"I'm sorry. The baby didn't make it."

Those were the first words I heard when I regained consciousness. Hindi ako nagmulat agad ng mata pero naramdaman ko ang paglaglag ng mga luha ko. I knew everyone was here. Rinig ko ang pagsinghap nila sa gulat. I clenched my fist firmly, trying my best not to have a mental breakdown.

I felt someone hold my hand. Dahan-dahan akong nagmulat at nakita ko si Kobe na nakaupo sa gilid ko, magulo ang buhok at may namumuong luha sa mata. His large hands held mine like it was the only thing that was keeping him sane. Kahit nagtama ang mga mata namin ay yumuko lang siya. Wala akong ibang nagawa kung hindi ang panoorin ang tahimik na pagtangis niya.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

Inilibot ko ang tingin sa buong silid at nakita ang buong pamilya Gallardo. Don Lucho was gazing at his son with a pained expression. Gaya ni Kobe ay wala rin sa ayos ang buhok at damit niya. Ate Clea and Elliot were apologetically looking at me... and it made me feel small and inferior. I bit my lower lip tightly before turning my gaze to Tita Penelope, who had a small bandage on her temple. Unlike the rest of her family, her voice was void of any emotion.

I breathed deeply when I felt a strong punch in my heart. So... these are the people for whom I have been living for the past few months. These are the people whom I was trying so hard to please. The people who I thought would welcome me like a family.

"I'm sorry..." Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng kamay kong hawak pa rin ni Kobe. "I'm really... really... sorry."

My heart throbbed, but I didn't say anything again. I have no energy to do that. Masakit ang buong katawan ko at kumikirot ang sintido ko.

Kobe's hand tightened against me and his shoulders started moving. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin doon. He was crying... in front of me... in front of his family.

I closed my eyes and, with a heavy heart, I forcefully removed his hands from mine.

"K-Karsen..." His voice trembled.

Yumuko ako at paulit-ulit na umiling. I want them gone. Ayoko sa kanila. Natatakot ako sa kanila.

"Karsen!"

Tuluyang bumagsak ang luha ko nang marinig ang boses ni Ate Kat. Binuksan niya ang pinto at sa likuran niya ay sina Mari at Mill na humahangos din.

"A-A-Ate Kat..." Humikbi ako.

Dali-dali silang lumapit sa akin at naramdaman ko agad ang mga kamay nila sa katawan ko. Pumasok din sa silid si Eddie pero nanatili siya sa pinto.

"S-Saan masakit, ha?" malambing na tanong ni Ate Kat habang paulit-ulit na hinahaplos ang mukha ko. Puno ng luha ang mga mata niya. "Ano'ng gagawin ni ate?"

Lalo akong napahikbi. Tiningnan ko ang tatlong kaibigan at sa unang beses matapos ang napakahabang panahon, nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

"P-Paano ako?" hinang-hinang tanong ko. "A-Ate... paano ako?"

Naramdaman ko ang paglayo ni Kobe sa akin ngunit hindi ko na siya tinapunan ng tingin. I just cried... all the tears that I didn't shed... I cried it all out.

"You still have her," malamyos na bulong sa akin ni Mill. "Y-Your daughter... you still have her."

Her... my gift from God is a girl.

Everything was a blur after that. Eddie told the doctor my wish and he was also the one who called my friends. Sinabi niya sa akin na nang makita niya akong tumatakbo ay hinabol niya ako. He said that he was calling my name hysterically, but I didn't stop running. Nasa paligid lang siya dahil nagpa-print siya ng handouts para sa isang subject. If it weren't for him, my baby couldn't have made it.

It was a hit-and-run case, and I knew the authorities were looking for the suspect... but right now, none of that seems to matter. Mabuti nga at maliit lang akong magbuntis dahil hindi nakakahalata ang mga Gallardo na may bata pa sa sinapupunan ko. The doctor also acted as if she was running tests and procedures on me.

"Baby, what do you want to eat?" puno ng lambing na tanong sa akin ni Kobe. "I'll order."

Umiling ako sa kanya bago bumaling kay Mari na siyang bantay ko ngayon.

"F-Fruits? Do you want fruits?" Rinig kong tanong ulit ni Kobe.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Napatingin sa akin si Mari.

"Gutom ka na?" she mouthed.

I slowly nodded. "G-Gusto ko ng strawberry milkshake."

"Milkshake?" singit ni Kobe. Narinig ko ang pagtayo niya kaya parang may pumiga sa puso ko. "I'll buy you a milkshake."

I looked at him, and my heart throbbed even more when I saw a hopeful expression on his face. Tatlong araw ko na siyang hindi kinakausap kahit pa kaming dalawa lang lagi ang natitira dito. My friends would take turns taking care of me... but Kobe... he never once left the room. Nagpapadala lang siya ng damit at dito na rin naliligo.

Umiling ako sa kanya. "S-Si Mari na lang..."

Pain passed across his face, forcing me to look away from him.

Pinisil ni Mari ang kamay ko bago tumayo. "Ano pang gusto mo?"

Namumuo ang luha sa mata kong umiling. "M-Milkshake lang."

Tumango siya. "Bibilhan na rin kita ng ulam at kanin, ha? Iinumin mo lang ang milkshake pagkakain mo."

I faked a smile. I knew Kobe was staring at me, but I couldn't look back at him because I knew he'd be in so much pain. Nang makaalis si Mari ay lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko.

"Karsen," mahinang tawag niya.

Yumuko ako at pinaglaruan ang kamay ko. "Ayoko, Kobe."

Hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang mga ginawa sa akin ni Tita Penelope dahil buo na ang loob kong lumayo sa kanila. I'm preparing to leave him... and here I am, thinking there's nothing more heartbreaking than knowing that our child has a high possibility of being born with Down Syndrome.

Hindi ako handa, tangina, hindi ako handa... but I knew I had to. I have to create a new world for my daughter. A world where differences are accepted. A world where she can make millions of happy memories. And I knew I could only do that away from her father... away from the man I promised to love forever.

Hinaplos ko ang tiyan ko. You're my greatest love now. Thank you for staying with me, my little one.

Tatlong araw pa ang lumipas at hindi ko binago ang pakikitungo ko kay Kobe. He was trying. I knew he was trying. Tuwing tulog siya ay tinititigan ko ang mukha niya. I wanted to memorize his features. I wanted to describe to our child how he looked like. Gusto kong tumatak sa puso at isip ko na minsan ay minahal at nagmahal ako.

And today, I will let go of that love.

"Kobe," I called him.

Unlike the past days, my body seemed to recover now. Marami pa rin akong sugat pero hindi ko na masyadong maramdaman ang sakit noon dahil mas mabigat sa akin ang dinadala ng puso ko.

Kami lang dalawa ang nasa silid. I told my friends not to come over. Kahit isang beses ay wala silang itinanong sa akin tungkol sa nangyari. Inalagaan lang nila ako at sinamahan. They knew I would open up once I was ready... and I was glad they didn't force me... because I, myself, don't know where to start. Sa mga magulang ko ba? Sa pananakit ni Tita? Sa pagiging abala ni Kobe? Hindi ko alam. I have a lot to say, but I couldn't voice it out... I was afraid to voice it out.

Nakaupo siya sa gilid ng kama ko. In such a short time, he had lost so much weight. I pressed my palms together. His mother was right. I was never good for him. Simula nang makilala niya ako ay bumagsak ang lahat sa kanya.

And though it would hurt me so much, I knew he was better off without me.

"P-Puwede ka bang makausap?"

Umiling siya at puno ng kaba ang mukhang tumitig sa akin. "H-Hindi. I'm sorry."

A tear escaped my eye. "Please?"

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at kinulong iyon sa palad niya. Wala pa akong sinasabi ay nakita ko na ang pag-alpas ng mga luha sa mata niya. His hands were shaking against mine.

"H-Hindi tayo mag-uusap, hmm? S-Sa susunod na lang... may gagawin ako, eh..." Humikbi siya. "P-Pero hindi ngayon, ha? Hindi ngayon." Basag na basag ang boses niya. "'W-Wag muna."

Nanginig ang labi ko. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtangis dahil alam kong may ideya siya sa pag-uusapan namin. I knew he saw it coming... but like me, I knew he wasn't ready.

"S-Sorry, K-Kobe..."

Paulit-ulit siyang umiling. "Sabi ko, hindi ngayon..."

Humikbi ako. "Ayoko na, Kobe. Ayoko na. Please..."

Lumuwag ang kapit niya sa kamay ko.

"Ayoko sa inyo! Ayoko sa inyong lahat!" mas buo ang boses na saad ko.

"P-Pati sa 'kin?" mahinang tanong niya na lalong nagpabuhos sa luha ko.

Iyak lang ang naisagot ko. I stood up and removed the dextrose hose from my vein. Hindi ko siya kayang panoorin. Hindi ko siya kayang makita. Baka hindi ko siya maiwan... baka hindi ko siya mahiwalayan. My knees were shaky, but I managed to stand up, bracing myself for the breakage of my tiny, frail heart.

"Maghiwalay na tayo, Kobe."

Kasabay ng pagbitaw ko ng mga salitang iyon ay ang pagsuko ko sa pag-ibig na minsan ay naging akin. It was really happening. I was really... really... breaking up with him.

Tumayo rin siya. His face was full of tears.

When I fell in love with him, making him cry was never my plan. I thought we'd surpass everything together. Akala ko kaya ko basta nand'yan siya. Akala ko madali lang basta hindi niya ako iiwan.

But today, I realized that sometimes, love isn't enough.

"K-Kobe!" I shouted when he suddenly fell on his knees. Inabot niya ang dalawang kamay ko at hinang-hinang tumingin sa akin.

"B-Baby, please... I can't lose you." His voice broke. "H-Hindi ko kaya kung pati ikaw. P-Please..."

I felt like my whole world had stopped. He was begging me... the high and mighty Dior Kobe... was kneeling in front of me with his full armor down. It was painful to the extent that I don't think I can proceed with breaking him anymore.

I closed my eyes tightly. You have to leave him, Karsen. He has redeemed himself now. You can't ruin him again. You can't be the dirt in his perfect life again. Tears rolled down my cheeks. My child is a blessing to me, but it would be a disgrace and curse to him. Masyado nga akong naging mapaghangad. I should've been content with looking at him from afar. Even though our love flowed naturally, I shouldn't have forced myself in. I shouldn't have tried to enter his world.

"W-What do you want me to do, Karsen?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I have to break him to break his fall.

"I want you out of my life." Because that's the only way for our child to be safe. "Kobe, I want you gone."

Umiling siya. "You don't mean that... right? We vowed not to leave each other. Y-You won't break your promise."

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi para tatagan ang loob. "I thought about this hard and long enough—"

Tumayo siya at hinawakan ang mukha ko. "B-Baby, no. Y-You're just hurting because we lost our child... p-pero hindi mo 'ko iiwan, 'di ba?" A tear fell from his eye. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that, okay?"

Sinubukan kong tanggalin ang kamay niya sa akin pero humigpit lang ang hawak niya roon. Paulit-ulit ang pag-iling niya na para bang nagmamakaawa sa akin na bawiin ko ang sinabi ko.

"If this is because you fell in love with Marcus... it's okay." His lips quivered. "I'll make you fall in love with me again..."

Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling iyon at kung paanong napadamay si Marcus pero hindi ako nakasagot.

Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. "B-Babalik tayo sa isla. We'll forget everything and we'll renew our vows, hmm? Y-You want that? Kapag magaling na ang mga sugat mo, aalis ulit tayo. L-Lalayo ulit tayo."

"Kobe..."

Umiling siya. "'W-Wag mo naman akong tawagin nang gan'yan."

I sobbed. "A-Ayoko na."

Nabitawan niya ang mukha ko kasabay ng pag-iwas niya ng tingin sa akin. He bit his lower lip and blinked to stop more tears from falling. Ikinunot niya ang noo at maya maya'y muling tumingin sa akin.

At that time, I knew he had given up.

"Give me one reason, Karsen," he whispered.

Natahimik ako.

"I'd let you go." He clenched his teeth. "But I need one good reason, Karsen."

Buong tapang kong hinarap ang titig niya. He looked tired and restless. Siya ang nag-aasikaso ng hit-and-run case ko. Siya rin ang nagbabantay at nagpapakain sa akin. Hindi na siya nakakapunta sa rehearsal at trabaho dahil sa akin.

He was willing to give up and lose everything.

Maybe Tita Penelope was right. He had suffered enough because of me.

"Ayoko na sa 'yo. N-Nagsasawa na 'ko." My heart hurt. "Sa una lang pala masaya. Hinahangaan kasi kita, 'di ba? Pero ewan ko ba. G-Gumising na lang ako na hindi na kita mahal, K-Kobe."

Dumaan ang sakit sa mga mata niya.

"B-Baka nagulat lang ako. Minadali ko lahat kasi ikaw na 'yan, eh! Akala ko pagmamahal na 'yong naramdaman ko kaya nanatili ako sa 'yo." Pinalis ko ang luhang tumulo sa pisngi ko. I'm breaking my own heart. "P-Pero, Kobe, no'ng nabuntis ako, alam mo ba kung ano'ng napagtanto ko?"

He didn't answer. He looked in so much pain... but I knew I would have to break him more. I knew I would have to lie more.

"Hindi ang katulad mo ang gusto kong maging ama ng magiging anak ko."

Tumulo ang luha niya.

"K-Kaya ayoko na! Ayoko sa 'yo! Ayoko sa mga tao sa paligid mo! Ayoko sa buhay na gusto mo pang ibigay sa akin! Kobe, ayoko sa mundo—"

"You've said enough," putol niya sa akin.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko. I was catching my breath, but seeing how hurt he was made me want to retract my words.

Muling tumulo ang luha niya. "I thought it would be hard for you to find a reason to leave me... pero ang dami mong nasabi."

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kamay niya at tuluyang nalaglag ang puso ko nang tanggalin niya ang singsing na nagsisimbolo ng pangako namin sa isa't isa. He grabbed my hand and put the ring there.

"Throw it away for me."

Binitawan niya ako. Kinuha niya ang mga gamit bago naglakad papunta sa pinto. I watched him as I fought the urge to run and hug him. Patuloy ang pag-agos ng luha ko dahil alam kong sa oras na lumabas siya ng silid ay tapos na talaga.

He looked at me... for the last time.

"Don't show up in front of me ever again," he said firmly. "Stay gone. That's my only request."

He stormed out of the room and I fell on the floor, crying for the great love I let go. He was only meant for great things, and sadly, I would always be too small for him.

Hindi ko alam kung paanong dumaan ang mga araw at linggo na wala siya sa buhay ko. I felt empty and clueless. Kung hindi dahil sa mga kaibigan ko ay hindi ko na alam kung saan ako pupulutin. Kobe's concert was postponed for another two weeks. Sa bahay nina Eddie ako nakitira pansamantala dahil wala pa ring permanenteng bahay ang mga kaibigan ko. Eddie was the one who did all the explaining to his parents. Malugod naman nila akong tinanggap nang malaman nilang buntis ako at walang ibang matutuluyan.

"O, saan ka pupunta?" tanong ni Eddie nang makitang bihis na bihis ako.

I don't know if my baby can feel it, but she started growing right after I left the hospital. Ngayon ay halata nang buntis ako... hindi gaya noong mga nagdaang buwan na parang walang laman ang tiyan ko.

"May bibilhin lang," pagsisinungaling ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Kuya, si Karsen lalabas!" sigaw niya, dahilan para tumakbo papunta sa amin si Marcus.

"Bakit?!"

Napanguso ako. "Ang OA n'yo naman."

"Gabing-gabi na!" reklamo ni Eddie.

Lalo akong napalabi. "Alas sinco pa lang! Hanggang nine lang naman ako!"

Sininghalan ako ni Eddie. "Saka ka na lumabas-labas kapag hindi ka na buntis! Inggratang 'to. Baka mamaya ay may makasalubong ka pang tiktik."

"Samahan na kita. Saan ba?" tanong ni Marcus.

Umiling ako. I'm grateful to them for a lot of things, but I'm most grateful for the fact that they didn't ask me what pushed me to hide my child from Kobe. Napag-usapan namin na kapag nakapanganak ako ay aalis na ako sa puder nila. It was a long discussion, but they eventually agreed. Kapag may pambayad na ako ay sasama ako sa tinutuluyan nina Mill at Mari. Sayang nga at kinuha na kay Mari ang apartment. Malaki sana ang matitipid namin kung nandoon pa rin kami. Sa ngayon ay ayoko namang iasa sa kanila ang renta kaya kahit hiyang-hiya ako kina Eddie at Marcus ay hindi ako nakatanggi nang alukin nila akong tumira muna sa kanila.

"Ako na lang. Mag-te-text naman ako," sagot ko.

"Saan ba kasi? Kahit magpahatid ka lang," pamimilit ni Eddie.

I breathed deeply. "Sa Arena."

Dumaan ang gulat sa mukha niya. Nagkatinginan silang magkapatid, pero gaya ng nakasanayan ko ay wala silang ibang sinabi tungkol doon.

"O, sakto. Gusto kong gumala. Hintayin kitang matapos," nakangiting saad ni Eddie. "Yayayain ko si Mill para may kasama ako habang naghihintay."

"Ako na," singit ni Marcus.

Eddie scoffed at him. "May trabaho ka pa sa Sway's, ah? Shoo!"

Ganoon nga ang nangyari. Alam kong alam ni Eddie ang gagawin ko sa arena dahil hindi naman siya tanga para hindi makuha ang ibig kong sabihin. Hinintay lang namin si Mill at nang dumating ang babae ay iniwan ko na silang dalawa.

I'm really thankful and blessed that I have friends with whom I can cry and laugh with.

Suot ang itim na mask at bitbit ang VIP ticket na ibinigay noon sa akin ni Kobe ay pumasok ako sa loob.

But instead of going to the VIP seats, I took an escalator to go to the general admission seat. Maraming tao... mas marami pa noong huling concert niya.

I smiled inwardly. He was really abiding himself... and he was doing a good job at that. Nakita ko kung paano siya magsumikap. Nakita ko kung paanong ibenta niya ang sariling kapayapaan para mabawi ang sarili. He deserves to be acknowledged and listened to.

"Mag-isa ka?" tanong ko sa isang babaeng teenager na naghihintay rin na bumukas ang pinto kasama ko.

"Opo," she answered.

I smiled and handed her my ticket. "Palit tayo."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "P-Po?! VIP po 'yan, ah! Sa baba po kayo."

Umiling ako. "Palit nga tayo."

"T-Totoo po?"

"Oo." Ngumiti ako.

"Maraming salamat po! Mahal na mahal ko po ang mga kanta ni DK!" Tumalon-talon siya matapos matanggap ang ticket ko. "Salamat po, ate! Sana ay healthy ang baby mo paglabas!"

Pinanood ko siyang umalis, hindi pa rin nabubura ang ngiti sa labi. She reminded me of myself when I was just a fan. Mag-isa o may kasama ay pumupunta ako para mapanood si Kobe.

Nang magbukas ang pinto ay pumasok ako at hinanap ang seat ng babae. Maingay at halatang excited ang lahat dahil ito ang comeback concert ni Kobe matapos ang issue niya. Talagang nakatulong ang post ni Jennifer para bumalik ang mga dating naniwala sa kanya. It even doubled. Nababasa ko sa social media ang walang sawang suporta ng mga tao sa kanya. Ang paghingi ng dispensa at pagsasalita laban sa dating management niya.

"Am I seeing things right? You guys are swamped!"

Nagtilian ang mga tao nang pumaibabaw ang malalim na boses ni Kobe. Everyone chanted his name. Mula sa manipis na usok ay lumabas ang lalaking bumihag sa puso ng lahat... ang lalaking dapat ay tinitingala lang.

The instruments started rolling, and after only a short time, he already owned the stage, singing his heart out, performing like the mighty and high that he is. I could only see his face through the screen because my seat was too far from him. Wala nang bakas ng pagod at pag-iyak sa mukha niya. Wala nang bakas ng sakit na iniwan ko.

This is his world. This is where he belongs.

I caressed my tummy and smiled.

Achieve more things, my love. Our daughter and I will be watching.