LUCY:

I was just about to crawl between the covers when there was a faint tap at the window closest to my bed.

"Secret admirer, Lucy?" Lavender asked.

I snorted. "Yeah," I replied sarcastically, "I'm sure it's from Maxence." I glanced at my calendar as I walked over to the window. "Oh, well, that's interesting! It's been exactly nine months since that fiasco. Maybe this is a formal apology."

Parvati and Lavender laughed, and Hermione probably would have laughed if she had been paying attention. Her nose was buried in a book about the witch hunts of the fourteenth century that night; the night before, it had been a book about the historical uses of wormwood, and the night before that, it had been a book about the inventor of Skele-Gro, and the night before that, it had been about the founding of Azkaban. I wasn't sure how much of that information would actually be on our O.W.L. exams, but every time Ron asked why she was reading so many extra books (Harry and I knew better than to ask Hermione questions about her study habits at that point) she merely muttered something about it being better to be overprepared than underprepared without looking up from the page. I had been preparing for my O.W.L.s too, with every moment spent not preparing for the D.A. in the common room with Harry or learning how to best use Bludgers to my advantage on the Pitch with George and Fred and Ginny. But those moments were few and far between, so I was nowhere near as prepared as Hermione. I made a mental note to start following her lead and studying when she did, as much as I could. I hoped to compensate for my lost study time while I was alone at Hogwarts for Christmas, too.

The tapping at the window was not a secret admirer, but an owl. It dropped a thick envelope into my hands before taking off into the night.

"Is it from Maxence?" Parvati asked jokingly.

"Er, no," I replied. I recognized the handwriting instantly. Brandon and Jessica had replied.

"George?" Lavender guessed.

I blinked and glanced up, momentarily distracted from the pinch of grief in my chest. "George? Where did George come from?"

"You have been spending a lot of time with him," Parvati said with a shrug.

"Yeah, learning how to play Beater," I replied slowly. "With Fred and Ginny, too."

Lavender giggled. "You mean to tell me you've been spending hours upon hours with the Weasleys since first year and haven't fallen in love with a single one? They're all so fit!"

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" I asked as I climbed into bed, setting the envelope on my nightstand to read once this conversation was over.

"For now," she replied. She wrinkled her nose. "Seamus isn't terribly romantic. I want romance."

"I want someone who will tuck a flower behind my ear and kiss me on the forehead at the same time," Parvati sighed as she flopped backwards onto her bed. "And someone who will kiss me in the rain and run through meadows under summer skies."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I want!" Lavender said. She flopped down next to Parvati and gestured wildly with her arms. "Someone who will listen to me talk about Divination and make predictions while we stargaze after our midnight picnic."

Both girls sighed in unison, and all three of us started laughing.

"That sounds great," I said, "but good luck finding any boys here who think that way. Fred and Angelina's anniversary is coming up right after Christmas break, and the sheer number of ideas Ginny and I have had to shoot down..."

"Ooh, like what?" Parvati asked, sitting up.

"Well, you know how the twins are with Dungbombs."

Lavender shot up too. "Oh no."

"Oh yes." I rolled my eyes. "Oh yes. 'Fred, no, don't put Dungbombs in every other girl's bed just so you get their dormitory to yourselves for the night. Fred, no, you can't put Dungbombs in Umbridge's office for the day — no, it's a great idea, let's do it sometime soon, but it's not exactly an anniversary present.'"

Even Hermione started laughing at that, no longer able to tune us out.

I grinned. "I love those boys, but 'romantic' isn't exactly their forte. George's suggestions were even worse." I dropped my voice and said in my best George impression, "'Okay, so what I'm thinking is if you get enough Dungbombs, you could write the words Life without you really stinks across the grass of the Quidditch Pitch...'"

"Sweet Merlin, no!" Hermione shrieked, her hands flying to her cheeks with horror.

"Oh yes," I said again. "Oh yes."

"Good Godric," Parvati said. "That's... well, at least they're attractive."

All four of us laughed again at that and said a round of good nights once the laughter died down. Once Parvati and Lavender had closed their curtains, I reached for the envelope with shaking hands.

"So who did write you at this hour, seeing as it wasn't Maxence or George?" Hermione whispered.

"Our American friends," I whispered back. My hands were shaking too much to open the envelope, so I went to reach for my wand. Before I could whisper a Severing Charm, though, the envelope slit itself open. I thought for a second about how odd that was, but I pushed it from my mind and reached inside. Two lengthy letters tumbled out, as did a second smaller envelope. I reached for a letter first.

Dear Lucy,

   Sweet Merlin above, I'm so sorry. We had no idea. Dad hadn't heard from your family in a while but we never dreamed... you know. That's just unfathomable. I'm so so so sorry. You know I'm always just a letter away if you ever need to talk about anything at all, and you're always welcome here if it's too hard to be there. I've got a place in New York City with a couple of my friends, and Brandon lives in a more rural part of New York so he can still play Quidditch with his buddies on weekends and whatnot. My parents still have the cabin in Tahoe, too, we'll be heading back for Christmas. Do you have a place to go for Christmas? You'd probably love Tahoe in winter, so if you'd like to spend it with us, just say the word and we'll come pick you up!

   We sent Cedric's birthday gift back to you, since you likely need it more than we do, and included one for you to have as your own as well. Brandon made Cedric's, and I made yours. I hope they help keep the nightmares away; I'm sure you've been having more than your fair share. I hope I remembered correctly that your favorite colors are red and yellow. I know you're good with charmwork, anyway, so I promise I won't be offended if you change the colors.

   I know there's nothing I can say to make anything about the past five months better, but I do want you to know that you'll always have family with us. Brandon and I love you just as much as we loved him. I'm sure everyone's been very vocal about how much they miss Cedric, but please don't ever forget how much you mean to the people who love you. I don't know how much stock you put into fate or destiny anymore, but I happen to be of the belief that you're still here for a reason, and I hope you find that reason someday soon. Until then, keep your head up as best you can, even when there are tears in your eyes.

   Feel free to write anytime, Lucy. I'm often quite busy, but I'll always make time for you. The Department of Unidentifiable Magical Objects is truthfully quite fun, despite keeping me constantly busy. The other day, I got to take a Portkey to Area 51 in Nevada to destroy what was apparently a cursed hula hoop! Brandon has better stories than I do, but I'll let him tell you those himself.

   Stay safe, and remember we love you.

       - Jessica

I tried to blink the tears back, but Hermione didn't miss a thing. She set her book on her nightstand and hurried over.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," she whispered. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, it's just a lot t-to..."

Hermione nodded. "I'm sure. It's okay. Say, what do you know about Ilvermorny? I've always wondered what it's like, but never actually gotten around to reading about it, I just read about Durmstrang and Beauxbatons last year. How do the houses work? Do they even have houses?"

"They do," I said, knowing she was just trying to distract me but going along with it anyway. "They explained the houses to us. Each is like a different element of magic. Wampus represents the body of a witch or wizard, Horned Serprent represents the mind of a witch or wizard, Pukwudgie represents the heart of a witch or wizard, and Thunderbird represents the soul of a witch or wizard."

"That's fascinating! So do they assign houses based on what you rely on most?"

I shrugged. "Something like that. There are additional qualities that go into it, too, based on what they explained. For example, Pukwudgie favors healers. Cedric, for instance, would have definitely been sorted into Pukwudgie."

"That's fascinating," she said again, eyes narrowing as she glanced up into space. "That reminds me of... oh, never mind, I'll research that more on my own before I say anything definitive. So, following that logic, Horned Serpent would represent scholars and intellectual magical pioneers?"

"I think so. You'd be a Horned Serpent for sure, Mione."

"I agree. What about Wampus? Athletes?"

"Brandon said it favored warriors, actually, but he's an athlete, so I could see that being applicable as well. And Thunderbird favors adventurers."

"Which house do you think fits you best?"

"Merlin knows," I replied with a shrug. "I'm still not entirely convinced I belong in Gryffindor. Better here than Hufflepuff, though, considering nearly everyone in that house hates me."

"They don't hate you," she said. "They just..."

"Preferred Cedric?"

Hermione wrinkled her brow in sympathy. "Yeah. Just try to remember not everyone feels that way about the two of you, alright?"

I glanced back down at the letter. I'm sure everyone's been very vocal about how much they miss Cedric, but please don't ever forget how much you mean to the people who love you. I nodded as best I could.

"Good." Hermione reached forward and hugged me briefly. "You should get some sleep. You look tired."

"Don't I always?" I mumbled.

She kindly avoided answering by climbing into her own bed and putting out the lamp between our beds. "Good night, Lucy."

"G'night."

I tucked everything away, deciding I'd been emotional enough for the moment. I tried to get to sleep, but my mind refused to stop racing. No matter how many people assured me to the contrary, I couldn't shake the feeling that Cedric should have been the Diggory to stay, if there could only be one. I would never be able to fill the hole his death had torn in the fabric of the world as I knew it. I doubted I would ever find anything that would even come close.

I felt the waters tugging me back down again. For a moment, I was tempted to let them take me under. But I thought better of it, crawled out of bed, and pulled boots on over my socks before grabbing my wand and slipping from the dormitory. Rather than heading down to the common room straight away, however, I turned right and went down the stairs to the next door. Whispering silencing charms as I went, I opened the door and slipped inside. I was planning on heading to Ginny's bedside anyway, but I hurried over when I realized she was thrashing around in her sleep.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," she whimpered.

"Ginny, Ginny," I hissed, catching her wrist with one hand and shaking her shoulder with the other. "Ginny, just a dream, wake up now."

Her eyes shot open, and she looked around wildly for a moment before spotting me.

"Just breathe," I whispered. "It's alright."

"What — What are you doing here?" she managed after a moment.

"Well, I came down here to see if you wanted to practice with two Bludgers," I said.

Ginny laughed breathlessly. "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm Lucy."

"I hate you."

"So do you want to practice with two Bludgers?"

"Yes, of course."

I grinned. "I love you."

Ten minutes later, we were kicking off into the night air, each with a squirming Bludger in our arms. I flew a lap around the Pitch, casting a number of silencing charms so we could speak freely without worrying about anyone hearing us. It was long after midnight, though, so I doubted that would be an issue.

The night was dark, the half-moon completely obscured by clouds, so we placed faint glowing charms on each Bludger so we could see them in the dark.

"This has got to be the most absurd idea I have ever had," I called, shaking my head as I realized the magnitude of what we were about to do. "It's the middle of the bloody night in November, and we're about to attempt two Bludgers for the first time ever."

"And if we can do this now, we'll be able to do it in better conditions too!" she called back. "C'mon, Diggory, don't back down now!"

"I never back down! Alright, release the Bludgers on three?"

"You got it! One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

The Bludgers shot from our arms and soared into the night. I gripped the bat with both hands and inhaled deeply, running through The Mischief Managers' Guide to Playing Beater in my mind as I lifted my arms.

1. Never back down from a fight, even when shit hits the fan. Especially then.

A Bludger was on its way, fast and from the left. Not ideal. Not ideal at all.

WHACK. Far away from me and far away from Ginny.

2. You are not omnipotent, omnipresent, and/or omniscient, so don't try to be. Just do the best you can. There's a reason there are two Beaters. Do your best, and trust that the other Beater is doing her best, too.

That night, it was just Ginny and the Bludgers I could focus on those three — four, counting me — things, and no one would get hurt.

WHACK. Hurtling toward a Slytherin banner.

3. If a Bludger is heading toward the other Beater, shout. Let her take care of it, she has a bat for a reason. If a Bludger is heading toward a non-Beater and you're closest, don't shout. Take care of it yourself, you're the one with a bat.

Both Bludgers converged on Ginny. I swore under my breath. She went for one, and I went for the other.

WHACK. WHACK. Straight up into the sky and straight down into the ground.

4. Don't let anything faze you. The score should never affect how you play your game. The audience should never affect how you play your game, either.

"It's nice not having a score or an audience," I quipped. "Less pressure this way."

"Agreed," she panted as we darted off after the nearing Bludgers.

WHACK. WHACK. Careening toward the commentary box and the box to the left.

5. Be big. Unapologetically. Be bold. Unapologetically.

6. Yes, even you, Lucy.

I straightened up on my broom and adjusted my grip. I could do it. I was doing it.

WHACK.

WHACK.

WHACK.

7. Don't get distracted by the cute boys that will inevitably be in the stands watching you. Such as Harry Potter, for instance.

Harry was sound asleep in his dormitory and therefore not around to distract me. He never distracted me anyway, but it was nice not having to worry about hitting him by accident somehow.

8. Use your dominant hand when possible, be ambidextrous when necessary.

I tossed the bat to my right hand as the next Bludger approached.

"Just warning you now, I'm trying this right-handed!" I called.

"Shut up and hit it!" Ginny called back. "You'll be fine!"

WHACK.

"You were right!"

"Of course I was!"

WHACK.

"Nice shot!"

"Your turn!"

WHACK.

9. Do not panic. Ever.

Somehow, I was calm. There was no one around to see, no one around to get hurt, except for Ginny. But she was competent. She had a bat. I was competent. I had a bat.

I was doing it. We were doing it.

Eventually, our arms and eyelids grew heavy, so we disenchanted the Bludgers and headed back down to our lockers.

"So... how are we going to tell your brothers?" I asked as I carefully situated my broom in my locker.

She laughed. "I'm tempted to not tell them at all and just pretend we were this good from the very beginning."

"You know what, I like the way you think."

"And I like your insane ideas."

"Like practicing with two Bludgers for the first time at two in the morning in November?"

"Precisely."

I grinned as I slammed my locker shut. "I like that you think my insane ideas are worthy of your participation."

"Oh, of course," she replied. "My only concern now is getting back without getting caught."

I stared at her for a moment. "Gin, I'll know if someone's coming."

"How?"

"Because I'm...?"

"OH! It does that?"

"More so around the full moon, but yeah."

Ginny smirked. "Oh, we can have SO much fun with that."

"You know..." I leaned back against the locker, a smile toying with the corners of my mouth. "I think that's the first time someone's said something like that about it."

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Surely it can't be all bad, can it?"

I shrugged. "I mean, I suppose I benefit from it when I eat a box of Bertie Bott's."

Ginny laughed then, loudly and genuinely, as if we weren't talking about something as horrible as lycanthropy. I couldn't help but smile in spite of myself, in spite of everything.

"If Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans are the only benefit coming to mind right now, I think you need to get past the negative stereotypes and start thinking about it for yourself," she said a minute later when the amusement passed.

"It's not that simple," I mumbled.

Ginny sighed and leaned up against the locker next to me. "I know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like it is. I know how miserable you'd be even without all of the extra crap society thrusts upon you. I just... think about it, okay? Think about what might be good about it beyond just the heightened senses? I'm sure there's something."

"I'll think about it," I replied. "But for now, let's put the senses to good use and get a couple hours of sleep before class, yeah?"

"Yeah, sounds good. This was fun, though." Ginny threw an arm around my shoulders as we headed up to the castle. "Maybe this will become a tradition."

I grinned. "No objections here. Besides, I get most restless before the full moon. We'd be able to see a bit better then."

Ginny's arm tightened around me a bit. "We don't have to worry about that yet. Just get us back to the common room without the Pink Venomous Tentacula strangling us, and we can worry about the moon when the time comes."

We got back to our dormitories without incident, and I was reminded all at once of the letters I had left still strewn across my bed. I crept forward and reached for the package, admittedly quite curious.

Inside were two dream catchers — Jessica had explained them to me when we were in America. Cedric's was yellow and green, the colors of Hufflepuff and Pukwudgie respectively, according to a small note enclosed with it. Mine was red and yellow, with elements of purple and silver as well, for Thunderbird. The soul. The adventurers. I pondered this until I fell asleep, and by the time morning came, I found myself hoping they were right about that. About me. Maybe I was the soul. And maybe that was okay, if I couldn't be a healer the way Cedric had been.

Maybe the soul was alright. Maybe the soul could help change the world in a way not even a healer could. Maybe, just maybe, I would find a way. Maybe, just maybe, I would forge a way if I couldn't find one. Such is the way of an adventurer, I reasoned. Maybe, just maybe.

You carved our initials
Into these family trees
But when the branches are bare and broken
Love is so hard to reach

We've learned to brace for the worst
And to read the last pages first
Surrender feels safe

Maybe the soul is the soil that holds the fallen seed
Or the light pouring down in between the rain clouds
Daring life to reach
Or maybe it's the rings in the trunk of the tree
A birthmark time will leave to measure the past

The time to worry about full moon crept closer and closer, as it always did. There were ups and downs along the way. The twins realizing we were better with two Bludgers than they would have expected was definitely a high point; Ginny and I didn't fess up to our post-midnight escapades, which became a Friday night tradition. (Plus a particularly sleepless night here and there.) The sheer number of incidents during the Stunning Spell D.A. meeting was a low point; while I was able to heal the extent of the injuries caused by people missing the cushions, Harry and I were both a bit shaken knowing how easily it could have been much, much worse.

The night after the new moon, however, was the overall highlight of the month. I didn't think much of it when Harry slipped me a note in History of Magic that morning.

Do you prefer riding brooms or hippogriffs?

I glanced at him incredulously out of the corner of my eye. He merely shrugged and nodded at the parchment.

Neither, dragons are clearly the superior choice.

I slid the parchment back over to him, and he snorted softly. A couple moments later, the parchment appeared in front of me again.

Noted. Given the choice between the broom and hippogriff, though, which would you say is better suited for two people?

What are you trying to ask, Potter?

Telling you would just ruin the surprise, would it not?

I don't exactly DO surprises anymore.

Alright, that's fair. Well, do you know what today is?

Thursday?

I mean... yes, it is. But I'm being serious.

No, you're being Harry.

What does that entail, might I ask?

Being an insufferable git, of course.

Harry snorted again and wrote a longer reply. When I tried to glance over to see what he was writing, he used his arm to cover the parchment and shot me a playful glare. I held my hands up in silent surrender and tried to focus on what Professor Binns was writing on the board, curiosity eating at me as he took longer and longer to slide the parchment back over. Finally, he did.

Well, my favorite insomniac prat, if you must know, as of today you are officially fifteen and a half. I know you've been staying up studying with Hermione lately, but seeing as she and Ron have rounds tonight, I was thinking maybe we could put my Invisibility Cloak to good use and head up to the hill I found earlier this year for your actual birthday. The new moon was last night, and it's not cloudy today, so we should have a great view of the stars. What do you say, feel like taking a break and having a moment to ourselves without worrying about Umbridge or the D.A. or Voldemort or anything else like that, the same way we did six months ago?

My mind wandered a bit as I pressed my quill to the parchment to reply. I remembered that whole day, so vividly. It was the last time I'd truly felt okay. Ron and Hermione's collection of photographs and the snippets from my friends about how much they loved me. Cedric's book, and the memories he enclosed. And Harry, and riding Fireflutter, and the stars, Merlin, the stars. I also remembered, though, how nervous Harry had been on Fireflutter, so I scribbled a quick reply.

Sounds good. We can use my broom. You're right, the stars should be beautiful tonight.

Harry grinned as he folded the piece of parchment and tucked it into his pocket. I smiled back and tried in vain to take notes from what Professor Binns was saying, but I found myself doodling constellations in the corners instead. Leo. Harry was a Leo. Libra. Cedric was a Libra. Virgo. Hermione was a Virgo. Pisces. Ron was a Pisces. Aries, twice. Fred and George were both Aries. Leo again. Ginny was a Leo too. Leo a third time, for Neville. I realized I needed to find out when Luna's birthday was, and Henry's. I wondered to myself when Claire's was, and our parents' birthdays. Class ended before I could get any further in my wondering, and the rest of the day passed in something of a blur.

Eventually, Ron and Hermione left for rounds, and the common room slowly emptied. Harry and I agreed to pretend to head to bed and meet up in the common room again at eleven. Thankfully, it was deserted by then, so I joined him under the cloak and we made our way down to the Quidditch Pitch.

"Have you missed flying?" I asked as I grabbed my broom and he stuffed the cloak into the locker.

"A bit," he replied.

"That was a somewhat rhetorical question, Potter, I know it must be eating you up inside," I muttered, throwing my leg over my broom. "You can have the front, I don't exactly know how to get to this hill. It's been a long six months."

"Yes, yes it has." Harry climbed on in front of me, and I wrapped my arms around him as he kicked up and soared out into the stadium. "Good thing it's so dark tonight, I doubt anyone will be able to see us."

"Ginny and I have managed well enough," I said softly. "We, er, may or may not sneak out in the middle of the night to practice from time to time."

"I was wondering why you randomly looked tired."

"Don't I always look tired?"

"I don't think so. Not in the sense you need sleep, anyway." I opened my mouth to ask what on earth that was supposed to mean, but before I could formulate any words, he dipped the broom suddenly.

"Oh, you prat," I hissed, arms tightening around him.

"I thought I was a git," he replied cheekily. "An insufferable one at that."

"That too, trust me."

I held on gamely as he swerved the broom left and right and up and down all the way to the hill. We dropped down onto the grass, and he set my broom off to the side before reaching into his pocket.

"Thought it might be colder now than it was in May," he said, holding two small squares of fabric on his palm, "so I shrunk down a couple of blankets. Red or gold?"

I reached forward and grabbed the gold blanket, which turned a light minty green in my fingers.

"D-Did you see that?" I asked after a stunned moment.

"I didn't realize you had a different favorite color," he replied with a grin as he tapped the red square with his wand. "Engorgio!"

As he wrapped the red blanket, now full size, around his shoulders, I continued staring at the not-gold blanket in my fingers. I reluctantly reached for my wand too. "Engorgio!"

Surely enough, as it enlarged, it was a very faint mint green, so faint it was nearly white.

"How did you do that?" Harry asked.

"I... don't know," I replied honestly. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"Really?"

"Y-Yeah, I... I didn't try to do it, I wasn't even thinking about it, really. It just... happened."

Harry cocked his head. "That's odd. Do you think it has anything to do with that?"

"With what? Oh." He was pointing at my half of the mood ring on my finger, which was the same color as the blanket. "Huh, maybe the magic bled over or something."

"Well, whatever it is—" Harry reached forward and draped the blanket around my shoulders and pulled it tight. "—don't worry about it for tonight. You don't have to look so scared. It's just us and the stars right now, alright?"

I nodded. "Just us and the stars. No moon—" I ripped the ring off and tucked it into my pocket. "—and no strange magic. Just us and the stars and... and nothing else from the last six months."

With that, we laid side by side in the grass, each with our own blanket cocoons to shield us from the cold, and kept our eyes to the sky as our eyes adjusted so we could see more and more stars.

"It's not that dark out after all," Harry commented a couple minutes later. "We just needed to adjust to the darkness."

"And the longer you're in it, the more stars you'll see," I said with an affirming nod. "I always loved the stars when I was younger. Even if everything else changed, the stars never did. Even when my parents were gone on work trips around the full moon or when Cedric was away at school, the stars could always keep me company when I was feeling my worst."

"Is that how you've always known so many constellations?"

"Yeah. I..." I chuckled. "This is going to sound ridiculous, but I didn't get to spend time with many other people growing up, so I learned as much as I could about the night sky because then I could greet the stars by name, as if they were my friends."

"You lived near the Weasleys though, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but we largely kept to ourselves. We only visited a handful of times, like to celebrate Cedric and the twins getting their Hogwarts letters, for instance. I knew their names and a couple of their interests, but we were more neighbors than friends, if that makes sense."

"It does, but why would that be the case? I thought magical families tended to stick together."

"Not when one has a daughter who's a werewolf," I replied softly. "We could only be together when I wasn't sick and wasn't nursing any injuries. My parents always said it was because they wanted to keep us safe, but I realize now that they socialized mainly to prevent rumors and suspicions for fear someone would figure it out. They didn't trust easily, either, which is why we didn't spend much time with anyone else and why... why it's still so surprising the summer played out the way it did."

"You never talked about your parents much when we would write over summer," he said. "I always wondered why, but I was correct in guessing the answer wouldn't be the most pleasant one in the world."

"There was just nothing much to tell. My parents were my parents, and they didn't change much. The only real time they changed was when they started letting me go to the Burrow over summer holiday, and I think that was only because they reckoned I had kept my secret well enough when we were constantly together in school so they didn't have to worry about me slipping up or anything."

"If I'm being honest, Lu, I don't fully understand it."

"Understand what?"

"Why it's such a terrible secret to have. I would think you should want more people to know about it so they'd be more understanding and helpful when you're not feeling well."

"But Harry, I — look, once a month I become a monster capable of inflicting the same monstrosity on any human who crosses my path. That's terrible, that's horrifying, I completely understand why everyone is so scared of me."

"I'm not."

"Maybe you should be."

Harry wriggled one of his arms free from his blanket cocoon to prop himself on an elbow. "You're saying all of this like everything is a choice. Like I would choose to be scared of you or not, like you would choose to have all of this or not. The only choices really made about this are the ones people make on your behalf, like the people who write those horrible laws. They're the ones making the choices that hurt people, not you."

I didn't reply; I didn't have anything to reply.

"When I say I don't understand, I'm not saying I don't understand why you feel the way you do." He wrenched his other arm free and twirled his wand between his fingers as he searched for words to say. "I'm not going to pretend to fully understand, because I don't, but, well, with the way everyone's treated me lately, in the papers and in the hallways and all of that, I think I'm beginning to understand how easy it is to take what other people say about you as fact whether it's true or not. I know you feel the way you do about all of this because that's the only choice you've ever been given for contextualizing everything. And it's complicated, I know, but when I say I don't understand, I mean I don't understand why everyone is so set on judging werewolves so harshly for what might — might — happen one night a month."

"If you knew there was one poisonous jellybean in a box of Bertie Bott's, would you risk the other thirty non-poisonous ones?" I asked. It was a line I'd heard so many times before, when other people challenged the way the world worked. Sympathetic healers, confused Aurors in training, radical magical creature experts. Harry and Ginny were far from the first people to think this way, ask these types of questions, and they wouldn't be the last, but I'd long since given up on trying to make lycanthropy into something kinder, gentler than it was or ever would be.

"I would, considering there would have to be an antidote right next to me for this analogy to hold up."

I blinked. I'd never heard that answer before. The person always just frowned in realization and nodded. "What do you mean?"

"It's not like it's a death sentence, if the worst happens and someone is bitten," Harry said. "You're still here, Professor Lupin is still here."

"People could die—"

"But not everyone does. And, I mean, wolfsbane works for people who aren't allergic to dittany, and even then, it does work for you if you really want to use it. And I know how miserable you are before and after the full moon, but you can manage that well enough. You could manage it better if you had the proper help and accommodations, too."

"Who would ever want to accommodate a monster?"

"Lu—"

"Sorry," I muttered, covering my eyes with one of my hands. "Sorry, it just slipped out, I didn't mean to—"

"Hey," he said gently. He reached forward and pulled my hand away, having dropped his wand, and intertwined his fingers with mine. "It's alright. Well, not really, because you shouldn't feel this way, but you do and it's not your fault. I've just been thinking about this a lot lately and... it's not making sense."

"Whether it makes sense or not, it's the way the world works," I replied with a strained voice. "No matter how much I hate it, there's nothing I can do about it. Who would ever listen to me in the first place?"

Harry grinned. "I can think of a few people."

"They don't count." I reluctantly returned his grin.

"Don't they? Tell me, why do they listen to us, Lu?"

"Because we said words at the Hog's Head everyone was hoping to hear and then proved we can wield our wands reasonably well so people decided it might be worth their time to listen to us once or twice a week."

"It's because we have experience. It's ridiculous that all of these werewolf councils never have a single werewolf on them, don't you think?"

I laughed. "Harry James, have you been reading? Doing research? Willingly, outside of class?"

"Oh, shove off, don't sound so surprised," he said with a laugh, dropping my hand and folding his hands behind his head as we returned our attention to the stars. "I was looking at the list of possible O.W.L. topics Hermione made us and saw the Werewolf Code of Conduct on there and fell down a bit of a rabbit hole because of how angry it made me."

"Ah. I'm not looking forward to covering that in History of Magic."

"Well, you could always draw constellations in the corners of your notes again."

I glanced over at Harry, who was grinning, and swatted his elbow. "Oh, shove off. Clearly you weren't paying attention either."

"Or perhaps I was merely studying for Astronomy by watching you."

I laughed again, the tightness in my chest beginning to loosen a bit. I thrust an arm forward dramatically at the sky. "We're not taking the night off, we're simply studying for Astronomy with a very practical, hands-on type of approach."

"Works for me," Harry said, laughing again as well.

And so we tried. I introduced Harry one by one to my closest childhood friends, though surely he knew their names already from the past four years of Astronomy. I told the stories of how the stars earned their names, too, and realized with no small amount of laughter on either of our parts that Sirius was known as the Dog Star as well. Lycanthropy was far from our minds as we lost ourselves among the stars, for a night.

"You know, Lu," Harry said as we began our flight back to the locker rooms, "when you were gone, none of us knew if we'd ever get to see you again, and I remember so vividly how it felt that first night, when I first found out, and all I could think about was this hill and that night and the stars. I hoped you could see the stars, somehow, wherever you were. I know now you couldn't," he added, "but it was wishful thinking, to hope you were alive and could see the stars. And I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm glad you're still here."

I held onto Harry a little tighter. I'm still here. "I'm glad you're still here too, Harry," I said. I swallowed hard. For weeks, I'd known that people would have rather me be dead and Cedric be alive, but I could only imagine how much worse it must have been for Harry, to be the one who survived the graveyard. Oh, Harry. "We'll be alright one day. You know that, right?"

Harry nodded quickly, very quickly. "We have to be."

I nodded too, more firmly. More deliberately. "So we will be."

When I got back to my dormitory, some time later, I reached for a piece of parchment and wrote that promise down. We had never explicitly said the words "I promise," but I wanted to treat that sentiment like a contract, a vow, a promise regardless.

We will be alright. We have to be, so we will be.

And in that moment, I believed it. I believed it in spite of everything that was stacked against us. We would be alright. We would be alright. We would be alright.

But we can't dream when we're wide awake
Or fall in love with a heart too strong to break

The low point for the month, as my life would have it, came that same night. Or perhaps it was technically the next morning. Whatever the case, it was cruel to have the first semblance of peace I had known in six months snatched from my hands the same night I found it again.

I was back at the bottom of the Black Lake. Again. It was the tenth time. It was just as terrifying, just as real, as it had been the first time.

I was awake and alone in the darkness and silence and cold of the Black Lake and Cedric wasn't coming to save me. I was losing air, I was losing hope, I was losing everything. Staying on the bottom was the safest option. Surrender was the safest option. I would never rise again. I would be below the water forever, even though mere hours ago I'd felt air in my lungs and maybe even sunshine beginning to pierce the clouds. That was gone, that was all gone. I stayed on the bottom until the darkness claimed me. It swallowed me whole.

Then it spit me back out into reality. I jerked awake, lurching against my blankets as I shot myself to a sitting position. The blanket I clutched in my hands flushed a violent shade of purple.

The sun was just beginning to rise. The sound of running water informed me that Hermione was already back from rounds. It would be silly to go back to sleep now, not that I could have even if I wanted to.

Before I really knew what I was doing, I had clutched the now-purple blanket around my shoulders and crept down to the common room.

Harry was there, textbook propped open on his lap.

"Harry? Why on earth are you awake so early after...?"

He was grinning as he turned around. "I could ask you the same—" His face fell when he saw me. "Lucy, what's wrong?"

"Nightmare," I answered softly, joining him on the couch and pulling the blanket tighter around me against the residual cold. Harry's voice pushed back against the residual deafening silence. The firelight pushed back against the residual darkness. "Why are you up?"

"Realized I forgot to read the section in the History of Magic textbook we were supposed to be learning from yesterday," he admitted with a small smile. "Care to join me, Constellation Corners?"

I nodded, smiling back just a bit. "The Giant Wars are more interesting than the Black Lake anyway."

"The Black Lake? Is it the same nightmare as—"

"Yeah," I admitted in a whisper. "Every 24th."

"Still?"

I nodded. "It's okay. The Giant Wars are more interesting," I said, trying to keep the focus off of me as much as possible, "and a bit more relevant than the rest of our classmates probably realize. Say, do you want to head down with me today after class and visit Hagrid and the dogs?"

"Sounds like a plan," Harry said with a nod. "Alright, c'mon, let's catch up together."

I inched toward Harry until I could follow along over his shoulder as he read aloud. Bit by bit, the cold faded and I cast the blanket aside. Bit by bit, Harry's voice filled the silence and my own voice joined his as I repeated the silliest-sounding giant names. Bit by bit, the darkness fell away and light rushed in to fill its place.

We will be alright. We have to be, so we will be.

And by the end of the day, when I saw the parchment as I crawled into bed — after sneaking out with Ginny to practice since it was Friday night, of course — I believed it again.

Faith is expensive to taste
And time is borrowed loose change
That's already been spent

Maybe the soul is the tone of voice
That unearthed the words that we needed

Maybe the soul is a suitcase that holds the backup plan
A collection of keys and the patience we need to start again
Maybe it's the thresholds that swallow us whole
As we learn to let go
In spite of the dirt on our clothes

"Slow and Steady"
Sleeping At Last

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm so sorry this is so late. I've had a crazy week and I burned out hard. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, though! Thank you so much for being patient with me, you're the best. :)