing your husband and sons. In retrospect that seems terrible and makes this apology seem cheap, but I promise you its not. I mean it from the bottom of my heart and I wish desperately and we had known the truth before everything so it could all have been changed for the better."

Vrushali pursed her lips. "I believe you." She said quietly. "But it doesn't change anything."

"I know." Arjun said, looking greatly pained. "But... I want to... do something, anything, to attempt to express my regret, to show that I care and so even though he is not here anymore, because of me, I... I want to get to know to my br--brother."

His voice cracked on the last word.

"So you--you want to come to Anga to see the Kingdom he built?" Vrushali asked softly.

"Yes. If you would allow it."

She sighed. "I've never had a problem with anyone, no matter who they might be, coming to our Kingdom as long as they mean no harm. But... Vrishaketu might not be very happy."

"I know that." Arjun said. "In fact, Uttara had suggested that we go to Anga because of your delayed arrival this time but I told her that you would probably not appreciate us showing up unannounced."

Vrushali snorted. "No, I probably wouldn't have."

"Well yes, but another reason I declined was that I was sure Vrishaketu would not appreciate my presence. But recently..." Arjun hesitated. "Recently, Vrishaketu has been... more... forgiving that I could have ever expected. In fact he has even attempted to comfort me, even though the attempt itself was awkward." He smiled, thinking of whatever must have transpired.

This last bit was news to Vrushali though.

"So you think that now he might not mind so much if you came along now?" She guessed.

"Yes! Especially if I was only accompanying Uttara!"

"Arjun, I'm hoping that this celebration might be able to bring some brief joy into my people's life by allowing them to relive the happy memories they had with they lost loved ones--" She broke off seeing Arjun nod vigorously. 

"Instead of only staying immersed in grief despite the fact that you have misgivings about it backfiring?" Arjun laughed at Vrushali's expression. "Well, we had similar discussions, you know."

Vrushali did not smile. "My people might not be very happy to have you in the Kingdom during the Festival. They don't hate you because everybody knows of the injustice you all have faced, but Arjun... they had grown to love their King. And you... killed him."

Arjun's face fell but he only sighed. "I think that on some level, the people of almost all the Kingdoms resent us to some extent, because we survived while their loved ones and their rulers didn't. We faced resentment even in Hastinapur and it's the Kingdom we grew up in. It has reduced now, but it still lingers. But if you still allow me to visit your Kingdom once so I might know something of my brother's world, I promise you that I will do my best to not appear in front of your people, Maharani."

He wanted to get to know more about his dead brother? Fine, she could understand that. But Vrushali still could not understand his desperation. He would never get to see her Radheya again or talk to him because he had killed him. He could learn about him from word of mouth. Why want to feel him, when while Arjun could get to know about him, he would never get to know him?

But she did not voice any of her confused and muddled thoughts that she herself had trouble understanding.

 "Are you sure Uttara would not rather attend the celebrations in Indraprastha though?"

"I'm sure she would much rather spend time with Vrishaketu, honestly." Arjun said with a smile. "But I will ask her."

"And what about your brothers? Your wives? Won't they be upset?"

"I'll convince them." Arjun said stubbornly.

There was a brief silence.

"Fine, then." She sighed and watched as the younger man's face brightened.

"Thank you!" He said.

She wanted to be irritated at his insistence but.... when someone was trying so hard to make amends... when someone was doing it because they actually felt bad and actually cared instead of it just being for the sake of Dharma.... well, you couldn't really stay truly irritated at them for trying, could you?

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Okay, so despite the fact that I was worried about the last two chaps being a bit too fast on the character development, I was actually really happy with then. The last one might be my fav chap in this fic so far. 

That is however.... not the case with this chap. I am truly worried about this lol. Did I put too much emphasis on something as insignificant as Vishwakarma puja? Did I express Vrushali's thoughts clearly enough? Too much insistence on Arjun wanting to go to Anga?

Also, its my birthday today and all of you reading this fic and been a HUGE GIFT for me this whole time so I post this chapter again today as a return gift lol. Sorry if that statement didn't make sense lol.