(Author's note: If you would like to listen to chapter 36, please click the video. Thank you!)

  It's been five days since I have not spoken to or seen Chris. Although, prior to those five days, we went to the library and all we did was study for the final until we knew the material well enough to get a decent grade, after those few days of studying we haven't spoken. Nevertheless, I'm grateful that he has left me alone and think this through about his world, and what I considered torture from the toys, the ropes, and... the whips. He doesn't think it's torture, instead, he calls it pleasure, but for me, I believe it is torture. I don't understand his world or why he wants me to be a part of it. I will never understand. He can have any other woman he wants, so why has he chosen me? 

    Time away from him has given me room to breathe and gave me space to get some sense together. My life was much more simple before I met Chris, I would read about this type of stuff, but never actually do it. . . Life with him is more exhausting and complex. 

  Well, at least spending time away from him, has also given me time to study more and concentrate on school, especially for this exam tomorrow. I have been sitting here on my bed reading revision notes for about an hour while Sadie sleeps comfortably in her dog bed.

  My brain feels overwhelmed with all the knowledge of reviewing my notes over and over again to make sure I will get a good grade on my exam or at least hope to get an acceptable grade. 

  I close my textbooks and put my notes away and lay on my bed to try to get some sleep. Of course, I can't sleep; I stare at the white ceiling and my thoughts drift to Chris. I keep coming back to Chris's closet and all the erotic things he has in there. Maybe I would be willing to do it for him, and just maybe we will become more than friends, but I think we are more than just friends... I think. My subconscious chimes in, are you crazy? This is the only relationship Chris does; he doesn't do the girlfriend thing, remember? She's right. I shouldn't do it, and I know he will never be my boyfriend, so why do I bother to do this for him? 

 Nonetheless, I want him and I'm convinced he wants me too. 

  Then again, if he does want me, then why has he not called me or even bother to see if I was okay? For all I know, he could have just used me to help him on the final. I know he has my number because I recall he'd called me at work and left me several messages on my phone, which irritated me, but at this moment I desperately wish he would call me. Oh my gosh! Have I seriously become one of those women that constantly check their phones to see if the guy has called them? 

   Staring at my phone in my hand, I know I have become those women. Out of anger, I throw my phone onto the bed, and it bounces off the bed and onto the floor. I move to where my phone is; pick it up and notice the screen is cracked. Great! Break my damn phone! 

  I look at my cracked screen and see it's 4 in the morning, I haven't slept at all, and I don't feel tired.

 Rather than going back to bed, I proceed to the bathroom and get ready to head to class. I don't want to go anywhere today, but I have to get to class and take my final. Besides if I stay here alone in my room, I will go insane.

   After taking a warm shower to relax and feed Sadie, I wear my black skinny jeans and a white tank top. I don't usually wear this type of clothing, but I seriously need to do my laundry. I put my hair in a ponytail. I look in the mirror and decide for once to leave my hair down, so I slide the ponytail down my hair and watch as my wavy hair flows down to my shoulders. I fluff my hair using my hands to make it look flowy and show off the curls I do have.

   I put on my black leather jacket; grab my bag and check my phone again because I am such a halfwit. Naturally, Chris hasn't texted or called me. I roll my eyes and turn off my phone and place it into my bag- knowing I will be checking from time to time to see if he has called or texted me. I am insane for even wasting my time with him, and waiting for his damn call. I hate what I've become- to see if a man will call me. Gosh, I am such a buffoon. 

 By the time I make it to class, Chris is sitting where he usually sits in the front where I sit. He's wearing a tight white T-shirt showing off his muscles and since the material is thin enough, I can see his tattoos- that tattoo of waves of an ocean on the back of his broad shoulders, which I love, not as much as the red rose and petals falling down, but this one is still one of my favorites.

  Huh, he's wearing white just like me, except mine is a tank top, it's kinda strange we are both almost wearing the same thing. 

  I take my seat next to him, but I don't say a word, nor do I even look his way. I don't want to talk to him. I'm certainly not going to move to a different seat because of him. I ignore him and look ahead to where the professor's desk is, but he hasn't arrived. I'm early, and so is Chris; hardly anyone is here, except for Chris and me. 

  "Sussianna?" Chris whispers as soon as the class slowly begins to fill up.

  I ignore him and keep my eyes focused in front of me. I know if I look at him, I will give in and talk to him or basically do anything for this man. 

  "Sussianna?" Chris says again, but this time he shouts my name. 

 Instead of answering him, I take out my notes and begin to study some more. I know the material by heart, but I just need a distraction from the one thing or I should say the person I need to get away from right now.

  "Are you ignoring me now, Sussianna," he yells in my ear.

   Yeah, that's exactly what I am doing Chris. You catch on fast. 

  "Don't roll those eyes at me. You know what it does to me." 

   What? I did not roll my eyes at him or perhaps I did. Intentionally I roll my eyes. I know he won't do anything when all these people are here. 

  I glance up to notice he's gripping the desk and his eyes are a flaring midnight ice blue, so cold that if he can kill with his eyes, he would be murdering me right now. 

   He exhales. "Sussianna, why are you making me mad? Are you trying to get me upset?"

   "No, I don't know why you're getting upset," I say and look back to my notes like I am not the slightest bit interested in the discussion.

   Actually, I know I'm making him angry, but immensely I could care less. 

   "You totally know why I am getting upset, and don't think I will let this go..." He says as the professor walks in and tells us who's ready for the exam and everyone groans. 

   "After the final, we're going to talk. I gave you time to think, and now I'm getting pissed because you're not paying attention to me. I'm serious Sussianna, after class you and me outside." He's deadly serious.

   Self-confident, commanding, dominant ass!

   "Fuck off! You're being unreasonable and unfair," I shout. I'm surprised with myself at my foul language in class because I have never cursed at school in my entire life, and everyone is surprised as well because I hear gasps all throughout the room, but I don't care because I am fuming mad! Well with the exception of calling Meg a B that day, so technically I swore twice in class. Perhaps they're surprised that I am cursing at Chris, maybe no one has ever talked to him like that before.

   "Let's get something straight Sussianna, I don't play fair..." He waves his hand to cut me off before I get the chance to speak. "Enough, before we both get kicked out and not graduate because we're both arguing with each other. We'll talk after class," he murmurs.

  I huff. 

  "Is everything alright over here, Sussianna?" Mr. Young asks me as he approaches the desk. 

  Double-crap! I should not have yelled because of my stupidity I'm probably not going to take the final and not graduate. I can retake the class and the final again after Christmas when the next semester starts. But to retake this class all over is going to be a hassle because I already work my ass off, and reacquiring it again only means all my hard work has gone to waste.

  "Yes, Mr. Young. Everything is just perfect over here," I say and try to hide the anger that I have for Chris with a smile.

  Mr. Young returns the smile as he hands me the exam, and I am thankful that he's letting me take my exam after I basically shouted at Chris. 

   I put my pencil down. I have finished my exam. I feel like getting out of my seat and jumping up and down. I haven't been this excited all week that I'm glowing with enthusiasm. Despite the fact that Chris made you glow days ago on his boat, my subconscious snarls, and I just want to slap her.

  Speaking of Chris, I turn to him and catch he's done, but his pencil is in his hand and he swirls it around with his fingers. He glances at me, and he smiles, then it fades to a frown as he catches sight of me giving him a look of displeasure, while I drill holes into him with my hard stare.

  Don't think I'm going to be happy because you gave me a smile; I'm still mad at you. I shake my head and I feel my cheeks starting to get a fiery shade of red. Since I am done and fifteen minutes to the end, I get up and walk to the front and place my exam on Mr. Young's desk, then head to the bathroom to cool myself down.