A/N: Hi everyone! Really quick, before I get into this, I wanted to tell you all what chapters I consulted while writing this one. I know it's been a really long time, and if I, the author, have had to re-acquaint myself with this story, I'm sure you all do too. I will do my best to include enough detail in each chapter that a re-read is not necessary (because this story is so very long) but I'll include a list of relevant chapters at the beginning of the next few updates for anyone who's interested in the little details I'm including from chapters past. I do want to post a chapter-by-chapter summary of the story too, but for now, here are the chapters I re-read in writing this one, in chronological order:

Chapter 183 (Harry and Lucy's Department of Mysteries POV)Chapters 69-74 (Cedric's death and its immediate aftermath)Chapters 81, 82, 84, and 87 (Lucy's kidnapping and escape)Chapter 57 (the last couple of pages specifically; Lucy telling Cedric about the first task)Chapter 148 (Cedric's portrait is introduced)Chapter 106 (Lucy and Neville work together in the greenhouses)Chapter 177 (the Lucy and Hermione fallout)

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thank you for all of the love on the last update, your support means the world. Without any further ado, enjoy!

~

You taught me the courage of stars before you left
How light carries on endlessly, even after death
With shortness of breath
You explained the infinite
And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again
I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen
I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time
That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

"Saturn"
Sleeping At Last

~

LUCY:

I talked to Harry first.

I must have been really asleep, I thought to myself as my senses returned to me one by one.

I was warm.

I could taste blood on my tongue.

I was tucked snugly in bed.

I could smell blood in the air, but there was something that smelled like home in the air too.

I was in the dark.

I could hear the sound of someone else breathing.

I wasn't alone.

I could feel someone's hand in mine.

My eyes snapped open. I wasn't alone. I could feel someone's hand in mine. I wasn't alone.

That someone was Harry. He was beginning to stir as well, so I drank in the sight of him for as long as I could before his eyes opened.

His adorably messy dark hair was making abstract art on the pillowcase. We were in the same bed. He had reached for me in his sleep. We were in the same bed. His hand, with a couple of ink smudges, was intertwined with mine, which had a couple of ink smudges too. We were in the same damn bed.

I couldn't remember how it had happened, and I didn't have time to try to figure it out before his eyes opened.

His mouth dropped open, and he groped for his glasses in the dark with his free hand, and once he had pushed his glasses onto his face he blinked several times before he managed to speak. "Hi."

"Hi," I said back, praying the room was dark enough to hide the fact that I was blushing. Even as I thought that, though, the room began to lighten incrementally, the way it did in the morning after a transformation to convince me to open my eyes. Terror froze the blood in my veins once it was light enough to see Harry properly — everything except his face was splattered with blood. "Harry, you're — there's blood on your—" The memories of the night before flooded back into my mind. "Oh. I — I slept so soundly I forgot — I forgot it all for a bit."

"Me too," he admitted in a whisper, pushing himself up onto an elbow, his eyes wandering over my robes before finding my eyes again. "How are you feeling?"

I did a quick mental inventory — the findings were more or less just ow ow ow ow — pushing myself up onto an elbow as well. Our hands were still intertwined. "I feel a bit as if someone turned my body inside out. How are you?"

"That's... not a bad description, actually," he said with a huff of laughter that was utterly devoid of humor. Harry closed his eyes and flopped back down, taking his glasses off so he could place his free hand over his eyes. "I can't — can't believe he's... Sirius is..."

"I know." I slipped my hand free of his so I could pull him closer than just the tethering of our hands. I placed my hand on his waist and tugged gently, a silent question. His arm shot out to wrap around my waist in answer, and we pulled each other close, like magnets, like gravity. I buried my face against his shoulder. "You were there for me a year ago. Let me be here for you now."

Harry heaved a shuddering breath, tears beginning to gather on his eyelashes. I held him tighter, trying to will my presence into his emptiness.

"I know," I whispered, "I know, I know, I know."

There was nothing else to say, really.

"It's okay" would be a lie.

"I'm sorry" would be meaningless.

But I had learned that grief was horrifically isolating. Even before I went home for the summer and lost all contact with the outside world, even before I was kidnapped and spent a week in the caves, even before I was the subject of Hufflepuff's scorn, I felt alone. Even though the twins chased me to the shores of the Black Lake, even though Ginny held me through the night, even though Harry held me through the morning, even though I was never really alone for the week before I went home, I was alone. Grief tossed a blanket darker than a night sky full of clouds and heavier than the whole world over my head and whispered to me as I collapsed under the weight of it.

you're alone, you're alone, you're alone

"I know," I whispered. "Harry, you're not alone."

you're alone because no one understands exactly how you feel, you're alone because no one understands exactly how you feel, you're alone because no one understands exactly how you feel

"I know," I whispered. "I might never understand exactly how you feel, but I know."

you're alone because no one understands exactly how you feel and you will never be free, you're alone because no one understands exactly how you feel and you will never be free, you're alone because no one understands exactly how you feel and you will never be free

"I know," I whispered, "and I promise it'll get better one day. It'll never be okay, but it'll be better. I know."

~

I talked to Lav and Parvati next.

It was nearly curfew when Harry and I stumbled out of the Room of Requirement. We wanted to stay there and hide forever, but we were still both in our blood-encrusted robes and in desperate need of showers. I insisted that he let me heal all of the bruises and cuts I could see and made him promise to let me heal any others that developed later, then I promised that I would heal my own. With that, we slipped out of the Room of Requirement into the darkening castle.

We ignored the stares of everyone in the common room as we went our separate ways to our own dormitories with soft "Good night"s and long looks. I opened the door slowly, and I was greeted by rhythmic thumping.

It was Tuck. Or, more specifically, his tail, wagging from where he lay on his side in his makeshift bed.

I dropped to my knees beside him, pressing kiss after kiss after kiss after kiss to his head.

"Lucy!" two voices exclaimed in unison.

I kissed Tuck's nose before looking up at my roommates. They both looked torn between joy and concern.

"What happened?" Parvati asked. "You never came back, and there were rumors of course, the Hospital Wing was closed today to anyone who wasn't ill or injured, no visitors allowed for whoever was in there, we thought maybe you were after whatever happened with Archie but we overheard the Slytherins talking about how he was a traitor so we had no idea what to think—"

Lavender interrupted her, eyes widening as she looked me up and down. "Are you okay?"

"It's — it's a really long story," I replied.

"Are you okay?" Parvati repeated, voice gentle and soft and almost timid, as if I were a wild animal she was trying to approach with kindness, unsure of how it would be received.

I looked down and rubbed my thumb back and forth across one of the lines on Tuck's head where black met white, tears blurring my vision as I shook my head.

Tuck's nose suddenly lifted into the air.

"Hey, hey, easy," I said softly, but Tuck lunged forward toward my pocket. "What is it? Oh..." I reached into my pocket and extracted the piece of wiggentree bark Luna had given me before... just before. "You're right, this is for you. Luna gave it to me. You met her on the train." I held it out to him with a violently trembling hand and let him inspect it, watching with wonder as the golden string caught the candlelight and the bark swung back and forth. "I can't believe it didn't break."

"You're shaking again," Lavender pointed out.

I nodded as I set the little charm from Luna on Tuck's bed. "Yeah, I guess I am. Makes sense, I — it's a really long story."

"Well, we're here," Parvati said with a small smile. "Ready with hugs and distractions and whatever else you might need."

"Thank you," I replied, feeling heat creep into my face. I managed a small smile in return. "I'll do you both a favor and shower before accepting any hugs, though."

Lavender smiled a bit at that, and we were all still smiling as I grabbed pajamas and disappeared to shower.

I hadn't even really noticed the shaking, but it made sense. I'd been tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange and possessed by Voldemort. Regardless of the brevity of those events, I would have been more surprised if I wasn't shaking. It didn't bother me much.

I knew it would pass. I knew it would get better in a couple of days, most likely sooner than I expected.

I suddenly had to steady myself against the side of the shower as a wave of nauseous heat swept through me, leaving my head exploding with pain. I remembered that Harry always felt the same way after he was possessed by Voldemort. It didn't bother me much.

I knew it would pass. I knew it would go away in an hour or so, most likely sooner than I expected.

I watched as the water swirled red around my feet. It didn't bother me much.

I knew it would pass. I knew it would become clean in a matter of minutes, most likely sooner than I expected.

I closed my eyes and let myself poke the bear of grief that had made itself quite comfortable, heavy though it was, in the pit of my stomach. I meant every word I said to Harry. He wasn't alone. I didn't understand exactly how he felt because his relationship with Sirius had been different from my relationship with Sirius. The loss of Sirius cut me deeply too, though. I would miss him. I knew it would get better one day. That didn't make it any easier to weather the storm in the moment-to-moment experience of grief, though. I tried not to let it bother me much.

I knew it would pass. I knew it would get better one day, most likely sooner than either of us expected.

Once the water began to swirl clear around my feet, I scrubbed myself down, accidentally finding more bruises and scratches whose origins I could remember only sometimes. As soon as I exited the shower, I reached for my wand and healed what I could.

My headache never lessened, and neither did my shaking. Certain wounds were too deep to be scared away by the tap of a wand, I supposed.

I felt a little better when I entered the bedroom again, and my spirits lifted even more when I saw that Parvati and Lav were playing with Tuck, who started to run toward me when he noticed I had returned.

Lav and Parvati, though, reached forward in unison to gently stop him.

"Easy, Tucky," Lavender said soothingly. "You're still healing, and she's coming, don't worry."

"Let her come to you," Parvati added, scratching behind his ear.

My heart swelled as I made my way across the room on shaking legs. I'd always been closest with Hermione and Ginny, of the various girls in my life, but my other roommates had always been there for me too in their own ways. It was Lavender who had covered my scars for the night of the Yule Ball so I could pretend they didn't exist for the first time ever, and it was Parvati's charms that kept them covered all night long. They were both always willing to talk about the silly and the mundane and the dreamy and the whimsical, none of which were ever topics that appealed much to Hermione or to Ginny, who preferred the concrete and the practical. They didn't ask questions that I would be uncomfortable answering, even when they had every right to doubt the stories I told about where I'd been or what had happened; they trusted me. For that same reason, I reckoned, they had both been faithful members of Dumbledore's Army, even though Lavender's boyfriend at the time didn't believe Harry. They'd stayed with Tuck all night when I was gone, and they stayed with him even for the twenty or so minutes I was in the shower. Sure, they weren't Hermione, who loved me with a ferocity unique to me even though her fear of the uncontrollable and unpredictable sometimes drove a wedge between us. They weren't Ginny, who went through the Animagus process for me and learned the position of Beater just so I wouldn't have to face the changed world of Quidditch alone. But they were there, as much as they could be, in all the ways I allowed them to be, and I loved them so much.

"I'm right here," I whispered, leaning in to kiss Tuck's nose. He licked my face in response, and I couldn't stop the surprised laugh that burst out of me. "You must be feeling better."

"He certainly seems to be," Parvati commented. She studied me. "And you?"

I nodded. "A bit, thanks. I can't believe I slept in those robes all day, Harry and I must have been even more out of it than we realized."

Lavender choked. "You slept with Harry? In — those disgusting robes?"

"Oh, Merlin, no, not with — not with, in that way, we were just sharing a—" I scrambled for an explanation. "We were in the Room of Requirement and it only gave us one bed—"

Parvati shrieked. "The Room of Requirement only gave you two one bed? It knows!"

"Knows what?" I yelped, hands flying to cover my burning cheeks. "It wasn't like that—"

"We've been placing bets!" Lavender explained, giggling shrilly. "We thought for sure you two would get together before getting together, though—"

I thought my face would melt off. I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to choke out my words. "Oh, dear Merlin, we didn't! It wasn't like that, I swear, I can explain—"

"We know, we know," Parvati assured me, her laughter subsiding.

"We believe you," Lavender echoed with a giggle. "Sorry, that just — that caught me by surprise! So — so what exactly did you do if—" She giggled again. "If you weren't doing, er, that?"

I giggled, too. "The reality is so much more disappointing."

That set both girls off giggling again, and my face flamed anew.

"What did I say?" I asked. "What now?"

Lavender waggled her eyebrows. "Disappointing because you wish you were sleeping with Harry the other way?"

Instead of answering, I dropped my head into my hands with a strangled sound, and their laughter reached a new volume. I began to laugh too, and we laughed for quite a while before stopping.

"Okay, okay, sorry," Parvati said as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. "Obviously something bad happened, since you were covered in blood, it's just — the way you said that, Lucy!"

"That came out so wrong," I moaned. "I can't blame you. Merlin."

"So what did happen?" Lavender asked.

I sighed. "It's a really long story that I'd rather not repeat in its entirety, but, well, we ended up leaving the school last night."

Parvati gasped. "What? Why?"

"Really long—"

"Long story, it's okay," Lavender interrupted. "Skip to the best parts, then."

"We got back here really early this morning, Professor Dumbledore set up Portkeys for the two of us. I'm not entirely sure how everyone else got back, but I noticed that Fred and George were in the Ministry with the others when I was chasing Harry and—" I sighed. "Sorry, I'm getting distracted. The short story is that we were separated from everyone else and we were talking by the Black Lake this morning and then he showed me — he showed me his memory of how Cedric died."

"Oh Lucy," Parvati said softly.

"How horrible," Lavender whispered.

I swallowed hard. "Yeah, it — it was hard, but I — it made me feel better, though, which sounds crazy, but... long story. Anyway, we needed a Pensieve for that, so we ended up in the Room of Requirement, and once we were done with that, a bed popped up, one bed, and we didn't really think twice about it. But he did, er, we..." I blushed. "When I woke up, we were, um, holding hands. You can't tell anyone I told you that, though."

They exchanged smug looks before looking back at me and nodding. Before I could say anything else, Tuck barked a bit, startling me back to reality.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying enough attention to you, was I?" I asked sarcastically, pressing another kiss to the top of his head. "You're a silly boy, you know that?"

He let out another little bark, and the three of us laughed.

I bit back a yawn. "I'm still exhausted, so I think I'm going to sleep. Do you want to see how Tuck got his name?"

When both Lav and Parvati nodded enthusiastically, I crawled up into bed and patted the covers next to me.

"C'mon, boy, you've healed enough to sleep with me."

Tuck jumped up immediately and burrowed his nose under my pillow. I was still smiling as I drifted off again a couple short minutes later, one arm holding my dog close and the other wrapped around Cedric's jumper, which sent a warm current of healing throughout my body that carried me away into sleep.

~

I talked to Archie next.

In the middle of the night, I woke with a start.

Our rings.

I slipped mine on for the first time in months, and when morning dawned, I rifled quietly through Hermione's nightstand until I found hers. I changed into my robes and scribbled out a note for Lav and Parvati saying I might be busy that day but that I wasn't going anywhere before slipping down to the Hospital Wing.

I stole in silently and looked around. All of my friends were still asleep, and it appeared that Ron and Hermione were the only ones who needed any potions to help with that. Emotion threatened to overwhelm me again, but I managed to keep it at bay. I had a mission.

I crept to Hermione's bedside and slipped the ring on her finger. My half was a blue and purple bruise, more blue than purple but not definitively either color, and her half soon glowed a brilliant purple. A nightmare, I reckoned.

Before I could decide if I should wake her up or not, the soft clearing of a throat caught my attention. Madam Pomfrey was standing in the doorway of her office, expression unreadable, and she gestured for me to join her. I tiptoed over, and as soon as the door of her office closed behind us, she swept me up into a quick, gentle hug and pushed me away so she could study me.

"I healed everything I could," I whispered.

"What couldn't you?" she asked, still appraising me with the critical healer's eye I'd seen from too many people too many times. "I looked for you and Harry but couldn't find you, and the Headmaster said you didn't want to be found. What happened, Lucy? What do you need me to heal?"

I swallowed hard. "I don't know what you can do about being possessed by Voldemort. Nothing I've ever tried seems to help Harry."

"Oh Lucy," Madam Pomfrey whispered. She looked heartbroken. "You can't catch a break, child."

I had nothing to say to that, so I shrugged. "How are my friends?"

"They will all be alright," she assured me.

"I'm glad." My voice was little more than a whisper.

"In fact," she said, "Mr. Graye appears to have noticed your presence and is swiftly coming this way. I heard about — I know that they know. He looks well, he's free to go, I think you two should talk."

I winced. "I think we should, too. I'll be back."

I ducked out of her office just as Archie reached the door.

"We need to talk," he whispered, his tone unreadable because of how quiet his voice was. "C'mon. I know a place we won't be bothered."

I nodded and followed him out of the Hospital Wing. I was relieved when he didn't try to talk to me while we were still in the castle, but when we walked longer and longer without a single word from Archie, I began to worry. Once we were far enough away from the castle that I was confident we wouldn't be overheard, I couldn't bear the suspense anymore.

"I'm so sorry," I said, the words pouring from my mouth in a rapid, panicky stream, "please tell me what you're thinking, yell at me, do your worst, just get it all out—"

Archie stopped and turned around, placing two firm hands on my shoulders. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa, no, you've got me all wrong. My silence isn't anger, I promise."

"Oh." I looked down and away from his intense blue-grey eyes. "S-Sorry."

"No, it's okay," he said, releasing me and beginning to walk again. He waited a long moment, then sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I — why?"

"Because I knew."

I blinked. "You... what?"

"Well, I didn't know know, but I've always known in a sense."

I blinked again. "I — you lost me, Graye."

"I've always known there was something different about you, I've just never been able to pinpoint what exactly it was. First I thought it was that you wanted to be on the Quidditch team but you couldn't as a first year, then I thought it was that you were worried about the Muggle-borns when the basilisk was loose, then I thought it was that you were worried about Harry with Sirius Black, then I thought it was that you felt inferior compared to Cedric when he was in the Tournament, then, well, obviously I knew very well that you were mourning him, but even then I knew there was some sort of profound sadness and pain about you that I was just... not figuring out. I like being able to read people and I'd like to think I'm good at it, but you're a puzzle, Diggory. I think the werewolf piece was the missing one."

I absorbed his words for a long, silent moment. Archie cared so much more about me than I had ever realized, for him to spend so much time thinking and wondering and... well, caring.

"I think it was," I finally said.

"I still tried to help, you know," he said. "Didn't exactly loan you those books by accident."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

I realized then that I'd followed him into the hills surrounding the castle, and we had just reached the top of one. He slowed to a stop, then turned to look at me again.

"Well, being a Slytherin who doesn't endorse blood supremacy hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for me."

"Imagine that," I replied with a snort.

Archie chuckled. "Yeah. It's gotten easier to tolerate their intolerance toward me, but the first couple of years, I was in hell. My only escape was those books. I'd come all the way out here, where they couldn't find me, and read until the sun set. My bullies are all pure-blood pricks, they don't know anything about Narnia or Middle Earth. They think they're above such simple Muggle pleasures and fantasies. Those stories were my lifeline. No matter how cruel they were to me, they couldn't steal my imagination. Those stories were my escape. When Cedric had his internship at St. Mungo's, I figured that gave me a good excuse to try to introduce you to what had always helped me so much. Cut your teeth on Narnia, then introduce you the real good stuff with Middle Earth."

"It really did help," I said with a fond smile as I remembered the many days that year I spent curled up with a book. "A lot."

"Did you ever re-read Lord of the Rings over summer?"

I shook my head. "No. Sorry. I was... a bit busy. I — well, I guess there's no point keeping this secret from you anymore, since you know about... you know. The short version is that a couple of Death Eaters kidnapped me after killing my parents, trying to get me to switch to their side by playing on the whole werewolf thing. Obviously, I didn't switch, they weren't too happy about that, and I managed to escape after about a week of being tortured. And I... well, I didn't feel much like reading after that."

"Holy shit" was all Archie could say in reply, eyes wide.

"Yeah." I shrugged. "That's what Bellatrix meant by the whole 'Let's see if she's as resistant as she was the first time' spiel. She wasn't there, she was in Azkaban, but Malfoy and a few of the others were, so..." I shrugged again. "But I escaped, I got out, that's what matters."

"I guess. I mean, yes, it does matter, it's great that you're alive, obviously, but... holy shit."

I snorted. "Accurate assessment."

Archie blinked, then cleared his throat and tried to look more like his unflappable self by crossing his arms. "And how about now? I reckon you don't feel much like thinking about all of the shit that's happened the past couple of days."

"No, definitely not." I found a smile for him. "I'll give reading a shot again."

"Sounds good." Archie looked into the distance, cocked his head, then looked back at me. "Two more questions for you. No, three."

I shrugged. "Shoot."

"When's the next full moon?"

"First day of summer."

"Well, that's very unfortunate. Second question, is there anything I can do to help?"

"Keep the secret," I replied.

"Duh. Is there anything else? During the school year, for instance?"

"Oh." I shook my head. "No, but thanks for asking. Ginny and Harry have it fairly well-sorted, and Ron and Hermione always take prefect duties on full moons so they have my back in that sense."

"Well, think of anything, let me know. Third question, does this spot look familiar to you?"

For the first time, I really looked around. Something about the place looked familiar, for sure, as if I'd seen it in a dream somehow.

Or in a picture.

I swallowed hard. "Is this where you came after...?"

The rest of my question didn't need to be spoken aloud. After Cedric had died, when Archie left the stadium, camera in hand, and roamed the hills all night long. He had ended up on this hill and snapped a picture of the brilliantly yellow sunrise, then given me the picture, dated June 25, 1995, tucked into the pages of his beloved Lord of the Rings tome.

Archie nodded. "Yeah. Thought you might want to know where it is specifically, with the one-year mark coming up and all that."

"Right," I whispered. "Thanks, Archie."

"For what?"

I couldn't stop myself from hugging him. "Everything."

~

I talked to Henry next.

He approached shyly, but he didn't look afraid. That much was good, at least.

"Hey," he said with a small smile. "Do you mind if we...?"

I could have sworn the voice in my head was Cedric's as I forced myself to hold Henry's earnest brown-eyed gaze.

It went well with Archie. Trust Henry.

"We can," I replied, fighting down the panic. "Archie and I talked outside, if you want to...?"

Henry, somehow, looked increasingly shy. "My roommates are sneaking off to Hogsmeade for the day, so our dormitory will be empty, if...?"

"Sounds good." I grinned. "There. One of us finished a sentence."

"That you did," he said, flashing a grin that faded a bit after a moment. We set off in the direction of the Hufflepuff common room, and we'd only gone a few steps before he started talking again. "I've been meaning to show you our room ever since..."

"It's okay," I interrupted after a moment. I snorted. "I'm the one who needs to finish sentences, you don't need to worry about it. I'm sure you're overwhelmed by it all."

"A bit," he admitted.

"It's okay. I understand."

Henry glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, the expression far more sad than I was expecting. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he must have decided against it. Soon enough, we reached the barrels, and soon enough after that, I was climbing the stairs to my brother's dormitory.

The air was sucked from my lungs. Four of the five beds in the room were unmade.

The fifth was the closest to the door. Just like mine.

There was a thin coat of dust surrounding the bed that had once been his, as if nobody dared to step within the circle of loss.

I understood. I gravitated toward it anyway, as if I belonged there. As if my place was always supposed to be that closest to the site of tragedy. And if fate didn't put me there (the Everlins) I found myself there anyway (Cedric) or planted myself there (Sirius).

"I'll admit I've been in here before," I said once I was able to find my voice. "I snuck down here my fourth year after I found out what the first task was, but I wasn't really looking around anyway. I was... rather distracted by the fact that I was about to tell my brother that he was going to have to face off against dragons. He — Merlin, I remember I apologized because he was comforting me and not the other way around." I laughed shakily. "Oh Cedric."

"Oh Cedric," Henry echoed. He moved toward his trunk, and after a minute of shuffling, he emerged with a cribbage board. He avoided my eyes as he cracked a grin. "Cedric always started important conversations by suggesting an activity, and this one seemed appropriate considering it's you. Shall we?"

I nodded, trying to give an appearance of being much braver than I felt. "I hope you're ready to lose to another Diggory."

Henry chuckled as he sat cross-legged on his bed and gestured for me to join him. "How dare you, Cedric and I were very competitive, nearly 50/50 in games we each won and lost."

"Nearly?"

"We kept track." Henry flipped over the cribbage board to reveal a bunch of tally marks, half yellow and half black. "He was yellow, I was black. I haven't actually counted these since he died, but maybe after this game when I add a black tally, I can count."

"Oh, shove off, Furls, I'm better at cribbage than Cedric ever was. You're going down."

"We shall see about that," he replied lightheartedly as he held out the deck. I cut a 7 and he cut a 6, then the game was underway.

I sighed and launched into the conversation. "Cedric would be livid if he knew Bellatrix Lestrange of all people was the one who told you about me."

"Would he have ever told me?" Henry asked.

"No, not unless I specifically asked him to do that. And then he probably would have made me drink veritaserum and ask him again just to make sure it was what I really wanted. He always wanted me to tell more people, he never saw it as a bad thing beyond the fact that it caused me so much pain, but he only ever knew about three people finding out and never pressured me to tell more and obviously never told anyone else ."

"Finding out?"

"Hermione figured it out our first year, and the Weasley twins found out in my fourth year, your sixth year."

"Just before the Yule Ball," Henry said with a nod. "George told me that much. What about the others, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I don't mind," I replied. "Honestly, as Cedric's roommate and best friend, you deserve answers more than probably anybody else left to tell. Ginny and Ron know too, they figured it out. A few of the professors know, obviously, like Professor McGonagall and Remus, and Madam Pomfrey. A few more have probably figured it out through the years." I sighed quietly. "You know, Harry's the only person I ever told. Everybody else either was told by someone other than me or figured it out themselves and tested the theory."

Henry nodded thoughtfully. "No one ever would have figured it out because of Cedric. I never... I mean, I knew him better than arguably anyone except you, but I never would have guessed he was guarding a secret like this. It makes sense in hindsight, but... I never would have come up with it on my own. And I know he would have protected you with everything he had even if I did think I figured it out somehow and asked him about it."

"Sounds about right."

We each counted our hands then, and a couple rounds of the game passed without further conversation.

Henry sighed quietly, looking up at me over his cards. "Cedric kept your secret really well. Like... really well. I never would have guessed you had all of that going on all this time."

"He was the best," I whispered. "Always there right away in the mornings after, and he'd stay until he knew I was alright."

"Looking back, he was gone randomly in the mornings sometimes, but he always had excuses for that. None of us would have guessed."

I nodded. "I'm sure a lot of other things make sense looking back, too."

"Admittedly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Not in a bad way," he added quickly, looking up from his cards with wide eyes, "not at all in a bad way. I don't think less of you for it or anything like that, I promise. It's okay. I guess I should have led with that. I'm not prejudiced against you now or anything like that, I promise, I don't—"

"It's okay," I assured him with a gentle laugh. "Don't hurt yourself tripping over your words, I understand. Thank you."

"Yeah, of course, I would never think less of anyone for that, I mean I trust Professor Lupin now just as much as I did before I knew about him, I just — I've known you for years now, I've known of you for a couple more, and I just can't force myself to understand how you've kept something like that a secret all this time. Or, er, maybe? Maybe all this time? Did it happen recently?"

"All this time," I confirmed. "I was five."

"My sister wasn't even born until I was six, and I barely even remember life before she came along," Henry said in a soft voice. "I would say I'm sorry, but I know how little weight that phrase actually carries with — something like this."

"It carries more weight with this in particular, compared to how little it meant after Cedric died. It still doesn't change anything, but — but not everyone is sorry about it. The werewolf who bit me, for one."

"You absolutely do not have to answer this if you don't want to, but... have you ever seen him again?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. He might have been there in the caves, it was too dark to see any faces. But the main person I remember being there is Malfoy because I recognized his voice, I think I would have known if Greyback had been there too." I blinked. "I suppose I should explain that. I know I joked about it kind of by accident when you were around once, in regards to the hypothermia candies the twins were making for me and testing on Umbridge." I blinked again, then laughed a bit. "I guess I should explain that, too. First, though, yeah, I was kidnapped after my parents were killed." I had been rather blunt with Archie, but Henry deserved a more delicate version of the story. He was already looking at me with wide, horrified eyes. "It was only a week, and they were trying to get me to switch sides. I didn't, obviously, I never would, but they tried to, er, convince me."

"Meaning... tortured you? The Death Eaters were saying..." His voice trailed off, unable to finish his sentences again.

"Yeah." I shrugged. "It's okay, though. I escaped. The story has a happy ending. Once I escaped, I spent the rest of the summer with the Weasleys and Harry and... and Sirius. I suppose I should explain that too. He was innocent, he never — he didn't do what the world thought he did." I swallowed hard and looked away from Henry, staring at Cedric's bed. "I know what I'm about to say sounds crazy, but it was Peter Pettigrew. He faked his death, then disguised himself and hid for over a decade. We found out the truth two years ago." I sighed. "Technically, Peter Pettigrew killed Cedric too. Voldemort gave the order, but it... it wasn't his spell."

"Oh" was all Henry could manage.

I nodded, still not looking at him. "I know it's a lot to take in, I just... I thought you should know. While we're here, talking, since you'll be graduating in just a few days." I glanced Henry's way with a small smile. "I'm going to miss you, Henry."

"I'm going to miss you too," he said. He took a couple of slow, calculated breaths, then pulled his eyes away from Cedric's bed to meet mine. "Even though I obviously wish we'd grown close under different circumstances, I'm glad we had this past year together. It would have been so much harder if he had just been... gone. But little pieces of him were still around, in you."

"The same is true for you," I said. I huffed a humorless laugh. "And we tied off our year of friendship with a fun brush with death. Aren't you glad we got closer?"

Henry rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless. "Oh, shut up. I wouldn't do anything differently if I had the chance to do it again."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I opted for a subject change. "Oh, so yeah, those hypothermia candies were for me. I get feverish leading up to the moon, and they wanted to help."

"Did they? Do those work?"

"Yeah, they do. It's not a perfect solution, but it's nice to get a bit of relief." I smiled at Henry. "You've helped with that too, actually."

He cocked his head. "I have?"

"That jumper you made for Cedric, a few years ago. He charmed a shirt for me that same way. And Ginny—"

"She told me about that!" Henry exclaimed, slapping a hand to his forehead. "She said she had borrowed your charmed shirt by accident and been really impressed with it so she wanted to learn the charms too. Did she charm something for you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, a blanket. It's the best."

Henry smiled. "And to think, I've been feeling bad for not being able to help since I never figured it out."

"First of all, you wouldn't have to feel bad about that anyway. Second of all, you've been helping for longer than you've even known. And third of all, I do intentionally make it difficult for people to figure out."

"Yeah, that's fair."

"Do you have any other questions for me, or do you want to get back to losing at cribbage?"

"I'm sure I'll think of more over the course of the next few days, but I'd like to start winning at cribbage," he said with a mischievous grin. "And I think I will."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Just play the round, Diggory, you'll see."

I did, in fact, see. Henry Furls was sitting on a six, two sevens, and an eight, putting a pair of fives in his crib. I put a jack and a queen in his crib. A five flipped up. Henry Furls beat me soundly at cribbage. Cedric had taught him well, as evidenced by the four more black tallies than yellow tallies on the back of the board.

~

I talked to Cedric's portrait next.

I knew it wasn't really Cedric, I did, but I needed to hear his voice anyway. I needed to let myself pretend for a bit anyway.

Safely behind the strongest silencing charm I could produce, I told Cedric everything, every last detail. I even told him I was a werewolf.

Everyone else I loved knew. He deserved to know, too.

And I told him. I told him. I told him. I told him.

And it went well. Of course it went well, because it wasn't Cedric but it was good enough.

I told him about everything he did for me. I told him, too, that he had undoubtedly done even more for me than what I knew, and I knew about plenty. I didn't tell him about the Everlins, not wanting to get too far off course, but I told him about everything else. I told him about how he would read to me when I was too tired to leave my bed on the days following the moon as kids, I told him about how he sat with me through every goblet of wolfsbane, I told him about how he was the one who carried me out of the Forbidden Forest the night I got my scars, I told him about discovering the Room of Requirement, I told him about every healing spell he'd ever learned to help me. I told him about everything he did for me, as best as I could.

I got back on track and filled in Henry's half of the story before pressing on with what happened once Harry and I got back to school. When I reached the part of the story about talking to Harry in the Room of Requirement the night before, telling him "I know" as many times as I could, I began to falter. I was jerked back to reality, to the present, to the fact that I was talking to a portrait of Cedric, not Cedric, because the real Cedric was dead and gone and buried and too far away to possibly see or hear me at all. I remembered with frightening clarity everything about the Tournament all at once, as if talking about Harry's grief had ripped apart the box into which I'd so delicately placed my own. Before I knew it, I was crying, crying like I hadn't cried in a very long time, as thoughts that hadn't crossed my mind in a very long time suddenly surged to the front.

"I miss you so much, everything is such a mess, and I don't know how to make anything better!" I burst out, keeping my arms crossed tightly over my chest and my fists clenched even more tightly so my magic didn't explode out of me and hurt something or someone or, worse, shatter the silencing charm.

The portrait blinked. Searched for something to say. I understood. I wouldn't have known what to say either. So I kept going.

"I know in my head that this isn't my fault, but everything seems to be centered around me," I whispered. "Did I do all of this, somehow? Is there a reason I'm always in the center? Is it wrong of me to be the one left of the two of us? I know everyone thinks so, nearly everyone anyway, and maybe they're right, I-I'm not you, and I'm trying to be, but I can't be, even though I'm trying, and—"

"Lucy, stop, please."

I froze.

Cedric gnawed on his lower lip for a second. He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced over my shoulder — in Henry's direction, most likely — before looking at me again. "You're not me, and neither am I. That's not a fair expectation for anyone. Since you're the one left, you have to believe there's a reason, and you have to believe that reason is good. If you don't, you'll lose sight of what really matters."

"And what's that?" I asked, tears continuing to course down my cheeks.

As soon as I asked, an image from my very first night in the castle burst into my mind like a blazing light. The Sorting Hat had asked me a very similar question. A similar but more selfish question. What I wanted in life. When I was eleven, all I wanted was the safety of the people I loved. A selfish question with a selfless answer, it could be argued. The problem with selflessness, though, is trying to find a place for yourself in the palaces you've constructed for others. I'd never included myself in the blueprints. I'd always looked outward. To my left, to my right, in front of me, behind me. Outward, never inward.

Perhaps that was part of why I'd been so terrified that night I nearly fell from my broom, several months ago. I'd been forced to look so suddenly inward. First by Draco Malfoy's letter, then by the realization of my position in relation to the world around me. Only when I considered myself a part of the picture did I truly understand the extent of the danger surrounding my existence. All my life, I'd feared hurting people to the point where I couldn't let myself be a part of the picture.

I was disposable. I was meant to be disposable. Always on the margins of the paper, if on the paper at all. The scapegoat, the first to blame. The sacrifice, the first to go. And yet... not yet blamed. Not yet gone. I might have been missing from my own blueprints, but as blueprints were being drawn for the war, I knew I would be central. That thought terrified me. But it gave me the answer I needed.

"Keeping others safe," I whispered.

Cedric's portrait nodded. "That's a good reason. Not the only reason, of course, you're worth more than what you can do for others, but—"

"But focusing on keeping the people I love safe gives me a purpose."

"Until you find a better one." His eyes — the portrait's eyes — softened. "You won't need to protect everyone forever. You'll be free one day, and you can find a better purpose then, one that depends on who you are and what you want instead of what you can do."

I felt my face burning. "You're not even you. Why are you still so good at seeing right through me?"

"Magic, I guess," the portrait replied with a shrug.

I burst out laughing at that. "Not even I could recreate you with my magic, and I'm fairly powerful. I think you've got a magic of your own, Cedric, that somehow transcends even the Killing Curse."

Cedric's portrait — Cedric, maybe — smiled. "That's a nice thought. I'd like to believe that."

A soft, persistent glow pulsed in the center of the hole in my chest. I imagined it to be yellow. I drew my arms impossibly tighter around myself, like I was trying to trap it there. Keep it safe. Stop it from ever flickering out.

"I'd like to believe that too," I whispered.

~

I talked to Neville next.

He was heading down to the Hufflepuff common room as I was leaving.

His face lit up when he saw me. "Oh, hi Lucy! What're you doing down here?"

"I, er, talked to Henry." My face flamed. "And my brother's portrait. About... about everything. If you want to talk about everything at some point, you can, er, let me know."

"Oh, about—" Neville shut his mouth with a snap, eyes going wide. "Right. About everything. Well, uh, what is there to talk about?"

I furrowed my brow in confusion, choosing my words carefully in case anybody was listening. "About... what the Death Eaters said about me."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"You're not... upset?"

"With you?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, with me."

"Why would I be? You're still just Lucy to me. Knowing about it doesn't change the fact that you were the first person to make me feel like I belonged here. It makes that even more special to me, really, because you had every reason to keep to yourself and be scared of the world, but you chose to reach out and care about me anyway."

"So you're—" My brain was struggling to comprehend everything he was saying. "You're really not upset about it?"

Neville shook his head. "Obviously I feel very sorry about it and very sorry about how I found out and very sorry about how much it hurts you and very sorry about what happened to you over summer, especially since now I can kind of guess why. I'm upset about how you feel less-than because of it, not upset with you for being... it."

"You're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Lucy."

"I'm s-"

Neville interrupted my apology before it could even fully leave my mouth. "You've done nothing wrong."

I swallowed hard, unsure of how to proceed. I was sure I'd have to explain, or apologize, or beg Neville not to run from me in fear, most likely all of the above. But Neville was brave, and Neville was loving, and Neville was kind, and Neville was standing before me with bravery and love and kindness in his earnest eyes.

"How are you?" I asked. "I know it must have been hard to see her."

He shrugged. "I feel better about it than I thought I would."

"I'm glad," I said.

"Me too, for what it's worth." Neville cracked a grin. "Bellatrix Lestrange just a person. An evil, twisted, crazy person, but just a person nonetheless."

I blinked. "You don't think she's a monster?"

"In her own way, maybe, but not the way I've always seen her in my nightmares. She's just a person." His grin widened. "I'm taller than Bellatrix is. Did you notice that?"

"I didn't," I said, shaking my head and (somehow) returning his (somehow) grin. "That's great."

"I think so too."

"Are you okay after — what she did to you?" I asked quietly.

"Us, you mean," he corrected me. "Shaking a bit, but not much. I'm okay. Are you?"

"I, er, had a bit more happen after the fact, so I'm..." I held out my hand for emphasis.

"After you chased Harry, who chased her?"

I nodded.

"No offense to Harry, but that wasn't his best decision."

"Agreed, which is exactly why I couldn't let him make it alone," I replied with a shrug. "He wanted revenge. He couldn't bring himself to take it, though, which I believe is for the best." I considered Neville a moment. "If you had a chance at revenge, would you take it?"

Neville shrugged. "I've been asking myself that exact question, if I'm being honest. I think the fact that I still don't have an answer is an answer in and of itself. I don't think I could take it if given the opportunity. She's just a person, after all."

"She's just a person," I echoed. "Well, I — if you're good, then I suppose I'll let you continue on your way."

"I'm good," Neville said with a nod and a smile. "Are you?"

"Are we?"

"Of course."

"Then yeah." I nodded. "I'm good."

~

I talked to Luna next.

That conversation was the shortest. I passed her in the corridor on my way down to the Hospital Wing.

"Hi Lucy," she said breezily as she walked past, smiling at me as she went.

"Hi Luna," I replied. When she continued walking, I turned around. "Wait, Luna." She stopped and turned to face me, a curious expression on her face. "Er — I'm guessing you want to talk about...?"

"Oh no, it's alright, I understand." Luna smiled. "You know, I once heard this rumor that saying the werewolf's name from a place of love once they've transformed will change them back."

"I've never heard that before," I replied, at a loss for what else to say. I listened to her talk about anything and everything, giving her the benefit of the doubt when it came to all kinds of wild and whimsical words that left her mouth, but that was just too good to be true. If it was really that easy, why had no one ever tried it? Because anyone who had ever tried wouldn't have lived to tell the tale, I assumed. I smiled back anyway, though. "That's interesting."

"Yes, very. How is Tuck?"

"He's better," I reported, smile widening. "Thank you for the wiggentree bark, he loves it."

Her smile widened too. "I'm glad. Well, I really should be going. I'm taking food to the thestrals to thank them for getting us all to London safely. You're welcome to join me, if you'd like."

I glanced over my shoulder at the Hospital Wing door. I had been on my way to talk to Hermione, who I hoped was awake at that point.

A bitter sting of guilt and reluctance met the back of my eyes. I turned back to Luna and nodded.

"That's a great idea. I'll go with you."

~

I talked to Hermione last.

I exchanged a couple of words with Ron and Ginny once I returned to the Hospital Wing. His arms were still heavily bandaged, so Ginny designated herself his babysitter and had been helping him eat and take potions all day. Harry had stopped by, they said, not looking great but looking better than expected. I promised them I'd find him once I'd talked to Hermione, who was asleep at the moment but had been awake earlier that day and told the others that she wanted someone to wake her up if I came back.

"You're as good a person as any," Ginny said. "I saw the ring on her finger. You're a brave person, Lucy Diggory, and a better friend to her than she's been to you."

I swallowed hard. "I'm still the reason she's hurt—"

"Lucy, stop," Ron interrupted. "Just talk to her. She wants to talk to you."

"Good luck," Ginny said, pushing me in the direction of Hermione.

"You can put up a silencing charm, we won't be offended," Ron added.

I nodded, only half-hearing him over the roar of blood in my ears.

I was possessed by Voldemort two days ago. Why am I so scared?

My hand trembled violently as I erected the silencing charm. I tucked my wand away and approached Hermione's bedside. I was scared.

An idea sprang to mind, though. It would buy me a couple more minutes to gather myself, and, honestly, it would say more than any words ever could. I rushed out of the room, ignoring Ron and Ginny's indignant "Where are you going?" squawks, and hurried up to my — our — dormitory.

When I returned to the Hospital Wing, Ginny was mid-reprimand when she saw what I was holding. Ron's face softened. No words between the three of us were spoken, but they didn't need to be.

I stepped up to Hermione's bedside again, and laid one of Cedric's jumpers on top of her blankets.

She began to stir ever so slightly, arms slowly wrapping around it as her body reacted to the healing magic it contained. Her eyes fluttered open as her fingers dug into it.

"Hermione," I breathed, so relieved to see her awake I nearly crumpled. "Hey. It's me, I'm here, it's okay, you're okay."

Hermione took in her surroundings one by one, eyelids still heavy. I watched as she noticed the jumper, and I saw the flicker of recognition that suddenly crossed her face. Her eyes met mine after a long moment, and she smiled. "Lucy. You're here."

"I am. I'm so sorry."

With that, I did crumple, my knees hitting the floor hard as I rested my head against the side of the mattress.

"I tried to warn you but you didn't think I was warning you because I wasn't talking to you and I couldn't protect you and I couldn't heal you and I'm so sorry, Hermione, I was upset with you, I was angry, I was so angry, but I never wanted this for you, I didn't, I'd take it all back if I could, I still love you so much, I always do no matter how much you hurt me—"

"Lucy, stop." Her voice was weak and quiet, and I recognized it in an instant as the Everything hurts but you're upset and I want to make you feel better about it voice I used every month. I lifted my head, a couple of tears escaping from my eyes as I did so, and Hermione's shaking hand made its way under my chin. "I know."

It was amazing, really, how much those two little words could say.

She knows I tried to warn her.

She knows I'm sorry.

She knows I was furious but never would have wanted this.

She knows I still love her and always do.

I laid my hand on top of hers, both rings blazing yellow and purple, the yellow growing stronger with each passing second. Joy and fear, joy conquering the fear.

Relief. It didn't have its own color, but I recognized it anyway.

Relief, on her part, that I was okay.

Relief, on my part, that she was okay.

Relief, on our part, that we were okay.