HARRY:

The next morning couldn't come quickly enough; my worries kept me up through the night. Ron was still asleep when I got out of bed and changed into my robes for the day. I hurried down the stairs, eager to see Lucy and confirm for myself that she was still there, that she had made it through the night. My diary was in my pocket; I hadn't forgotten our agreement, and I was honestly interested to see what she had written me.

The door to the kitchen was closed, but I could hear the voices inside with perfect clarity.

"She slept so fitfully I doubt she'll feel she's slept at all," Hermione was saying, sounding plenty tired herself. "Ginny wanted to stay so Lucy wouldn't wake up alone, so I figured I'd head down and tell you both how the night went."

"What do you mean by fitfully, Hermione?" Professor Lupin asked. "Was she in pain at all?"

"I'm sure she was, she had to have been," Hermione replied in almost a whisper. "Nightmares, too. I woke her up in the middle of one, but it took her so long to fall back asleep afterward Ginny and I agreed it would be better just to let her sleep and hope the sleep would benefit her more than the nightmares would hurt her."

"Poor dear," Mrs. Weasley murmured. "What did the healers at St. Mungo's say, Remus?"

"That she's remarkably resilient. That it's a miracle she's alive, and even more of a miracle that her memory seems to be unaffected." He sighed. "I just worry for... everything else. We all know she's resilient, of course, but some of what she told me..." His voice trailed off, and his voice was tighter than it had been when he spoke again. "I stand by what I said last night, Molly. It's best if she's never alone."

"I thought this was the safest place to be," Hermione said. "Surely no one will come for her while she's here, right, Professor?"

"She's completely safe here from any outside forces who would want to hurt her further," he replied immediately, "and the same will be true at Hogwarts, as well. It's whatever happens internally in the coming months that worries me."

"Meaning what exactly, Professor?" Hermione's voice shook.

He hesitated.

"Hermione will be around her more than anyone else at school, Remus," Mrs. Weasley said. "Sharing a dormitory and all."

"She'll be alright, won't she?" Hermione pressed. "She's not going to die of any long-term effects, will she? What is it that I can do by being there? What do you mean, she shouldn't be alone?"

Professor Lupin waited a long second before replying. "I just worry that in the coming weeks, as she begins to process what her life will look like now, with everything that's happened, she could... begin to lose sight of the fact that there is still a life of her that still has hope."

I heard Hermione suck in a breath as she realized what he meant. "Oh."

I didn't stick around to hear whatever was said next. I turned on my heel and made my way up the stairs silently.

Ginny was sitting by Lucy's bedside, looking as if she'd been crying. Her head snapped in my direction when I entered the room, but she relaxed when she saw it was me.

"Don't tell anyone downstairs," I whispered as I tiptoed across the room, "but I, er, sort of overheard what happened last night. I can take over until she wakes up."

Ginny nodded enthusiastically, a tiny smile on her face all of a sudden. "Sounds good. She'd like that."

Just like that, she jumped up from the chair, gestured for me to fill her spot, and hurried quietly from the room, closing the door behind her.

I turned the chair slightly so I was next to Lucy rather than facing her head-on, thinking that might startle her whenever she woke up, but I studied her out of the corner of my eye anyway.

One hand was tucked under her head, and the other was loosely holding one of her many blankets. Her face was still pale, and even in sleep, her brow was furrowed as if she were in pain. The most obvious thing was the way she was still shaking, even sound asleep.

I grazed her forehead with my fingers to see if she was shaking because she was cold, but her forehead felt more normal than it had the night before. She was just... shaking. And hurting. And there was nothing I could do to make it better.

I leaned back into the chair and got my diary out of my pocket. After July 26, my diary entries had gotten longer and longer and more and more worried. That searing pain in my forehead, that disembodied laugh, everything about it worried me. And as it turned out, I was right to be worried.

I turned back quite a few pages in the diary, to the previous summer. Everything had been so different then. I doubted it would ever be quite like that again.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when Lucy started muttering in her sleep. Her voice was too quiet and too hoarse for me to try to make sense of what she was saying, but I could tell from the way her grip tightened on her blanket and the way her face contorted in pain that it was another one of the nightmares Hermione had described.

To wake her up would hurt her. To let her sleep would hurt her.

Merlin, how had everything gone so wrong?

I watched helplessly for a couple of minutes, wracked with indecision as she grew more and more agitated.

To wake her up would hurt her. To let her sleep would hurt her.

But which would hurt her less?

Merlin, how had everything gone so wrong?

Suddenly, her voice was a bit clearer.

"Harry."

Her eyes were still closed, but her face relaxed ever so slightly.

I couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep.

"I'm here," I whispered. "Right here."

"I don't understand," she replied, choking back a sob.

"Understand what?" I still didn't know if she was awake or asleep, but if she somehow heard me and somehow knew I was there, maybe I could chase the nightmare away.

"Why I have to keep making this decision. I-I thought..."

"Thought what, Lu? What's wrong?"

"Why do I have to keep making this decision? I've made it once already, so why does..."

She fell silent, pain flickering anew across her face

"I've made my decision. I made it when it would have been easiest to choose to... to... I can keep making it."

"I know you can," I whispered, holding a hand out.

It was true. Even if it was just a dream, I knew Lucy could handle whatever came her way. She'd already survived so much in the last month and a half. Surely the rest of her life would be easier by comparison.

And even if it wasn't, I'd make sure she was never alone. Whatever came next.

Lucy's hand reached for mine, and the second our fingers touched, her eyes fluttered open.

She stared at me for a long moment, then blinked a couple of times.

"Oh. You really are here."

I squeezed her hand in response, offering a small, amused smile. "Where else would I be?"

She blinked again, then seemed to realize her fingers were intertwined with mine. She sheepishly removed her hand and adjusted her position a bit on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked just as she winced.

"'M fine," she replied, not meeting my eyes.

I shifted on the chair so my legs dangled over the side and I was facing her head-on. "Try again, because I don't believe you."

A bit of red made its way to her pale cheeks as she glanced at me. "Bloody tired, I can tell you that much."

"You can go back to sleep if you want. Nobody's expecting you to go run a marathon anytime soon, they'd understand."

She shook her head. "I'd rather not deal with the nightmares again."

"That's alright," I replied with a nod. I understood all too well. I'd had my fair share of nightmares since June.

Lucy studied me for a second. Though her eyes were undeniably exhausted, and their typical light was missing, she still seemed to see right through me. "You've been dreaming about him, too, haven't you?"

"Cedric or Voldemort?"

She hesitated. "Both?"

I nodded. "Both."

"Me too." Her eyes wandered, landing on the diary in my lap. "Mine's in my bag, at the foot of my bed. If you want to trade."

"Good thinking." I passed my diary to her, then fished hers out of her bag.

"I don't know how many pages there are," she said softly, flipping through the pages of my diary looking for where her handwriting stopped. "I reckon it would have been rather annoying if you had been receiving the messages. I was worried about you."

"I was worried about you too."

We exchanged a brief but meaningful glance before diving into our own reading.

Her first three entries seemed to punch three new holes in my chest. One from right after the funeral, and one from that night, and one from the next morning.

Harry, it was horrible. I mean, it was good, a lot of people came, but it was horrible. I haven't been able to stop crying. I miss you. I need you. I don't know what to do, Harry. Everything feels so different. I mean, he was gone last summer, too, but this is just so different. It feels so much emptier. I wish you were here. I need you.

I can't sleep. I'm sorry, I feel so pathetic, but if you see this, please write me back. Even if it's just to say you saw it. It's so lonely here, Harry, so empty. I miss you so much already and it's only been a day.

I still haven't slept, Harry. I haven't slept since I fell asleep on your shoulder on the train. My head hurts. My chest hurts. I think Hermione was right, I feel really sick. But I still can't stop crying. I miss him. It hurts. I miss you too. You made it better. You make everything better. Please write me back, I just want to see your handwriting even if I can't hear your voice or feel your arms around me. Please.

I snuck a glance at her over the top of the diary. I could see she was still shaking, even as she rested her chin in her hand.

I made everything better?

As I kept reading, I realized we'd had painfully similar experiences over summer. We told each other little details about our days, we both expressed time and time again just how much we missed the other, we were both terribly worried we'd done something to upset the other somehow.

Two years ago today, I left for Tahoe. I made the memory I use for my patronus on that trip. I just thought you of all people might care about that.

I wish you were here. Everything would be better if you were. I still wear the charm bracelet. I haven't taken it off once. I don't want to give up on you, Harry, please don't give up on me...

I don't know what I did to upset you and I'm sorry if I'm a bother at this point but I just miss you so much and I don't know what to do without you anymore.

But there were two key differences, too.

The first was that she had not only not heard from me, but she hadn't received letters from anyone else either. As annoying as it had been not hearing anything worthwhile from Ron and Hermione, at least I knew they were alive and well and didn't hate me.

I thought I might have gotten a letter by now, any letter, from anyone. But... nothing. What did I do, Harry? Why is everyone mad at me? I just want someone to talk to, anyone.

The second difference was her parents. One entry, about midway through July struck me.

My parents don't know what to do with me. They barely even talk to me. My mum tries sometimes, but my dad just locks himself in their room for hours at a time. When he's not locked in his room or at work, he and Mum are arguing. I can never hear what they're saying, but they argue every day now. They shout and cry and I know I should really ask what's wrong, but I don't. Should I?

Her final two entries, though, were the most haunting of all.

My parents finally stopped fighting. They seem to have reached an agreement about whatever it was.

It was an article. They were arguing about an article. My mum wanted to publish it, but my dad thought it would be more danger than it was worth. Mum won out, I guess, because she brought the article up for me to read this morning. I hope you see it, somehow. I hope you know that I've been trying to write you. I hope you haven't forgotten me, because I can't forget you. Sometimes I feel like you're the only person in the world I can trust. Have I ever told you that? Well, if I haven't before, I have now. You understand, Harry, better than anyone, and what I would do to have you here right now...

"I'm here now," I said quietly, finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

Nobody had known just how disastrous that article would prove to be.

When I received no response, I glanced up from the diary. Lucy was sound asleep, the diary open to a page from the summer between third and fourth year next to her pillow.

"Oh," I whispered, reaching forward to carefully retrieve my diary, curious as to what page she had been reading.

Sometime, we should go to America together. What d'you say, are you in?

Merlin, I'd love that. You always seem so excited when you talk about last summer, in Tahoe.

What if we spent the whole summer there, after we graduate? Before our lives begin?

Sounds like a brilliant idea to me.

Deal, then?

Deal.

I glanced back at Lucy. She seemed more at peace than she had been when I first replaced Ginny. Her breath seemed to be coming easier, and her brow wasn't furrowed as deeply.

She ended up sleeping for five more hours. I didn't leave her side.

She didn't have another nightmare that whole time.

A/N: Hey, everyone! Long time no talk!

First of all, I'm so sorry this chapter is so late! I took my last final exam this afternoon and I kept changing my mind about what I wanted to have happen in this chapter and today has just been one change of plans after another after another after another, but I'm actually happy with how this turned out! I hope you all feel the same way!

Second of all, thank you for sticking with me the past couple of weeks! I know I've probably put you all through hell, so thank you for trusting me to bring you out of hell, too. I can't promise it'll be a quick or easy journey for anyone in the coming chapters, but I can promise that I'll pour my heart and soul into this story and do every character justice in the end. As someone commented yesterday, yes, I do have tricks up my sleeve, but you are all more or less saved from plot twists like Chapter 81 for the time being.

Third of all, your comments literally make this story worth writing. I read every single comment and I very often re-read the comments when I'm feeling discouraged. It makes me so happy to see people feel (almost) as excited reading this story as I feel when I'm writing it, and seeing how much you all care about Lucy and Harry and, well, everyone just fills me with so much joy. So thank you for reading, and commenting, and caring, and loving this story, because I love it too. And I've found that sharing a love of something is an incredible way to make connections, and as 2020 draws to a close, this story will forever be a highlight in my year.

Fourth of all, quick life update! My Fred is back and I am so so so thankful. I missed her like crazy but she's back and happier than she's ever been and I'm so proud of her and I could literally talk about her all day, but I digress.

Anyway, thank you for reading! Sorry for rambling in this author's note, I've just missed talking to you all! See you soon with Chapter 91! LOVE YOOOU!