" Yeosang , are you hungry?" She asked while playing with her baby. She already came from hospital early today. Yeosang is quite cheerful today . She heard that , he also didn't cry when he was with nurse. She is also satisfied with her life . But the same thing is which is knocking her again and again is about Jungkook. It's been a couple of weeks he confessed his feelings to her. She still remember the day when they first met. She didn't even believe that after those incidents in her life, she would ever fall in love with anyone . She never thought that someone will come in her life and will change her life like this. She is afraid . Jungkook still don't know about yeosang. He don't know the everything about her or even about the baby.

As she thought all that she looked at the baby. He was just playing with his toys. A devastating pain just grew up in her heart. She should be happy that someone she already have and also one came in her life to lighten up. But she always feel this pain , this pain come from her fear of losing them. She took yeosang in her lap and held him closest to her chest. She hugged him with all her warmness and love. Yeosang was quite, he silently saw her mother's teary eyes. Looking at her he again chuckled . At that moment Yiana also smiled and a drop of tear flowed from her eyes. At the same she was laughing and crying for the baby . This baby gave her all the happiness first when she lost everything . She took her face close to him and kissed on his cheeks and forehead. The baby chuckled again. He always adore his mother's affection and love. He always understands all those unsaid feelings. And this little baby also want to stay always warm in his mother's . Yiana went and took a bottle of milk for yeosang . She will fed him and will made him asleep. When she was making milk for yeosang , her phone suddenly rang. It's Jungkook , she hesitated a bit first but then she took the call.

" Hello , Yiana?"

" Yes Jungkook, at this hour any problem?"  She tried to talk normally with him.

" Yes, a very big problem I am suffering from. "

" What ? What happened to you?" Her eyebrows crumped and her voice tone sounded very concerned.

" I can't say . I am-.." his voice sounded too down . It sounded like he is very sad.

" What? Why you are not saying anything?"  

Her voice tone raised and so her heartbeat. She felt too much worried hearing him speaking like that.

" So you are worried about me?"

" What the hell do you mean by that ? why you are not saying what happened to you?"

" Well, my heart is aching too much , Doctor! What I can do?"

" Why heart is aching? What other symptoms can be seen ? Please tell me quickly ..are you sweating a lot?" 

She kept the milk bottle from her hand , she was too tensed hearing that.

" One of the biggest reason behind it is the lack of love from doctor kang yiana"

" What?" she just realized it was a prank.

" Yes . My heart is aching to see doctor yiana and also craving for her love! What should I do now?"

" You should go and jump in the river ! Bastard!! " She said a bit angrily..

" Don't get angry girl . You are too much short tempered" He chuckled .

" Why I shouldn't be angry ha? How you just told me... It maked a person tensed , understand it ! Litterally I was running out of my breath , when you said that to me like that ! You bloody bastard!" She said while taking the bottle of milk to yeosang and started feeding him.

" So you worry for me?" He said it very differently . His this deep voice always hits differently.

" Yes.. Why I will .." She suddenly stopped realizing stopped realizing that she actually sounded too much worried. And she actually was too panicked hearing all that . She just got silent. Both of them stayed silent for some moments.

" Yiana" he suddenly spoke with the same tone.

" Yess.."

" I really do love you . I can't think a single moment without you" 

As she heard that , her heart was like exploid. She also wanted to say... to scream out  

" I love you too Jungkook . You are the one after so many years I am able to trust , to rely. I also want you in my life . My heart is craving for your intense love " 

But she couldn't . Her fears kept her silent . She noticed Yeosang fall asleep. She kept the milk bottle and at same time she heard a deep breath of jungkook from the other side.

" You know girl it's been three months after the day we first met in hospital. And you noticed something how many times we met each other in this 3 months? Even several times we had to work together . You know I just noticed you when you were with me. God just gave the chance to see you everytime, when my heart heart wanted to. Each and every time when I had a powerful desire to see you , I got the chance. God destined that in my fortune . And when I realized that I can't , I really can't do anything but loving you too much devotedly . I told you ... I confessed"

He stopped . His each and every words hit very sharply . All of them just pierced her heart . She could feel a pain in all those words. Her heart was weeping out to scream at that moment . But she couldn't speak a word . She just closed her eyes . She started chewing on her lower lips and her eyes welled up with tears. She tried to controll herself from crying. She didn't want him to hear her cry.

" I noticed love in your eyes Yiana"

As he said that, she couldn't keep controll in her. She just  started to cry silently.

" I noticed your such affections and worries towards me.  Each and every time you were with me, I saw that love growing in you.. You can't deny that..! So why you are fearing to express that to me? Why you always look so tensed when I say all those to you? Don't you really love me? Don't I deserve your love?"

He sighed with heavy heart and she just kept crying hearing all those.

" Why you are not speaking Yiana? I really ... Forget it.. ! Let's meet tomorrow at a restaurant . I Actually called you to say that. " He immediately changed the topic. 

" O-ok " somehow she managed to speak normally.

" Ok I 'll send you the details . Good night dear! "

" G-Good night , kook!"

They hung up. She wiped her tears. It's the beautiful pain when you love someone so earnestly, with whole heart. She was suffering from that beautiful pain. She also even noticed how each and every time , she became worried for him. How everytime , she just want to hug him and say that she also love him a lot with all of her.

She looked at yeosang. He's already asleep. She lyed him comfortably in the bed. She took her diary. She always don't write diary but she keep some of the moments as memory. And the confession was a moment like that.She started to write sitting on the table, lightening the lamp.

" 31st May 

I never thought that, this day will make a huge change like this in my life. Everything was as usual. I went to hospital , was doing my job properly. Until he came and called me. We just finished a work a together regarding a suicidal case. The victim survived! I was very happy to save a person's life . And next day, he suddenly came and called me out of the hospital.I went outside to meet him.

" What happened Jungkook? Any problem regarding that case again?"

"You have to come with me , right now! Immediately.."

" But where? " I was confused hearing that.

" You'll get to know. ! But you have to come... You can't deny Yan!"

His voice sounded different for which I couldn't deny him. Moreover, I noticed he started to feel me very close. No one in my life called me Yan before.

"O-Okay ! Let me inform in the hospital first"

I just started to trust him so much , that I didn't even asked him in the car where we are going. But for an unknown reason both of us were silent.In ordinary times , we talk a lot. We actually got much closed. But I didn't want him to know everything about me, even not that what I feel for him. Everything was not revealed about me to him. I was feeling like something is going to happen soon. My heart was beating fast. Suddenly he stopped the car near a river bank. We both came out of the car. I still didn't ask him why we are here . It was like I already knew that he will take me here. The weather was cloudy and breezy. Cold breezes was wiping us out . I was feeling very relieved standing near the river bank. The river waves were hitting the rocks and the sound was so soothing. It was a whole mesmerizing situation. But the dawn was not too far. Sun was already on his way to go home. And then suddenly he spoke,

" Yan! "

I looked at him immediately. His voice sounded so cold . It hitted differently.

" This is one of my favourite place you know..? And now I am standing here with my love ! "

The last word startled me.

What does he mean by that? He also feels the same way I do ?

I questioned in myself. My eyes got widen.

" Yes Yan ... you are the love of my life. Actually I can't really explain what and how much intensly I feel for you . You know everytime I see you ... each and every single time, I just can't deny that I lost myself in your love. I don't know how I got such a intense crave for you, for your love !! Even I can't even explain how much I love you or why I love you so much ! But I only know that you are my habit now Yan ."

He stopped. Sun was setting. The golden rays were falling on him directly. The whole situation was too unbelieveble for me that I can't explain. His each and every words increased the pain of my heart.  I can't name this pain. It's that beautiful pain for which a person can die peacefully with smile. My amazed eyes kept looking at him only. He turned towards me and held my both hands . I couldn't utter a single word. 

" Yan! I want to adore you . I want to keep you to the closest of mine. You've become my such a habit that- that I feel like I will die if I don't see you. Trust me ! I will try to give you all the happiness . I promise I'll do anything IN THE NAME OF LOVE . Because this love for you became very impulsive. I can't just keep it in myself. I am going crazy ! I don't know why a painful emptyness is gulping up my heart.  Even now , when I am with you , holding your hands. Maybe this is that beautiful pain. And I really want to suffer this pain, I love you yan ... more  than anything else. I swear to love you all my life . I need you . "

As he said , I don't know what happened with me, I just forgot everything and held my head tightly against his chest. I grabbed him tightly with my hands and felt his hand on me too. He also grabbed me with all his warmness. I just closed my eyes in his chest and heard his heartbeat for every seconds. I was so touched.... I couldn't even say anything. I also wanted to say " I love you kook ! I want to adore me , to held me forever like this in you" but I can't . I just can't convey my feelings through words.

.

.

.

Although I couldn't tell you at that time kook, but you know I am now crazy for you. !! You also became my habit. My heart is also suffering from that beautiful pain. I don't know that this love will ever get a destination. I am scared. I was afraid to love again. But I loved you ! And you also felt the same for me. I still don't know you will accept me or not after hearing all about me. That's my biggest fear and that is causing me such pain , I can't explain. But my heart is screaming " I love you kook . I will also do anything IN THE NAME OF LOVE . This sorrowful and beautiful love "