Arjun stood in front of the chambers that had been given to Radha and Adhirat Sushen, with his heart hammering in his throat and feeling like he was going to throw up.

He knocked on the door with a trembling hand.

"Come in." Radha called out.

Arjun opened the door, feeling like he was entering a forbidden place. For the first time he properly took in the old couple who he had only glimpsed with Karna sometimes.

The old woman gasped upon seeing him and shot to her feet immediately. Her husband got up at a more sedate pace and placed a hand on her shoulder as if to calm her.

"What can we do for you Rajkumar?" Adhirat asked.

Arjun awkwardly took a seat across from them and bit his lips. He couldn't understand what to say, how to speak. He didn't even understand how to address the couple standing in front of him. Usually people who were so much older were addressed as Mata or Baba with respect, but he couldn't help but feel that it might be highly inappropriate on this occasion, considering.... well.... everything.

He decided to try avoiding addressing them as anything at all.

He opened and closed his mouth, feeling like a fish but unable to vocalise any words. Radha stared at him rather intensely and Arjun found himself unable to hold her gaze.

"I--I just...I wanted to... to apologise." He somehow managed to choke out.

When no response was forthcoming, suddenly he found words bubbling over in his desperation. 

"I am really, really sorry, about--about everything and I know that apologies do absolutely nothing but-- you have to believe me-- I did not know-- I didn't, if I had I would have never-- "

Adhirat raised a hand to cut off his babbling.

"Are you offering personal apologies to all those parents who have lost their children in the war?"

Arjun blinked. "I-- no that's... not really possible--"

"Then to the families of all the war generals?"

"No--"

"Then why offer it to us? We are not special."

Arjun stared at them.

"You know why. You know." He said, voice cracking.

Radha finally spoke. "Would you have come and apologised to us if my Radheya had not turned out to be your eldest brother?"

Arjun felt silent. That question again. He had been wondering that himself, since he realised that Bhrata Bheema didn't regret killing their cousins like he did the King of Anga.

"I don't know." He admitted honestly. "I would like to think that I might have, but in reality, probably not." It shamed him, but it was true.

"Then don't apologise now. It won't mean anything if you wouldn't have done it without the knowledge you have now. What you have come to know after the war... well. You did not know it during the war. You killed your enemy, even though.... it wasn't quite fairly..." she clearly couldn't help but add, but that was only understandable and after all, the truth. Arjun wished the ground would swallow him up.

Adhirat picked up where his wife had trailed off. "You killed our son who was your greatest enemy on the battlefield. You also killed our grandsons who were your enemy as well. If you wouldn't have apologised for killing your enemies, then don't come apologise now, simply because you have the knowledge that they were your brother and nephews."

"But that makes all the difference!" Arjun burst out. How could they not understand?!?!

"You do not owe us an apology for killing our son because you didn't know he was your brother, unlike with your cousins' parents and wives because you knew they were your family. That was not the case with Vasu."

Arjun shook his head, helplessly. 

"Yes, I didn't know. If I had, such a thing would have never happened! But now that I do, how can I not apologise?!"

There was a pause as husband and wife seemed to speak to each other without words.

"What do you know about Vasusen?" Radha asked. 

"What?" Arjun asked, baffled.

"What do you know about him? And I don't mean that he was a great warrior or something like that. What do you really know about him? About what kind of person he was?"

Right. As his interactions Vrishaketu had already made it clear, Arjun didn't know that.

"He was generous." Arjun said, going with the most obvious one. "He was brave. He was... kind?"

Radha snorted and Adhirat  shook his head in seeming exasperation.

"You know nothing." Radha said bluntly. "You could have just said that. But the whole point of this was to make you realise how much the knowledge that he was your brother has affected you even though he was not really your brother."

"He was!" Arjun protested, unbearably stung by the statement for some reason.

"He could have been. But he wasn't given the opportunity to. He didn't know it till it was too late. None of you did. Not that that's your fault." She added, her eyes briefly hardening. Arjun felt like there was some shade directed towards his mother, but... he could hardly defend her in this case.

"As it was, he wasn't really your brother in anything but blood. It's understandable to feel upset of course, but you don't owe us an apology."

"I do." Arjun did not understand what they meant, he really didn't. 

"We wouldn't know what to do with it." Adhirat admitted. "We wouldn't be able to forgive you in any case." Arjun felt his heart drop and the blunt words but the old man continued. 

"And besides, we are common people Rajkumar. We weren't involved in this war just like none of the families of all the soldiers were. We had nothing to gain from this war, only to lose. The only difference is that unlike all those other families in the Kingdom, our son was a general and a King and our grandsons, Princes as they should have been, the way it has turned out. But we are and always have been commoners and we don't know what to do with an apology from a royal who is not our son or grandson."

Arjun had never thought of it that way. Of how so many people who had had nothing to do with them or had nothing to gain with this war had been dragged in. It was fairly obvious, after all, since the common soldiers joined the army to earn food for their family, not to gain any riches and nor did they have any kind of connection with the senior officers in the army. And it was the common soldier who died first. It was obvious and yet he hadn't really thought of that because Royals weren't taught to think that way.

As such it was probably unfathomable to commoners to have royalty apologise to them. After all, they usually took everything for granted.

Something else Radha had said came to his mind.

"What did you mean when you said that how the knowledge of your son being my brother has changed me? What could you have possibly learned from my...uh... answer?"

Radha looked at him wryly. "Can't you see it? You started listing all the obvious positive qualities of my son that you knew of."

".....Yes..?"

"You didn't say you didn't know because you hate that you don't know anything about someone who was supposed to be your brother. Would you have cared before you knew the truth?"

Before Arjun could even get the chance to properly register what she had said, she continued, "And if you had been asked before the war, you would have probably listed the negative aspects of him that you knew. You know him now just as much as you knew him before the war. Yet your whole point of view has changed. Simply because you know he was your eldest brother, you only want to see the best parts of him now, despite the fact that he has been party to more of your pain now than before the war."

And she was right, Arjun realised. She was absolutely right. 

He didn't know what to do with that.

He had come here to apologise to the old couple. His apology wasn't really accepted, even though they didn't seem to blame him or hate him and instead, he had somehow learnt more about himself and his inner thoughts from people he had never spoken to before.

Had the King of Anga turned vaguely philosophical sometimes, as well? He wondered. He didn't seem like the type but as it had been established, Arjun knew nothing about him, so.

"I .... I don't know what to say anymore. I came here to apologise but you don't want my apology, you can't forgive me but you don't seem to blame me either and I don't understand what I should do."

"What is there to do?" Adhirat said. "We must trudge on with life as much as we don't want to sometimes."

"How can you not hate the sight of me, though?" Arjun asked again, still baffled. 

"What will be the point?" Adhirat asked simply. "Will we get back our son? Or our grandsons? And besides, it was all this resentment that caused this war."

Arjun wondered how they could be so.... sensible even in the face of such grief. As much as he didn't like to think of it anymore, Karna had been hotheaded, fiery and held grudges for eternity. But his parents..... adopted parents.... were so... calm. He wondered if it was something about the Kuru family that somehow inevitably made them all like ...something.

"But I want to make up for it." Arjun said quietly. "What should I do?"

"Well, there's nothing you can do for us, child." Radha said sadly, addressing him as something other than 'Rajkumar' for first time.

"You're both right. This...this knowledge that the King of Anga was my eldest brother has irrevocably changed something in me. More than it has for my brothers, even the Samrat, I think. I don't know why, but it has. And I feel terribly guilty." He said, looking down. "I need to do something, for myself, if not for anyone else so that...I don't sink into despair."

It was very strange that he had never mentioned this to this brothers or his mother or even his wives and yet here he was, spilling thoughts he hadn't even known to have existed till now, to two virtual strangers.

"Well," Adhirat said, "We know that you have been making an effort with Vrishaketu. That is good of you. Continue doing that."

"That is my responsibility."

"No, don't think of it as a responsibility." Radha warned. "He will know and he will hate you even more. You must be sure that you truly care for him. And you must show him that you truly care for him."

"It will be difficult to make him let go of his ire." Adhirat continued. "It might be entirely impossible to make him completely forgive you, but he might care for you one day. If you achieve that, that will be your greatest success."

"Can you tell me how I might go about that?" Arjun asked pleadingly. 

He wanted more than anything to have Vrishaketu forgive him. He wanted more than anything to have a child to love, if not as a son then as a nephew. He wanted more than anything to get to know some part of his eldest brother. But it seemed that every time he made a venture, something went wrong. It didn't matter that his brothers said that he was the only one of them that Vrishaketu had spoken to properly. He was also the only one of them that Vrishaketu feared.

"I'm afraid we can't help you there." Radha sighed. "It has to come from you."

Arjun nodded. 

"Don't forget about Vrushali." Adhirat added.

Arjun barely hid a wince. Their only interaction so far, while not hostile, hadn't exactly been great.

He got up. "Thank you." He said, meaning it completely. "I had come prepared to apologise, perhaps hear a few insults, but instead you managed to somehow teach me more about myself."

They are a rather astonishing couple, Arjun mused as he left. No wonder they had managed to raise one of the greatest warriors of their time.

Bruh I had been unable to write almost anything in this chapter till yesterday. Then I started yesterday and suddenly this chapter became psychological lmao and became the LONGEST chapter of this fic so far. At some point I lost track and GOD knows what I wrote. PLEASE tell me if some part of it feels too discontinuous or odd, I'll work on it.

I feel like the ending was rather abrupt. If any of you think so and have any advice on how to improve it, please dm me!

But if you do like all this psychology nonsense, please vote and comment!