I didn't expect that the stories I wanted to tell him would be so delayed because he got even busier the following days.

"Aalis ka na agad?" tanong ko nang maalimpungatan. I looked at the clock sitting on the bedside table. Alas sinco pa lang pero bihis na bihis na siya.

"Sorry for waking you up," he said gently before fixing his shirt. "I have an early rehearsal."

Umupo ako sa kama at pinanood siyang mag-ayos. He was preparing for a concert... of course he would be up to his neck.

"Late ka na nakauwi kagabi, 'no? Hindi kita naabutan," mahinang saad ko.

He glanced at me before nodding. "Baka ma-late ulit ako mamaya."

I gulped the lump in my throat. Nakaramdam ako ng pagtatampo at alam kong hindi tama iyon kaya iwinaksi ko agad. I pressed my palms together and smiled at him. It must be my pregnancy hormones.

"B-Bukas...?" dahan-dahang tanong ko. "May check-up ako. Sasama ka ba?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. Napayuko ako roon. I get that. I shouldn't make him feel guilty because he was working to feed me and our child.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Sira, okay lang. Maayos naman kami ni baby sabi ni Dr. Constantino no'ng last check-up. Tatawagan na lang kita after." I laughed. "Or lunch. P'wedeng pag-usapan natin 'yon over lunch."

He sighed, and again, I understood what that meant. Pinigilan ko ang sariling makaramdam ng dismaya dahil hindi tamang ganoon ang isipin ko. I bit my lower lip to suppress the words I wanted to say. Baka may masabi akong hindi tama. Makaapekto pa 'yon sa trabaho niya.

I laughed again. "Joke lang!"

Hindi nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. "I'm really sorry. I'll do my best to be home as early as possi—"

I shook my head. "Take your time."

"Karsen..."

I glared at him. "Galingan mo sa rehearsal, ha? Manonood ako ng concert mo. Siguraduhin mong magugustuhan namin 'yan."

His face lit up. "Namin?"

I pointed at my tummy. "Nitong anak mo."

He chuckled. Umikot siya sa tabi ko at tinanggal ang kumot na nakatakip sa lower body ko. He caressed my tummy softly and stared at it with obvious joy in his eyes. He kissed it through my clothes as if it was his most prized possession.

"I'll make it up to you after the concert." He looked up to me. "I promise."

I stared back at him and realized that our priorities had really changed. The most important thing for us now is how we are going to raise our child. Hindi ang pag-aaral ko. Hindi ang trabaho niya. Itinaas ko ang kamay at inayos ang buhok niya habang nakatitig pa rin sa kanya.

Maybe I just missed it—the times he would skip work just to see me. Kung paanong nagsisimula ang araw ko sa tawag niya at natatapos na siya ang huling nakausap.

He stood up and kissed my head. "Off to work."

Tumango ako at pinanood siyang maglakad papunta sa pinto ng kwarto. I would spend the rest of the day with myself again. Sana ay may oras na siya para makatawag sa akin mamaya. Gustong-gusto ko kasing marinig ang boses niya tuwing matatapos akong kumain. May mga oras lang talaga na wala akong magawa kung hindi maghintay sa tawag niya dahil hindi ko naman siya puwedeng abalahin.

"Kobe," I called.

He looked back. "Hmm?"

I miss you.

"Ingat," mabilis na sabi ko bago pa iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

Ngumiti rin siya. He mouthed his "I love you" before slowly closing the door. Naiwan akong nakatitig doon habang iniisip ang isang maghapong hindi ko na naman siya makikita.

Itinulog ko ang naramdamang lungkot. Nasanay siguro ako na lagi akong inuuna ni Kobe kaya ngayong hindi na siya laging nand'yan ay nadismaya ako. Marami siyang inaasikaso, hindi gaya ko na nakaupo lang sa bahay at naghihintay. I shouldn't demand more from him.

"Karsen, would you stop studying?"

My whole world stopped when Tita Penelope told me that over a meal. Tinawag niya ako para mag-umagahan, at iyon ang ibinungad niya sa akin.

She cleared her throat. "I mean, what's the use? Magiging nanay ka naman na. You should just focus on that."

Yumuko ako at tumitig sa plato ko. "M-Matatapos na po ako." My voice was small. "Sayang naman."

She scoffed. "Ano namang gagawin mo sa degree mo? Siguradong hindi ka naman magtatrabaho. Mas sayang 'yong pera."

I swallowed hard. So it was money again. Alam na alam niya lagi kung saan ako titirahin.

"Pag-iisipan ko po," mabigat ang loob na sabi ko. Ayokong makipagtalo sa kanya.

"Look, I'm not saying this because I don't like you," segunda agad niya. "Naaawa lang ako kay Kobe dahil ang dami niya nang gastusin. Ayaw niya namang tanggapin ang tulong namin ni Lucho. His building would cost millions and he might spend all of his savings on your pregnancy. Kung sasabay ang tuition fee mo na hindi rin naman biro ang presyo, baka walang matira sa kanya."

I clenched my fist. She was right... and I hated it. Hiyang-hiya na ako kay Kobe. I was like a baggage he had to carry. Wala naman kasi akong naibibigay.

"Ikaw rin. Baka mapagod ang anak ko sa pag-aasikaso sa iny—"

"Mag-d-drop na po ako mamaya," putol ko sa kanya. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko ang pagngiti niya sa sinabi ko. I was unsure, but she was right. I could delay my studies. Siguro ay kapag nakapaghanap na lang ulit ako ng trabaho.

"Good. Okay, you can eat now." She stood up. "I'll go to my office, so if you need something, just say it to the helpers. Don't bother me."

Huminga ako nang malalim. My heart hurt. Parang may pinong karayom na tumutusok doon. I covered my face with my hands pathetically. Kahit wala akong pangkain noon ay hindi ko isinuko ang pag-aaral. I would still go to school because I knew how important education is... lalo sa mga katulad kong walang-wala. Kahit kaliwa't kanan ang gastusin ay marami akong pinapasok na trabaho para makapagbayad. Even in the middle of the cheating rumors around me, I didn't give up my studies.

Finishing college was my ultimate goal when I left the shelter... but I guess I will take a break for a while. Kapag kaya ko na at kapag hindi na ako umaasa sa iba.

That day, I dropped out of all my subjects... without anyone's opinion.

"I hope you have a bright future, anak." Hinaplos ko ang tiyan habang nakatingin sa bintana kung saan tanaw ang malawak na hardin ng bahay. "Magsisikap ako nang mabuti para hindi ka mapagaya sa 'kin." Tears welled up in my eyes, and right there, I felt like my child was comforting me. "H-Hindi ko hahayaan na tratuhin ka nila gaya ng pagtrato nila sa 'kin. Pangako 'yan."

As I had expected, I didn't see Kobe the next day. Malamig na ang gilid ng kama kung saan siya nakahiga nang magising ako. He was off to work really early. Naligo na lang ako at nagbihis dahil may appointment ako kay Dr. Constantino. I was thankful that Tita Penelope finally stopped telling me to clean the house. Nag-aalala kasi ako sa anak ko tuwing nakararamdam ako ng pagod.

"Can you hear that?" tanong ni Dr. Constantino habang nakatingin sa monitor. "That's your baby's heartbeat!"

Napahawak ako sa bibig ko. Titig na titig ako sa larawan sa screen at hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit namuo ang luha sa mata ko nang pumaibabaw sa silid ang mabilis at may kalakasang tunog ng tumitibok na puso.

"T-Talaga po?" Nanginig ang boses ko. "A-Anak ko po 'yon?"

"Yes. I'll print you pictures, too," nakangiting sabi niya.

My lips quivered. Kahit nang mawala na ang tunog ay naiwang nakaawang ang bibig ko. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard... and it was living inside me.

"Seems like your baby is strong and healthy." She held my hand and squeezed it lightly. "Keep it up, Ms. Navarro."

Hinawakan ko ang tiyan ko at hinayaan ang sarili na umiyak doon. My child was really with me. Buhay na buhay siya sa loob ko. Nang makita ako ni Dr. Constantino ay sinabihan niya akong sumunod na lang ako sa labas. She let me have my moment, and it really got me emotional.

It has a heartbeat... and right there, I really wished that Kobe had heard it with me. Siguradong magugustuhan niya iyon. Siguradong maiiyak din siya gaya ko. We made this life together, and it would be nice to hold his hand while hearing that sound.

I was on cloud nine when I went out of the hospital. Natanaw ko agad ang kotseng sinakyan ko kanina kaya dali-dali akong sumakay roon.

"Kuya Enzo!" I said hysterically. "Narinig ko po si baby ngayon!"

His face brightened up. Tinanong niya ako nang tinanong tungkol doon at maligaya kong ikinuwento sa kanya ang nangyari. I even showed him the pictures and he was as excited as I was. Hindi agad kami nakaalis sa parking lot dahil pinakalma niya pa ako. It just felt surreal.

"Ninong, gusto po ni baby ng strawberry milkshake," sabi ko matapos ang mahabang pagpalahaw.

He laughed. "Ninong?"

I nodded happily. "Sa Sway's po tayo."

Muli siyang tumawa. "Masusunod po!"

Magaan ang puso ko sa nangyari. Gusto ko agad tawagan si Kobe para mag-kwento pero alam kong abala siya sa trabaho kaya pinigilan ko ang sarili. Mas mabuting sa personal ko sabihin sa kanya para makita ko nang buo ang reaksyon niya.

"Karsen, ba't ka nandito?" tanong ni Marcus nang pumasok ako sa shop. "Let me guess..." He grinned. "Strawberry milkshake?"

Ngumiti ako at tumango sa kanya. "'Yong pinakamalaki po."

"Okay, right away!"

Ramdam ko ang tinginan ng ilang estudyante na naroon pero hindi ko sila pinansin. I was too happy to even care. Lahat ng agam-agam ko nitong mga nagdaang linggo ay nawala dahil sa gaan ng pakiramdam ko. Maybe this is what people meant when they said that motherhood is beautiful.

"Sa susunod, p'wedeng deliver na lang ulit para hindi ka na lumalabas," sabi ni Marcus bago tumingin sa paligid.

"Okay lang 'yon!"

He chuckled. "Favorite mo ba 'to? Ito rin ang unang in-order mo rito dati."

Inabot ko ang milkshake bago ngumiti. "Hindi ko masyadong gusto ang lasa, pero ang ganda kasi."

"Dahil pink?"

I laughed. "Tama!"

Nang makapagbayad ay naghanda na ako sa pag-alis. Babalik pa si Kuya Enzo kay Kobe kaya kailangan ko ring makauwi agad.

"Nabasa n'yo 'yong post ni Jennifer?"

Wala pa ako sa pinto ay narinig ko na iyon. For some reason, my heart started thumping loudly. It had been so long since I last heard her name... but it still brought a lot of painful memories for me. Ilang beses kaming ipinagkumapara at kahit isang beses doon ay hindi ako nanalo.

I shook my head. Erase, erase, erase, Karsen. Masaya ka today. 'Wag mong sirain ang araw mo!

"'Yong tungkol kay Kobe?"

I stormed out of the place, my fist clenched tightly. I knew I shouldn't have looked at the post. I knew I shouldn't let anyone ruin my day, but as soon as I got in the car, I grabbed my phone and logged onto Facebook.

"Iuuwi na kita, ha?"

Hindi ko na pinansin si Kuya Enzo. I gave in to my curiosity and searched for Jennifer's post.

Jennifer Austria

I took months off of everything because of what happened, and now I can't sit back and just watch my fellow celebrity, Dior, get bashed for falling in love with an amazing girl.

To say that I was taken aback would be an understatement. I didn't expect her post to be like... this.

Jennifer Austria

I knew it was too late because the damage I caused had already been done, but seeing how Dior was working hard to get back on track was a slap in my face. I wasn't romantically involved with him, and you guys should direct your hate on me because I was the one who wanted to build our love team for my career to flourish.

I apologize to everyone who has been affected because of my careless actions, including Dior, Karsen, and both our management. I'm holding myself accountable.

Buong byahe ay ang post ni Jennifer ang nasa isip ko. Hindi ang tunog ng tibok ng puso ng anak ko. Hindi ang kagustuhan kong ikwento iyon kay Kobe. She was all I thought about. Tapos na ang issue na 'yon, at ngayong ibinalik niya 'yon ay siguradong matatapos ang career niya.

Did she even realize that she was risking her image?

My shock doubled when I saw Jennifer's assistant in the garden of the mansion. I could hear my own heartbeat as I got out of the car.

"Karsen," tawag ni Kuya Enzo, siguro ay nakita rin ang nakita ko. "Inumin mo muna 'yan."

Umiling ako. "Sa loob na po, kuya."

Bitbit ang strawberry milkshake ay buong tapang akong naglakad palapit sa pinto ng bahay. Nakabukas iyon kaya kitang-kita ko ang babaeng kanina ko pa iniisip na nakaluhod sa harap nina Tita Penelope, Ate Clea... at Kobe.

Napakurap ako sa nakita. I'm not sure if my eyes were fooling me, but I could see Jennifer's shoulders tremble as if she was crying. Doon palang ay naintindihan ko na ang nangyayari.

She was apologizing.

Titig na titig ang buong mag-anak sa babae na walang nakapansin na nanonood ako.

Not even Kobe.

"Stand up, hija. It's okay!" Rinig kong sabi ni Tita bago tumingin sa lalaki. "Come on, tell her!"

"I-I'm so sorry po..." Jennifer sobbed. "It took me so long to admit my mistakes. Patawarin n'yo po ako!"

Dinaluhan siya ni Tita. "We make mistakes, and as long as you learn from them and repent, then you're good. Don't cry. You've done enough."

Naramdaman ko ang panlalamig ng kamay ko dahil hindi ko agad namalayang mahigit na pala ang kapit ko sa plastic cup. My eyes became blurry, indicating that tears were starting to form in my eyes.

"Stand up," Kobe commanded, his face void of any emotion. "It's no use."

"Kobe!" suway ni Tita. "Can't you see that Jennifer is humbling herself here?"

Hindi nagpatinag si Kobe. "I said, stand up."

Unti-unting tumayo si Jennifer habang nakayuko. "S-Sorry..."

"Retract your words."

My teary eyes widened as my heart started to clench in pain. Sana, gaya ng dati, hindi ko na lang naintindihan ang sinabi niya. Retract... really? Why?

"K-Kobe..." mahinang tawag ni Jennifer.

"I handled the situation already. The one to blame is my management," sabi niya pa.

"Si K-Karsen—"

"She's okay," putol ni Tita. "Obey Kobe. Bawiin mo ang sinabi mo at hayaan mo nang mamatay ang issue. You shouldn't let your image get tainted for this."

Bago pa tuluyang bumagsak ang luha ko ay tumalikod na ako sa kanila. Dali-dali akong naglakad papunta sa sasakyan at doon umiyak. Hindi ako makahinga nang ayos dahil sa sakit na sumasakal sa dibdib ko. Wala na akong pakialam kung kitang-kita ako ni Kuya Enzo dahil ang gusto ko lang mangyari ngayon ay maglaho sa harapan nilang lahat.

"Karsen..."

I sobbed. "B-Bakit gano'n, kuya?" Basag na basag ang tinig ko. "B-Bakit iba 'yong trato? Bakit kapag si Jennifer, okay lang magkamali... pero kapag ako, parang bawal? B-Bakit siya hindi p'wedeng masira 'yong pangalan, pero kapag ako, o-okay lang? D-Dahil ba wala akong bilang? Dahil ba wala namang nakakakilala sa 'kin? B-Bakit?! B-Bakit gusto nilang bawiin ni Jennifer ang sinabi niya?! Bakit hindi nila naisip na apektado rin ako! Why... just why are they deciding for me?!"

Nabitawan ko ang milkshake at tumapon iyon sa loob ng kotse. I felt rebellious. I wanted to shout everything at everyone, but all I had listening to me was Kuya Enzo.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "K-Kuya, nasira din naman ako... at sa ginawa ni Jennifer, p'wedeng luminis ulit ang pangalan ko. B-Bakit nila pinipigilan?"

Hindi siya nagsalita.

Muling kumirot ang dibdib ko bago nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya. "Saka may free time pala si Kobe, 'no?"

"Karsen..."

Umiling ako. "M-May break pala siya."

"May rason si—"

"Opo." Another tear escaped my eye. "Lagi naman, eh."

"Karsen naman..."

"K-Kung binigyan niya lang ako ng oras gaya ng ibinibigay niya ngayon kay Jennifer, 'di sana narinig niya ang anak namin." Kasabay ng pagkabasag ng tinig ko ay ang lalong paninikip ng dibdib ko. "Sana pala nag-dine in na lang ako sa Sway's. H-Hindi ko sana naabutan 'to. Hindi ko sana nakitang iba ang trato ni Tita kay Jennifer at hindi ko sana nalamang may pahinga si Kobe."

Tumingin ako sa pinto ng bahay. Wala pa ring lumalabas doon. They are really taking their time, huh? Hindi manlang ba magtataka si Kobe kung bakit wala pa ako sa bahay? Hindi ba siya mag-aalala?

"Kuya, ilayo mo po muna ako rito, please..." pagmamakaawa ko. "S-Sorry po, ha? Alam ko pong hindi na maganda ang iniisip ko... at ayoko pong madagdagan pa 'yon. M-Masama rin po ang stress kay baby."

Walang salitang binitawan si Kuya Enzo nang paandarin niya ang sasakyan. Iyak lang ako nang iyak. It was unfair, but I was never used to fairness... so it should be okay. Hindi ako dapat nakararamdam ng inggit kay Jennifer dahil lang mabuti ang trato sa kanya ni Tita at may oras sa paliwanag niya si Kobe. It should be okay.

Mali na naman ang nararamdaman mo, Karsen. You should understand them.

Pero kahit anong pilit ko ay hindi ko maintindihan. Jennifer finally had the courage to speak up and clean our names... but they were stopping her because her career would be tainted. Paano ako? Paano ang pangalan ko? Hahayaan nilang nakadikit sa kabit? Sa mang-aagaw? Sa pokpok?

And to think that it was Kobe's idea... wala na ba siyang pakialam sa akin? He said that he would punish everyone who had wronged me... but what happened? Hindi ba kasali roon si Jennifer? But she admitted that she was the one who wanted the love team.

Parang sasabog ang sintido ko sa kaiisip. Kung hindi pa ako pinigilan ni Kuya Enzo para kumain ay hindi ko maaalalang hindi pa ako nagtatanghalian. I stayed with him until afternoon, and when I finally calmed myself down, I asked him to bring me home. Kobe was calling me non-stop, but I turned my cell phone off because I didn't want to talk to him yet. Ayokong ibigay sa kanya ang sama ng loob ko. I was the one who felt jealous and insecure. I should handle my emotions alone.

Gaya ng inaasahan ko, wala na si Jennifer doon. Si Kobe ang bumungad sa akin na nakaupo sa couch at mukhang malalim ang iniisip. Ipinagpasalamat kong hindi halata sa mukha ko ang pag-iyak lalo at ayokong isipin niya na nagpapaawa ako.

After only a second, he looked at me.

"Karsen, saan ka galing? Hindi ko kayo matawagan ni Kuya Enzo." I could hear tension in his voice as he went near me. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit pero wala akong ibang maramdaman kung hindi ang kagustuhang magpahinga.

"I wanted to tell you a lot of things," he whispered, still hugging me. "Jennifer was here earlier and she wanted to apologize to you. She posted a public apology, but I asked her to turn down her post because I don't want another artist to ruin herself for a shitty management. And the rehearsal was going pretty well. Mukhang ma-so-sold out ang ticket. Binigyan ako ng two days break ni direk para hindi mapagod ang boses—"

"Kobe..." mahinang tawag ko sa kanya.

"Hmm?" he mumbled attentively.

Humiwalay ako sa yakap niya. His eyes widened a fraction, probably surprised that I let him go. I stared at him and for the first time in my life... his face didn't bring me peace and comfort.

"K-Karsen..." kinakabahang tawag niya.

I gave him a sad smile. "H-Hindi mo ba kukumustahin ang check-up ko?"

Para siyang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa narinig. I bit my lower lip to stop my tears from falling because I didn't want to look pathetic in front of him.

"I-I heard our baby's h-heartbeat today." My voice broke. "M-Mabilis at malakas... p-parang buhay na buhay talaga."

"I-I'm s-sorry, baby..." He held my hand. Regret was visible in his eyes. "I'm sorry..."

Umiling ako at inalis ang kamay niya. "Pagod kami ni baby ngayon... p'wede na bang magpahinga?"

"K-Karsen, please..."

Ngumiti ako at nilagpasan siya. Narinig ko ang paulit-ulit niyang pagtawag sa pangalan ko pero hindi ko siya nilingon. Magpapahinga lang naman ako. Hindi naman dahil nagtatampo ako ay hindi ko na siya mahal. Siguro mali ako, pero sa ngayon, gusto ko munang pagbigyan ang sarili ko na makaramdam ng tampo at selos.

You successfully ruined your day, Karsen.