I saw Ate Kat and Mill waiting outside the hospital. Mukhang galit na galit si Mill at halata namang kinakalma siya ni Ate Kat.

"I texted Kat earlier," saad ni Kobe. "I told her that I'd bring you to... that house."

Tumango lang ako. Ipinarada niya ang sasakyan at nang mapansin kami ng dalawa ay kitang-kita ko kung paano sumugod si Mill sa puwesto namin. Sumunod sa kanya si Ate Kat, medyo balisa.

"Mill, ano'ng nangyayari?"

My lips parted when she walked past me. Tumingin ako sa likuran ko at ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang suntukin niya si Kobe.

"Mill!" sabay na sigaw namin ni Ate Kat.

Dumugo ang gilid ng bibig ni Kobe dahil sa lakas ng suntok ng babae. Mill learned martial arts before... of course, it would hurt.

"Tangina ka ba?" galit na pahayag niya sa lalaki.

Sinubukan kong lumapit sa kanila ngunit nilingon niya ako, nanlilisik at nagbabanta ang mga mata.

"'Wag mo 'kong pipigilan, Dawn Karsen."

I felt Ate Kat's hand on my elbow. My heart was racing because I knew what Mill was capable of.

"Ba't mo dinala ro'n? Hindi mo ba alam ang trauma niya?" Her voice was low. "Hindi 'yan nagsasabi sa amin, pero hindi kami tanga! Alam kong ginago 'yan ng buong pamilya mo kaya siya nagkagan'yan! Tapos ano'ng ginawa mo? Dinala mo ro'n? Sino ka ba sa akala mo?"

"I want all of them to apologize to her," Kobe replied. Matigas ang ekspresyon niya ngunit walang bahid ng galit sa mata. "I want to punish them in front of her."

Mill chuckled sarcastically. "Kaya binitbit mo na lang do'n? Pumayag ba siya, ha?!" Dinuro niya ang dibdib ng lalaki. "Gaganti siya kapag handa na siya! Kakausapin niya ang deputa mong pamilya kapag handa na siya! Pagsasalitaan niya ang nanay mo kapag handa na siya!"

Umiling si Kobe. "You know that Karsen isn't like that, Mill."

She scoffed but didn't say anything.

"Hindi niya haharapin ang pamilya ko. Hindi siya gaganti at hindi niya sila pagsasalitaan." He glanced at me. "I know she will never punish them because it's never on her mind. Wala siyang gano'ng plano."

"Eh, desisyon ka pala, eh!" sigaw ni Mill.

"Because they deserve to be punished. Hindi ako kasingbait ni Karsen, Mill." He heaved a sigh. "I rushed things because I didn't want to forget my anger... I didn't want to forget her tears." He took a step back and bowed his head. "I'm sorry for hurting her. I'm sorry for what my family has done."

"That's enough," saad ni Ate Kat. "Mill, give it a break. These two need to rest. May anak pa silang aalagaan."

"Tangina kasi! Bunso natin 'yan, eh. Hindi tayo kasingyaman ng mga hinayupak na 'yon, pero kaya ko silang lumpuhin," gigil na gigil pa rin na sigaw niya. "Ano'ng karapatan nilang saktan si Karsen? Ni tayo ngang kasama niyang lumaki hindi siya napagbuhatan ng kamay."

"I'm sorry..." sabi ni Kobe.

"Isang imik mo pa, papantayin ko 'yang dugo sa nguso mo."

"Mill..." tawag ko sa kanya. "Tama na."

Lumambot ang ekspresyon niya. "Ayos ka lang?"

I nodded. "Tara na kay Gayle."

Lumapit siya sa akin at inakbayan ako. I glanced at Kobe, and I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me because I noticed that he had a small smile on his lips.

Hindi ko na iyon pinansin. Hinawakan ni Ate Kat ang braso ko at sabay-sabay kaming pumasok sa loob ng ospital. I didn't know why my heart felt light despite the things that happened today. Parang may nabunot na malaking tinik sa dibdib ko. I said everything to Kobe. After years, I finally said everything to him.

Pagdating sa silid ni Gayle ay nakita ko si Eddie na nakaupo lang sa gilid ng kama. My daughter was sitting on the bed, playing with her doll. Kumpara noong mga nagdaang araw, medyo nagkakakulay na ang labi niya.

"Hi, baby..." malambing na sabi ko bago maupo sa tapat niya.

She lifted her head and a sweet smile appeared on her lips when she saw me.

"Mimi!" matinis na sigaw niya.

Binitawan niya ang laruan at mabilis na sumiksik sa dibdib ko. Kinapa ko ang katawan niya at nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang mapansing wala na siyang lagnat.

"Girl, uuwi na muna ako, ha?" paalam ni Eddie. "Gagawa pa 'kong lesson plan."

Lumingon ako sa kanya. "Thank you. Pasensya na rin sa abala."

He scoffed. "May ikukwento ka pa sa 'kin."

He stood up and bid his goodbyes to Mill and Ate Kat. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa makalabas siya ng pinto. Nagkasalubong pa sila ni Kobe na ngayon ay papasok na sa kwarto.

Narinig ko agad ang pagsinghal ni Mill nang makita ang lalaki.

"Mill, your anger is irrational. Kung nakita ka ni Mari, masasampal ka no'n," narinig kong suway ni Ate Kat sa babae.

"Bukas na lang ako magiging rational," pagrarason naman ni Mill.

Sumulyap ako kay Kobe at napansin ko ang paraan ng pagtingin niya kay Gayle. His eyes were a little swollen, and the left side of his lips had a cut. Nagbawi ako ng tingin nang ibaling niya ang atensyon sa akin.

Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng awa sa kanya. What he did was a suicide to him. He grew up with them. He built his dreams along with them. Hindi ko hiniling na piliin niya kami dahil maiintindihan ko kung uunahin niya ang pamilya niya... pero sa ginawa niya, hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya dapat pakitunguhan.

"Uuna na rin kami, Karsen," paalam ni Ate Kat. "Sino'ng magbabantay kay Gayle sa inyo?"

"Ako, ate."

"Magbabantay rin ako," singit ni Kobe.

Tumango si Ate Kat. "May pagkain d'yan."

Kumaway sa akin si Mill bago sila lumabas ni Ate Kat.

Naghari ang katahimikan sa amin. Sa dami ng nangyari, pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong ibang gustong sabihin pa sa kanya.

Tatayo na sana ako para ikuha ng pagkain si Gayle nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa T-shirt ko, para bang pinipigilan ako.

Ngumiti ako bago siya silipin. "Kain ka muna, baby."

Humigpit ang kapit niya sa damit ko. I understood what she wanted to happen. I turned to face Kobe, who was still staring at us.

"Ikuha mo ng pagkain si Gayle," utos ko, para bang hindi kinakabahan sa presensya niya.

Napakurap siya. "S-Sure."

Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansin ko ang pagkataranta niya. Lumapit siya sa mga bag at hindi mapakaling hinanap doon ang pagkain.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Hospital food ang pagkain ni Gayle. Why are you searching the bags?"

He stiffened. Balisa siyang bumaling sa akin. "Y-Yeah. Sorry."

Dali-dali niyang kinuha ang tray at agad na lumapit sa gilid namin.

"Akin na."

He handed it to me immediately.

Tumingin ako kay Gayle at bahagyang inilayo siya sa akin.

"Gayle, eat muna. Tatabi ako sa 'yo mamaya," paglalambing ko.

She smiled cutely. Sinubuan ko siya at nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang mapansing malakas na siyang kumain. Patingin-tingin siya kay Kobe, nakangiti pa rin at nakalabas ang dila.

Matapos kumain ay pinunasan ko siya at binihisan. Mabuti nga at hindi siya nagrereklamo. Naligo na rin ako dahil tatabihan ko siya pagtulog.

"May dala ka bang damit?" tanong ko kay Kobe.

He nodded slowly. "Nasa kotse."

"D'yan ka na sa kabilang kama matulog. Tatabi ako kay Gayle."

"Okay..." He smiled a little. "T-Thank you."

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at hindi na siya pinansin. Simula noong pumasok siya kanina ay pansin ko ang nerbyos sa mukha niya. I wanted to make him feel at ease. He'd been through so much today.

Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto pero hindi ko na iyon tiningan. Gayle nuzzled my neck and her breath calmed me. Pinlano ko pang hintayin si Kobe ngunit dala ng pagod mula sa mahabang araw ay mabilis akong nakatulog.

The next day, the doctor informed us that Gayle's platelet count was improving. Kapag nagpatuloy iyon sa pagtaas ay puwede na siyang makauwi sa isang araw.

"Ipapakilala kita kay Gayle kapag nakalabas na siya," saad ko kay Kobe.

Napatigil siya sa pagkain. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at napansin ko ang kakaibang ningning sa mata niya.

"Really?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya.

Hinaplos ko ang buhok ni Gayle. She was sleeping soundly.

"Kung gusto mo lang."

"I'd love that," agap niya. "G-Gustong gusto ko 'yon, Karsen."

Tumango lang ako. I knew deep down that I still had feelings for him, but I couldn't just shrug off the harsh words he told me. Hindi ko puwedeng kalimutan na lang ang mga akusasyon niya. Baka isipin niyang hahayaan ko siyang pagsalitaan ako nang ganoon.

For the time being, I want him close... but not too close to know what's on my mind.

"Uhm..." He cleared his throat.

I fixed my gaze on him. "Ano 'yon?"

Mukhang nagulat siya sa pagtatama ng mata namin. Isinantabi niya ang kinakain at tumingin sa anak namin. He looked hesitant, but after a few sighs, he returned his gaze to me. Nasa magkabilang gilid lang kami ng kama kaya kuhang-kuha ko ang ekspresyon niya.

"Was it hard?" mahinang tanong niya.

"Ang alin?"

He took a deep, slow breath. "Your pregnancy."

Bahagyang umawang ang labi ko. I didn't expect that.

"When we broke up... where did you stay?" tanong ulit niya. "Did you have cravings? Those weird ones? I did some research before, and based on what I read, pregnant women tend to have odd cravings," dire-diretsong sabi niya. "D-Did you also experience mood swings? One moment you're happy, and then, after a few minutes, you'll throw tantrums. Naranasan mo ba 'yon?"

He asked a lot of questions, and I wasn't sure how to respond.

He chuckled nervously. "S-Sorry."

I played with my hands. I tried to recall everything that had happened so that I could give him all of the details he wanted.

"Sa bahay nina Eddie ako nag-stay. Sila 'yong nag-alaga sa 'kin habang ipinagbubuntis ko si Gayle," sagot ko. "Wala pa 'kong pambayad ng renta noon para tumira kasama sina Mill at Mari. Nagsisimula pa lang din kasi sila kaya hindi ko puwedeng iasa sa kanila 'yong gastos."

He bowed his head, hiding his reaction from my sight.

"Strawberry milkshake ng Sway's lang ang craving ko. Dahil do'n nagpa-part time si Marcus, lagi niya akong inuuwian no'n," pagpapatuloy ko. I noticed how tightly he clenched his fist. "Sa mood swings, I tried my best not to have a massive meltdown. Nakakahiya naman. Pabigat na nga ako sa bahay, mag-iinarte pa 'ko."

"Where did you give birth?" he asked in hushed tones, still not raising his head. "What hospital... and how long did you stay there?"

Nagbuntong-hininga ako. "Hindi ako sa ospital nanganak. Sa bahay lang... sa probinsya ni Ate Kat. Licensed midwife."

Doon siya napatingin sa akin. His brows were slightly furrowed, and his eyes were wide with surprise.

"Was it safe? Dapat ay nagpadala ka sa ospital."

"Pera, Kobe." Umiling ako. "Wala akong pera."

His lips drew apart. I watched as guilt crept over his face.

"Y-You could've just told me..."

"Alam mo ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko sinabi, 'di ba?" I cast a glance at Gayle. "Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa anak ko, Kobe. She's my life. Hindi ko kaya kapag wala siya. Ayos lang na mawala sa akin lahat... 'wag lang si Gayle."

"I know..." he whispered.

"Trust me, I never plan to see you again." I swallowed hard as I turned to face him. "Hindi ko sinasadya 'yong sa convention. Hindi ko rin sinasadya na sa canteen ako nagtatrabaho. I... I never saw it coming, Kobe. Wala akong planong guluhin ka ulit."

"I know that, too," mababa ang boses na sabi niya.

"But I've been meaning to tell you about your relationship with Gayle... kahit bago pa siya magkasakit," I admitted. "I just didn't know how. Kasi alam kong mahabang usapan 'yon."

"This is good enough for me, Karsen." He smiled, but the supposed happiness didn't reach his eyes. "I'm a bit late, but I can still watch over her... right?"

"Oo naman," sagot ko. "It's your right."

Pinadaan niya ang daliri sa kamay ni Gayle. "She's so small and... fragile."

Ngumiti ako. "Paborito niya ang mga kanta mo."

Titig na titig siya sa mukha ni Gayle. "R-Really?"

"Yeah... it calms her," I replied. "Kaya kung mapapansin mo, parang kilala ka niya. She likes watching and listening to you." Mahina akong tumawa. "She's your smallest fan."

"That's..." Huminga siya nang malalim. "T-That's very nice to hear, Karsen."

I nodded. "Mahilig siya sa pink, tapos paborito niya 'yong ibinigay mong hair clip sa akin noon. Kahit anong ayos ng buhok niya, gusto niyang suot 'yon lagi. Pinapatanggal niya lang kapag maliligo at matutulog na siya," pagkukwento ko pa. "Hindi siya maarte sa pagkain. Kahit anong iluto ko, hindi siya nagrereklamo. 'Yong pinakamurang formula milk lang din 'yong binibili ko, pero nagustuhan niya naman. Madalas lang talaga siyang mag-tantrums kapag hindi naibibigay ang gusto niya... lalo sa public places."

Hindi siya tumitingin sa akin. He was still staring at her attentively while softly caressing her hand.

"Uhm... hindi pa rin niya kayang magsalita nang tuwid, so you might have a hard time understanding her. She has autism... kaya gano'n." Napalunok ako. "Hirap siya sa eye contact, pero medyo may improvement naman na. She likes to arrange things in a row. Kagaya no'ng mga laruan niya sa bahay. Minsan, kahit ilang beses kong tinatawag 'yong pangalan niya, hindi siya lumilingon. May ilang tanong din ako na hindi niya naiintindihan. Tapos ayun, mahilig siyang sumayaw, pero isang step lang 'yong alam niya." I chuckled. "Kembot lang."

Nag-isip pa ako. I wanted to tell him all the things that he missed.

"Hmm... ano pa ba? What else do you want to know?" I asked.

He gave me a sidelong glance, causing havoc inside me. I've always been nervous around him, but I didn't want him to know that... especially since I'm still not sure what we should do next. Mas gusto ko pang na kay Gayle ang atensyon niya.

"Did you have a boyfriend?" he asked softly.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. "Ha?"

He pulled his gaze away from me, his tongue poking his inner cheek. He shifted his attention back to Gayle, giving me time and space to catch my breath.

"Nakipag-date ka?" he asked. "It's been years... someone might've pursued you."

Ikinunot ko ang noo. Bago ko sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol sa pamilya niya, sigurado akong may nararamdaman pa siya sa akin. I heard it directly from him. He wasn't sober at that time, but I'm certain that he still loves me. Pero ngayong alam na niya ang lahat, hindi na ako sigurado... especially after he accused me of sleeping with Marcus.

I took a deep breath to get my heartbeat back to normal.

"What is it to you, Kobe?" tanong ko.

Napatingin siya sa akin.

I arched my brows. "Kung may boyfriend man ako o nakikipag-date ako... that's none of your business."

Halata sa mukha niya ang gulat pero hindi ko binawi ang sinabi ko.

"Sorry," he uttered softly. "I was just asking..."

Tumango ako. "Tungkol na lang siguro kay Gayle 'yong itanong mo."

I was sure that it created tension between us. He parted his lips as if attempting to form a word, but nothing came out. He blinked a few times before breathing heavily. Umiling siya sa akin at itinuon ang buong atensyon kay Gayle.

"I'm good. Thank you."

Hindi na ako umimik.

Nang magising si Gayle ay nakipaglaro siya sa lalaki. I just sat on the other bed, letting them have their moment. A smile slipped across my lips when Gayle chuckled. Inabot niya ang pisngi ng lalaki at pinatakan ng halik ang tungki ng ilong nito.

I noticed a glimmer of joy in Kobe's eyes. I'm not sure why, but it reminded me of our days on his pad. His eyes were always a mirror of his feelings, even when he wasn't saying anything.

He looked just like before. He looked... happy.

Buong araw ay ganoon ang nangyari. Kapag tatawagin ako ni Gayle ay saka lang ako lalapit. But other than that, I let Kobe take care of her. He didn't complain. Mukhang gusto niya rin naman iyon.

I sighed. Sa ilang araw na pananatili ni Gayle dito ay hindi ako nakapagtrabaho. For someone who doesn't have much, it's quite a big deal. No work means no money. Kapag nagtagal pa siya rito ay baka magalaw ko rin ang pinag-iipunan kong therapy niya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ang set-up ng pagbabayad namin ni Kobe. He might have a lot of money, but I knew I had to offer help because I didn't want him to feel that I couldn't fulfill Gayle's needs.

And so that night, after putting Gayle to sleep, I talked to him about it.

"Malaki 'yong bill ni Gayle," saad ko.

"That's not a problem," sagot niya agad.

"Hahatian kita."

"I said that's not a problem."

I bit the inside of my lower lip. "Responsibilidad ko rin siya, Kobe. Hindi naman puwedeng ipaako ko na lang sa 'yo lahat ng gastusin niya."

"Karsen, I missed four years of her life." He sighed. "This is the only thing I can do for her. Hayaan mo na lang ako."

Natahimik ako nang mapagtantong may punto siya. Hindi niya naman ginagawa ito para sa akin... I shouldn't overthink everything.

"Sa arrangement..." he suddenly uttered. "How do you like it?"

My brows furrowed. "I thought you had a plan."

"Yeah..."

Umupo ako sa kama ni Gayle at hinarap siya. Nasa kabilang kama siya, nakaupo rin paharap sa akin.

"Let's hear it."

"You won't like it... trust me," he said slowly.

"Bakit naman? Pareho tayong magulang ni Gayle. As much as I want to stay with her all the time, I won't rob you of the right to be with her. I gave it some thought... and I think I can manage," litanya ko. "Kapag nagsalitan tayo sa pag-aalaga, it might confuse her. Puwedeng apat na araw siyang nasa akin tapos tatlong araw nasa 'yo... or vice versa."

"Whatever suits you. Let's do it at your pace."

"Or weekend lang siya nasa 'yo," paninimbang ko.

He nodded. "Kung saan kayo komportable, Karsen."

"Then she'll live with me," agap ko bago pa magbago ang isip niya. "Bumisita ka na lang kung gusto mo."

"Thank you. That's good enough for me," bulong niya.

Binalot ng pagtataka ang puso ko. Was he serious? He was just so aggressive about living with Gayle. Tapos ngayon ay hahayaan niya lang ako? Akala ko ba ay gusto niyang makasama ang anak niya?

"Stop thinking, Karsen," aniya.

"I thought you wanted to be with her."

"Gusto ko."

"Then why are you letting me arrange everything? Bakit oo ka lang nang oo? I'm not complaining because I really want Gayle to live with me, but I'm confused. Wala ka bang planong maka-close siya? You played with her all day. Baka masanay siya sa presensya mo, Kobe," madiing pahayag ko.

His expression softened. "After learning what happened, do you think I can question your decisions again, Karsen?"

Bumigat ang loob ko sa sinabi niya, pero hindi ko ipinahalata iyon. "Just let me hear your plan... para ma-consider ko rin."

Umiling siya. "It's nonsense."

"Both our opinions matter, Kobe," I insisted.

Now that he's in a feud with his family, I don't think I can hurt him more. Pinili niyang makasama si Gayle kaysa sa sarili niyang pamilya. He could demand so much. Maiintindihan ko na 'yon ngayon.

"Hindi mo nga gusto, Karsen," pamimilit din niya.

Napairap ako. "Paano ko malalaman kung hindi mo naman sinasabi?"

"I just know."

"So, ano? Irerespeto mo rin kapag sinabi kong hindi mo puwedeng makita si Gayle?" iritableng tanong ko. "Then fine. Don't do anything. Don't make efforts to get to know your child—"

"I want all of us to live under the same roof," he said, completely shutting me off. "I want us three... to be a family. Like... family. Asawa mo 'ko at tatay ako ni Gayle... that's what I want." His words pierced through my heart. "Ano? Gusto mo ba?"

Pakiramdam ko ay sinilaban ang mukha ko sa labis na hiya. Dire-diretso siya sa pagsasalita na para bang hindi mabigat ang sinasabi niya!

I kept a straight face despite the thumping of my heart. "Bumisita ka na lang."

"Yeah, that's why I told you that I'd do everything at your pace. Mine is too advanced."

Napataas ang kilay ko. "Advanced?"

He looked away. "I'll sleep. Good night."

Naiwan akong nakatingin lang sa kanya nang magtalukbong siya ng kumot. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko kapag sinabi niya ulit 'yon.

We grew apart... baka naiisip niya lang na mahal niya pa ako dahil sa napagsamahan namin noon. He might've loved the past Karsen, pero iba na 'ko ngayon. Baka nalulunod lang siya sa ideya ng dating relasyon namin.

Because let's face it, what we had was perfect. Kung kami lang dalawa, baka hanggang ngayon ay magkasama pa rin kami. He was different when he was with me. Mas malumanay. Mas maganda ang ngiti. Mas masaya. At alam kong ganoon din ako. I showed him the vulnerability of my younger self. I laid down all my defenses to welcome him into my life.

But we are different now... older and more complex. Our feelings for each other might have stayed, but I've already learned that love isn't always enough.

"For discharge na po si Hikari. Congratulations."

That was the happiest news I've ever heard that week. Inasikaso ni Kobe ang bill at hinintay naman namin siya ni Gayle sa kwarto. All the bags were packed, and Gayle was already humming beside me. It was a relief for me. Alam kong mahirap sa kanya ang labanan ang naging sakit niya. Every time she'd complain, my heart was being ripped into pieces.

Sa apartment kami umuwi. It was my request. Hindi rin naman nagpumilit si Kobe dahil siya naman mismo ang nagsabi na bibisi-bisita lang siya. He brought all our bags inside the house. Tumakbo agad si Gayle sa mga laruan niya at naupo na sa sahig na parang walang nangyari.

"What do you want for dinner? Magdadala ako mamaya," tanong ni Kobe, bahagyang nakangiti. "Pupunta lang muna ako saglit sa office."

I massaged my neck. "Vegetable soup siguro muna para kay Gayle."

"Sa 'yo?"

Umiling ako. "Ako na ang bahala sa sarili ko."

"Bulalo?" he asked, sounding a bit hopeful. "The one we had at Tagaytay."

I pursed my lips. "Kaya kong magluto, Kobe."

"Milkshake?" tanong niya ulit.

I sighed exasperatedly. "Ayoko ng kahit ano. Dalhan mo si Gayle kung gusto mo siyang dalhan, pero wala kang dadalhin sa 'kin. I'm not your responsibility, so don't bother."

Nawala ang maliit na ngiti niya. Isang beses siyang tumingin kay Gayle bago ibinaba ang mata sa relo niya.

"I'm late for work. See you later," bulong niya.

Lumapit siya kay Gayle at hinalikan ang tuktok ng ulo nito. Matapos iyon ay dumiretso na siya sa labas nang hindi ako tinitingnan.

Hindi ko pa nasasabi kay Gayle ang relasyon nilang dalawa, pero sa closeness nila ay alam kong matatanggap din agad iyon ng bata. I don't know if she'll understand me, but I'm sure she will be happy with her father.

I built my defenses high and strong. Hindi puwedeng isang katok lang ni Kobe ay papasukin ko na ulit siya sa buhay ko. Things happened too fast, and I wouldn't let myself become addicted to his love to the point where I'd give up everything all over again. Nagmadali rin ako noon. I couldn't afford to make the same mistake again.

Days quickly go by. Bumalik kami sa dating routine namin ni Gayle. Ang kaibahan lang, tuwing uuwi kami ay nasa apartment na si Kobe. Minsan ay nagluluto o naglilinis. Minsan naman ay tumitingin lang sa photo albums. Isang beses ay naabutan pa namin siyang natutulog. I gave him a spare key because he asked for it. Madalas kasi ay late na siyang umuwi. Nagtatrabaho pa ako noon kaya siya na ang nagsasarado ng pinto.

"Kobe, ipapakilala na kita kay Gayle," I informed him one Saturday night. Wala akong klase kaya marami akong oras. "Let's not drag this out any longer. Maiintindihan niya naman siguro ang sitwasyon natin."

His eyes widened. "N-Ngayon?"

"Oo."

Namutla siya at napakamot sa batok. "O-Okay..."

Nakaupo lang siya sa maliit na couch habang nasa sahig naman si Gayle at naglalaro. Nilapitan ko ang bata at binuhat, dahilan para mapahagikgik siya.

"Mimi..." She smiled cutely when she saw me. "Elow."

I laughed and pinched her nose. "Hello, baby. Puwede ba kitang hiramin sa mga laruan mo? May ipapakilala lang ako sa 'yo."

She giggled. "Jabi?"

Kinunotan ko siya ng noo. "Anong jabi? Gabi na. Bukas na lang."

"Jabi, jabi, jabi!" she chanted.

I kissed her cheek. "Bukas nga."

Lumingon ako kay Kobe at pakiramdam ko ay tumigil ang pagtibok ng puso ko nang makita siyang titig na titig sa amin, mapungay ang mga mata niya at bahagyang nakaawang ang labi.

It made my heart stop beating for a moment because it reminded me of the way he looked at me before... full of love and longing.

Lumapit ako at umupo sa tabi niya. I placed Gayle on my lap, and our daughter automatically extended her right arm to reach for her father's face.

Hindi ako sigurado kung maiintindihan niya ang sasabihin ko, pero gusto kong ibigay kay Kobe 'to. He was staring at her as if he was standing on a stage in front of a crowd... as if he had seen the light after walking through the long, dark tunnel.

"Gayle, that's your daddy..." I muttered softly.

Napatingin sa akin ang anak. "Mimi?"

Umiling ako. "Ako si mimi, siya si daddy." Sabay turo kay Kobe. "Nongnong, nangnang, tito, tita... meron pang idadagdag... daddy."

She chuckled. "Yabyu, mimi."

Ngumuso ako. "Dapat love din si daddy, ha?"

She nodded cheerfully. Ibinalik niya ang tingin kay Kobe na ngayon ay namumuo na ang luha sa mata. He looked nervous, but at the same time, happy.

Gayle clung to his neck and kissed his cheek. Mula sa hita ko ay kumalong siya sa lalaki. Doon pa lang, alam ko nang naintindihan niya ako.

"Elow..." malambing na bati niya sa ama.

Hindi makapaniwalang tumingin sa akin si Kobe. Ngumiti ako at tinanguan siya.

"Hi..."

Nanubig ang mata ko sa matamis na pagbalik ni Kobe sa bati ng anak namin.

"I missed you..." bulong niya sa bata. "I missed you so much, baby..."

Yumakap at sumiksik sa leeg niya si Gayle. She closed her eyes and hummed. It was one of her father's songs—stolen glances. Tumayo ako nang sabayan siya ni Kobe sa pagkanta. Gayle was just humming, and Kobe was whispering the lyrics to her ears.

Tumalikod ako at nagkunwaring may kinakalikot sa cellphone.

"Through the tinted windows and busy streets, I stole a glance at you and declared defeat..."

Walang nagbago sa boses niya. It was still deep and sexy. Punong-puno ng lambing ang pagbigkas niya sa mga liriko, para bang pilit na kinukuha ang loob mo.

"You've got an innocent beauty..."

I gulped when I realized one thing.

I still have it... the young and immature Karsen... I still have it.

And no matter how much I tried to deny it, I knew he still owned a huge part of my heart.

Hindi ko na ulit sila tiningnan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naninikip ang dibdib ko. I just knew that I was happy — both for Kobe and Gayle. They sang a song together, as if it was the thing that connected them. Nakinig lang ako at hinayaan sila. It was their moment... and I'd love to see more of it.

Nagtimpla ako ng kape at umupo sa pasimano sa terrace. I looked at the sky, and the soft touch of the evening breeze flowed through my hair, reminding me of the happiest days I'd had with Kobe.

Lagi niya akong pinipili kahit na ang kapalit noon ay ang dalawang bagay na alam kong importante sa kanya—his career and his relationship with his family.

"Our daughter fell asleep."

His deep voice reached my ears... but the one that soothed me was the pronoun he used. Our.

"Umuwi ka na rin. Gabi na." Nasa likuran ko siya kaya malakas ang loob kong magkunwaring hindi apektado sa presensya niya. "Bukas na lang ulit."

"Karsen..."

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk?"

It made me nervous, but I wanted to prove something. Humarap ako sa kanya. Mukha siyang nagulat dahil doon. One look at him and my heart went into a frenzy. Bumaba ako sa pasimano at tumayo nang maayos sa tapat niya.

"Tungkol saan? Sa arrangement? May suggestion ka?" tuloy-tuloy na tanong ko kahit na labis na dinadaga ang dibdib ko.

Umiling siya. "No... I'm okay with this."

"Ah, sige." I chuckled awkwardly.

His gaze traveled down to my lips. Bahagyang umawang ang labi niya bago ibinalik ang namumungay nang mata sa akin.

"I-I've been thinking about us."

Napatulala ako. Ang sinabi kong hindi pagpapakita ng emosyon sa kanya ay mabilis na nabali.

"I know." He chuckled nervously. "I know you don't want anything to do with me. 'Yong sinabi ko sa ospital... I know you don't want it. I understand... I really do." Guilt passed across his eyes. "E-Especially after I said shameful things about you and Marcus."

Hindi ako nagsalita. I was as nervous as he was.

"Sinabi mo na mabilis kitang nakuha." Umiling siya. "No... I never once thought of that."

I frowned to hide the tension I'd been feeling. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanya na hindi na niya ako madadaan sa salita niya. I don't want my efforts to be wasted. I should protect myself from him.

"Where are we going in this conversation, Kobe?" I asked.

Lalong nawalan ng kulay ang mukha niya. He bowed his head and muttered several curses. Nang mag-angat siya ng tingin ay ganoon pa rin ang itsura niya.

"I'm..." He breathed deeply. "I'm still..."

There was a long pause. Para bang hirap na hirap siya sa sasabihin.

"I'm still in love with you."

Napamura ako sa isip. I wasn't prepared for that. I felt the tightening in my chest... but it wasn't the painful kind. Titig na titig kami sa isa't isa. He looked scared... yet he was so beautiful to look at.

His eyes glistened. "Karsen, I'm still... so in love with you."

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Ni hindi ko na naitago ang gulat ko.

"Not only because we have Gayle." He shook his head. "All these years, even though my ring isn't with me... I held our promise close to my heart. Kasi gusto ko pa ring tuparin 'yon. I still want to marry you... I still want to give you the best and grandest wedding."

The words got me so emotional. Naramdaman ko ang panunubig ng mata ko ngunit hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa kanya. I wanted to watch him. I wanted to see his expression.

"But I know I have to go through the process. I made you feel small and easy..." Yumuko siya. "Fuck, I practiced this a lot."

Uminit ang mukha ko. I'm sure he talked out loud.

"K-Kobe, kung gusto mo, sa ibang araw na lang—"

"No." He lifted his head. "I... really want to ask you this."

My heart pounded faster and louder with each passing second. Pakiramdam ko ay mawawalan ako ng malay.

"Karsen..." he uttered even though I was just right in front of him. "Puwede ba akong manligaw?"