They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive every day
I will shoulder the blame
I will shout out your name
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

"I Will Not Say Goodbye"
Danny Gokey

LUCY:

With my parents back in Ottery St. Catchpole, I found myself sitting between Professor Sprout and Henry in the front row. It was the first time I'd seen Henry since I jumped over the railing. He looked nearly as awful as I felt.

I had offered to go first.

It would be the first time I had said his name aloud since Saturday before the task.

I had been unable to write his name the day prior. Every time I wanted to, I had instead drawn the rough outline of an osprey.

When Professor Dumbledore nodded to me, my hands tightened around the piece of parchment, and I placed one foot in front of the other until I was at the front of the Great Hall.

The sight of so many faces before me was overwhelming. I looked down at the paper in my hands, but all of a sudden, the words I had written seemed altogether inadequate. I had written about what he meant to me, who he was to me. I looked up again. Hundreds of faces, waiting expectantly. Hundreds of faces, there for him. There for the boy I had been lucky enough to call my brother. There for the boy that they had been lucky enough to call their friend.

I folded the paper and tucked it into my robes.

"H-Hi. I-I bet you're wondering why I just put away my only notes." I took a deep breath, trying to offer a smile to the crowd. "I spent hours on those words, after all. Trying to somehow explain just how special he was to me. But now, looking at you all... I realize just how much he meant to everyone, n-not just me."

I paused then, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I know you are all probably thinking of the Cedric you knew, the Cedric you loved."

I had done it. I had said his name. I could do this.

My eyes found his friend group, the ones who had been there early in the morning for his fifteenth birthday picnic, the ones who had cheered the loudest after every Quidditch match, the ones who had clapped him on the back when his name came out of the Goblet of Fire...

"To some of you, he was the Hufflepuff Golden Boy. I remember all of the times I heard you shouting his name in the halls, wanting to tell him about the exam you aced or the board game you won or the date that went well because you knew he of all people would care about even your smallest accomplishments. On another note, I also remember all of the invites to Hogsmeade, all of the valentines..."

My eyes found Jenna Gordon, and I couldn't help but manage the smallest smile.

"And yes, I even remember the time someone slipped him a love potion and it took Henry and I working together to make sure he didn't make a complete fool out of himself."

That got a couple of laughs; it seemed I wasn't the only one who remembered that night. Jenna blushed, looking torn between laughing and crying, and I offered her one last It's okay type of smile before shifting my gaze to the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. They were sitting in the second row, just behind Henry.

"To some of you, he was a Quidditch star. Captain, Seeker. He beat Harry last year; I remember you were all really excited about that, even though he begged Oliver for a rematch. He spent all last summer working on plays and plans, determined to win the Quidditch Cup fair and square. You can thank me for at least some of his love for Quidditch, by the way. We spent hours in the sky together as kids. And I mean hours."

I glanced over at Madam Pomfrey, sitting between Professor Sprout and Beatrice Haywood.

"To some, he was a natural healer with a very bright future. He worked an internship at St. Mungo's last summer, and even before that, he spent a lot of his free time here at school volunteering in the Hospital Wing. He didn't just care about physical injuries and illnesses, though. He always offered his shoulder to people who were hurting on the inside as well."

I swallowed hard. It was getting harder and harder to speak as I continued to list all of the ways he would be missed. I turned toward the sea of yellow. The Hufflepuffs' faces were all pale and tear-streaked. I realized with a pang how much he'd hate to see his housemates hurting so much.

"To some, he was a prefect, an aspiring Head Boy, a leader. I remember the nights I would go down to the Hufflepuff common room to ask him a question and find him tutoring a group of first-years in Transfiguration or helping someone revise their essay. He always found time for everybody."

I looked down at my toes.

"I guess that leaves me," I said in a quiet voice.

I drew a deep breath and released it in a shaky sigh. Then, I looked back up.

"Cedric was and will forever be remembered for everything I've already said. But to me... he was even more. He was the person I looked to when my world turned upside down. He was the person who gave the best hugs. He was the person I could run to after a bad day, as well as a person I could run to after a good day. He was my brother, and so much more. And... I know my life will never be the same without him. There will always be a hole, one that nobody will ever be able to fill..."

Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I rocked back and forth on my feet. I took another trembling breath to keep the storm at bay just ten seconds longer.

"And... and that's okay. Because be that as it may, I wouldn't trade the years I got to have him by my side for anything. And I'm glad you all got to know him, too, because more than anything, Cedric was the light to me. And I know he was light to you all, too."

HENRY:

A single tear slid down Lucy's cheek as soon as she was sitting beside me again.

"You did well," I whispered.

"Th-Thanks. Good luck," she whispered back as I drew my own parchment and took her place at the front.

I froze once I turned to the crowd.

Cedric had always been the one to do the talking.

We were both shy, but he was always the one to do the talking.

He never wanted me to be uncomfortable when he knew he could do something to help.

But there I was on the stage, alone, without him to support me, without him anywhere around to come bail me out if I was in over my head.

Cedric was gone.

I was left behind.

How did Lucy do this?

I tried to take a deep breath before talking, but I found I couldn't.

Cedric was gone.

I was left behind.

I lifted the parchment and scanned what I had managed to write the day before with a hand trembling so badly it was remarkable I had been able to hold the quill at all.

"Cedric was my best friend."

I swallowed hard.

I loved him.

I swallowed again.

"We met on the train. I know it's hit-or-miss on the Hogwarts Express for the first time. Sometimes the boy you shared your lunch with that one day ends up knocking you off your broom in Quidditch Cup final. Sometimes the girl who said she liked your shoes ends up breaking your heart on Valentine's Day. Most often though, you just end up in different houses, and your lives take different courses. But sometimes, you get lucky and sit next to your best friend. I got lucky."

I paused to breathe. My hands were shaking.

"I got lucky," I said again. "I woke up late that day, so I hadn't had the time to eat breakfast, or comb my hair, or even tie my shoes. Well, I ended up tripping on my untied shoelaces as I tried to run across the platform. My suitcase went flying, I landed flat on my face, and I tore massive holes in both knees of my trousers. I was a mess, no doubt about it."

I glanced up. A couple of people were snickering. I glanced over at Lucy, who looked as if she knew exactly where this story was going. I cleared my throat, feeling a little stronger, and kept going.

"Enter Cedric. Not a hair out of place, his collared shirt perfectly ironed, his shoelaces, of course, tied and secure."

A couple more people managed laughs. I smiled, too, remembering the scene so vividly. It was far nicer to recall that than to recall the memory of his body in the grass of the Quidditch Pitch he loved so much... I forced that thought away and continued.

"He started gathering the belongings that had been launched out of my suitcase without second thought, asking if I was alright. He offered me bandages from his own bag for my scraped knees. He followed me onto the train, and a friendship was born. I liked Quidditch, he liked Quidditch. I liked Chocolate Frogs, he liked Chocolate Frogs. It was... the easiest start to a friendship imaginable. Twelve hours later, we were still talking as we chose the beds next to each other in the Hufflepuff dormitories. Merlin, I couldn't even begin to tell you everything Cedric's friendship means to... meant to me."

I froze again, sadness stabbing me anew. I looked down at my parchment, but the words swam around through the lens of tears. I tried to blink them away, but they spilled down my cheeks instead. I searched for my voice, and eventually found it.

"I think we all had those moments with Cedric. Moments where we fell flat on our faces --- sometimes literally, other times merely figuratively --- and he was there, right there, with a kind word and a hand up. And I guess if I have one goal for myself moving forward... even though... even though a life without him right now seems impossible..." I choked back a sob. "I want to be like that for others. I'll never be Cedric. No one will ever be Cedric. But I'll never stop trying to be as kind as he was, as caring as he was, as friendly as he was... Lucy's right, he was light to me, too. And I know it seems dark right now without his light, trust me, but I just... I think... I think if we all try to be a little more like him, maybe we'll feel a little less alone."

With nothing further to offer, I returned to my seat. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout each offered a couple words as well, both reduced to tears by the end, and the rest of the small ceremony was over in the blink of an eye.

Lucy and I pushed ourselves to our feet and turned just as the crowd started pressing to the front, trying to talk to us. The Quidditch team was there first, Mary throwing her arms around Lucy and crying into her shoulder. Lucy rubbed the younger girl's back and murmured reassurance in her ear, but I could see the way she was trying to force her own tears away.

Once the team left to talk to Professor Sprout, Cho arrived and fell apart. Lucy and I both did what we could to help, knowing she had been too upset to even attempt a eulogy the way we had, but I could hear the way Lucy's voice was shaking even as she tried to comfort the older girl.

Lucy was about to break. She needed to get out before she did.

HARRY:

I had seen how deathly pale Lucy was when Cho ran over. She looked the same as she had when Cedric saved her from the lake. It terrified me. She needed to get out before she collapsed.

But would she let me help? Would she even want me to help?

I had gone up to her dormitory a couple of times the day before to see if she needed anything. If she wanted me to keep her company. But every time I offered, she shook her head, her hair falling in her face, and said she was alright.

As if I would believe that she could possibly be alright.

I hadn't seen her that morning before the funeral. Hermione and Ginny had worked together to get her down to the Great Hall and to Henry as quickly and quietly as they could, and by the time I arrived with the Weasleys, Hermione and Ginny had already saved us seats toward the back. Hermione said she didn't want me sitting where people would stare --- I wouldn't have minded the stares if it meant being closer to Lucy.

But there I found myself, a huge crowd of people separating me from her. I could see how close she was to falling apart. I wanted to help.

But would she let me help? Would she even want me to help?

GEORGE:

I followed Harry's gaze. His look of concern was completely justified; Lucy was pale and beginning to hyperventilate. She looked around wildly, as if she were trying to escape.

I looked back at Harry and nudged him forward. "Go."

Harry's eyes didn't leave Lucy, but he stiffened.

"Harry-" I nudged him a little harder. "Go. Get her out of here, take her somewhere quiet. She needs you."

"Do you think she'd even want to see me?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I know for a fact there's no one else she'd rather see right now. Like I said, she needs you. Go."

I shoved him into the aisle.

HARRY:

Once in the aisle, my feet moved of their own accord. I pushed my way through the crowd, but now that I was in the thick of things, I couldn't see her anymore.

Lucy had never been tall in the first place. But now, with the weight of her loss already pressing down on her shoulders, she seemed smaller than ever.

For every one person I got past, two more blocked my way. Everyone wanted to try to talk to Cho and Henry and Lucy, everyone wanted to be as close as possible to the site of the most poignant tragedy, everyone wanted to share their sorrows with the three people who understood it most.

I felt tears beginning to claw their way up my throat. Grief pressed in from all sides in the form of tear-stained faces and echoing sobs and desperate embraces. My heart broke for all of the pain around me, Lucy's most of all.

I forced my tears away and fought through the crowd with renewed vigor. Getting Lucy out was the only thing on my mind.

HENRY:

I scanned the Great Hall, looking for a path that would allow Lucy to escape. She was hyperventilating, and she needed to leave.

One of the Weasley twins --- George, I thought --- waved his arms to get my attention. He pointed to the aisle, and I soon saw that he was pointing to Harry, who was coming as quickly as he could in Lucy's direction. I nodded to show that I understood, and looked down to tell Lucy that Harry was on his way to get her out of there.

In the five seconds I had looked away, Lucy had disappeared.

LUCY:

I couldn't breathe.

I needed to get out.

I gasped for air, but grief had tied a rope around my neck.

I had never been so glad to be so small for my age.

I ducked under people's arms, darted through the tiniest gaps between chairs.

I tried again to force air into my lungs, but sorrow had tightened the rope.

I needed to get out.

I couldn't breathe.

HENRY:

I knew I would never spot Lucy in the crowd, so I kept my eyes on the doors to the Great Hall, praying she would find her own way out.

Ten seconds... fifteen... twenty...

There she is.

She burst into a clearing and sprinted toward the doors, hair flying behind her.

At the same moment, Harry nearly ran right into me.

His eyes widened in panic when he didn't see her. "Where's-"

I grabbed him by the shoulder and pointed him in the direction Lucy had just run.

HARRY:

"She just ran out the doors," Henry said. "Go. I'll stay here to talk. Keep her out of the way for a while."

I nodded. "Thanks."

I hurried in the direction Lucy had gone, beating myself up for not getting there in time.

I needed to keep my promise to Cedric. As much as I could.

I started to run.

GEORGE:

Fred appeared at my elbow. "Lucy just ran out. Should we go after her?"

"No, Harry's on his way," I said, watching as he ducked and weaved through the crowd, running as fast as he could manage.

Fred and I watched until he left the Great Hall at a sprint. I glanced back up at Henry, who had also followed Harry's progress.

He blinked a couple of times, dragged his hand over his face, and turned to a Ravenclaw sixth-year whose name I couldn't remember who had just tapped him on the shoulder.

"Henry can't be doing well, either, but I doubt he's got a Harry the way Lucy has," I commented after a moment.

"I think Cedric was his Harry," Fred said softly, grabbing my shoulder. "Let's go see what we can do."