Epilogue

I shut my eyes and slumped my back against the car seat, my ears covered with headphones to keep me from asking my father why he had to go to church every morning before driving me to school.

Time isn't an issue. Maaga pa naman at hindi pa naman ako late.

But then, I could've slept longer in my bed if it weren't for his morning routine!

He would always wake me up two hours before my class, and we would spend around thirty minutes at the church. Hihintayin ko lang siya sa sasakyan hanggang sa matapos siya sa ginagawa. Kung papayagan lang ako ni Mama na mag-commute ay hindi na talaga ako para magpahatid pa. Ayaw rin naman ni Papa na mag-hire ng drivers para sa amin. Kaya niya pa naman daw kasi.

I don't know what's with him. Hindi naman palasimba ang pamilya namin.

"Stay here, Kobe. Papasok lang ako sa loob," he said right after the music in my headphones ended.

I nodded, not opening my eyes.

Narinig ko ang pagtawa niya. "I'm sorry, buddy. This is your Tito Dominic's favorite church. I'm just trying to practice his routine."

I opened my eyes lazily. Nagbuntong-hininga pa ako bago lumingon sa kanya. Tito Dominic was his close friend who died when I was young. We didn't have a lot of memories together, but I remember him being generous and friendly.

I slipped my headphones to the back of my neck and I pressed the low volume button on my phone to mellow out the next song.

"Why?" I asked him.

Muli siyang tumawa. He put his hand over my head and ruffled my hair. "Because that's what you do when you miss someone. You'll go to places they always visit and do things they usually do," he said, his smile widening. "One day, you'll understand what I mean."

He pinched my cheek lightly before getting out of the car. Pinanood ko ang paglalakad niya papasok sa simbahan.

Muli akong napasimangot. Hindi ko naman miss si Tito Dominic. Bakit nadadamay ang tulog ko?

The window next to me was half-opened, and the early morning mist made me want to sleep even more.

I breathed deeply. Finally, some inner peace.

I was about to lean back in my seat when I was disturbed and halted by a tiny but ear-splitting voice.

"Hello po, ate ganda! Bili ka na po ng sampaguita! Ten pesos lang!" said the small kid as she waved the white flowers arranged in a circle.

My brows furrowed. Can't she lower her voice?

"Please, pangkain lang po! Ako po ang gumawa nito kagabi!" dagdag niya pa.

I scowled even more as the woman to whom she was showing the flowers utterly brushed her aside.

Ang sungit naman no'n! She could've just told the girl that she wasn't interested! Bakit kailangan niya pang itulak?

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa batang babae at sumama ang loob ko nang mapansing parang wala lang sa kanya ang nangyari. Her innocent eyes were now snooping around as if she was looking for another potential customer.

"Kuya, magandang umaga po! Baka po gusto n'yo ng sampaguita. Sampung piso lang." She smiled, and heaven forbid, I had to blink twice to keep up with that.

Hindi rin siya pinansin ng lalaki, pero gaya ng nangyari kanina, parang wala lang iyon sa kanya. Sunod niyang pinuntahan ang ilan pang lumalabas sa simbahan ngunit kung hindi iniilingan ay itinutulak naman siya.

Nakakainis. Wala ba siyang pride?

What irritated me more was that even after all the rejections, her radiance and energy did not fade.

I watched her closer. I was frustrated, but I couldn't take my gaze away from her.

It was my first time seeing her there. Isang malaking t-shirt na pink lang ang suot niya at ang haba noon ay umabot hanggang sa ilalim ng tuhod niya. Wala sa ayos ang itim at may kahabaang buhok pero sumusunod pa rin ito sa bawat paggalaw niya.

She had a pair of innocent-looking chinky but rounded eyes. Ang maliit na ilong ay bumagay sa hugis-puso niyang labi at bilugang mukha. She also had a fair complexion. Siya ang tipo na masarap asarin. Para kasing laging namumula ang pisngi niya.

She was petite and small. Kung tatabi siya sa akin ay hanggang sa dibdib ko lang siya... especially because I was taller than kids my age.

After a few more attempts to convince the buyers, she finally sold three pieces of her art. Her hips were swaying, and a beautiful smile was glued to her lips as she went out of the place. Saka lang ako bumalik sa pagsandal ko sa upuan nang mawala siya sa paningin ko.

I touched my lips when I realized I was smiling.

Fuck it.

I couldn't believe I found her cute!

Siguradong mas bata siya sa akin. She was probably around nine or ten. Kung sa school namin siya pumapasok, makakakuha siya ng atensyon... lalo ng mga lalaki.

I sighed sharply. Just thinking about it irritated me.

But then, she was too adorable to ignore. Ganoon naman kasi talaga kapag bata.

I scoffed at my reason. Really, Kobe? You don't find your younger brother adorable.

Hindi ko pa siya tapos isipin ay muli siyang pumasok sa gate ng simbahan at naglakad papunta sa unang puwesto kanina. Dali-dali akong napaayos ng upo.

May hawak na siyang tinapay at ang ilan pang bulaklak na itinitinda ay nakasabit sa palapulsuhan niya. She sat next to an elderly woman, and something tugged at my heart when she smiled at her. Walang pandidiri sa mukha niya kahit madumi at sira-sira ang damit ng matanda.

To my shock, she split the bread in half and handed the larger piece to the elderly woman. Nakipagtawanan pa siya, at matapos kumain ay kinawayan niya ito, para bang nagpapaalam na aalis na siya.

I was moved by that little act of kindness. Naitaboy siya at naitulak bago makabili ng tinapay, pero hindi niya pa rin nakalimutang magbigay.

That was... beautiful.

"Let's go. Napahaba ang dasal ko ngayon."

Halos mapapiksi ako nang marinig ang boses ni Papa kasabay ng pagbukas ng pinto sa gilid ng driver's seat. Kung hindi dahil sa kanya ay nalunod na ako kaiisip.

He started the car's engine and drove it up to the gate. Hinanap agad ng mata ko ang babae at hindi naman ako nabigo. I held onto my seatbelt when I saw her giggling with three other girls. Nakiinom pa siya ng soft drink sa babaeng mahaba rin ang buhok.

I was confidently watching her because my window was now closed.

But my confidence was short-lived.

All of a sudden, her gaze was pulled to our car, and to my freaking horror, she even ran over to us and knocked on my window lightly.

My heart skipped a beat... and then another... and another... until it was all I could feel.

There was a riot going on inside me. What the hell is she doing? Nahuli niya ba akong nakatingin? Napansin niya bang pinapanood ko siya? Did she find me creepy? But our car was tinted! Imposibleng nakita niya 'ko!

"Bubuksan ko ang bintana mo," sabi ni Papa.

I gasped inwardly. "Let's just go, please. Late na po ako."

"It won't take long, Kobe."

Nagpakawala ako ng mura sa isip ko. Sa liit niya ay noo lang ang kita sa kanya mula sa bintana.

When the window opened, I almost shit on my pants. I tried to lean on my chair as firmly as I could.

"Hello po. Gusto n'yo po ba ng sampaguita? Ten pesos lang po." She jumped, and my heart fell to the pits of my stomach after seeing her face up-close for a split second.

Papa chuckled. "Ilan pa ang hawak mo?"

Muling tumalon ang babae. "Six po."

"Sige, kukunin na namin lahat. 'Wag ka nang tumalon d'yan at baka madapa ka pa."

"Hala, ate Kat! Mauubos ko na 'yong akin!" Narinig kong tili niya.

"Pa, let's go..." giit ko.

My father handed me a one-hundred-peso bill, but I shook my head. There was no way I'd give that to her!

"Ito po," maliit ang boses na sabi niya bago inilawit ang kamay sa bintana.

I tried not to think that her tiny hand was cute, especially because she was wearing a pink plastic ring with a little ribbon on top of it!

Iniabot ni Papa ang bayad. "'Wag mo na 'kong suklian. Inip na 'tong anak ko."

Tumingkayad ang babae, dahilan para makita ko ang mata at ilong niya. Her eyes were glowing as she smiled.

"Thank you po! Sana po magkaroon kayo ng maraming maraming maraming pera!"

She then turned to face me, meeting my eyes for the first time. Napakurap siya at bahagyang lumamlam ang mata bago ibinalik ang tingin kay Papa.

I couldn't move. Her eyes were pretty... too pretty that I had to tighten my fists on my uniform to keep myself from staring more.

"Saka po ng maraming maraming maraming pogi pang anak."

Ever since that happened, I have found myself looking forward to Papa's morning routine. Minsan ay nauuna pa akong magising kaysa sa kanya. It went on for a month. Laging bumibili ng sampaguita si Papa sa kanya. Ang ilan nga ay kinuha ko at inilagay sa mesa sa tabi ng kama ko.

I attempted to buy flowers from her personally, but every time I tried, I couldn't. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Ang sabi niya ay pogi ako pero hindi naman niya ako tinitingnan. Siguro ay sinabi niya lang 'yon para bumili si Papa palagi sa kanya.

One morning, after finally convincing myself to buy her sampaguita, disappointment hit me like a ton of bricks.

Wala siya.

Parehong oras, parehong lugar... pero wala siya.

I thought it would only happen that day, but I never saw her again. Ang sabi ng matandang nakausap niya noon nang tanungin ito ni Papa ay may nahanap daw ang babae na mas magandang lugar kung saan puwedeng magbenta.

And just like that, without knowing her name or where she lived, the first girl who made me nervous and excited slipped away from my sight.

"So, you composed this song with your puppy love in mind?" asked Carly, a manager from one of the top music companies, Soul Production.

After a week of not seeing the sampaguita girl, I started composing songs. The first one was entitled "Stolen Glances," and Carly was right; I made it with her in mind. Sa mga sumunod na kantang isinulat ko, pinilit kong huwag na siyang isipin. I don't want all my songs to be about her. Hindi ko naman siya kilala.

"Puppy love?" I whispered.

Carly chuckled. "Well, based on your story, I'm guessing it is."

I raised my brow. "That was like five or six years ago. I can't even remember how she looks."

Tumango-tango ang babae. "We heard your covers on YouTube, and we can have all your original songs recorded. You just showed me a few samples, and I'm already amazed. If you're interested in signing under our management, I will arrange the contract for you right away."

"If I sign... can I request something?"

"Anything," she replied.

"No love teams."

Ngumiti siya. "Sounds good to me."

Hindi iyon naging malaking issue sa mga magulang ko kahit na alam kong mas gusto nilang i-pursue ko ang pag-aabogado kagaya ni Ate Clea. I promised them that I wouldn't jeopardize my studies.

My fame was almost instant. In just a short period, my whole life had changed. I was happy. Not only because I fell in love with performing, but also because I felt like I was living my dream.

Marami akong nakikilala pero wala akong nagiging kaibigan. Ako ang umiiwas. I don't like being friends with celebrities because of the media, and some fandoms are really toxic. Kaunting pakikipag-usap lang ay kung ano-ano nang lumalabas na issue.

I only have one friend, Peter. I met him in college. He was taking Culinary Arts, and he invited me to taste test his specialty. We were not too close, but he was kind to me. Hindi niya rin ako nakakalimutang imbitahin kapag may celebration siya.

Shows after shows and concerts after concerts, my name continued to soar. Carly, my manager, always handles every rumor coming my way. Wala akong ina-address sa mga iyon kahit isa.

I don't even have my personal social media accounts. Youtube lang. Ang management ang nagbigay sa akin ng Facebook, Instagram, at Twitter, at si Carly ang nagmo-monitor noon.

"VIP nga po ang ticket ko! Nandoon po ako kanina sa loob. Umihi lang ako!"

Katatapos lang ng concert ko at halos nakauwi na ang karamihan nang marinig ko iyon.

"DK, let's go," pormal na sabi ni Carly.

"Boyfriend ko po si Kobe!" Napangisi ako sa tinuran ng babae. "Niligawan niya po ako ng isang taon at kasasagot ko lang sa kanya last week! Itanong n'yo pa po! Same pa kami ng initials, oh! DK po, kuya! DK!"

The noise annoyed me, but it was enough to get my attention fully. Napatingin ako sa nagwawalang babae ngunit mabilis na namatay ang inis ko nang makita ang maamo niyang mukha. Her cheeks were pink as she fought with the security guards along with a bunch of other girls.

"Isusumbong kita kay Kobe, kuya." The pretty girl pouted. "Magagalit 'yon kapag nalaman niyang inaaway mo 'ko."

Naramdaman ko ang paghawak ni Carly sa braso ko pero hindi ko siya nilingon. My eyes were fixed on my "girlfriend."

"DK, malaking problema kapag nakita ka ng mga 'yan," sabi ni Carly.

I chuckled. "But she's cute."

My manager groaned inwardly. "For heaven's sake, Kobe, can't you see she's a minor? Ang dami-dami kong ipinapakilala sa 'yo tapos sa bata ka pa ma-cu-cute-an?"

I looked at Carly. "Minor 'yon? She's kinda tall. "

She shrugged. "Uniform ng senior high school ang blouse niya. Nagpalit lang ng skirt."

"Really?" Sumulyap ulit ako sa babae.

"Oo, kaya tara na."

"Pahingi na lang po ng valid ID, ma'am," sabi ng security guard sa magandang babae.

Nanlaki ang mata nito. "Wala po ako no'n! Hindi pa nga ako college, eh!"

Nang marinig iyon ay pairap akong bumaling kay Carly. "Let's go."

Ibinaon ko iyon sa limot. Sana pagtanda niya ay hindi na siya ganoon kaagresibo. Why did I even think that she wasn't a minor? Bata lang naman ang makikipag-away at magsisinungaling sa security guards para makapasok sa VIP. Nabulag ako masyado sa amo ng mukha niya na hindi ko na napansin na mali ang ginagawa niya.

Because of too much work, I stopped studying. It saddened my parents, but it was my decision. I liked the idea of being a singer more than being a lawyer.

May mga pagkakataon na pinagsisisihan ko 'yon lalo at nitong mga nagdaang taon ay napapansin ko na kung gaano kabasura ang sistema ng Soul Production. They'd sign exclusive deals with musicians, but they'd never record their songs since they weren't well-known. Isang beses ay gusto pa nilang ipakanta sa akin ang composition ng isang indie talent imbes na sa kanya mismo ipa-perform iyon.

I declined. I couldn't do that to a co-artist.

Ayaw rin nilang pinapakialamanan ko ang social media accounts na ginawa nila para sa akin. I could've made my own, but I wasn't really into that. Social media is too problematic. Ang iba ay inaabuso na ang freedom of speech. You could easily spit words at others and delete the account after being called out as if nothing had happened.

Nakakasakal ang Soul Production. Unfair din ang treatment nila sa artists. If given the chance, I wouldn't renew my contract with them. Bawat kilos ko ay alam nila. And their reason? They're taking care of their top talent. I knew I could've complained, but every time I did, the board would just remind me how much of a help they were to me.

Ayoko ng issue kaya sumusunod ako. It was too much, but I could manage. Sa kabilang parte ng utak ko ay desidido na akong umalis sa kanila.

"You need a leading lady for your music videos," said Mr. Hernando, one of the most respectable board members.

I shook my head. "I don't like lo-"

"Love teams, yes," putol niya sa akin. "I said, leading lady, Dior. We won't officially pair you. It will just be for the music videos."

"We really shouldn't. That's Kobe's only request," sabi ni Carly. "When's the screening?"

"What screening?" tanong ko.

"Syempre magpapa-audition tayo." Mr. Hernando chuckled. "Marketing, Dior, marketing."

My jaw clenched. "Did I agree?"

Tinapik ni Carly ang hita ko. "Isasama ko si Kobe sa screening para makapamili rin siya. We'll inform all the applicants he'll select that they are Kobe's choice so that we can fuel their fire. But still, they have to get through all the levels. Portfolio, camera testing, and chemistry buildup."

Nang makaalis si Mr. Hernando ay saka ko hinarap ang manager.

"I didn't agree to this, Carly."

She sighed. "I know."

"Then, why? I can do my music videos alone. I've been doing that for years."

"Bumaba ng 7.16% ang sale ng last album mo. Even the streams! Alam mo kung gaano ka-strikto ang management sa gan'yan. Fans want something new. Kailangan ulit umingay ng pangalan mo." She crossed her arms. "Hindi ka nila titigilan hangga't hindi ka pumapayag. Let's just cut the chase."

I had a bad feeling about it, but I agreed... hesitantly. After this, I promised myself that I would take a long break from everything.

"You can do it, Carly. Hindi mo na 'ko kailangang idamay," I complained when she told me that I should see the portfolio of applicants.

Tumawa lang siya bago itinulak palapit sa akin ang isang mataas na stack ng papel.

"I even printed some for you. Alam kong lalo kang tatamarin kapag online mo sila in-assess."

I leaned back in my chair and exhaled. "We already have our team to do this. Wala akong maitutulong dito."

"Just choose a few, please? We need to get them excited."

"I have a rehearsal," I reasoned out.

Umirap siya. "Wala kang schedule ngayon bukod dito. Don't pull a trick on me."

I put my elbow on the table and supported my jaw with my knuckles. Tamad kong binuklat ang mga papel sa harap ko. I saw a few familiar names, but I continued to flip the papers.

"Wow, did you just ignore Jennifer Austria?" Carly exclaimed.

Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Not interested."

"Naging alaga ko 'yan! She's kind. Nakasama na rin natin sa team dinner before. Hindi mo tanda?"

Nagbuntong-hininga ako. "Akala ko ba ako ang pipili?"

She scoffed. "Fine!"

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagbubuklat hanggang sa makalahati ko na iyon. I flicked one after the other like an automatic machine until my hand stopped randomly. Kinuha ko ang application form at bumalik sa pagkakasandal ko sa upuan.

As I turned to the next page of the applicant's portfolio, I was surprised to find a picture of a sleeping woman with her pink lips slightly open and her hair held up by a bunny ear headband. She has better pictures, but that one caught my attention.

Innocent, cute, and... sexy. How is it possible for someone to look like that?

"Sino 'yan?" tanong ni Carly.

I shrugged as I placed the paper on my left side, in contrast to all the forms I had previously rejected. That girl had to be chosen.

"Sino 'yan?!" ulit na tanong niya. "Kobe approved? Let me see!"

Hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay inabot na niya ang papel.

"Dawn Karsen Navarro," she voiced out as she reviewed it. "Wala namang notable modeling experience. Ano'ng meron?"

"Maganda," mabilis na sagot ko.

Ibinaba niya ang papel at sinamaan ako ng tingin.

"What?" I asked, raising my brows.

"Ang daming profile ng models ang hindi mo inaprubahan. Tapos ito...?"

I touched my lower lip as I tilted my head. "What's wrong with that?"

"She's pretty, okay, but come on! We both know she's not the prettiest."

It was my turn to glare at her. "You're delusional, Carly. Look at her face. She's the prettiest of all the applicants."

"For you," giit niya na nakapagpangisi sa akin.

"Yeah, for me." Tumayo ako at kinuha na ang coat ko. "Ipasa mo 'yan. Make sure to get her to do the interview."

Tumingin ulit ako sa picture. Wala pa man ay naiisip ko na ang itsura niya sa personal.

"Babagsak 'to kapag ni-review na ng boards ang selected applicants," reklamo ni Carly.

I shook my head. "Just do it for me, okay?"

She stared at me and sighed. "No dating, Kobe."

"I know. I'll just... look."

I called bullshit on that because when I saw her on the day of the interview, looking better than those pictures that made me excited, I knew I had developed a stupid crush on her.

Her pink dress wasn't even flashy, unlike most of the applicants, but why the hell did I find myself trying to hold my stern expression as much as I could every time our gazes met? She was even wearing a childish pink hair clip!

She was also a bit slow and awkward.

But cute.

Really cute.

She was my fangirl, that's what they said. I had several people admit they were my fans, but I couldn't recall ever being as thrilled as I am now.

"A student?" I asked, as if it was my first time reading her form. "BS Mathematics, 28 units." I looked at her. "One of the necessary qualifications is having a flexible schedule. Yours is crammed."

Bahagyang umawang ang mapupulang labi niya. Did I scare her?

"I can manage!" she said awkwardly. "My instructors are considerate, and if I tell them my situation, I think they'll understand."

Tumaas ang isang kilay ko. "You'll jeopardize your studies for this?"

She chuckled. "M-M-Maybe?"

I shook my head when I realized that the longer I stared, the harder it was for me to take my eyes off of her.

You'll just look, Kobe. Tingin lang. Hindi ka puwedeng gumawa ng ikakagalit ng management.

Nang sabihin ni Carly sa kanya na personal choice ko siya, nakita ko ang pamumula ng pisngi niya. All Carly's words faded into the background as I watched the woman get excited. Napangisi na lang ako nang marinig ang pambobola ng mga interviewer sa kanya. They even said that I would be the one to decide if she'd go to the next level... as if I had that power.

"What do you think?" tanong ni Carly.

"Just hire her as my leading lady. I think we'll have great chemistry on-screen."

She glared at me. "Are you nuts? She's adorable, but she can't act professionally. Tatanggalin na nga siya nina Mr. Hernando."

Umiling ako. "I have to see her again to see her potential. I didn't check it thoroughly earlier because I arrived late."

"You shouldn't even be here!" reklamo niya.

Tumawa lang ako at lumabas na. Arguing with her was pointless. Alam kong gagawa naman siya ng paraan para maipasa si... Dawn Karsen.

"Ang tanga ko."

I was overwhelmed by my own thoughts when I heard that. Napatingin tuloy ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw the woman dominating my mind. The phone was in her ears.

"Nandito si Kobe. Isa siya sa mga nag-interview." Tumigil siya sa paglalakad kaya napatigil din ako. "Natupad ang pangarap ko ngayon, Mill."

I raised my brows when she stomped her feet cutely.

"Hindi ako nakahingi ng autograph. Hindi ko rin nasabing mahal na mahal ko siya. Ni hindi ko manlang nahalika-" Napatigil siya. "Ano palang meaning ng jeopardize?"

Doon ko hindi napigilan ang pagtawa. "When you go home, make sure to google the meaning," saad ko nang tumingin siya sa akin, batid ang gulat sa magandang mukha. "As for the autograph, I'll give it to you next week."

I memorized her phone number, but I only decided to text her the day before the camera testing. Nasabi kasi sa akin ni Carly na hindi nagreply ang babae sa email. I knew I shouldn't have memorized her number because, aside from the fact that it would anger my manager, Dawn Karsen might find me creepy.

But, no. Her replies to me seemed to indicate that she mistook me for someone. Maasim ako? No one ever said that to me! And most of my underwear was gray and black! Anong doraemon?

In all her text messages, there was something I didn't think I would like.

From: Dawn Karsen💗

Dawn Karsen Navarro-Gallardo*

She was late for the camera testing because she said she hadn't received the email. I was waiting for her the whole time, and when she arrived, she didn't even follow the dress code. I had to act tough. Hindi porke't alam niyang siya ang choice ko ay magiging iresponsable na siya.

I'd been with several women before, but none of them had left me feeling like she did. The way our skin came into contact with each other had me questioning my sanity. Her natural scent and softness, her stiff gestures, and her tense voice... how can I like everything about her?

Ayokong gustuhin siya. We were so different. I was into mature, professional, and older women. And I had just seen her!

But Dawn Karsen Navarro... that little temptress... texted me non-stop.

I was annoyed by her childish text messages, but I was even more annoyed with myself because I still thought she was cute!

"You just need a shower," I told myself.

Pero pagkatapos na pagkatapos kong maligo ay nag-ring ang cellphone ko. And all hell broke loose! The caller was her! I hate the idea that she's been on my mind all day. Tapos ngayon, tatawag pa siya. Is she planning to torture me?

That same night, I called Carly. Alam kong malabong makapasa si Dawn Karsen lalo at si Jennifer Austria na ang minamata nila. But then, I just wanted to try. Wala namang masama. She might be better than that professional model.

"This isn't gonna work. Kapag gan'yang gustong-gusto mo siya, lalo akong nagdadalawang-isip na paglapitin kayo. You aren't like this, Kobe. Ano bang meron kay Ms. Navarro?" mahabang litanya niya nang sabihin ko ang gustong mangyari.

I sighed. "Carly, ako naman ang magbabayad sa kanya. Who knows? Baka maging mas magaling pa siya."

"You're stubborn."

"Please?" I massaged the bridge of my nose. "I've been working here for years, Carly. I just wanted a breath of fresh air and I found Dawn Karsen quite funny," I lied.

Funny, my ass.

"The management has decided. Si Jennifer na ang leading lady mo," giit niya.

"Just do what you can, Carly. Tell them that you saw her potential or whatever." Muli akong napabuga ng hangin. "Tell them that I will shoulder both Jennifer and Dawn Karsen's fee."

"Sasagutin ng management si Jennifer, Kobe!"

"Just do it."

Narinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. "I'll try. Pero ang management ang magha-handle ng fee ni Jennifer."

It was good enough for me. Kilala ko si Carly. She's a bit harsh, but she does her job keenly.

Kaya hindi na ako nagulat nang magawa niya ang gusto ko. The management agreed to screen Dawn Karsen because Carly told them that I'd pay for her. Wala sa meeting na iyon si Mr. Hernando kaya naging mabilis din ang pagkumbinsi niya sa board members. Ang lalaki lang naman kasi ang madalas na maraming sinasabi. She also told them that a competition would excite Jennifer.

"Pero buo na ang isip nila, Kobe, ha?" she advised me. "It's almost impossible for Ms. Navarro."

I don't give a single fuck about that. I just wanted to see her.

"And Kobe..." She glared at me. "No dating."

Great.

"If you're free tomorrow, let's start working," sabi ko kay Karsen matapos sabihin ni Carly sa kanilang dalawa ni Jennifer na sila ang napili ng management na mag-proceed sa chemistry building.

Umawang ang bibig niya. "S-Seryoso ka?"

"I don't like wasting time." I stood up. Baka mahalata ng manager ko na kinakausap ko pa ang babae. "Carly's waiting for me. Find a way to send me your schedule."

Pagkalabas ko ay napailing agad ako. Paano naman niya maise-send sa akin ang schedule niya? She didn't even know my e-mail address. Isa pa, hindi naman kami makakapag-usap sa social media accounts ko dahil may access doon si Carly at ang management.

On our first date... or work... I picked her up at Sway's only to see her smiling brightly at a guy. When I asked if it was her boyfriend, and she confirmed it, my emotions began to flare. I felt tempted to tell her that she should break up with him. I just... couldn't. Kahit nang bawiin niya iyon ay hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

She was talkative. Parang hindi siya mauubusan ng sasabihin.

If I were to date her, I would be happy to listen to her all day.

"Nagbibinata, sir!" pang-aasar ni Kuya Enzo nang ibaba namin si Karsen.

I couldn't help but feel humiliated, especially because that woman had seen her photo on my phone!

Idinaan ko ang hiya sa tawa. Kanina pa ako nahahalata ni Kuya Enzo dahil susunduin pa lang namin si Karsen ay tanong na ako nang tanong sa kanya kung maayos ba ang itsura ko.

"Not really, kuya."

Naiwan ang ngiti niya sa labi. "Maganda po si Ma'am."

And so, while resting and thinking of Karsen's silliness, I created my own Facebook account. I stalked her and I saw a bunch of memes about me. I liked a few posts that made me smile and her pictures that I found pretty. Nai-like ko pa yata lahat.

"Karsen is running late," inis na pahayag ni Carly habang nasa Grand Hyatt kami. "Nasaan na daw ba, Kobe?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi nagre-reply."

"I don't have any schedule today, but I rarely have free time. If she doesn't show up in five minutes, I'll go home," saad ni Jennifer.

They were both irritated. Kahit ako. Pero sa kabila ng inis ay hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala. Lumabas ako at nagpunta sa parking lot. Susunduin ko na lang siguro siya. It was safer.

I started the engine of the car only to see her walking, almost running, as she made her way inside the restaurant. Bumaba agad ako at sumunod sa kanya. And just as I had expected, Carly and Jennifer were scolding her.

When I found out she had been harassed on her way here, I was furious. Sana ay sinundo ko na lang siya. Sana ay naisip kong maraming manyak sa overpass na 'yon.

I contacted my lawyer right away. I was mad... but I was with Karsen, so I should keep it all in. Ayokong makita niya ako kapag galit ako.

Baka... ayaw niya na bigla sa akin.

Hindi ako magandang magalit. I might scare her.

"Kuya, dinaldal ko si Kuya Enzo. May babae ka raw?" pangungulit sa akin ni Elliot.

I rolled my eyes. He must've blackmailed my driver.

"Maganda?"

I exhaled loudly. "Why are you here? You have your own pad."

"Akala ko pa naman gustong-gusto mo. Ang sabi kasi ni Kuya Enzo, napapagalitan na raw 'yong personal assistant mo dahil tingin ka nang tingin sa cellphone mo." He chuckled. "Fake news pala. Mukhang hindi ka naman interesadong pag-usapan."

Parang pumitik ang sintido ko. "Shut up, Elliot."

Lalo siyang tumawa. "O siguro hindi ka gusto no'n, 'no? Kaya nahihiya ka."

I glared at him. "She's my fan."

"Fan lang. Humahanga sa boses mo," panunudyo pa niya. "Hindi ka no'n magugustuhan. Pangit ng ugali mo, eh."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nairita agad ako. Hindi... magugustuhan? That's not possible! She said I was her crush. It should have some meaning.

"She likes me," naiinis na saad ko.

"Sus. Malabo. Idol lang pala ang tingin sa 'yo. Akala ko naman something serious na. Bwisit talaga si Kuya Enzo."

My jaw clenched. Why is he insisting that Karsen doesn't have feelings for me?!

"Karsen likes me. She always texts me."

Umiling siya. "Ginagawa talaga ng fans 'yan."

"She compliments me!"

"As I've said, ginagawa talaga ng fans 'yan."

I rose to my feet and glared at him fiercely. "Then I'll make her like me! I have the strong ground already. If she likes my voice or my songs, I'll make sure she'll like me too! It's not that hard. We have two months to spend together. Magugustuhan niya rin ako," dire-diretsong saad ko.

Ang malakas na tawa ng nakababatang kapatid ay sapat na para makapagpa-init ng ulo ko. Mali talaga ang pumatol sa gagong 'to.

"Ulol na ulol ka, kuya. Good luck na lang."

Bago sa akin ang nararamdaman. I was used to liking beautiful girls, but not to the point that I'd wake up smiling just because I dreamed of them. I was never conscious of my looks, but every time I had a date with Karsen, I always tried to look good.

Tuwing kami ni Jennifer ang magkasama ay halos hindi kami nag-uusap. We'll just eat and then proceed with our next endeavors.

Pero kapag si Karsen na... hindi ko alam kung bakit gusto ko laging paghandaan.

"Napaka-unfair mo kay Jennifer! You didn't even greet her! I like Karsen, okay? I like how innocent and sweet she is. Pero ano'ng iisipin no'ng isa? Na biased tayo? Na may pinapaboran ka?" sigaw ni Carly sa akin. "I will apologize to Karsen, because I was wrong... but please, give Jennifer a chance! Alam kong si Karsen talaga ang choice mo from the start kaya pinagbigyan kita. Pero alam nating pareho kung sino ang mas qualified."

It irritated me. The last sentence sounded wrong.

"I really think Karsen is more qualified."

"What?" tanong niya.

I grinned. "What will you do about this, huh? I'm attracted to Karsen."

"Dior Kobe!"

Mahina akong tumawa. "So... fucking... attracted."

I flirted with Karsen. Not that I was innocent from the start. I became more vocal and expressive. Gusto kong iparamdam sa kanya na gusto ko siya... pero ayoko namang isipin niyang gustong-gusto ko siya. I don't know. I was confused with my feelings. She was the only girl I ever thought of courting. Hindi ko alam kung paano, pero gusto ko talaga siya.

I confirmed that my feelings for her were growing when I saw her photo with the guy she was with at Sway's. Naiinis agad ako. Masyado kasi silang malapit. Hindi pa nakatulong na halatang may gusto sa kanya ang lalaki.

Karsen likes pink hair clips. She likes beautiful things. Makulit, pero saksakan din ng bait. She's patient and understanding. Parang hangga't kaya niyang umintindi ay iintindi siya.

She was as beautiful as her heart.

"Hindi okay. Bago pumasok, nagtitinda kami ng sampaguita para may baon kami at pang-ambag sa maintenance ng shelter. Pagkauwi naman, pinagtatahi kami ng mga butas sa sako para may pagkain kami sa umaga. Ibinebenta kasi 'yong mga sakong 'yon."

That was her response when I asked her how life was in the shelter. I didn't know why, but my thoughts were suddenly taken over by a little girl selling sampaguita outside the church, wearing a pink shirt and a beaming smile.

I was then certain that she was that girl. She was the muse of the first song I ever wrote. She was the first girl whom I really liked.

As I stole glances at her before, I didn't realize that she was already stealing my young heart.

Upon remembering my first love, the girl shouting at the arena also came across my mind. She had the same voice, the same face... and she gave me the same feeling.

I smiled inwardly at my realization.

Dawn Karsen caught my attention thrice... without knowing that it was her.

"Do you want to be my leading lady?" I asked, but I was certain it had nothing to do with the music videos... I was thinking of doing something deeper, longer, and more serious. "Because I'll love it if you do."

Ayaw ni Carly sa nangyayari. I know that. Dating is against my contract. But how am I going to fight back the desire to see her? How can I resist the need to listen to her voice?

I'll be willing to pay for the damage. It'll be easier for me to put up with than not being with her.

Kaya kong baliin ang lahat para sa kanya.

No matter how tired I was, the ten-minute phone calls with her every day were enough to soothe me. She brightened my day. I thought that I was contented with all I had for a long time, but after meeting her, I learned that my happiness was fleeting and that everything I had felt all these years was nothing compared to the joy she was bringing me.

"Thank you for sharing your talent with us, Kobe," she said sincerely. "Kahit na hindi mo pa ako binibigyan ng autograph..."

I smiled. "I'll give it to you someday... on a very special paper."

I would sure do. Kahit ano ang mangyari. I would make it happen.

When the rumor about Jennifer and I circulated, for the first time since I started my career, I was worried. Ayokong mag-isip ng iba si Karsen.

"Take it down, Carly. You don't want me mad," I said, gritting my teeth.

"I'm already working on it. Kung sino-sino na ang tinatawagan ko." She exhaled deeply. "But the management was taking this as a good opportunity to promote your album, Kobe."

Napamura ako. "I don't want a love team! We were clear on that!"

"Alam ko! Kaya nga nakikipag-usap ako. This, too, will eventually die down! Mag-lie low ka muna."

Umiling ako. "How can I lie low when almost everyone is in my vicinity, Carly? I can't even rest at my pad."

Kinuha ko ang gamit ko at naghanda na sa pag-alis. I need to talk to Karsen. I don't care what everyone will say, but I have to clear my name with her.

"Mr. Hernando confiscated your phone."

Dahil doon ay napalingon ako sa babae. "What?"

"He said that it was for your own good. Hindi ka titigilan ng media."

Hinigpitan ko ang kapit sa itim na coat ko na nakapatong sa sandalan ng upuan.

"Kaya kinuha niya ang cellphone ko?" I asked. "The fuck, Carly! You know that it isn't fair!"

Huminga siya nang malalim. "Kukunin ko rin, Kobe. He was with the other board members earlier. Hindi ako makapalag."

Wala na akong pakialam sa lahat. Umalis ako roon na inis na inis. I couldn't go anywhere because a lot of people were following me. We even had to tighten my security because of that. Hindi ko agad tinawagan o itinext si Karsen. I was mad, and I didn't want her to see me like this.

Nang medyo kumalma na ako ay saka ko lang siya pinuntahan. I sneaked out with Kuya Enzo.

"I'm not with Jennifer," I told her. "Karsen, I'm not with anyone. I'm not dating anyone."

I explained to her what happened and brought her to Tito Dominic's house. This was the only safe place I could think of.

I missed her. Ilang araw lang kaming hindi nagkita at nag-usap, pero miss na miss ko na agad siya.

"I'm falling for you," I admitted.

Our gazes locked, and I felt my heart clench with happiness.

"I'm falling in love with you. Fast and hard..." I whispered weakly, our foreheads were touching. "Karsen, I think I've got it bad."

There was a moment of silence. My heart was beating against the inside of my chest.

Isang sabi lang niya na hindi niya ako gusto... isang hakbang lang patalikod... I would lose my mind. I was scared that my feelings for her were too intense and domineering, and that I would scare her.

"Hindi tayo bagay," mahina ngunit puno ng sinseridad na sabi niya. "Mula sa pamilya, sa kinalakihan, sa mga napatunayan... sa lahat." She shook her head. "Ibang-iba, Kobe."

Gusto kong magalit dahil minamaliit niya ang sarili niya para sa iba. She was the brightest star for me... how could she think so dimly of herself?

"Si Jennifer." She gulped. "You're in the same orbit as her. Maganda ang pamilyang pinagmulan niya. At kahit hindi, may napatunayan na siya." I could see the pain in her eyes as she talked. "H-Hindi gaya ko."

I hated her lack of self-confidence. I hated the way she was willing to degrade herself to uplift others.

This shouldn't be like this. My feelings for her shouldn't make her feel small.

Ni hindi niya man lang naisip na hindi ako mag-aaksaya ng oras kung para sa 'kin ay hindi siya ang pinakamaganda, pinakamabait... at pinakabagay sa 'kin.

"You will fall so deeply in love with me that you won't have a choice but to love yourself, too."

When I kissed her soft, plump lips, I knew I had discovered a new addiction. She could belittle herself all she wanted, and I would just worship and kiss every inch of her insecurity.

That kiss kept me awake and energized. She kissed me back... I knew I shouldn't put meaning in that... but she kissed me back!

"Did you kiss?" pang-iinis ni Elliot na hindi ko man lang alam na katabi ko na. "Kanina mo pa hawak ang labi mo. Para kang tanga."

Hindi ko siya pinansin. My thoughts were filled with Karsen and the kiss we'd shared.

When Jennifer was announced to be my leading lady, it didn't bother me a bit. I don't want Karsen in the spotlight either. I don't want people feasting on her.

Matapos lang ang lahat ng 'to, sisimulan ko na ang panliligaw sa kanya.

With that in mind, I hurried through my work. I meticulously followed all of my schedules and completed all of my routines. I wanted everything to speed up so that I could be with Karsen again. I'd probably send her flowers and take her to her favorite restaurant. If she wanted me to sing for her... I would.

I grinned quietly to myself. I have no idea how to court someone. Maybe... I should learn more about it.

"That's the best kiss I've ever had, Kobe," said Jennifer after our kissing scene. Pumasok pa siya sa tent ko. "Sadly, I heard you whisper Karsen's name."

Pinalabas ko sandali si Chloe, ang personal assistant ko, bago hinarap ang babae.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I wouldn't have done my work right if she hadn't been the one I was thinking of."

She chuckled. "That's harsh. You can't kiss me?"

Ngumisi ako. "No."

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Still... thank you for that hot kiss."

Before dinner, Kuya Enzo rushed to me and said that he had seen Karsen. He wasn't sure about it, but when Karsen didn't reply to my messages, I knew I was fucked.

"Kapag ba may hinalikan ako, okay lang sa 'yo?" she asked carelessly. "K-Kapag ba may humaplos sa akin, ayos lang din?" Her breathing hitched. "Kapag ba pinatungan ako ng ibang lalaki-"

"Dawn Karsen!" I exclaimed before she could finish her sentence.

Tumulo ang luha niya. "Tapos sasabihin ko, nothing lang din! Walang malisya! Ano, Kobe? Puwede ko bang gawin 'yon?"

Her cries strangled my heart. Doon ko lang napagtanto na mali ako dahil hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang tungkol sa kissing scene. It wasn't important to me, and I really wanted everything to end, but I should have told her. I should have informed her.

"Mahal kita, Karsen."

The first two words that I couldn't even utter to my parents... I said them to her naturally.

With a heart filled with love for her and a mind saturated with her beautiful images, I asked her to be my girlfriend. This wasn't my plan, but the outcome was similar because she said yes.

Ipinatanggal ko kay Carly ang kissing scene namin ni Jennifer. Ayokong bigyan ng rason si Karsen para magselos. She was the only woman I loved... and it was my duty and principle to make her feel special.

Our relationship sailed smoothly. She was perfect, like a certain lyric in my melody. I introduced her to my family because I wanted her to see that I was serious about her. Sooner or later, she would become a Gallardo.

Nagpatuloy ang pagpapaingay ng management sa tambalan namin ni Jennifer. Ginagamit nila ang reaksyon ng publiko para mapataas ang sales.

"Kobe, someone has texted me and Mr. Hernando that you're with a girl," Carly whispered to me while I was on a private gig with Karsen.

Kasama niya sina Mr. Hernando at Jennifer nang sumugod sila rito.

I cursed. "What? I don't have a life now?"

"Dior, you know that you have a reputation to take care of," untag ni Mr. Hernando. "The public knows that you're in a serious relationship with Jen. Ano'ng iisipin nila kapag nalaman nilang may iba kang babae?"

Walang pakialam si Jennifer. Nakasandal lang siya sa upuan at pinapanood ang nasa entablado. I was annoyed by that. Wala ba siyang sasabihin? She could've talked to her management about this! Pero nakikisakay rin siya sa ingay.

"Kobe, I told you to lie low. Sigurado ka bang wala kang kasama?" Carly asked.

I shook my head. "I'm alone."

"Are you sure?" tanong niya ulit.

"I said, I'm alone, Carly. What answer do you want?!" She flinched at my tone. "Umalis na kayong lahat dito. You're tiring me."

Tumayo si Mr. Hernando at tinitigan ako. "I'll check the dressing rooms."

Doon ako bahagyang naalarma. Sumunod si Carly sa lalaki at nagkaroon ako ng tyansa na i-text si Chloe para itago si Karsen. My heart was racing, but I knew whatever happened, I could defend my girl.

"Why are you so obsessed with this fucking love team?" I asked, jaw was tightly clenched. Nasa loob lang ng wardrobe si Karsen at ayokong marinig niya ang sinasabi ng mga ito.

"Dior!" Carly exclaimed.

"What?!" I hissed. "Sinabi kong ayoko ng on-screen partner! That's my only condition! Hindi n'yo pa naibigay!"

"There are a lot of music produce-"

"And? You'll use Jennifer to promote my music? Why? Hindi ba ako makakakuha ng offers kapag wala akong ka-partner?" I was fuming mad. We were able to make millions without Jennifer. How much more do they want?

Carly let out a sigh. "Iba na ang gusto ng fans ngayon, Kobe. You have to understand. Napag-usapan na natin 'to. This is what the management wants."

"I'm not your fucking dog." I chuckled sarcastically. "And if this doesn't stop, I won't renew my contract with you."

I mean it. I've had enough of their shitty system.

"You can't be serious!" sigaw ni Mr. Hernando. "Soul Production helped you grow in this industry!"

"How long are you gonna use that against me? Hindi pa ba sapat ang ginagawa ko para mabayaran ang utang na loob ko sa inyo?"

There was a long pause. My breathing was heavy as I was trying to control my wrath.

Kasabay ng galit ay ang pag-aalala kay Karsen. Maliit lang ang wardrobe. Baka naiinitan na siya sa loob.

"Is this because of that poor girl?" Mr. Hernando asked.

"What?" I said, fists were clenched.

"Mr. Hernando..." Carly warned.

"Who are you calling "poor girl"?" nagtatagis ang bagang na tanong ko.

One wrong answer and I'm gonna rip this man out. No one gets to call my girl like that.

"What's her name again, Carly?" matigas na tanong ni Mr. Hernando. "Karen? Karsen? 'Yong pinagbigyan nating makasama niya. 'Yong siya mismo ang nagbayad ng allowance no'ng babae para paasahin na may pag-asang maging leading lady niya."

It angered me more.

"That's not necessary, Mr. Hernando!" sigaw ni Carly.

"Why? He started being rebellious after meeting that girl. Laging nahuhuling may ka-text sa set, laging tumatakas kay Chloe, at minsan ay hindi na sumusunod sa schedule."

"Karsen is a pretty nice girl, Mr. Hernando. It's obviously Dior's fault," said Jennifer.

"Dear, you are so innocent. Girls like her are in it for money, fame, and good sex-"

That was my cue. I walked up to him and slammed my fist into his face, knocking him down and forcing him to lie on the floor. His lips bled on the side right away.

My heart was breaking for Karsen because I knew she had heard all of that bullshit. I was shivering with rage. If it hadn't been for everyone's outcry, I might have resorted to even more violence.

When they were finally gone from my sight, I immediately looked for Karsen.

"Sorry..." malambing na bulong niya. "Lalagyan natin ng salonpas ang kamay mo, ha?"

She calmed me... even if she was the real victim. Niyakap niya ako na parang ako ang nasasaktan.

How could they hate her?

"Address the rumors, Dior," said Mr. Manayan, the CEO of Soul Production. "We'll arrange a conference, and you have to tell everyone that the girl you're with was just a desperate fan."

We had a meeting with the members of the board. As their top talent, I was currently facing a lot of backlashes, and their professional image was beginning to falter.

"Fire Mr. Jason Hernando," I said incoherently.

Everyone was taken aback.

"Is this because of what happened, Dior? We were just protecting your image!" Mr. Hernando shouted.

I fixed my gaze on him. "Yeah, by enlisting the help of paparazzi to follow me around."

Namutla siya. "What are you talking about?!"

I opened the brown folder on the table which was full of information that the person who was trying so hard to smear my reputation was actually him, as he had a plan to plunder the corporation. Isa siya sa mga nagha-handle ng finances kaya kapag mas marami akong issue ay mas malaki ang ibinibigay sa kanya na pera para ma-kontrol ang media.

One of my bodyguards informed me of this after intimidating a reporter.

They looked over the documents I handed them, which included the asshole's savings accounts and cash flow forecasts. Given the evidence, I was convinced that he would be fired.

Serves him right for calling my girl poor.

However, that move only made everything worse. Kumalat ang pangalan at mga larawan ni Karsen sa internet. She was called names I didn't even want to digest.

I didn't know what to do. I want to make our relationship public, but every time I try to reach out to a reporter, Soul Production finds a way to sabotage it. My social media profiles, too, were controlled. They changed my passwords, and even if I want to make a new one, I know they will come up with a way to report it.

No artist was willing to help me. No one wanted to be on the losing end of my management.

They announced that they wouldn't renew my contract. Carly tried to defend me, but wasn't that my plan all along? I should have been laughing because I was finally free, but the reputation they had left me and my girlfriend was far too tainted.

"All you have to do is apologize and do what they want, Dior. You've already made it this far. Don't let a girl stain your hard work," said Peter.

I chuckled. "Easier said than done."

"What's stopping you? You aren't like this, bro. Women come and go... especially in your field. We both know that."

Umiling ako habang iniisip ang magandang mukha ni Karsen. "I'm marrying that girl, Peter."

Suminghap siya bago inilapag ang wine glass sa bar counter.

I poked my tongue into my inner cheek. "Women come and go? Fuck no. I'll make sure she'll stay."

When I said hell to everything, I meant it. I threw away my finely-honed image and went to Karsen's university without wearing a disguise. I wanted to show everyone that the woman they called my mistress was the one who really owned me. I wanted to broadcast to all of them that my loyalty and commitment lived with her.

Mawala na lahat. 'Wag lang si Karsen.

Bitawan na ako ng lahat... 'wag lang siya.

It was hard. Ang makita siyang umiiyak at naapektuhan dahil sa akin ay sapat para madurog ako. She even stayed with me because reporters were following her around.

I loved watching her in her deep slumber, looking so beautiful. She gave me a sense of peace. Isang tingin lang sa kanya, alam kong tama ang naging desisyon ko.

Amidst every ugly thing that happened, all I could think of was marrying her.

I was so sure of her.

"Do you want to marry me?" I asked.

Sa tapat namin ay ang malawak na karagatan. It was like my love for her... it was there, but you'd never see the end of it.

When she rested her head on my chest, I knew I had surrendered this lifetime to her.

"Oo naman."

"Like right now?" tanong ko ulit. I was hoping she'd say yes.

"Huh?!" she exclaimed cutely.

I pushed back my tears as they threatened to fall. Nagiging iyakin talaga ako kapag siya na ang kaharap. I could imagine her in her wedding gown, walking down the aisle to meet me... promising to spend the rest of her life with me.

"I'd love that," I whispered.

"Gusto mong ikasal tayo ngayon?" tanong niya. "Siraulo ka."

"I'm serious, Karsen."

"N-Ngayon? Dito?"

Her questions and doubts made me nervous. I could contact someone to make it happen... but I knew we weren't on the same page of the book yet. Nauuna ako masyado. She was still young. Baka isipin niyang minamadali ko siya.

I sighed. Next time, Kobe.

"Nah. I'll give you a proper wedding." I caressed her soft hair. "But, yeah, I really want to marry you. I can't wait to marry you."

We made love to each other. She gave herself all to me.

I knew I was a little rough when it happened, but how could I keep my cool when I'd been dreaming about holding and kissing her since the first time I kissed her?

She was beautiful in ways that no words could possibly express. And the night I spent making love with her was far superior to all my fantasies about her.

"Ma, can we stay there? I have to start my business and someone has to look after my girlfriend," I asked over a phone call. "You're the only person I can trust."

"Karsen?" she asked.

I laughed. "Sino pa ba?"

"Are you really serious about her, Kobe?"

My gaze fell onto my girlfriend's sleeping face. Her naked body was covered in a white blanket.

"Sobra," bulong ko. "Sobrang mahal ko si Karsen, ma."

My mother eventually agreed to let us stay there for a short time. I was overjoyed because my two favorite girls were starting to develop a relationship. I wanted to call Karsen at times, but I shrugged it off because she was probably having fun with my mother.

When I learned that she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. Lalo akong nagsipag sa pagtatrabaho para sa kanya. I barely had free time.

"May attitude problem ang girlfriend mo," saad ni Mama sa akin.

Natutulog na si Karsen sa taas dahil malalim na rin ang gabi at kauuwi ko lang.

"Ma, please..." I sighed.

"Bakit mo naman kasi agad binuntis, anak?" She sounded hopeless. "You're still in the process of regaining your image. Bata pa kayo pareho. A lot of things can happen."

I shook my head. "'Wag mong ipaparinig kay Karsen 'yan, ma. Ayokong isipin niya na nasira ako dahil sa kanya."

"Pero 'yon ang totoo, Kobe," she insisted.

"We're not having this conversation."

She exhaled. "Wait here. I'll show you something."

Tumango ako. I kept an eye on her back as she headed to her room. Wala pang ilang sandali ay bumaba na rin siya at bumalik sa inuupuan kanina. She handed me a brown envelope, and I accepted it without anything in mind.

Kahit nang makita ko ang mga larawan ni Karsen na nakayakap kay Marcus ay hindi ako nabagabag. Her lovely smile could be seen in some of the photos, while she was carrying a large strawberry milkshake.

"My girl is really beautiful," nakangiting bulong ko sa sarili.

"What do you mean?" tanong ni Mama.

Umiling ako, nakangiti pa rin. "Ang ganda ni Karsen. Ang swerte ko sa kanya."

"She's with a guy, Kobe. Hindi ka ba nagseselos?"

Nagbuntong-hininga ako bago nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. "They're friends. May tiwala ako kay Karsen. I'm trying not to be jealous and mad about everything. Ayoko siyang bigyan ng stress."

She chuckled nervously. "Sabagay... mabait naman talagang bata."

My heart swelled at the compliment. If there's something I'm most proud of, it's my girlfriend's heart.

I took my mother's hand in mine and gently patted it. "Ma, Karsen grew up without a mother. Please take care of her the same way you took care of me. Gusto kong maranasan niya sa 'yo 'yon."

Tumango siya. "Ano pa nga ba?"

"Salamat sa pag-aalaga sa mag-ina ko." I smiled. "Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung wala ka."

I didn't know what emotion passed through her eyes, but I just shrugged it off. She had taken good care of me. I was certain she could do the same for my girl.

Jennifer apologized on social media, claiming that she was the one who sparked the media attention. But I was well aware of the situation. She was also a product of a messed-up corporation, and she was only carrying out the commands of her superiors.

It made Karsen upset, and I knew I was in the wrong again.

Nang hilingin niyang umalis kami sa bahay nina Mama ay hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na sundin siya. I don't want her mad. I didn't overanalyze it. Gusto ko lang gawin lahat ng gusto niya.

I thought I was doing it right. I thought I had planned everything perfectly. I would propose to her at my concert, and she'd be introduced as the wife of the CEO of our company. I would flaunt to everyone how insanely in love I am with her.

I was so excited about doing that. I was looking forward to getting down on my knees as she stood at the stage where everyone was watching.

"Seryoso ka talaga," Peter uttered when I told him my plan.

I chuckled. "I'll hire you as our caterer."

"At sigurado kang papayag?" tawa niya pa. "You haven't even introduced us yet!"

"When you meet her, you'll understand why I'm willing to settle down, Peter."

That was my utmost priority-to hear her vow a life with me.

Nangako siyang mamahalin ako. Nangako siyang hindi ako iiwan.

She was full of promises, and as a man who was deeply in love with her, I believed her.

Probably the biggest mistake I had ever committed.

"A-Anak, si Karsen..." My mother's voice trembled. "Anak, ano'ng gagawin ko?"

I could hear my own heartbeat as I listened to my mother's cries. I didn't want to think about anything because just considering Karsen in pain was enough to shatter my heart.

"Ma... what's going on?" Fear was evident in my voice. "'Wag kang umiyak lang. Ano'ng meron?"

"S-Sorry, anak ko. I'm sorry." She sobbed. "Nabangga ang girlfriend mo, Kobe. A-Ang daming dugo. I'm sorry!"

I didn't know how I managed to reach the hospital. Dread was rushing through my veins, and I could feel my entire body trembling.

"Nasaan si Karsen?!" I shouted when I saw Eddie on a bleacher.

Dumaan ang takot sa mukha niya. "N-Nasa ER pa..."

I hurried to the door at the end of the hallway. Mabibigat at malalaki ang hakbang ko.

"Sir, bawal po kayo rito," pigil sa akin ng isang nurse.

I shoved her as soon as I entered the room. Cries of pain stirred my ears.

"Sir!"

Hindi ko siya pinansin. I searched for Karsen among the patients who needed emergency attention, but the entire facility was crowded.

She's probably wearing pink. I should start looking for that.

Naramdaman ko ang dalawang kamay sa magkabilang braso ko, pero hindi ako tumigil.

"Sir, sa labas po muna kayo."

I shook my head. "Where's my girlfriend?"

"Sir, please."

Umiling ulit ako. "I need to know where Karsen is. She's pregnant. Please."

Hindi nagpapigil ang nurse. She asked for assistance, and two male nurses rushed to us.

"Karsen!" I shouted with all my might while I was being dragged outside.

Binalot ng takot ang dibdib ko habang nakikita ang dugo sa mga puting kumot.

"Karsen!" sigaw ko ulit. "B-Baby, I'm outside, hmm? I'll wait there!"

Nang marating ang pinto ay isinarado iyon ng nurse. I peered through the thin glass. Every time I saw pink, I'd panic a bit because I thought it was her.

"Anak, Kobe..."

Narinig ko ang malamyos na boses ni Mama pero hindi ko siya nilingon.

"Maupo ka muna. Matatagalan 'yan."

Umiling ako. "Ma, paano ako makakaupo kung nag-aagaw buhay si Karsen sa loob?"

"Sige na, anak, please. S-She'll recover."

"S-She's pregnant..." A tear escaped my eye when I realized how much it must've hurt her. "Sino'ng gumawa nito, ma? Please... sino'ng gumawa nito sa kanila?"

Hinaplos niya ang likod ko, para bang pinapakalma ako.

"I'm sorry, anak ko..." Her voice trembled. "It was a hit-and-run case... your father is already at it."

Anger enveloped my heart. "How did this happen?" matigas na tanong ko.

She stiffened. "I-I-I don't know. M-Magkasama kami tapos bigla na lang siyang tumakbo..."

Everything occurred at such a rapid pace that I had no idea how I was going to keep up.

One moment I was crying for Karsen and our child's well-being, and then the next I was letting out tears of grief.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Gallardo. We tried to keep the baby, but the accident had too much impact on Ms. Navarro's body." Umiling ang babaeng doctor. "We'll break the news to her after she wakes up."

I didn't know how to function after hearing that.

My girlfriend's life is in danger, and now our baby is dead.

It was too much news for me. Iniisip ko pa lang ang mararamdaman ni Karsen sa oras na malaman niyang wala na ang anak namin sa sinapupunan niya ay nanghihina na ako.

She needs me more now. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng kahinaan sa kanya. I should mourn and grieve for our baby silently. My Karsen needs someone who will hug her when everything is too painful. She's fragile... I can't afford to watch her break.

But my promise not to show any signs of weakness in front of her was immediately crushed when she opened her eyes.

I thought she'd look for me.

I thought she'd cry with me.

I thought she'd need me.

"A-A-Ate Kat..." She sobbed. "P-Paano ako? Ate... paano ako?"

I didn't know that a question could hurt that much. Iyong pagtabig niya sa kamay ko nang humingi ako ng tawad sa kanya matapos sabihin ng doctor na wala ang anak namin, maiintindihan ko. Baka kasi hindi niya sinasadya. Baka masyado lang masakit at baka ayaw niya munang magpahawak.

But that question... it was as if she'd forgotten about me.

I am here. We can hug each other. We can cry together. We'll take everything slowly. We'll grieve for our child. She can depend on me... and I'll do the same.

Kasi ganoon kami. Kapag hindi na kaya ng isa, may isa pa naman.

Nandito ako... bakit niya itinatanong kung paano siya?

That question was answered almost instantly.

Tuwing lumalapit ako sa kanya ay kitang-kita ko ang pagngiwi niya na para bang nandidiri siya sa akin. Kahit hindi ako umaalis sa tabi niya, kahit isang beses ay hindi ko siya nahuling nakatingin sa akin. I would smile at her, but she'd just look away as if she didn't see me. I would ask her what she wanted to eat, but would act as if she hadn't heard me.

Ramdam ko lahat. Ang panlalamig at pag-iwas.

Ayokong isipin... pero alam kong unti-unti niya na akong inaalis sa buhay niya.

For the first time since I met her, I felt envious of her friends.

Buti pa sila nakakalapit sa kanya. Buti pa sila naaalagaan siya. Buti pa sila napapansin.

I want to peel apples for her, too. I want to know what she craves. I want to prepare her clothes.

Gustong-gusto ko siyang alagaan... hawakan. I'm in deep pain after losing our child. Ako dapat ang kasama niyang umiyak. Anak namin 'yon, eh.

Pero bakit... bakit ayaw niya na sa 'kin?

I closed my eyes and knelt before God in the chapel of the hospital. I was never religious, and He might find me shameless for doing this.

God, is my baby there? They said that angels go to heaven... is she watching over us? What does she look like? Will it be too much if I ask You to send her to my dreams? Is she even a girl? I'll just assume she is... because I want a small version of her mother.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbagsak ng mga luha ko.

Baby... if you're listening, can you keep your mommy strong? Can you appear in her dreams, too? Para hindi ka niya sobrang ma-miss. Para hindi siya laging umiyak. Puwede mo bang ipaalala sa kanya na nandito pa si Daddy? Na maghihintay lang ako hanggang sa ngitian niya ulit ako... hanggang sa kailanganin niya ulit ako. Hmm? Can you do that?

The pain was clenching my heart. If only I could turn back time...

Baby, I hope I see you before you go. I'm sorry kung masyadong naging busy si Daddy... hindi na kita masyadong nakantahan. I'll keep you in my heart, baby. Hinding-hindi kita kakalimutan.

I stayed there for quite some time. Nagdadasal. Umiiyak. Lumuluhod. In my state right now, parang lahat ay kaya kong gawin para kay Karsen.

I lost my child... I couldn't afford to lose her either.

Pero siguro galit ang langit sa mga katulad ko.

"Kobe..."

Her voice was soft and gentle, but a sharp pain stabbed my heart when I realized that I was up for more grieving.

Malamyos ang pagkakatawag niya sa akin pero gustong-gusto kong lumayo para hindi ko marinig ang susunod niyang sasabihin.

"P-Puwede ka bang makausap?"

I shook my head. I wasn't ready for this yet. I knew she was leaving me. Ayoko. Hindi ko kaya kung pati siya.

"Ayoko na, Kobe. Ayoko na. Please..."

Bawat salita ay parang punyal sa puso ko. She didn't want me anymore. Napansin ko naman 'yon, pero ang marinig mismo sa kanya na ayaw niya na... parang hindi ko kayang tanggapin.

"Pati sa 'kin?" bulong ko.

Durog na durog ako nang pinilit niyang tumayo. She even removed her dextrose.

"Maghiwalay na tayo, Kobe."

I stood up with tears running down my face. She sounded so determined. Para bang napag-isipan niya nang mabuti. Para bang sigurado siya sa ginagawa.

I looked pathetic... I always looked pathetic in front of her.

But today, I'm willing to shove my ego down even more. I'm willing to go to my lowest point. To show her that I can't let her go. To show her how much I can't live a life without her.

Narinig ko ang pagsigaw niya sa pangalan ko nang lumuhod ako sa harap niya. I continued to shake my head while reaching for her two soft hands. My shoulders were moving because I was crying too much.

"Baby, please... I can't lose you." Nabasag ang tinig ko. "H-Hindi ko kaya kung pati ikaw. Please..."

Kung gusto niya talaga akong iwan... puwede ko kayang hilingin na huwag ngayon? Kamamatay lang ng anak namin. Hindi ba puwedeng samahan niya ako kahit sandali lang? Hindi ba puwedeng magluksa muna kami?

I just need to adjust... I just need to cope. Hindi ko pa kaya.

"I want you out of my life. Kobe, I want you gone."

But that... it was a slap in my face.

My Karsen... my first baby... she really didn't want us anymore. Hindi ko alam kung anong nagawa kong mali. Kung saan ako nagkulang. Nasasakal ko na ba siya? Naiinis na ba siya dahil naging abala ako sa trabaho?

"I thought about this hard and long enough-"

Tumayo ako at hinawakan siya. I couldn't let her go. This was just a storm, and we both needed to stand against it together. This was just a test that we needed to pass.

"B-Baby, no. You're just hurting because we lost our child... pero hindi mo 'ko iiwan, 'di ba?" My chest heaved/ "I'll pretend I didn't hear that, okay?"

Even after saying that, I knew that the pain in my heart would continue to grow.

Pinag-isipan niyang iwan ako habang iniisip kong alagaan siya.

How could my girl, my kind girl, have thought of that?

I brought up Marcus, and she didn't correct me. It hurt me more. Were the pictures true? Did she really fall in love with him? Dahil ba wala ako? Dahil ba hindi ko siya laging nasasamahan? But I could work better... I could change that. 'Wag niya lang akong iwan.

"Ayoko na, Kobe."

I looked away and creased my forehead to fight back my tears. Ang dali naman para sa kanya nito. Ang dali para sa kanyang iwan ako.

"I'd let you go." I clenched my teeth. "But I need one good reason, Karsen."

When I looked at her again, I was silently praying, hoping, and wishing she'd run out of words. Maybe by then, she'd realize that she still wants to be with me.

Please take back your words, my love. Please don't hurt me like this.

Kahit kaunting pagmamahal lang... kakapitan ko. I will shower you with love until you fall for me again. Kahit walang pag-asa... basta 'wag mo lang akong alisin sa buhay mo.

"Ayoko na sa 'yo. Nagsasawa na 'ko. Sa una lang pala masaya. Hinahangaan kasi kita, 'di ba? Pero ewan ko ba. G-Gumising na lang ako na hindi na kita mahal, Kobe."

Nawala lahat ng tanong sa utak ko nang marinig iyon. At that moment, I knew that begging her was pointless. Desidido na siya at kahit anong sabihin ko, hindi na magbabago ang isip niya.

"B-Baka nagulat lang ako. Minadali ko lahat kasi ikaw na 'yan, eh! Akala ko pagmamahal na 'yong naramdaman ko kaya nanatili ako sa 'yo." I was just watching her, crying and looking determined to break up with me. "P-Pero, Kobe, no'ng nabuntis ako, alam mo ba kung ano'ng napagtanto ko?"

I wanted to stop her, but I wasn't able to. I had lost my voice.

Parang biglang nawala lahat ng lakas ko habang inaalala ang pag-iwas at pandidiri niya tuwing lalapit ako. Ang pagtabig niya sa kamay ko, ang pag-iling sa presensya ko, at ang ilang libong paghiling ko na yakapin niya ako.

Kasi namatayan din naman ako. Kasi nawalan din naman ako.

I was hoping she'd hold my hand. O kahit ngiti lang. Basta masiguro ko lang na kasama ko pa rin siya.

"Hindi ang katulad mo ang gusto kong maging ama ng magiging anak ko."

Sa sinabi niyang 'yon, muling bumagsak ang luha ko.

Right there, I knew, I was defeated.

Iyon siguro ang pinakamahirap tanggapin. Ang sumuko hindi dahil pagod na ako sa kanya, kung hindi ang sumuko dahil ayaw niya na.

"Don't show up in front of me again." Kasi baka habulin pa kita. Kasi baka magmakaawa na naman ako sa 'yo. "Stay gone. That's my only request."

I walked out of her life... like she wanted me to.

I thought I was just a page ahead of her. Nauna ko siyang magustuhan. Nauna ko siyang mahalin. Nauna ko siyang gustong pakasalan. Nauna ko siyang nakitang kasama sa buhay.

I thought I was just a page ahead... but now, I realized that we were reading two different books.

Siya ang kasama ko sa akin, pero wala ako sa kanya. That all this time, she was just excited because I was her idol. Na siguro... hindi raw pagmamahal ang naramdaman niya. She was just... excited.

While I was thinking of building a future with her, she was just there, realizing that I wasn't the man whom she wanted to father her child.

After settling the hospital bills, I bought a small coffin... a baby pink one. I called a priest and hired men to dig a grave in an executive cemetery.

I held a memorial service for our baby... alone.

Wala akong pakialam kahit pinapanood ako ng pari. I just cried for everything I lost. Halos marinig ang mga hikbi ko sa buong sementeryo.

Fly high, baby. Sing with the angels as you wait for me.

I spent two nights there. I turned off my phone and lay on the ground beside my child.

Wala pa ang lapida niya dahil hindi naman mabilis ang paggawa noon. I named her Baby Gallardo. Sa sobrang abala ko, ni hindi man lang namin napag-usapan kung anong magandang ipangalan sa anak namin.

Kaya siguro nagsawa siya sa 'kin. Kaya siguro siya umalis.

I wept. It was my rock bottom. I gave up everything to be with her. Kasi ganoon ko siya kamahal. Kasi ganoon ako kahanda para sa kanya.

Ilang beses ko nang inisip na kapag isinilang niya ang anak namin, uuwi ako sa kanila at agad na mapapawi ang pagod ko mula sa trabaho. Gigising ako sa umaga at ipagluluto sila ng umagahan. We'd laugh and live like a family.

Pero hindi. Sa dulo, mag-isa ulit ako. Iyong rason kung bakit ko ginagawa lahat ng 'to... sinukuan din ako.

"Anak... I'm sorry. It's my fault. Si Karse-"

Umiling ako kay Mama. Kumpleto kaming lahat sa mansyon. Naayos ko na ang ilang gamit ko dahil baka hindi muna ako bumalik dito. I want to be alone.

"I don't want anyone mentioning her name," bulong ko.

"Kobe..." my mother called me helplessly.

I exhaled. "Just let me be, ma. I'll just... get her off of my mind."

"What about the car accident, kuya?" Elliot asked.

Anger rose in my heart.

"Ako na ang bahala ro'n."

I continued with my concert as if nothing had happened. While performing and singing, I tried not to think of her.

But it was no use.

Tuwing napapatingin ako sa dagat ng mga tao, naiisip ko ang mga pangako niya sa 'kin. We vowed to love and not to leave each other. Ako lang pala ang sumeryoso no'n.

Someone was sitting in her seat, and when I confronted the girl, she explained that a woman had requested that they swap seats.

Para akong tangang nabuhayan ng pag-asa. After the concert, I rushed to the general admission. Pinanood ako ni Karsen. Sigurado ako ro'n. Maraming humaharang at kumakaway sa akin. I didn't acknowledge any of them. I need to see her. I need to confirm that she's here.

But when I reached her seat... there were no traces of her.

Hinintay kong umalis ang lahat kahit na nagkakagulo sila dahil umakyat ako sa taas. My bodyguards were doing extra work because of my misery. But none of that seems to matter.

I sat in Karsen's chair as I felt my heart tightening against my chest again.

Miss na miss ko na si Karsen. Miss na miss ko na ang mahal ko.

I had our first picture framed. Nakaakbay ako sa kanya habang nakayakap siya sa baywang ko. She looked beautiful... a bit shy. Hinahangin ang buhok niya pero ang ganda-ganda ng ngiti niya. I put it on my bedside table along with the framed ultrasound of our angel.

Every night, before going to sleep, I would look at them and cry as I remembered that we were once a family... we were almost one.

I kept myself occupied with Karsen's hit-and-run case and my new career as CEO. I talked to the best detective while hiring and searching for talents. Dahil may pangalan na sa industriya, hindi ako nahirapan sa pagpapapirma ng mga mga bagong artist. I worked quickly. Sa loob lang ng isang taon ay marami na kaming nailabas na kanta at napasikat na singer.

I hired Carly again because she begged me to. She said that she warned all the artists she knew about Soul Production's manipulative system. Chloe became my executive secretary, and Kuya Enzo was being assisted by Carly to look for talents.

"It was Jason Hernando," said the detective as he handed me the pictures. "The plate number wasn't registered, but there was a CCTV fifteen miles away from the scene that caught him getting out of this car." Tumango-tango siya. "It took so long, because I couldn't find any strong proof. But now... here they are."

The trial didn't take too long because I used all my connections to have that asshole convicted. He was the root of all of my misery. Dahil sa kanya ay nawalan ako ng pamilya. He should rot in prison.

"You had me fired, Dior. Do you think I'll let you be happy after you've ruined my reputation?" Jason chuckled. "Hitting Karsen is the best way to hurt you..."

The punches and kicks I threw at him wouldn't be enough to make my life a bit easier. Even after I got him almost hospitalized, the thought that he had done everything out of hatred for me made me even more miserable.

He was jailed, but the sorrow I thought would go away stayed with me.

Dumating sa punto na tuwing naiisip ko si Karsen at ang mga sinabi niya sa 'kin, umuusbong ang galit sa puso ko.

She was so unfair. She stopped loving me easily. Ni hindi niya ako tinuruan kung paano.

"Sir, hindi na po ba kayo maglalabas ng mga bagong kanta?" tanong ni Kuya Enzo. "Sikat pa rin po 'yong mga luma n'yo." He chuckled. "Maraming fans n'yo ang matutuwa panigurado kapag nagsulat ulit kayo."

I shook my head. "Busy na, kuya."

It was nothing but a fat lie. I write songs every night. Sa kwarto, sa veranda, sa sala, sa kusina. I go everywhere just to write.

But every time I try, I always end up crying. Para na 'kong tanga. Ilang taon na pero lagi ko pa ring iniiyakan ang dapat ay mag-ina ko na ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung luha ng galit... sakit. I don't want to confirm it. Ayokong tanggapin na mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya matapos ang pang-iiwan niya sa 'kin.

I couldn't finish a song because my memories of her just flowed in my head like running water in an endless river. Our phone calls, video calls, secret dates, and cuddles. Siya ang naiisip ko sa lahat. Mukha niya ang nakikita ko sa bawat sulok ng pad ko.

I held onto the railings of the veranda. It was almost dawn, my favorite time of the day. In my hand was a glass full of vodka.

"Just leave my mind, please..." I whispered in the wind.

My nights were always like that. Minsan alak ang hawak, minsan larawan niya, minsan ay ultrasound ng anak namin.

I spent my birthdays and holidays visiting my baby's grave. I would stay there for three hours, lighting a candle for her, telling her stories of Before Sunrise Production, and singing a song for her.

Doing that was enough to keep me sane. I didn't even know it was possible to miss and love someone you hadn't even met.

And during those years, my mother was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and her physical health had declined. Nagtatag siya ng organization na nagdo-donate sa mga batang may Down syndrome. Sinuportahan agad ni Papa 'yon.

"Why don't you date Jennifer? She's pretty hot," tanong ni Peter habang papunta kami sa isang convention para sa mga may Down syndrome.

I was my mother's proxy. Wala dapat ako rito, pero umatake ang sakit niya kanina. I had no choice but to attend. I brought Peter with me. Mabuti nga at wala siyang ibang schedule ngayon. He'd surely drink at my pad afterwards.

"I prefer cute girls." I chuckled. "Those who are playful but shy."

Tumaas ang gilid ng labi niya. "Like who?"

"Like who?" I echoed his question.

"What's her name again?" tawa niya. "You didn't date anyone after her. Ganoon ba kaganda?"

I shrugged. "Sakto lang."

Bullshit. That was bullshit. Life really has a way of driving me insane.

Sakto lang? Fuck no.

She was still the prettiest. Kahit nakapantalon, t-shirt, at apron lang... nakakatulala pa rin ang ganda niya.

"Whose ring is this?" I asked as if I didn't recognize it.

It was in Peter's bowl. Hindi ko naman dapat papansinin... but when I saw it, I immediately knew who the owner of that ring was.

"A-Akin po."

I clenched my fist when my heart began to throb against my chest, finally coming back to life after years of not hearing its owner's voice.

"You look familiar, miss," sabi ni Peter.

Of course, she is.

"Pasensya na po talaga." I grinned upon hearing the tension in her voice. "Hindi na po mauulit."

She went out of the room, but not my mind. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa dahil maayos siya o magalit dahil... wala na. Parang bumalik na naman ako sa umpisa. Isang tingin lang, isang rinig lang ng boses... wala. Hindi ko na naman maalis siya sa isip ko.

Why is she still wearing our promise ring? She broke our vows. Wala siyang karapatang isuot 'yon.

I told her to stay gone because I was mad. Hindi ko kayang panoorin lang siya. Hindi ko kayang hanggang tanaw lang ako.

I survived not seeing her all these years. I survived just by imagining.

"What the fuck was that, Dior?" tanong ni Peter habang pauwi na kami.

I had the same question in mind. Ano'ng ginagawa ko?

I'll just... look. I'll just save more memories of her to endure more years. Wala namang masama. Hindi ko naman ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko sa taong diring-diri makasama ako.

Ang daya niya. Kinaya niya talaga nang hindi ako kasama.

I donated a building to the school where she was working. I didn't want to admit the real reason why I did that. Ang hirap tanggapin na siya pa rin. Dapat ay magalit ako. Dapat ay sumbatan ko siya.

But my anger was just a façade of my longing for her.

Walang nagbago. Hindi pa rin pala ako nakakapag-umpisang kalimutan siya.

I observed her every move: the way she smiled to greet customers, the way she massaged the back of her neck after leaving the kitchen, the way she tied her hair when the students' recess came, and the way she clasped her hands after her shift.

She looked tired. Nakangiti lang pero halata kong pagod siya. There were even two dark circles below her eyes.

Naiinis ako. Hindi ba siya nakakapagpahinga? Paano kapag bigla na lang siyang natumba sa pagod? Hindi ba siya nag-aalala sa sarili niya?

What angered me more was Marcus.

They were together. That was what Eddie said.

Karsen must've loved him so much. Kita ko ang ngiti niya habang nakikipag-usap sa lalaki... the same smile she once wore whenever she'd run to hug me before. Sa iba niya na ipinapakita ngayon.

I was inside the car, realizing that I was miserable again because of her.

I was only a phase on her way to finding true love.

At Sway's, they were with a little, cute girl. Nakatirintas ang buhok ng bata at bilugan ang namumulang pisngi. The fact that she reminded me of the young Karsen scared me. Nakalabas ang maliit na dila kapag ngumingiti at parang wala itong pakialam sa paligid.

Habang umiinom ng milkshake ay gumagalaw pa ang maliit na katawan nito.

My heart was full just by watching her. Siya iyong batang umiyak noon sa convention.

Who is she? And why does she resemble Karsen?

Nang lumabas ng Sway's si Karsen kasama ang batang babae at hindi sila sinundan ni Marcus ay hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na lumabas din. Wala akong ideya kung bakit dinadaga ang dibdib ko. I didn't want to think that she was her child with Marcus... I couldn't.

"Why aren't you consoling her?" I asked as I stood next to the cute girl.

I leveled her gaze, and my heart came to a full stop when our eyes met.

"Hi," bati ko, para bang hindi nagkakarera ang puso.

She looked cuter up-close. Nakalabas ang maliit niyang dila at namumula ang mga mata sa pag-iyak. May dumi rin ng milkshake sa damit niya at basa ng luha ang buong pisngi.

Parang sasabog ang puso ko nang makita ang pamilyar na hair clip at singsing sa kwintas niya.

Thoughts flooded my mind... and I needed to confirm them.

"Mimi!" maliit at matinis na sigaw ng bata bago kumawala kay Karsen.

Mimi...

"Your daughter?" I asked, almost breathless.

With Marcus? Pero bakit naman hahayaan ni Marcus na magsuot ang bata ng gamit mula sa akin?

"How old is she?"

My insides were trembling in fear. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas gusto ko-ang malamang kay Marcus siya... o ang malamang itinago niya sa akin ang anak namin na ilang taon kong pinagluluksaan.

The girl said she was three... but I wasn't convinced.

For the next few weeks, I didn't go see Karsen. I couldn't process anything yet. What would hurt me more? I don't know.

Karsen's words rang in my head. Ayaw niyang ako ang maging tatay ng anak niya.

If ever she's my child... how can I force myself into her life?

"Mr. Gallardo?"

I looked over at the voice calling me. It was Dr. Constantino, Karsen's first ob-gyne. The one who checked on her when she was still pregnant. I was in an exclusive resto-bar, having drinks, and the doctor looked like she was with her family.

I nodded to acknowledge her presence. "Good evening, doc."

Ngumiti siya. "How was Ms. Navarro? Hindi na siya bumalik sa 'kin after our last check-up."

I sipped my drink and shook my head. "I don't know. We broke up."

Napasinghap siya. "Really? Kailan pa?"

I wasn't really in the mood to talk, so I shook my head again. Napatingin ako sa entrance ng restobar at agad na kumunot ang noo ko nang makita si Marcus kasama ang isang babae. His hands were snaking around her waist and they looked... intimate.

I thought she was with Karsen?

"Did she give birth?" tanong ulit ng doctor, ngunit wala sa kanya ang atensyon ko. "Sayang naman. Hindi naman one hundred percent accurate na magkaka-down syndrome ang anak n'yo."

The last sentence snapped into my mind. Napaiwas agad ako ng tingin sa lalaki.

"We could've run a few more tests to confirm... but she didn't return." The doctor tapped my back. "I'm sorry for bugging you. I'll go ahead."

Pabalang kong ibinaba ang baso. "What do you mean?"

"Huh?"

I gritted my teeth. "Down syndrome..."

"Ah, that!" she uttered. "Yeah, there was a high chance that she'd give birth to a child with down syndrome. But as I've said, it's not always accurate."

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakauwi nang ligtas noon. I stared at the ultrasound picture of our baby and slept hugging it.

I told Peter about my doubts, and he advised me to hire a detective... but I couldn't. I was afraid of the truth. I was afraid of knowing that my baby was hidden from me because Karsen was disgusted to be with me. Ayokong malaman na akin siya. I grieved for her. I mourned for her. Knowing that all my tears were pointless would kill me again.

Pinanood ko sila. Karsen glowed differently with... Gayle.

The longer I stood there watching them, the more my heart longed for them. I could feel that Gayle was my daughter, too.

Pero wala akong lakas ng loob na tanungin si Karsen. Baka ayaw niya pa rin sa akin. Baka hindi pa rin ako ang gusto niyang maging tatay ng anak niya.

"Elow..." bati sa akin ni Gayle habang nagluluto ako.

Karsen was in the restroom, changing her clothes. Malakas ang ulan kanina at hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko at inihatid ko sila pauwi.

I smiled as I carried her to the countertop.

"Hi, baby." Hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya.

She looked so much like Karsen. And her smile could melt anyone's heart.

Humagikgik siya. "Yab mo po Mimi?"

Her question struck my heart. "Hmm?"

"Yab mo Mimi ko?"

I kissed her forehead and nodded lightly. "Kayong dalawa."

I proved Gayle's identity when Karsen acted indifferent about the hit-and-run accident that killed our child.

I spent days crying while looking at the ultrasound picture of our baby again. I miss her so much. Confirmation from Karsen was all I needed. I'd muster up my courage and ask her why she did that... why she let me mourn for our child alone.

But I had no idea that the confirmation I was about to receive would be so painful.

"Kobe..." Karsen's voice broke. "K-Kailangan ka ni Gayle."

Nang lumapit siya sa akin ay binalot ng galit ang puso ko. She rested her head on my chest as if she didn't hurt me... as if she wouldn't say something that would put my misery for all these years in vain.

"Please... save our daughter."

I was furious. Gusto ko siyang saktan. Gusto ko siyang alisin din sa buhay ko. How dare she keep my child from me?! How dare she rob four years from me?! Anak ko rin si Gayle! Pero kung wala pang nangyaring masama sa kanya ay hindi niya ako lalapitan para hingan ng tulong. She was selfish! Her beauty was just a façade for her fucking ugly soul.

She hid my baby from me... the one whom I cried for before going to sleep... the one whom I celebrated all my holidays and birthdays with.

I was so mad at Karsen. Kasi kahit anong mangyari, alam kong sa dulo, ang gusto niya pa rin ang mangyayari. Kung gugustuhin niyang ilayo sa akin si Gayle, alam kong ako ang gagawa ng paraan para makasama siya... sila. I knew that my heart couldn't take seeing her in pain, and being away from Gayle would hurt her.

I acted coldly... I tried.

Kung ayaw niya sa 'kin, gusto kong pilitin ang sarili na ayawan din siya. Gayle was all I needed. Mailabas ko lang ang anak namin dito ay gagawin ko ang lahat para tumayong mabuting ama sa kanya.

But when I saw Karsen sleeping, I had a clear view of her hands. I observed a few scrapes and veins that were protruding from the skin. It reminded me of the times when she'd let go of Gayle and stretch her arms. She had been... restless. Iniyakan ko pa 'yon. Sana kasama niya 'ko. Sana hindi ko siya iniwan kahit itinulak niya 'ko.

I was certain that she wasn't with Marcus. May ibang kasintahan ang lalaki. Miski ang damit na ipinahiram niya sa akin noong umulan ay may pangalan ni Eddie. It would be different if it was Marcus'.

But when I saw them hugging each other as Karsen cried on his chest... I lost it all.

Ako ang kasama niya, pero bakit ba lagi na lang siyang sa iba humihingi ng tulong? Nandito naman ako. Kaya ko rin naman siyang alagaan... yakapin. Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang ako?

Karsen, ano pa bang kulang ko?

She was so unfair. Nagmahal na agad siya ng iba habang hindi pa ako nakakapagsimulang kalimutan siya. She left me in misery. Tapos ngayon ay ako pa rin ang parang tangang habol nang habol.

Nothing has changed. I still look pathetic in front of her.

I was so mad that I said words I couldn't take back. I let her feel my wrath.

And when I learned the truth, I confirmed that the world was against my happiness.

In front of the woman who turned her back on me, I punished my own family. It was fucking painful to know that the people I trusted most were the root of all my pain. If it weren't for Karsen's hand in mine, I would've broken down... I wouldn't have said harsh words that my family deserved.

I knew that Karsen wasn't ready to see them yet, but I wanted to show her that justice knew no face.

Bawat bitaw ng salita sa kanila ay parang may punyal na tumutusok sa puso ko. Pinagkatiwalaan ko sila... kaya kampante ako... kaya kahit isang beses ay hindi ko sila pinag-isipan nang masama.

I trusted and loved them, but they ruined my life.

I let every emotion in my heart out... and all that was left was my undying, endless love for Karsen and Gayle.

Iyong plano ko noon, ngayon ko itinuloy.

I courted Karsen. Kahit alam kong ayaw niya sa 'kin. Kahit alam kong maliit lang ang tyansa na mahalin niya ulit ako.

My mother was sent abroad to receive treatment for her declining mental health. Ate Clea and Papa came with her. Half of the shares of Papa's company were given to my girl. Ang iba ay idinirekta niya sa YN Organization, at ang kalahati naman ay ipinangalan namin kay Gayle.

Elliot also told me that he'd remove himself from the spotlight. He'd study somewhere... alone. I just let him. He was as disappointed and pained as I was. Alam ko namang babalik din siya at mapapatawad sina Mama. He just needed time.

Our once picture-perfect family was broken... But, at least they paid for their mistakes.

"I love you... I never stopped."

They were Karsen's words when she finally gave herself to me. Again.

She suffered because of me. She endured everything alone because of me.

Pero mahal niya pa rin ako... at ngayon, may karapatan na akong alagaan siya.

After she passed the licensure examination for teachers, I married her. It was the century's grandest wedding as it was held in the largest cathedral in the country. It was televised with Mill being the exclusive reporter, Mari being my wife's maid of honor, Kat walking down the aisle with her, and Gayle bringing our rings together.

I sang for Karsen as she walked, but my voice was strained from crying like a loser. Mabuti nga at maraming back-up singers.

I couldn't believe at that time that she was finally marrying me... that my plan years ago was just postponed and not canceled.

Elliot was my best man. He was the only family I had, but it was enough for me. Someday... maybe one day I'll find forgiveness in my heart... just not now.

"Congrats, kuya," sabi ng kapatid ko sa akin. "Live a good life with shawty."

And I did. The journey had tough roads, but with Karsen and Gayle, I knew that the drive would be worth it.

I leaned against the classroom door frame where my wife was teaching. Some of the students shrieked at my presence, making my Karsen pout. Gayle, her cutest student, uttered Didi excitedly, and I just waved at her.

I fixed my gaze on Karsen who was using sign language to communicate with a child... and my heart began pounding furiously within my chest.

I sighed as a small smile appeared on my lips.

Her beauty would forever resemble my favorite track in my most well-written album. She would remain the heart of my music and the deepest core of its every lyric.

"Hi, Mrs. Gallardo," I greeted her playfully after her class.

Ipinatong ko ang bulaklak sa teacher's table at marahang hinalikan ang sintido niya.

Kinuha ni Kuya Enzo si Gayle na ngayon ay inaanak niya na para ihatid sa parking lot.

"Ba't pumunta ka pa rito? Tapos ka na bang mag-record? Na-edit mo na ba 'yong pinapabago ng producers sa 'yo?" litanya ng asawa ko. "Sinasabi ko sa 'yo, Dior Kobe! Kapag nag-flop 'yang album mo dahil ako ang pinipilit mong maging leading lady sa music video mo na 'yan, walang sisihan!"

I chuckled. Daldal talaga.

"You're the muse of my songs... sino'ng gusto mong gumanap?"

Lumabi siya. "Magpa-audition ka!"

Hindi naalis ang ngiti sa labi ko. "And?"

Her cheeks flushed. "Mag-a-apply ako..."

Mabilis kong hinalikan ang labi niya, dahilan para lalo siyang mamula.

"You're hired," I mumbled as I gave her my phone, indicating that the news had already spread.

JUST IN: Dawn Karsen Gallardo will be the leading lady in her husband's music videos!

"Kobe naman!" reklamo niya.

"What?"

"Ba't nandito agad? Hindi na puwedeng tumanggi? Leading lady mo na talaga 'ko?"

I laughed. "You were... you are... and you will always be."

While watching her complain, I realized that our lives would be filled with high and low notes, but I knew that as long as I was with her, we'd create beautiful songs together.