(Author's Note: If you would wish to listen to Chapter 53 on audio, please click the video. Thank you and enjoy!)

  The entire week I have not seen or heard from Chris and I'm thankful he has left me alone for this long. I spent most of my time going to work, cleaning the house, walking Sadie, and even going to the gym. I knew I couldn't waste my time constantly thinking about Chris or I would have driven myself crazy. 

  The rest of the day is exactly the same: clean, work, walk my dog, and go to the gym. Although smashing my fists into a large red bag repeatedly has helped with my anxiety and has not had me overstressed about Chris. Yeah, my routine sounds boring, doesn't it? 

  Okay, maybe I am in denial. I have been containing my thoughts, for the most part at least, all week. However, it's becoming harder and harder to do so when he keeps creeping his way into my head of him being part of the Mafia, and let's not forget his BDSM lifestyle as well. It was driving me fucking mad and the only way to stop thinking about him was to hit a punching bag or clean.

   By Monday morning, I get a text message from Camille asking if I want to meet her for breakfast. What the heck? It beats staying at home all day and thinking about... him. My thoughts drift off to a place where Chris took me on a date and we would go have breakfast or go see a movie. He would put his arm around me and kiss me on the forehead, telling me that he was proud that I was his.

  Get over it! That man you dream of will never be Chris. He's part of the Mafia! How could you be with a mobster, you crazy idiot? My subconscious shouts, bringing me back to reality, and she's right. How could I be with him knowing what he is? 

   I sigh as I reply back saying, okay, I'll see you in a bit. 

  I take more time to get ready today and Dutch braid my hair before putting it in a ponytail. It's supposed to be cold today, so I wear an oversized black sweater and leggings, then I drape a peacoat over my shoulders. When Camille pulls up, I slip on my black boots, grab my purse, and head out the door. 

  "Holy Moses!" Camile exclaims while sitting down. Her thick black hair is swinging from side to side in its ponytail as she shakes her head.

   "I know right? But the only thing I could think of was to get out of there," I shrug.

   "Then what did you do?'

  "Well, of course, I couldn't really run from that situation, so I told his sister I would go to the ball."

  "This is so huge! I have never been to a ball before. You're such a lucky girl, especially to be going with someone who bought you your own dress."

  Lucky? I wouldn't say that I am anything but lucky; I think to myself as I swirl my fork around my spaghetti and eat some, however, I am not really hungry.

   I couldn't bring myself to tell Camille the real reason why I haven't been socializing with her all week or longer than a week. I know if I told her about Chris being part of the Mafia, I know one of Chris's family members or whoever the hell works for him would have hurt her or worse, have her killed. Not to mention his BDSM lifestyle, although I didn't want to tell her that information since I believe it should only stay between me and Chris. No one needs to know about our lifestyle. Well, his lifestyle, since I do not know if I still want to be a part of that, however, I wish I could tell her the truth. I did tell her about the ball -if I am still going- but I cannot tell her about what is really going on. 

   I know Camile will try to read my expression, so in order for her not to know that something is bothering me, I try my hardest to look happy, but inside I feel torn like someone is ripping every part of the cell in my body and I can't escape my past or what is to become of my future if I decide to be with Chris. 

  "He must be rich, right?" Camille says, bringing me out of my trance.

 "Yeah, I guess so." Of course, he is. His family is the head of the French Mafia and that's how he became so rich; he was born into wealth. But I could care less about his money. I don't want anything to do with it. The only part that concerns me is what type of crimes his family, as well as he, has committed in order to get that much money.

  "You guess so?" She repeats my words. "You have been to his house, and now he's taking you to a ball!" She squeals across the table. 

  "Alright, calm down. It's not a big deal," I brush her off.

    She lets out a long, over-amplified screech. "Not that big of a deal? Are you kidding me? It's a huge deal! I wish I were you." 

  You wouldn't want to be me, Camille. Trust me. I want to say, but I know that would only cause her to want to know the reason behind my words. 

  "Camille?" I ask. 

 "Mhmm?" She hums.

  "Can I ask you something?"

  "Of course, you can. You never have to ask," she says politely.

  "Do you like Chris?" I ask slowly and I'm a little nervous asking her this question because I don't know what she would say. Does she still not trust him? I mean, who can blame her for not trusting Chris? She has every right not to trust him.

     She pushes her lips together in a straight line before asking, "Do you mean do I think he's right for you?"

  "Yeah, plus you never told me why you had let me go with Chris that day at work when I was giving you hints that I did not want to be with him."

  "Are you talking about when he came by at work and said that he was taking you to the Auto shop, and I said to go and have fun with him?" She asks and I nod. "That feels like such a long time ago, I can't believe you still remember that."

  "I have a good memory most of the time," I say honestly. Also, I have been wanting to know that information since before I kissed Chris. Now that I think about it, it's been forever since I wanted to ask this question, and so much has happened since then. All things considered, this information does not seem as important as it used to be.

 "Well, to be honest, I wanted to give Chris a chance and see if he was telling you the truth that he would not hurt you... Has he hurt you?" She turns serious.

  "No," I lie; in fact, he has mentally but never physically.

  "Hmm, are you lying?" Her caramel eyes are looking at me with solicitude and feral at the same time. "You know you can always tell me because if that son of a bitch did hurt you, I'm going-"

  "Camille," I say quickly as I grab her hand to stop her from finishing that sentence. "Everything is okay with me and Chris. In fact... We decided to date each other," I blurt. I mean, I can tell her that we are dating each other, I just can't reveal the other stuff.

 "What?! Really?"

  I giggle. "Yes, really." 

  But I still need to decide if I still want to continue to date him, especially knowing who he is and what his family does for a living. Damn, I wish I could tell Camille about this. At times like this, I need someone to talk to, but I cannot tell anyone, and that's what hurts the most because I have to keep this a secret from everyone I know, even my best friend, who is like my big sister. I never kept anything hidden from Camille, especially something this huge, and I just hate that I have to tell her everything is fine with me when the truth is nothing is fine and life now is complicated.

  I thought my life was already complex, but after meeting Chris, my life feels worse than it did before, and trust me, my life was already fucked up before I met Chris. 

  "Is that why you were asking my opinion to see if I liked him or not?" Camille asks, bringing me back to reality and stopping me from feeling depressed about my life.

  I nod.

  "To tell you the truth, if he treats you right and doesn't hurt you in any way, then I'll like him," she smiles.

 "Do you trust him?" I ask. I have to know what her answer is.

  "Trust him?" She scoffs as she leans back. "To be honest, I can't give you a yes or no answer to that question. I mean, when you first told me about him, I didn't trust him because I thought he was using you, but I still don't really know him all that well enough to believe in him. Only time would tell if I could trust him or not."

  She does make a good point. I mean, I should be able to trust him now that he has told me the truth, right? 

 I am just glad there are no more secrets about him. At least I hope there is nothing else he's still concealing from me. I cannot take any more secrets; my brain already feels overpowered by this information about him being part of the Mafia as well as his BDSM lifestyle. I don't think I can cope if he's keeping something else from me.